Such a Fool Duped By DC Parents :( Need Advice Please!

[E Daycare]

It sounds like to me that it's just easier to not have the kid home PERIOD.

One thing I learned years ago is that there is NOTHING a parent can do that is actually EASIER with their kid. No matter WHAT... it's ALWAYS easier to NOT have your kid in tow.


It makes me really sad that they are wanting ANOTHER kid. What part of "I don't like taking care of my kid" do they not GET? I have been seeing this trend over the last few years where I honestly believe there is a subsect of Moms out there who want another kid because they find out that the nine months they are pregnant and the birth/post birth time is such a HIGH attention getter for them that they want to have a baby JUST to have the attention of having a baby.

As soon as they get home with the kid and the attention goes from them to them giving the kid attention they want the kid somewhere else. They don't really LIKE the taking care of the kid. They honestly believe the weekend time is SO hard for them that they are really parenting and doing a super job if they can pull off two days a week.

It's pathetic.

I know a stay at home mom who put her oldest child in daycare months before the new baby came and now here after she just had her second baby.

She was getting pressure from her dh to get a job and hinted to me (HIGHLY) that she wanted to get pregnant in order to not go back to work. She ended up getting pregnant shortly after she said this and was relieved she didnt have to go to work. I had to cut off friendly ties with her because she was starting to use me as her anytime sitter when I had actual paying customers and my own DS to think about.

To me, she has children like they are a added fashion accessory. A new purse! Look at my shiny new necklace! She also loves to say how her husband was a numbers guy and afforded her to stay home with her kids when in fact she was sending her oldest to daycare too. People who want the credit for their child but spend no time with them dont sit right with me.

I learned real quick (about 5 months back to work) how much it ****ed going back to work away from my son. Ive said it many times, it made me a horrible bitter person to be at work. My work suffered and my company lost a [once] good employee.

My DS though, he gained his mommy back. Dh and I live states away from any family and never have any help at all. When family visits I still have reserves about them tending to my child because hes still my responsibility. Im there for it all and thats all I ever wanted anyways.

Sometimes Im so skeptical as to why people have children. Why actively plan a child when all youre going to do is hand them off?

This makes me sad

[Unregistered]

The plot thickens . . .

So they are on to me. Just got an email from DC Dad. It basically Thanks me again for the new schedule and then says that since March 1st is coming, he needs to know what the new weekly fee will be. He also adds that he will of course, add in the difference between the new and old fee for the last three weeks on to March's check. He also tells me again how wonderful I am that I did not even mention this to them when I honored their request for the new schedule. He also says that I do not need to hesitate when naming that price as they expect to pay at least what a center would charge, since "in his opinion" my daycare is "superior" to any center out there. So there you have it folks - either thursday's revelation with my learning the truth regarding his wife's work schedule prompted this or they have been reading this thread ( ! Highly, highly unlikely)

First off, I really want to Thank you all for the advice you have given me. Nannyde, in your last post you said a lot of things that I have been thinking, but frankly, have been afraid and ashamed to say out loud. How could someone not want their 2 year old gorgeous, fun loving, child around them? I also think you are very correct about the Nanny situation. They have made comments before about being "private" people for me to buy into this but honestly, they have not displayed any character traits that I would associate with a " private" person (like detailing the specifics of their ongoing infertility struggle). Private people do not talk about running to have to get their sperm washed right after they drop of DCB!

The issue for me is that I simply think the child is with me too long and now that I know the truth about Mom's schedule 5:30 am is looking very ugly too me. Funny, that when I thought it was a necessity for them I did not think it was a big deal. I know if I continue this, no matter how hard I try, I will get bitter that I am essentially doing their job. It does not matter how much they will pay me, I am simply not comfortable caring for their child and waking at 5:30 am so dc mom gets her "decompression" in everyday. Again, this is a matter of principal.

I have also been fortunate to have lovely parents so far in the 5 years I have been in operation. Sure, I have had minor issues hear and there but I have never had a problem like this before. Another word that I was scared to use before is NEGLIGENCE. As in, these parents, when practicing what they consider to be parenting, borders on pure and simple negligence.

Unfortunately, I will have to disagree with Nannyde on one point Even though I will try and be direct and honest with them, I don't think it will sink in and they will simply find a center that will accommodate them. I wish I could make them see the light, but don't think theY are in any position to see it.

