Should I Term

[ninosqueridos]

She has never disrespected me ever. That is what is so surprising. She always pays and is polite. This was like a different person.

Based on this and imagining if it were one of my awesome dcps who I think would never do something like this, I would have a sit down about no toys in my house EVER (or have her DS KEEP HIS STUFF IN HIS BACKPACK)....and no stepping into your personal space EVER. In seems a bit harsh to just term like that IMHO.

It's eating you up inside, so at a minimum they deserve a warning. If you are not willing to move on from this incident after discussing it with them privately, then yes, I would just term and get it over with.

[Symphony]

I would be LIVID and handing her a letter at pickup tonight. That is beyond disrespectful to your entire family.

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

She has never disrespected me ever. That is what is so surprising. She always pays and is polite. This was like a different person.

Maybe she is just oblivious to how disrespectful it was? If this was an isolated incidence, then maybe just watch more closely and definitely enforce a no toys from home rule.

[marniewon]

Agree with all PP's. Terminate immediately. That's beyond disrespectful. And, my thought is, if she stepped so far out of bounds on this one, it was probably just a matter of time before she showed her disrespect for you in other ways.

It would be different if your son's room was off the entry or play room and she just peeked in there (if the door was open) but to go all the way upstairs? Nope, gone. Now.

[MyAngels]

She has never disrespected me ever. That is what is so surprising. She always pays and is polite. This was like a different person.

Based on this I think I would sit down and discuss this incident with her. It is entirely possible that she was not aware that she was overstepping her boundaries and that it would upset you so much.

I would change my policies (at least for this family) as far as bringing toys from home (no more allowed) and I would make it clear to them that it was because of this incident and the upset that it caused you. I would make sure it was absolutely clear to her which areas of your home she is allowed to be in. I would put it all in writing. If she does not take it well, then I would terminate care.

[missnikki]

I would be professional about it, and ask to have a time to meet with her before any care is provided.

Sit with her, ask her why she would find it necessary to enter your private home's off-limits area. She may have been told that it was up there and thought you were busy or something... I know it's a bad excuse, but sometimes it can help calm the situation to know the motivation behind something so obviously wrong.

I would be peeved on the inside, (realllly peeved), but she deserves the professionalism that she pays for. She did not steal or lie. She just made a very bad judgement call.

[jen]

So not too late.

I would verbally say something like...

I was very upset that you violated our personal space by going outside of the daycare portion of our home to "check out" my son's room. I felt it was important to take a few days and think the situation over before reacting. However, after thinking about it and discussing it as a family, I've come to the conclusion that I will need to terminate our professional relationship.

Then hand over a basic term letter with whaterver the last day of care it.

I wouldn't even get in to the implication regarding your son, she'll just deny it.

[jen]

I would be professional about it, and ask to have a time to meet with her before any care is provided.

Sit with her, ask her why she would find it necessary to enter your private home's off-limits area. She may have been told that it was up there and thought you were busy or something... I know it's a bad excuse, but sometimes it can help calm the situation to know the motivation behind something so obviously wrong.

I would be peeved on the inside, (realllly peeved), but she deserves the professionalism that she pays for. She did not steal or lie. She just made a very bad judgement call.

I have to disagree, that is a huge violation of her personal space and shows no respect for her home and family. I agree that professionism is called for in the form of providing notice per her contract, but family and home should always come first. She didn't steal or lie, but she did completely overstep her boundaries.

[missnikki]

I have to disagree, that is a huge violation of her personal space and shows no respect for her home and family. I agree that professionism is called for in the form of providing notice per her contract, but family and home should always come first. She didn't steal or lie, but she did completely overstep her boundaries.

Well, I considered that position, then I realized that I do not have any idea how comfortable this parent is in the home. I do not know the relationship between parent and provider. I have no clue about the intentions of the mom.

If the OP cannot look past this, she should term. If she is willing to talk it out and reach an agreement, then there you have it.

Just trying to add another possible spin to what seems like overwhelming judgement in this thread.

[littlemissmuffet]

Based on this and imagining if it were one of my awesome dcps who I think would never do something like this, I would have a sit down about no toys in my house EVER (or have her DS KEEP HIS STUFF IN HIS BACKPACK)....and no stepping into your personal space EVER. In seems a bit harsh to just term like that IMHO.

It's eating you up inside, so at a minimum they deserve a warning. If you are not willing to move on from this incident after discussing it with them privately, then yes, I would just term and get it over with.

This is exactly how I would try and handle the situation.

[Zoe]

Even if she is comfortable enough to go into your home (I don't know your relationship with this dcm), she should have at least asked to go into your son's room. I'm a Mama Bear and if I heard my son having a fit and find an adult in his room, I would have lost it. Professionalism be darned! To me, that's a safety issue. How is your son going to feel from now on?!? That adults can just come into his room without asking? No!!! Man, I'm getting worked up just thinking about it!

I personally wouldn't care if it was a bad judgment call. You don't do that. Bye bye.

[jen]

Even if she is comfortable enough to go into your home (I don't know your relationship with this dcm), she should have at least asked to go into your son's room. I'm a Mama Bear and if I heard my son having a fit and find an adult in his room, I would have lost it. Professionalism be darned! To me, that's a safety issue. How is your son going to feel from now on?!? That adults can just come into his room without asking? No!!! Man, I'm getting worked up just thinking about it!

I personally wouldn't care if it was a bad judgment call. You don't do that. Bye bye.

I'm with you! Must be a Minnesota Girl thing!

[snowball]

If a parent accused my kid of stealing they would be gone . NOT OKAY.

[gbcc]

I can see both sides of this and that is what is making it difficult. After reading some remarks maybe the mom is too comfortable. She is my mothers age and they used to be friendly acquaintances I guess you could say. Also our sons are very good friends so maybe she did not realize how far over the line this was.

Also, my son told me this am that the boy told her that my son had the game in his room. Still I think the appropriate thing would be to ask me to look.

She needs to know how she violated my family. I will discuss this with her and let her know that I think it best for all involved that no personal items are to be brought to daycare. Her son caused a huge problem by accusing someone of theft and it was really due to the fact he didn't look.

[snowball]

I can see both sides of this and that is what is making it difficult. After reading some remarks maybe the mom is too comfortable. She is my mothers age and they used to be friendly acquaintances I guess you could say. Also our sons are very good friends so maybe she did not realize how far over the line this was.

Also, my son told me this am that the boy told her that my son had the game in his room. Still I think the appropriate thing would be to ask me to look.

She needs to know how she violated my family. I will discuss this with her and let her know that I think it best for all involved that no personal items are to be brought to daycare. Her son caused a huge problem by accusing someone of theft and it was really due to the fact he didn't look.

I'll be honest here, I don't think you should be excusing this type of behaviour.

It doesn't matter WHY she did it, the fact is she did it. For me, this would be a reason to term. My kids will not be accused of anything in their own home.

Could you imagine her reaction if it was the other way around and your DS accused HER kid of stealing something of his? She would pull immediately.