Manipulating kids

[mac60]

Yesterday I made mashed potatoes and home made chicken and noodles for lunch. Everyone ate it with no problems, except for my 2 1/2 yr old boy, who has become a pain in the butt at meal time. He has become very limited into what he will eat, and will put his arms on the table, pout and pretend to cry and push his plate away. I will remove his arms from the table, put the plate back in front of him. I tried to "help" him take a few bites, and he started to put on the "gag" show. The kicker is....at pick up at 3, he runs to his mom and says "I hungry", to which I said, well, you were given a nice meal of chicken and noodles and mashed potatoes, and you chose not to eat it. The mom says....I bet you didn't get a cupcake did you. NOPE! And I sure hope she didn't take him home and give him one.

The parents have the same problem at home, only they tell me he will sit at the table for 20 minutes crying, I would not tolerate that myself. You can go stand in the corner and pout. Anyways, the old food issue, tired of kids acting this way, tired of the waste, and too bad you went home hungry. "YOU GET WHAT YOU GET AND YOU DON'T THROW A FIT", and that saying came from my 5 yr old.

[nannyde]

I don't believe in meal drama.

One thing you can do with the picky eaters (the ones who GET to pick) is photograph the plate you offered him. If he goes to Mom and says he's hungry show her what he passed up. Then she will know he's running game. She will also have a tweak in her stomach wishing she had somebody making her a plate of old school chicken and noodles with mashed potatoes.

If they don't want to eat they can get up and go play at my house. I don't really care if they eat or they don't eat. They all eat 99 out of a 100 meals so when they aren't into it I just have them go play unless they are sitting nicely at the table and want to hang out.

Meal battles are a big fat looser you will NEVER win.

Have you ever considered puree for him? If he has a trigger gag reflex sometimes you can soften the main meal and mix it into the starch and they will gobble it up. I've had a lot of kids who won't eat it whole but they will eat it blended. It's a bit of work but it's a really good way to introduce the healthy food. You can gradually increase the consistency based on the gagging.

Teaching them to take the bite from the front of the spoon to the front of the mouth and the spoon going UPWARDS in their mouth will stop a lot of the gagging. The spoons shouldn't have more than a quarter of an inch of the food at the tip. Then increase.

A lot of the gagging is because of spoon placement in the mouth and food placement once it's in the mouth. They need to bring the food from front to side to back instead of middle to back.

[Kaddidle Care]

Not sure what you are involved with when they are eating but I had a DCG that was a bit of a fussy eater too. I found distraction worked for her and I would read her a book while she was eating. She loved to be read to so if she took a bite, I'd turn the page. By the end of the book she had eaten most of it. It worked for me but she was my only little one at the time.

I also named foods interesting things - broccoli was trees and cauliflower brains. :: I can't remember what we called green and red pepper slices. There was a lot of vegetable introductions here as her parents thought that corn and carrots were the only vegetables.

[morgan24]

I agree with Nannyde on this one. I never get into food wars. If they don't want to eat, don't. If they push their plate away, leave it. They can either sit at the table and wait for the others or leave the table and sit in the living room waiting. When they complain about being hungry, I point out that it was their choice not to eat not mine. I can't believe anyone would turn their nose up at the lunch you served them.

[mac60]

Oh, there is no problem with him eatinig with a spoon, the whole gagging thing is 100% intentional, no doubt. He eats fine, as long as it is what he wants.....he used to be my best eater, he would eat anything you put in front of him....not so much anymore, he pushes it away and says "I don't like it". I have learned to put the more healthy food on his plate first, then when that is done, he gets his chips, special cookie, etc, or else he will eat the chips and push the grilled cheese and corn away (just an example). And if he doesn't eat lunch, he is done for the day, as they leave at 3.

[SilverSabre25]

It's probably a toddler phase. DON'T make it a battle or it will last a lot longer than it would if you just ignored it. Phases like this are really, really common with toddlers. Maybe tell him better words to use--instead of, "I don't like it", maybe, "I don't feel like eating today" or something. Give him really teeny tiny portions, both so that you don't feel like you're wasting the food and so he doesn't feel intimidated by a huge plate full of food.

[JenNJ]

I wouldn't worry about it. If he chooses not to eat, so be it. I like documenting the meals offered though so they can't claim you aren't feeding him. Like a pic of him sitting with a full plate. Great idea.

[youretooloud]

I don't care if they don't eat. I tell them "It's not my tummy, it's yours, if you don't want to eat, that's OK, I don't mind".

It's my job to cook the food and serve it, it's his job to eat it.

They usually eat enough at home, that it's not really a health problem. So, I wouldn't worry about it.