One more thing . . . I feel like such a horrible person choosing "principle" and throwing their kid in a center when I know how much he is loved by me and the other DC kids. No matter what, should he not come first? What sort of care could he get there? What I know about the specific centers in my city is not very great. The child already has crap parents and now the one person he has trusted and depended on since birth is about to dump him in a center?! This is going to be so hard on him . . . . Is this ethical of me? Everyday he is happy and practically glowing when he sees me in the morning. . . And always ends the day with a "remember I love you until tomorrow". Termination will hurt this child If it comes to that . . . . I feel like this is the ultimate betrayal on my part .

[QualiTcare]

that situation sounds a little fishy and annoying if it's that point blank.

i also think providers get caught up with "clock in and clock out" times at work as well.

i remember a post awhile back where someone just couldn't understand why a parent who worked night shift used daycare so she could sleep. well, i recently started working night shift (7pm - 7am) and i actually clock in around 6:35pm and today clocked out at 7:45am. i have an hour commute on top of that so it was about 9am when i got home. after taking a shower which is a MUST w my job (healthcare) - it was nearly 10am before i went to sleep and if i had to be back at work, i would've had to wake up at 4pm at the latest (which i've done the past 3 days), but i was off today. it just amazes me that someone would think it was crazy for someone working that sort of schedule to use daycare. i mean who would choose 6 hours of sleep before another 14 hour day over spending time with their precious child?! doesn't everyone want their loved one's healthcare provider caring for them after being awake for 48 hours? and i would DARE someone on top of that to ask me why i had children - just sayin.

OP - i know that's not YOUR situation, but i'm just saying in general i think providers sometimes get caught up in the times parents have to "clock in" and "clock out" and don't consider anything else that's involved like commute times or god forbid - sleep. there are stretches where i barely see my kids because i'm asleep while they're at school and i'm getting ready for work right when they're getting home, but there are also 3-4 days where i'm off and i don't work at all.

you're damned if you do and damned if you don't because if someone doesn't work and can't provide for their child(ren) then it's "why do people keep having kids they can't take care of?!" but when someone has kids and then they work so they CAN provide for them it's "why have kids if you don't get to spend time with them?!"

this might be the wrong forum for that little rant, but it just reminded me of things i've heard/read here in the past and hit home at the moment.

[ninosqueridos]

Just thinking.....if he's such a "numbers guy," I hope he isn't taking your weekly fee and multiplying it by 4 to get the monthly rate!!! Then you'd be LOSING FOUR WEEKS OF PAY PER YEAR! It wouldn't surprise me if they are pulling that one on you, too. HUGS!!

[nannyde]

Just thinking.....if he's such a "numbers guy," I hope he isn't taking your weekly fee and multiplying it by 4 to get the monthly rate!!! Then you'd be LOSING FOUR WEEKS OF PAY PER YEAR! It wouldn't surprise me if they are pulling that one on you, too. HUGS!!

Good point. Has to be done by 4.3 or four fridays or five friday months.

[Kaddidle Care]

I think perhaps you just need to set a policy that you will watch children "X" amount of hours per day. Considering the fact that most parents will either live near or work near their Daycare provider, a 9 hour day should cover an 8 hour work day plus commute. Be firm about this and state that it is in the best interest of the children. I think this would be the easiest way to solve your problem but you must be consistant and this rule applies to all. Don't let them walk on you - you are not a doormat!

[QualiTcare]

So they are on to me. Just got an email from DC Dad. It basically Thanks me again for the new schedule and then says that since March 1st is coming, he needs to know what the new weekly fee will be. He also adds that he will of course, add in the difference between the new and old fee for the last three weeks on to March's check. He also tells me again how wonderful I am that I did not even mention this to them when I honored their request for the new schedule. He also says that I do not need to hesitate when naming that price as they expect to pay at least what a center would charge, since "in his opinion" my daycare is "superior" to any center out there. So there you have it folks - either thursday's revelation with my learning the truth regarding his wife's work schedule prompted this or they have been reading this thread ( ! Highly, highly unlikely)

First off, I really want to Thank you all for the advice you have given me. Nannyde, in your last post you said a lot of things that I have been thinking, but frankly, have been afraid and ashamed to say out loud. How could someone not want their 2 year old gorgeous, fun loving, child around them? I also think you are very correct about the Nanny situation. They have made comments before about being "private" people for me to buy into this but honestly, they have not displayed any character traits that I would associate with a " private" person (like detailing the specifics of their ongoing infertility struggle). Private people do not talk about running to have to get their sperm washed right after they drop of DCB!

