Opinions on Parents & Kids Bathing Together?

[paulypaul]

I totally understand and agree that its fine to bathe with your children but there has to be a level of respect. I think that once the child starts to want to touch and feel that it should he the stopping point. As with my gf who's daughter is 7 shares a bath but the daughter wants to share the bath plus she touches he mums blobs and EVOn dosn below. Sadly the mum has no control over this and doesn't understand why I an bothered when she does the. Even to the point of sticking her index finger out out and rubbing. Obviously the mum stops her but not like I would stop my on children by means of pushing their hands away and telling them off.

[Hispana]

Hello, I am entering to give my opinion on the topic of a 10 year old boy bathing with his mother. First I would like to say that my English is not the best, so please try to understand me. Second, I am a doctor of gynecology and have been for many years. I see women naked every day. Some women are fine about it and others just deal with it. I feel that there are many issues here that most of the people need to learn to deal with. I feel that there is nothing wrong with family members being naked together. I feel that society in a whole and mostly in the U.S., the people for the most part are short on maturity, and it is much worst in Latin America, which is where I am from. I feel that it is a sad thing that we are living in a world where when a person exposes a part of skin, and the first thing that comes into the minds of many people is…SEX, or SOMETHING BAD, DIRTY, WRONG. These attitudes are all wrong. The human body is a wonderful work of art, beautiful in every aspect. What are wrong are the minds of most of the people. I will give you an example. I travel all over the world talking about the women’s body or bodies of both sexes and what I have found is that most people have trouble saying the words vagina or penis. You want to tell me that the minds of the people are healthy when they can’t even talk about the parts of their body without acting weird.
In my opinion this should not be about a mother and her son, but about the unhealthy attitude that most people have about something that is as natural and beautiful as human nakedness. But, this is a topic for another area and time.
I say there really is no age limit if the children are raise with right values. By "right values" I mean that they are taught respect and have a healthy wholesome attitude toward the body. Many families and cultures bathe together all over the world, many skinny dip together. I agree with what was said....people have funny ideas on this subject. In American history, privacy wasn’t always an option and families shared every room in the house. In Japan, families bathe together regularly. It is entirely up to the individual as when they do or don’t feel comfortable with nudity. Children are natural "nudists" so to speak....they are taught all of the attitudes and beliefs about nudity (especially coed nudity) through badly informed family, friends, and society.
We wonder why there are so many problems with teenage sex, when we can’t even talk about the word vagina or penis. We teach our kids ridiculous words for those parts of the body rather than using the time or question to address the real issues. Kids understand everything if you talk to them.
I asked many of my patients to give me their opinion on the same subject. All of the information was in Spanish and was translated to English. Here are a few…
I wish I had a bigger shower! We shower with the kids in the summer… as soon as our kids were able to sit on their own, we plopped them in the shower while we showered. Even when they were newborn, I couldn’t figure out how to use the baby bathtub, so I used to just take baths with them. It was so peaceful and relaxing. I remember one time when my newborn Little M caught my gaze and just held it when we were relaxing in the tub together, and I felt like he was looking into my soul…
I do love this idea! We all bathe together, though us parents haven’t done so in a long time. I actually thought about this the other day, that it would be nice for the kids to have a bath with Daddy, if not every bath, then at least once in a while. Kiddos love stuff like that! As for when its “inappropriate” I think it depends on the family…for us, the body is a normal, natural thing and we don’t make a big deal about nude-ness. So our kiddos see us getting dressed, getting out of the shower or using the bathroom. It makes sense to me for them to see us doing things they are going to have to learn anyways…
We do the shower-bath, too! Mikko loves the handheld shower sprayer for washing us off. I have to admit, sometimes I purposely choose a time to shower when he’s not around just for the solitude, but he always wants company when he bathes. I remember showering with my parents when I was very young (preschool-age), and I remember wishing for company long after that…
I really enjoyed reading this mostly for sheer evidence that other people do this too. I have “shower bathed” as Jenna & Claire say as well since my son was very young I think it that helps keep him warm plus he’s able to play and splash still! Every time I have mentioned this to other people they seem to find something wrong with it and just down right dumbfounded by it. I don’t think people even think to bathe together especially with young children. I would bring my son in the bath with me and hold him and then when he could sit in the “bumbo” seat I would put him in there and start “shower bath” time. I actually just recently noted how my son still showers with either his Dad or I (or both!) I wish more people would, as it would help them to develop a healthier attitude about nudity…
We have always showered/bathed together. We don’t even think about it, it’s just a normal thing that happens on a daily base. No second thought is wasted on it, when its shower/bath time we all go in the bathroom and clean up. It’s so much fun playing in the water together, talking about the day, teaching proper hygiene by example, and it saves sooo much time!!! All of us love it. I do accept that others are uneasy about it and if you don’t make a big deal out of it, it won’t be. Try it sometime … You might be surprised…
I asked 250 persons to give me their opinion on families bathing together at any age. The results were 92% said that there was nothing was wrong if all persons were comfortable with it, many adding that it would help develop a healthier attitude towards nudity. And 8% said that they would not or that it was wrong. Most of those surveyed were upper middle class to upper class (economically speaking).
There is soooo much to say, but for lack of time, it all depends upon what you feel, right or wrong. I think that so many people have not learned to make their own decisions, and rely on facebook or some blog to tell them what they should do or not to do. What will happen when these people have to talk face to face with God? God will ask why and they will answer? “ “I read it on facebook or in a blog!”
I will close with one last thing. The bible says in Galatians 5:22, The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, 23 meekness, self-control: against such there is no law. I think that if we all had these qualities in our lives, we would not be worried about a mother or father bathing with their children.
By the way, I normally do not participate in blogs or facebook type of things. I am just doing this to support a group of friends that I have that do. Sorry if I offended any person.