[countrymom]

well, I'm the odd one. Because I think its ridiculous that letting a child go and play because he dosn't want to eat. What are you teaching them. Now what happens if they don't want eat everyday, then what, what are you teaching them that when they don't get their way that they will throw a fit and you'll let them go and play. But then come on here and complain how bad the kids are.
Also, since most kids are here for 10 hours a day and more, its important to teach children to eat meals at meal time. I'm not talking about cleaning a plate, but eating something that doesn't involve junk food or cheese and crackers. You can show me all the studies in the world, but as a mom and a parent I would be angry that you dismissed my kids day after day from the table because they didn't feel like eating.

[morgan24]

well, I'm the odd one. Because I think its ridiculous that letting a child go and play because he dosn't want to eat. What are you teaching them. Now what happens if they don't want eat everyday, then what, what are you teaching them that when they don't get their way that they will throw a fit and you'll let them go and play. But then come on here and complain how bad the kids are.
Also, since most kids are here for 10 hours a day and more, its important to teach children to eat meals at meal time. I'm not talking about cleaning a plate, but eating something that doesn't involve junk food or cheese and crackers. You can show me all the studies in the world, but as a mom and a parent I would be angry that you dismissed my kids day after day from the table because they didn't feel like eating.

One of my dcg's lives on a junk food diet at home and doesn't eat any veggies, and only one fruit, oranges. What I offer her is a homemade meal everyday and she chooses not to eat most of it. She leaves the table but not to play just to sit in the living room. I have an open floor plan so I can still see her.

I agree when they are in care for 10hrs they need to eat. She eats a good breakfast and afternoon snack isn't junk food. It's yogurt, fruit or something that is healthier and she eats that very good.

How do you get them to eat if they decide they don't like what your having?
My dcg is fickle and will eat something one week and the next week refuses. She is a school teachers child and last school year she ate every veggie and fruit put on her plate.

[Blackcat31]

well, I'm the odd one. Because I think its ridiculous that letting a child go and play because he dosn't want to eat. What are you teaching them. Now what happens if they don't want eat everyday, then what, what are you teaching them that when they don't get their way that they will throw a fit and you'll let them go and play. But then come on here and complain how bad the kids are.
Also, since most kids are here for 10 hours a day and more, its important to teach children to eat meals at meal time. I'm not talking about cleaning a plate, but eating something that doesn't involve junk food or cheese and crackers. You can show me all the studies in the world, but as a mom and a parent I would be angry that you dismissed my kids day after day from the table because they didn't feel like eating.

I understand what you are saying but what I want to know then, is how do you solve the OP's problem then? How do you MAKE the child eat? She cannot force the child to eat and I highly doubt she is going to (or should have to) make a separate meal that the child will eat.

You can lead a horse to water; but you can't make him drink.

[youretooloud]

as a mom and a parent I would be angry that you dismissed my kids day after day from the table because they didn't feel like eating.

But, what the parents want (and the kids too) is for the provider to keep trying foods to see what the child DOES want to eat.

Several years ago, I had a mom walk in with her son and hand me a large bag with about 40 boxes of Kraft Macaroni and cheese in it. She said "If he doesn't want what you are eating, just make one of these, and he'll eat this". (um..no.. I'm not making two lunches just in case he doesn't like what we are having)

This boy literally only ate Kraft Mac and cheese, butter bread and Crunch Berries cereal with no milk. He drank only juice. Never water or milk. He was with me for almost three years, and while I made sure that the days he was here had either mac and cheese, or butter bread with his meal, I didn't allow him to eat ONLY those things.. he had one serving of those, and then meat, fruit and vegies, if he didn't eat the rest of his lunch, he wasn't that hungry in the first place.

[countrymom]

well, first, check the enviroment the child is eating in. In my house the littles sit at my kitchen table and the older children sit at the black table. My rule is, is that if you misbehave or are the so slow you get to eat with the littles (and no one wants to eat with the littles) also, the older children help at meal times, and they enjoy this (this works really good with my own children, if they help make it they will eat it) also, I sit at the table too and talk with the kids, distraction works and encouraging them to eat too.

[Meeko]

Picky eaters

Our food program tells us we CANNOT force a child to eat. We cannot bribe them or withold other things. We are to OFFER them the meal. We are allowed to encourage them to eat, but that's it.

If they choose to throw the whole plate away, they can. However, they must also learn that they get NOTHING until the next meal or snack. It has worked well for me. Not too much drama. New kids will sometimes throw away the plate and then tell me 10 minutes later that they are hungry and want a sandwich. It's a bit of a shock to be told no, no matter how much they scream....but they soon learn that they need to eat what's in front of them or they go hungry until the next food serving. The food program pays me for the meal whether the child eats it or not, so I'm not worried about waste.

The children learn that choices have consequences and for the most part, my picky kids less less picky pretty fast.

[DBug]

It really is a power struggle for alot of kids, and for me, it's not the hill I want to die on.

My kids (dc and my own) know that they can choose whether to eat or not, but they are not allowed to complain about the food. I figure I'm only really responsible for my own kids when it comes to eating. I let each dc parent know what we had and how much their child ate of it, but I don't think it's necessary to require a child to eat. That's their own parent's choice/responsibility.