The issue for me is that I simply think the child is with me too long and now that I know the truth about Mom's schedule 5:30 am is looking very ugly too me. Funny, that when I thought it was a necessity for them I did not think it was a big deal. I know if I continue this, no matter how hard I try, I will get bitter that I am essentially doing their job. It does not matter how much they will pay me, I am simply not comfortable caring for their child and waking at 5:30 am so dc mom gets her "decompression" in everyday. Again, this is a matter of principal.

I have also been fortunate to have lovely parents so far in the 5 years I have been in operation. Sure, I have had minor issues hear and there but I have never had a problem like this before. Another word that I was scared to use before is NEGLIGENCE. As in, these parents, when practicing what they consider to be parenting, borders on pure and simple negligence.

Unfortunately, I will have to disagree with Nannyde on one point Even though I will try and be direct and honest with them, I don't think it will sink in and they will simply find a center that will accommodate them. I wish I could make them see the light, but don't think theY are in any position to see it.

One more thing . . . I feel like such a horrible person choosing "principle" and throwing their kid in a center when I know how much he is loved by me and the other DC kids. No matter what, should he not come first? What sort of care could he get there? What I know about the specific centers in my city is not very great. The child already has crap parents and now the one person he has trusted and depended on since birth is about to dump him in a center?! This is going to be so hard on him . . . . Is this ethical of me? Everyday he is happy and practically glowing when he sees me in the morning. . . And always ends the day with a "remember I love you until tomorrow". Termination will hurt this child If it comes to that . . . . I feel like this is the ultimate betrayal on my part .

the child has CRAP parents?

WHAT? i thought i read that you said they seemed to cherish their family time, gave you heartfelt notes of appreciation, sent good meals, etc, etc.

how does this child have CRAP parents? nine hours is NOT anything "crazy." i'd love to know who works a normal job (even if it's just 8 hours) that would not need to drop their child off 30 mins before "clock in" time and pick them up 30 mins. after "clock out" time for a total of 9 hours?

what i read just doesn't add up to "negligence" or "crap parents" to me - sorry.

[nannyde]

the child has CRAP parents?

WHAT? i thought i read that you said they seemed to cherish their family time, gave you heartfelt notes of appreciation, sent good meals, etc, etc.

how does this child have CRAP parents? nine hours is NOT anything "crazy." i'd love to know who works a normal job (even if it's just 8 hours) that would not need to drop their child off 30 mins before "clock in" time and pick them up 30 mins. after "clock out" time for a total of 9 hours?

what i read just doesn't add up to "negligence" or "crap parents" to me - sorry.

you said they seemed to cherish their family time

Yeah that's as long as there isn't much cherished family time.

Qual: they have this kid down to an hour a day of face time. The parents CAN do a nine hour day. They just DID a nine hour day last week and the provider ran into the Mom on her way home from her nine hour day. They live close to the provider. The Mom is SAYING she wants the kid away from her every day so she can have me time.

Nobody is saying that if a parent has twelve hour days that it's crappy of them to work it. If they have twelve hour days and only WORK three days a week then they would have two full days extra home per week with the child. If they work twelve hours every day then NO. I wouldn't be involved in that kids care.

Do you work twelve hour days five days a week?

[MyAngels]

the child has CRAP parents?

WHAT? i thought i read that you said they seemed to cherish their family time, gave you heartfelt notes of appreciation, sent good meals, etc, etc.

how does this child have CRAP parents? nine hours is NOT anything "crazy." i'd love to know who works a normal job (even if it's just 8 hours) that would not need to drop their child off 30 mins before "clock in" time and pick them up 30 mins. after "clock out" time for a total of 9 hours?

what i read just doesn't add up to "negligence" or "crap parents" to me - sorry.

Actually, I believe the original post says that they have asked to leave their child in care from 6:15 a.m. to 6:00 p.m., close to twelve hours.

[Live and Learn]

.... i'd love to know who works a normal job (even if it's just 8 hours) that would not need to drop their child off 30 mins before "clock in" time and pick them up 30 mins. after "clock out" time for a total of 9 hours?

I live so close to where my teachers work that all my dc children are here a maximum of 8 hours. Everyone is gone by 4:00.

