Parents That Want Nothing to Do with Parenting

[Annalee]

That is alot of stuff. I can't remember what type of daycare are you and what state?

Group in TN

[Annalee]

There is also a push to reach out to the homeless and families in need and recognize the signs....have had to rewrite our termination clause to allow for many resources to be used before we terminate families.

[Unregistered]

I also have parents like this (neighbors)! I don't take neighbors as clients but they moved here after child was already established. Mom gets off early 2 days a week (3 hours before schedule pick up) sometimes picks up early but dad won't pick up early unless he see us playing outside when he drives by to go home. I guess he thinks because I saw him that he's needs to get his child....Yes please! I understand that you may want your time after work but I am here to watch your kid while you are working not relaxing at home!

This is EXACTLY the same scenario that is happening here. It makes me furious. I am here to watch your child while you WORK and nothing more.

[Rockgirl]

This is EXACTLY the same scenario that is happening here. It makes me furious. I am here to watch your child while you WORK and nothing more.

Do you have that written into your contract? I’m honestly curious....no snark intended.

[nannyde]

I think the best defense is a good offense.

I tried for nearly two decades to only provide services when parents were working. It worked with some parents but I got lied to so much that I finally surrendered and just let it go.

What I found worked for me was being very strict about a nine hour max day (with only exceptions for part timers who did longer days but had weekdays off to compensate). I also interviewed specifically on where both parents worked, when they were to be at work, when they got off and then TOLD THEM the hours they needed based on drive time plus ten minutes for slack.

The parent who went into work last dropped off and the parent who got off first picked up. I didn't take parents who had to be go in early because they had to park in the north forty, get dressed for work at work, and then clock in and do the reverse after work. If anything caused them to have extra time than normal work time and parking, I wouldn't take them. I also worked with parents who took a half hour lunch and had about a fifteen minute commute to work. If they had an hour lunch, many parents would request a half hour lunch to get their hours down to nine hours.

I also served "second breakfast" so each child was to be fed at home before coming and then once everyone arrived I would give them a light breakfast and no morning snack. I would not "finish" bottles with babies and they had to have been fed within two hours of arrival. I didn't do bottles until nine a.m. so they had to be able to make it until nine.

I found that parents who did breakfast in the morning were with them more awake time than the ones who just pulled them out of bed and put them in the car seat to come to daycare.

I took 18 days off per year but many parents used their days off as vacation time for themselves. When I first started doing daycare kids would be gone for a couple of weeks in the summer and holidays. As time went on the "family vacation" turned into the kids going to relatives or other daycares while I was on vacation. It was REALLY rare for parents to vacation and use their days off with their kids. Some did though.

I figured each kid that had a nine hour daycare day had about five hours of awake time with their kids daily. That seemed to be the magic number to have parents who spent enough awake time that they were in tune with their kids and realistic with what they expected of daycare. They were "practiced".

I also did a sliding scale fee where the cost of care was markedly cheaper the earlier in the afternoon they picked up on the day shift and the later they dropped off on the evening shift. This encouraged parents to pick up early on the day shift and have a significant amount of time before bed.

The parents who wanted their kid to come home, eat, bathe and go to bed found their kids wouldn't go to bed early because they had a full afternoon nap at my house. Once they wanted nap cut down or cut out they had to find another daycare.

I don't believe in "quality time". I believe in "quantity" time. You can't be good at parenting if you don't have AWAKE time with your kid. It's becoming common to have parents who don't like to be around their kids when their kids are awake. A policy of a minimal hours in care with most often one parent dropping and one picking up resulted in the child getting a good five waking hours a day between the care of both parents.

I think this is going to get way worse even with the best policies in place because of screen addiction for both parents and children. Babies, toddlers, and preschool kids are now given screens and parents are addicted. The more a parent is screen addicted and allows their kids on screens so they can be on screens causes such unhappiness in the parent when they have to interact and care for their child. Kids are way boring compared to the internet. I think it causes such a depression and detoxing when parents can't be on their devices and they have to interact with their kid. We now have a lot of parents who spend their time with their kid with everyone on devices. It's WAY WAY WAY worse than the kids that were parked in front of tv back in the day. The parent wants the care and the supervision of the child to be as easy as being on the internet. If the child makes that impossible they shun their child as much as they can which includes leaving them in the care for as much as possible.

[Annalee]

I think the best defense is a good offense.

I tried for nearly two decades to only provide services when parents were working. It worked with some parents but I got lied to so much that I finally surrendered and just let it go.

What I found worked for me was being very strict about a nine hour max day (with only exceptions for part timers who did longer days but had weekdays off to compensate). I also interviewed specifically on where both parents worked, when they were to be at work, when they got off and then TOLD THEM the hours they needed based on drive time plus ten minutes for slack.

