Manipulating kids

[SandeeAR]

My kids (dc and my own) know that they can choose whether to eat or not, but they are not allowed to complain about the food. ............. I let each dc parent know what we had and how much their child ate of it, but I don't think it's necessary to require a child to eat. That's their own parent's choice/responsibility.

This is what I do here. I have a 2.5 y/o that will eat breakfast. At lunch she will ONLY eat the meat, if that. She was a great eater when I got her a year ago. This has happened as she reached 2.

[jen]

well, I'm the odd one. Because I think its ridiculous that letting a child go and play because he dosn't want to eat. What are you teaching them. Now what happens if they don't want eat everyday, then what, what are you teaching them that when they don't get their way that they will throw a fit and you'll let them go and play. But then come on here and complain how bad the kids are.
Also, since most kids are here for 10 hours a day and more, its important to teach children to eat meals at meal time. I'm not talking about cleaning a plate, but eating something that doesn't involve junk food or cheese and crackers. You can show me all the studies in the world, but as a mom and a parent I would be angry that you dismissed my kids day after day from the table because they didn't feel like eating.

No way I would let a kid go play...they can sit a the table until everyone else is done. If they don't want to eat, so be it. I have gone down that road before, and I've never had a lot of success trying to force a kid to eat. I just toss the plate and let them sit.

If they don't eat lunch, they of course get snack, but they don't get 2nd on snack either. I also make a point of making snack especially healthy if I have a non-eater. It does seem to me that this goes in phases. Once they realize I'm not going to engage, they just eat and move on.

[Zoe]

"YOU GET WHAT YOU GET AND YOU DON'T THROW A FIT", and that saying came from my 5 yr old.

I heard that from a 6 yo student of mine once and I've been using it ever since! I'm lucky to have dck's right now who aren't picky and love saying this phrase. So whenever my own DD who's just as picky as can be comes to the table and says, "I don't like spaghetti", everyone in unison says, "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit". :: It makes everyone laugh, including my DD. She may not eat it, but it's a reality check for her.

I hate waste too. For so long, we've been on such a tight budget and I'm still waiting on my reimbursement from the food program. So I cringe at throwing food away. I lessen portions for these kids (but have enough readily available if they decide they're still hungry). It's true. You can't make them eat!

The only advice I can offer you is to just keep doing what you're doing. The kid doesn't get rewarded at your house for not eating. If the mom caves after pick-up there isn't anything you can do about it. Sorry I couldn't be any more helpful!

[Symphony]

No one is required to eat here either. They are also not allowed to say negative things about the food, we say things like, "This isn't my taste" "I do not care for this today" or a simple "No thank you".

Our country has a huge obesity epidemic and I believe much of the problem comes from adults overriding what a child's body is telling them. How many adults were forced to sit at the table for hours until they cleaned their plate?Even worse (IMO) is when that clean plate is rewarded (or bribed for) a dessert. That is basically teaching children, if you overeat, we will reward that uncomfortable full feeling with more fat and calories...in a pleasant way. Before long, we begin to associate that overfull feeling with pleasure. We also stop recognizing the hunger and satity feelings we are born with. This can go one of two ways. People begin to seek pleasure and approval through food, I'm sad-eat, I'm bored-eat, I'm frustrated-eat. Or they begin to feel so out of control from the constant battles, that they begin to refuse all together. Allowing children to trust their bodies when they are young creates healthy habits when they are grown.

Kids will eat when they are hungry. Sure it is hard to see a plate of food go to waste...I have learned what size initial portion to give to each of my kids. I offer healthy, made from scratch meals and snacks. The majority of the time my kids all eat well, but we have days where a child won't eat a meal, or at all. I just make a note of it and send them on their way.

[Kaddidle Care]

About the waste - instead of letting the child throw it out I'd cover it and put it in the fridge for them to eat after nap time.

And we say "You get what you get and you don't get upset!". It rhymes better.

I always encourage them to take a teeny tiny mouse bite to see if they like it. Some times it's just enough to tempt them to try it. And sometimes, like in the Dr. Seuss book Green Eggs and Ham, they actually like it! ::::

[SandeeAR]

About the waste - instead of letting the child throw it out I'd cover it and put it in the fridge for them to eat after nap time.

This is what I do with the one that refuse to eat lunch. She is reoffered her plate at snack time, while the other have the regular snack.

[Symphony]

I wanted to add that I think it is a great thing to encourage a child to taste foods and try new things. I try to offer colorful plates that are visually appealing. We also try to get the kids involved in preparing food at least once a week. When we are eating, we talk about how wonderful healthy food is for our bodies and what each item on their plates can help strengthen in their bodies.

I just reread my original post in this thread and I felt like it kind of protrayed that I set the food on the table and then zip my lips and hide in a corner. ::

[mac60]

Of coarse we all know and realize we can not force a child to eat. I also know to only give them small portions, teaspoon to tablespoon amounts, to cut back on waste, and in my opinion, requiring a child to eat a teaspoon/tablespoon of 3 foods, will in no way make them become obese. It is an ever ending battle....food and kids. So many different views of what is right or wrong.

[Symphony]

It is not the amount of food, it is the action of telling a child not to trust their body that leads to obesity down the line.

It is the same concept as why formula fed children are more likely to be obese than breastfed babies. A breastfed baby will nurse til they are full and they are done. A baby taking a bottle is more likely to be encouraged to finish a determined ounce amount at each feeding. Of course not every caregiver does this, but it is much easier to do so than to force a child to take a breast! No, that last ounce is not what makes these children more likely to be overweight in the future, it is the action of overriding their natural instinct to stop or refuse food when they are not hungry.

[Unregistered]

you're not a restaurant

You're not a restaurant. If a child is hungry enough, they will eat and they will figure how to consume the food they are served to their liking quickly. For example, if the child is a picky eater that doesn't like the chicken on his noodles or the food touching or doesn't like one item or another, he'll quickly figure out to tell you how he likes it or how to eat around the food he doesn't like. (Like picking off pepperoni off pizza or saying no gravy on the mashed potatoes) This is normal and kids should have a say on whether they want butter on their bread or not since those things are easily accommodated. I still have occassional probs with mine but I refuse to cook anything special and my rule is they should at least try it before they refuse it - and you know what? Thumbs up virtually every time. And good for you that you don't allow him to have the dessert if he doesn't eat lunch. Actually tasting it (or from history knowing he doesn't like that) and not liking is one thing but refusing without trying is another. If he keeps refusing, then suggest parents bring in a cold bagged lunch daily of something he will eat.