OP:
1) I would let them know that you have a MAXIMUM of 10 hours per day policy. DC child needs picked up by 4:15 at the latest.
2) I would call the most expensive dc in town and make that amount be your new daily rate for this family... if your current rate for them is lower.
3) Have them sign a new contract.
4) I sense this family will abuse the new pick up time so include a very stiff late fee in the new contract.....and enforce it from day 1!

[Kaddidle Care]

Do you work twelve hour days five days a week?

I don't think it's healthy for anyone to work those hours, especially a Daycare provider, unless, of course you are Wonder Woman.

I realize that nurses do work 12 hour shifts, but they don't do it 5 days a week, it's usually 3-4. (Correct me if I'm wrong Nannyde)

[Abigail]

To the original poster: What time do all the rest of your children go home? I If it is close to 4:30 or 5:00, I would have that be your closing time. I would definitely increase rates because you deserve it in general, assuming you do a yearly contract. If you're re-writing your contract and/or policies I would make sure you give notice very soon. You could change it in general to only working hours plus commute time or only 9 hour days. I agree with a firm after-hours fee. $1 per minute with no flexibility or to be use at your descretion is good. Hope it all works out for you.

[QualiTcare]

I live so close to where my teachers work that all my dc children are here a maximum of 8 hours. Everyone is gone by 4:00.

OP:
1) I would let them know that you have a MAXIMUM of 10 hours per day policy. DC child needs picked up by 4:15 at the latest.
2) I would call the most expensive dc in town and make that amount be your new daily rate for this family... if your current rate for them is lower.
3) Have them sign a new contract.
4) I sense this family will abuse the new pick up time so include a very stiff late fee in the new contract.....and enforce it from day 1!

well, that's not typical or feasible for most people as not everyone is a teacher. that wouldn't even be possible for teachers here as school starts at 8 and if the latest pick up time is 4 and there's an 8 hour max they wouldn't be dropping off until 8 - not possible. not to mention there are regular meetings after school (usually once every two weeks at a minimum) that last until 4 or 5.

[QualiTcare]

you said they seemed to cherish their family time

Yeah that's as long as there isn't much cherished family time.

Qual: they have this kid down to an hour a day of face time. The parents CAN do a nine hour day. They just DID a nine hour day last week and the provider ran into the Mom on her way home from her nine hour day. They live close to the provider. The Mom is SAYING she wants the kid away from her every day so she can have me time.

Nobody is saying that if a parent has twelve hour days that it's crappy of them to work it. If they have twelve hour days and only WORK three days a week then they would have two full days extra home per week with the child. If they work twelve hours every day then NO. I wouldn't be involved in that kids care.

Do you work twelve hour days five days a week?

i don't work 5 days a week - i'm scheduled for 3 and work 4 if i can. that's irrelevant because my children aren't in daycare. there was a time when my daughter was in daycare for nearly 12 hours and i wasn't having "me time." i was working and going to school. i didn't LIKE it, but it was a means to an end which worked out well, was over quickly, and she doesn't remember it nor do i regret it.

bottom line is that this provider isn't going to be able to accept what this family wants. regardless of the fact that she thinks they are great bc they send good meals, give bonus pay for holidays and birthdays, send treats, and offer to give the daycare anything it may need - that's not worth the 2 hours of "me time" this mom uses each day. i doubt that raising the rates so they pay for those two hours would offer any consolation if all of the above doesn't. therefore, it sounds to me like she might just need to terminate.

this has been an ongoing debate here for as long as i can remember. i wonder if the providers who think it's insane for a parent to go to the gym or god forbid the grocery store without their child thinks parents who hire a provider or babysitter so they can have a "date night" are crap parents as well? this family is either going to pay extra to keep the schedule or find someone else who will care for him and accept the money for the time they care for the child without obsessing over what the parents are doing. the ball is in her court.

[momofboys]

well, that's not typical or feasible for most people as not everyone is a teacher. that wouldn't even be possible for teachers here as school starts at 8 and if the latest pick up time is 4 and there's an 8 hour max they wouldn't be dropping off until 8 - not possible. not to mention there are regular meetings after school (usually once every two weeks at a minimum) that last until 4 or 5.

What schools around you have school for over 7 1/2 hours a day? Every school in my area is 6 - 6 .5 hrs! Unless you are talking about a center or after-school care.