11.5 Hours A Day In Daycare?

[daycare]

If you don't like the choice that I made that's fine. You don't have to agree nor do I.
I think you are taking this way out into left field and not too sure what your trying to prove.

[Crystal]

Okay, I know this has gotten way off topic, but Daycare, I have to ask, after going back to post #14 and reading this:

I was once a single parent with two kids for a long length of time and I had to do what I had to do to make ends meet. But I did not let that stop me from coaching their soccer teams, spending quality time with them outside of work and so forth. I went without a lot of stuff and lived my life for my children. I could have worked the 45 hour work week plus commute time, as I lived in Orange County and that is commute He!!....


Did you have your second child AFTER taking in your friend's child? And, if so, did you continue to get aid? I ask, because you were the first person in this thread to state that people shouldn't have children if they cannot care for them, which IMO is harshly judgemental of parents, yet you did exactly what you are judging parents for - sans the childcare?

[QualiTcare]

I hate it when people abuse the system too. But I hate it even more when people make generalizations about ALL who are on assistance. I haven't gotten involved with threads like this, but whether you meant to or not, you hit a nerve. Thank you for clarifying.

i'm sorry if you misunderstood me to say "all people." i thought it was clear that i was talking about this particular situation where someone is talking about poor parental planning, people who shouldn't have kids they can't take care of, and then saying they were able to "be with and support" their child thanks to the taxpayers. it's a little hypocritical if you ask me.

[QualiTcare]

Who said I didn't work? I just didn't work two jobs so I could go to schOol and be there for my son. Perhaps you missed that.

oh, i thought you dropped out of school. hmm. i've obviously missed something.

either way, it's very hypocritical for you to judge parents who work long hours for "poor planning." i would think you of all people who ran into a very unplanned situation would be more realistic.

[nikia]

Not everyone on assistance is a low life just like not everyone who works 12 hours is a bad parent who shouldn't have had children to just let someone else raise them which has been say on here numerous times.

[daycare]

Okay, I know this has gotten way off topic, but Daycare, I have to ask, after going back to post #14 and reading this:

I was once a single parent with two kids for a long length of time and I had to do what I had to do to make ends meet. But I did not let that stop me from coaching their soccer teams, spending quality time with them outside of work and so forth. I went without a lot of stuff and lived my life for my children. I could have worked the 45 hour work week plus commute time, as I lived in Orange County and that is commute He!!....


Did you have your second child AFTER taking in your friend's child? And, if so, did you continue to get aid? I ask, because you were the first person in this thread to state that people shouldn't have children if they cannot care for them, which IMO is harshly judgemental of parents, yet you did exactly what you are judging parents for - sans the childcare?

Not that I want to air my dirty laundry, I got married when my son was 2 and later had another child. After 3 years of marriage, my now ex husband decided that he did not want to live in the US and left back to our home country and left me, our daughter and my son.

The first time that I was on aid was for 1 year, and then I got off when I got married. I never did go back on after I divorced, because by that time I had enough schooling to get me a better paying job. We still did not have anything and it was my choice. In the beginning, my x did not help me financially, but does now.

I didn't mean that people should not have children who cannot afford them. Besides, nothing is 100% guaranteed right? My now ex husband when we were married had it all, so some would say. We could have afforded to raise 100 children. Anything can happen and unfortunately for me something did happen and I was left to fend for myself and my kids.

[daycare]

oh, i thought you dropped out of school. hmm. i've obviously missed something.

either way, it's very hypocritical for you to judge parents who work long hours for "poor planning." i would think you of all people who ran into a very unplanned situation would be more realistic.

yes I did at that time drop out of college. I was living in the dorms and could not have a child there. There was NO way that I would have been able to pay for a top school, a child and work. Something had to give at that time and that is what i chose. I did go back and in fact I am still in school right now.... perhaps you didnt read that part either......

[daycare]

yes I did at that time drop out of college. I was living in the dorms and could not have a child there. There was NO way that I would have been able to pay for a top school, a child and work. Something had to give at that time and that is what i chose. I did go back and in fact I am still in school right now.... perhaps you didnt read that part either......

I cant find the post, but someone else wrote a vaid post saying that its sad when both parents work 50 plus hour weeks and have no plans to ever change the way that they work, but keep on having more children for someone else to raise and I agree with this.

[QualiTcare]

Who said I didn't work? I just didn't work two jobs so I could go to schOol and be there for my son. Perhaps you missed that.

what's one contradiction in a pile of 100 though.

[daycare]

Sorry I went to community college. Dropped out of the university. Sorry didn't know my life was on trial here... Glad you have time to want to try to be little me, but I don't really care what you think about my life, my choices or my decisions. I don't look down on you in any way for the way you have chosen to parent and while I may have not explained myself 100% (and I should not have to) I am not going to sit here and nitpick at you the way you are doing to me. Again if you don't like the path that have chosen in my life, the words that I chose to use then let it be that. I think that one of us here at some point just needs to let this go and I am not going to sit here and continue to let you attack me. But thanks for spending your day and making it about me. I feel important

[QualiTcare]

when you make posts like this:

I don't think it’s unfair to state that, I know "life happens" and the tough gets going when the going gets tough. I just don't offer services to those families anymore, as I don't think it is fair to the child.
I do feel that adults should be the one to have to make sacrifices. Why is it necessary for every family to have to keep up with the Jones’s?