[Unregistered]

boundaries

My son recently learned that his 8-year-old son has started bathing with his mother. They live in different states and are preparing for a custody battle. She has an admitted history of incest with an adult nephew. She had been molested by. an older half brother when she was a teenager. This recent change in her behavior with my grandson has alarmed me, as well as my son. She has also begun taking the boy to a therapist for "defiant" behavior, even though my son has always known him as a very cooperative child when he's with his dad. Another circumstance that has changed in the last year is that my son's ex cut off all connection with her own mother and everyone in her biological family, citing her bitterness that her mother did not protect her from the abuser when she was a teenager. So my grandson is now isolated from his maternal grandmother, who had spent a lot of time caring for him since he was a baby. He was also cut off from his cousins, aunts and uncles. Am I just overreacting to this recent changel?

[Thriftylady]

I bathed with my DD until 4 or 5. With my son I cut it off much sooner, 2 or 3. I am not funny about nude, I don't see a human body as dirty and I don't see sex as dirty. I am a Christian and think as God intended it, it is a beautiful wonderful thing and am trying to teach my DD who is 16 that. Sadly, many times it is not as God intended it and that is a whole different story. I would never "have sex" in front of my child, but they better knock or they might get a surprise.

It really does differ a ton with different families and cultures. I would only report if I thought something abusive was really going on. I take ANY abuse very highly and will not overlook it, but I won't file a false report either. If the child is not okay with it, I would bring it up to the parent.

[nannyde]

I never bathed with my son. It's not for me. I think age two for opposite sex is about right. Age three or four for same sex.

[jenboo]

I remember showering with my mom when I was maybe 4.
I lived with my cousins and showered with my girl cousin (same age as me) until we were around 13/14. I think we stopped when my cousin stated her menstrual cycle. Neither of us had issues showing together at that age.

[Unregistered]

I did with my daughter until she was 8 or 9. We are very open around each other, even now. Sex talk has always been a open subject as well. I don't want it to be taboo.

[Unregistered]

Really?

Wow. It's up to the parents and child. In my Japanese culture families bathe together. It's kinda like the "suppertime/dinner table" conversation time here in America. It is a family bonding time. Their shower rooms are built to family size. It's kinda like someone here posted about African cultures/tribes. Ya gonna call cps to haul a bunch of kids away from their moms because of nakedness there? I understand that it is something that you might not be comfortable with, but it does not mean it is wrong.

[Unregistered]

...

Ok so, first things first.... maybe other mothers have differing experiences with their children. And right now I only have a two year old daughter, I do have another one on the way, and she will be here in Febuary. That being said I was sexually abused as a child. That's right. I said it. There's a stigma too about being abused as a child. Many people act or speak as if it is inevitable that you will hurt YOUR children the same way you were and so for the longest time when my little one was born I suffered from feeling as if EVERYTHING was inappropriate. I was afraid of what other people would think of me, I was afraid that someone would take my kid away, because I'D been hurt as a child. Skin to skin? I felt akward and uncomfortable. I felt that it was innapropriate. Breastfeeding? I've never had a problem when other women did it but I was afraid if I did it, it would be horribly inapropriate. And I regret that. I did still do those things. But it was tarnished for me by opinions of people who obviously sexualize things that shouldn't be, or by people who have little thought for the feelings of a frightened child. I swear becoming a mom was ten times scarier for me, and it shouldn't have had to be. But I know now. I have learned to be comfortable in MY opinions, and I have learned to be comfortable in the fact that I am not my abuser. My daughter is a happy, healthy girl. She's super affectionate, friendly, gentle with other children. She is well behaved and well adjusted. And people always compliment me on it. But what they don't know is that I don't always feel as awesome as they say I must be as a parent. I still bathe with my daughter and honestly I intend to continue to do so until she wishes it otherwise. It is a wonderful bonding oppurtunity! On top of which it is water effecient and when you are like me and cannot bend over the tub it really makes things a lot easier. I am comfortable with it, because I know that there is nothing sexual about it. And if she asks questions, when she asks questions...well I'd rather her hear alll about it from me and not someone else. That is MY job after all. I really do appreciate the fact that you actually came forward and asked though. There are many people who bash mothers or parents in general for their decisions as if they have all the answers to everything, but the fact that you asked means that you are at least trying to be open minded and I am so very grateful to you for that. Honestly, we really need to stop judging each other. We really oughtta stop waiting, poised and ready to call the authorities for every little thing. If there is no abuse, and there is love, what does it matter that she chooses to breastfeed or bottle feed? What does it matter if she chooses to bathe with her kiddo or leave the door open when they use the toilet (i do by the way. my bathroom doors don't lock and little one will barge on in anyways so whats the point? I'm a stay at home mom, at least this way if she isn't in the rest room I can also hear what she is doing). This judgemental thing we do... it sometimes destroys other families and we might not even give it a second thought. It makes mothers unconfident, and scared. And mothers who cannot be confident cannot raise confident children. As mothers we are terrified to say anything because we will be judged, and who knows what comes with said judgement? When my toddler hits me and I spat her hand I should not be worried that the lady in the grocery store next to me is going to call cps on me. We should be more supportive of each other.

[Unregistered]

... part 2

And my personal experience, that my pregnancy brain completely erased from my last message, is that honestly there is nooooooo such thing as privacy as a momma. I cannot poop in peace, I cannot change in peace, and my lap no longer belongs to me. Oh and personal space. HA! My toddler laughs at the notion of this personal space you think exists . But honestly it doesn't bug me and I don't see anything wrong with it. This is a child that I carried inside of my body, I mean thats about as close as someone can ever be to being a PART of you.

[Michael]

And my personal experience, that my pregnancy brain completely erased from my last message, is that honestly there is nooooooo such thing as privacy as a momma. I cannot poop in peace, I cannot change in peace, and my lap no longer belongs to me. Oh and personal space. HA! My toddler laughs at the notion of this personal space you think exists . But honestly it doesn't bug me and I don't see anything wrong with it. This is a child that I carried inside of my body, I mean thats about as close as someone can ever be to being a PART of you.

Interesting that you found this thread from 2011. Did you find it from a search? If so, I would be interested in the search words you used.

[midaycare]

Old thread, but still interesting. I'm definitely not the "norm", I guess. I thought about logging out, but ... no offense, I just don't care what others think, I guess. DS is 8. We just showered together a few days ago. We bathed together until he was 6, and only stopped because of a space issue. He BEGS to shower with me.

I am not a model. I have fat and stretch marks, 20 lbs extra, and jiggle in some places. Although I'm conservatively dressed when out and about (just my style), when I'm home, I relax and wear less. If DS sees me naked, I don't hide. I want DS to learn that women are not perfect "10's", photoshopped and always amazing looking. When you love someone, you love ALL of them.

I also don't shy away from questions re: body parts or anything else that comes up. I want DS to have a clear understanding of how things are, and not be ashamed of his body.

Long story short,I love our shower time. It's never inappropriate, but that's becaise DS has seen all of it, so it's not a shock. He talks to me about his day, his dreams, hopes, and we are writing a story together, so a lot of times we do that - think of ideas.

[Unregistered]

...

That's exactly what I was wondering (although I sure did go about it in a round-about way :. I would hate for a close friend to be investigated for something completely innocent, when I could have warned her that something she was doing might be seen as reportable, kwim?

One more question for everyone: would it be okay for a child who normally bathes with his/her mother, to also bathe with his/her step dad or with mom's boyfriend (or girlfriend, just to be pc)?

That actually kind of makes me really sad that step parents are lumped in with boyfriends and girlfriends. My husband is not my first childs biological father. I was... not always a good person it's true. But my husband... when we got together he was good to me, and believed in me. He saw in me what nobody else had and he makes me a better person. When we found out that I was pregnant (we were engaged shortly after this discovery and to be honest I'd known the guy for 4 years so it wasn't like I didn't know him please don't misunderstand), he's been my daughters daddy since before we knew she was a girl. He has never seen her as anything other than his own, flesh and blood or not. And to be honest we don't ever tell people that she isn't biologically his kid and it's hilarious how many people say that she looks like her daddy (obviously untrue she is the spitting image of mommy ). Point is I know there are some bad step parents out there but then there are men like my husband and he really deserves an award. It takes a lot of love and courage to raise someone elses kid, and it takes a lot of love to see them as your own even when the world considers you less than a parent because the child isn't the fruit of your OWN loins. If anything it endears him to me even more.

[Unregistered]

...

Interesting that you found this thread from 2011. Did you find it from a search? If so, I would be interested in the search words you used.

Yes I was searching on google, out of curiousity for how many people consider bathing with their children to be inapropriate.

[Nisaryn]

I bathed with my daughter until she was about 4 maybe 5. My son is 9m old so I bathe with him in the tub but I will probably stop bathing with him by the time he is 2 or 3 simply because he is a boy and will start to become more 'aware' of that fact by this age and start to ask about differences. However, my husband would never bathe with my daughter at any age but he has bathed with our son often. I find this to be pretty normal arrangement for most parents.

I'm not ashamed about my body at all though and don't believe that children should be kept so much in the dark about certain things either (my own children anyway) so I don't ignore questions about the differences. When my daughter started to ask how my body was different than hers and how boys were different I gave the best (kid friendly) answer I could without too many details but added more information over the years as the questions were brought up again and new ones were asked. I'll do the same with my son but let his daddy fill him in on the more awkward bits