I was once a single parent with two kids for a long length of time and I had to do what I had to do to make ends meet. But I did not let that stop me from coaching their soccer teams, spending quality time with them outside of work and so forth. I went without a lot of stuff and lived my life for my children. I could have worked the 45 hour work week plus commute time, as I lived in Orange County and that is commute He!!....

But it was not my children's fault and therefore I gave up everything I could that would help better their lives. I sold my fancy car and bought a used one, I kept healthy so I could wear the same clothes for 10years.. I did everything in my power to make sure that dad and I were the one's raising them. When they were at dad's I worked more hours, worked weekends or odd jobs to make ends meet.

Parents don't stop to think about who is really affected and just except that working 12+ hour days as their way of life.......
I think that it is selfish and sad............ I know that if I could do this with two young kids as a single mom and finishing school at the same time that ANYONE could do it too.

If only parents realized that their kids really only want time with their mom/dad to be held, read to, played with, sang to or just be near them, parents would not be killing themself to work many hours to buy all of the uncessary things...........

and comments like this:

"But I really think that parents should have thought about that before having kids. Why have a child so someone else can raise your child?"

and then later share that you were able to be "supermom" thanks to welfare, yeah, that's going to hit a nerve. you don't want to be judged, but you had no problem judging. you even said, "I could have worked the 45 hour work week plus commute time, as I lived in Orange County and that is commute He!!...." which all sounded wonderful before we realized you COULD HAVE but DIDN'T not because of all the sacrifices you made, but bc other people were working and sacrificing time with their kids to help support you so you could stay home with yours. how heartwarming.

oh and when you say things like, "I know that if I could do this with two young kids as a single mom and finishing school at the same time" and then turn around and say you didn't really finish bc you dropped out, but you really didn't drop out bc you went to a different school, and actually you never finished school as a single mom bc you're still going - yeah, that discredits what you say.

[daycare]

Well I'm glad you have had time in your day to investigate and try to figure out the timeline of my life, but sweetie you have it all wrong. I won't explain my personal life on a website and am perfectly fine if you want to sit here and continue to try to make assumptions about my personal life and bash me.

Thank you for spending your whole day trying to belittle me and discredit me.

[littlemissmuffet]

True...... everything is a choice, but then there are also those special circumstances as well, exceptopm to the rule...

The reason I say this, is because I became a parent at the age of 19, while still in college. My best friend and her boyfriend had a baby during our first year of college. He was a dead beat dad and took off. During this time, my best friend and I lived together (friends for several years) and one of the most awful devastating things one could think of happened, the mom was killed in a car accident. This is a very long story, but to cut to the point, I chose to step up and raise the child. I tried for years to find the father, but never did. My friend had no family to help raise the baby, as she was thrown from one foster famiy to the next when growing up and I had no clue who her real parents were.. The baby was was 9 months when she passed. For years I struggled to give this child (MY CHILD) a life that he deserved. I dropped out of school, and worked my tail end off, I had to receive government assistance, I had to go without a lot of things, but one thing I knew for sure that my child was NEVER ever going to go without ME.

After years of trying to find any family to help care for him everything failed. Finally when my son turned 6 I went to court to request the right to adopt him. On May 16, 2000, I fully and legally adopted my son. This subject hits so close to home for me and has brought me to tears just having to type this.
My son is now 15 and he tells me all the time, do you remember when you used to get the boxes from the subway by our old house so that we could have stuff to play with. My son 15 now builds these same forts and castles with his little brother age 3.5. Also, my son has made presidents honor every year, plays every sport known to man and has been invited to meet the president of the United States this summer by the National Young Leaders Conference. I am still in college and often have to ask him for help with my math… In the end, there is NO greater feeling knowing that I helped pave this path for my son, not a DC provider, not a stranger, ME, a college drop out, who used to clean toilets at the gas station, me who had nothing to give but ME…….
While this is a rare occasion, life sometimes does happen.... and as I say this, there is an exception for every rule....well unless you’re Jessica Tata...

That's a really touching story, daycare. Good for you for stepping up. Good for your friend for having someone like you. Good for your son for being raised by such a strong and determined woman. Awesome!

[DBug]

Daycare, for what it's worth, your story warmed my heart . I love it when people are willing to step up and care for kids that have no one else, instead of giving them to the foster care system to deal (not that it's not a wonderful system!). So many people are more than willing to let someone else deal with situations like this. Not so many are willing to give up a good portion of their own life and make sacrifices like you did.

Debate aside, thank you for caring for your son!!

[jen]

Daycare, for what it's worth, your story warmed my heart . I love it when people are willing to step up and care for kids that have no one else, instead of giving them to the foster care system to deal (not that it's not a wonderful system!). So many people are more than willing to let someone else deal with situations like this. Not so many are willing to give up a good portion of their own life and make sacrifices like you did.

Debate aside, thank you for caring for your son!!

I wholeheartedly agree! As for getting assistance...I would certainly hope so. Anyone who provides foster care receives financial support, why in the world should you have been any different.

You made a choice to step in and be there for a child alone in the world, at 19 no less. You should be applauded. I'm sure you are wonderful example for your son.