The parent who went into work last dropped off and the parent who got off first picked up. I didn't take parents who had to be go in early because they had to park in the north forty, get dressed for work at work, and then clock in and do the reverse after work. If anything caused them to have extra time than normal work time and parking, I wouldn't take them. I also worked with parents who took a half hour lunch and had about a fifteen minute commute to work. If they had an hour lunch, many parents would request a half hour lunch to get their hours down to nine hours.

I also served "second breakfast" so each child was to be fed at home before coming and then once everyone arrived I would give them a light breakfast and no morning snack. I would not "finish" bottles with babies and they had to have been fed within two hours of arrival. I didn't do bottles until nine a.m. so they had to be able to make it until nine.

I found that parents who did breakfast in the morning were with them more awake time than the ones who just pulled them out of bed and put them in the car seat to come to daycare.

I took 18 days off per year but many parents used their days off as vacation time for themselves. When I first started doing daycare kids would be gone for a couple of weeks in the summer and holidays. As time went on the "family vacation" turned into the kids going to relatives or other daycares while I was on vacation. It was REALLY rare for parents to vacation and use their days off with their kids. Some did though.

I figured each kid that had a nine hour daycare day had about five hours of awake time with their kids daily. That seemed to be the magic number to have parents who spent enough awake time that they were in tune with their kids and realistic with what they expected of daycare. They were "practiced".

I also did a sliding scale fee where the cost of care was markedly cheaper the earlier in the afternoon they picked up on the day shift and the later they dropped off on the evening shift. This encouraged parents to pick up early on the day shift and have a significant amount of time before bed.

The parents who wanted their kid to come home, eat, bathe and go to bed found their kids wouldn't go to bed early because they had a full afternoon nap at my house. Once they wanted nap cut down or cut out they had to find another daycare.

I don't believe in "quality time". I believe in "quantity" time. You can't be good at parenting if you don't have AWAKE time with your kid. It's becoming common to have parents who don't like to be around their kids when their kids are awake. A policy of a minimal hours in care with most often one parent dropping and one picking up resulted in the child getting a good five waking hours a day between the care of both parents.

I think this is going to get way worse even with the best policies in place because of screen addiction for both parents and children. Babies, toddlers, and preschool kids are now given screens and parents are addicted. The more a parent is screen addicted and allows their kids on screens so they can be on screens causes such unhappiness in the parent when they have to interact and care for their child. Kids are way boring compared to the internet. I think it causes such a depression and detoxing when parents can't be on their devices and they have to interact with their kid. We now have a lot of parents who spend their time with their kid with everyone on devices. It's WAY WAY WAY worse than the kids that were parked in front of tv back in the day. The parent wants the care and the supervision of the child to be as easy as being on the internet. If the child makes that impossible they shun their child as much as they can which includes leaving them in the care for as much as possible.

Spot on, nannyde! I have a 9.5 hour limit and close several days a year with 52 weeks pay. I feel this takes care of me. I do not feel it makes parents be with their kids because they generally get left with someone other than their parents.

You are right as well as I don't see things getting better. I can do my part with the state whether it be play the game or actually get involved deep, but I still don't see providers/daycare changing what is set in place when it comes to parenting skills today and spiraling quickly out of control toward a scary trend.

just some thoughts!

[Josiegirl]

I think this is going to get way worse even with the best policies in place because of screen addiction for both parents and children. Babies, toddlers, and preschool kids are now given screens and parents are addicted. The more a parent is screen addicted and allows their kids on screens so they can be on screens causes such unhappiness in the parent when they have to interact and care for their child. Kids are way boring compared to the internet. I think it causes such a depression and detoxing when parents can't be on their devices and they have to interact with their kid. We now have a lot of parents who spend their time with their kid with everyone on devices. It's WAY WAY WAY worse than the kids that were parked in front of tv back in the day. The parent wants the care and the supervision of the child to be as easy as being on the internet. If the child makes that impossible they shun their child as much as they can which includes leaving them in the care for as much as possible.

I haven't read anything truer than this in a very long time. Kids and adults alike, are so tuned into being connected and I've never seen anything like it. It's all being used to feed people's egos and as an escape. People can't wait to see who said what to them on FB or snap a selfie and post it. It takes work, effort, commitment, PERSONAL INVOLVEMENT, LOVE and CARING to be involved with raising a family.

I read something about Apple stockholders pushing Apple to research and see what they can change to discourage the addiction kids have with devices. I'm sorry but why is that their responsibility??? It's the same thing as expecting tv to change what they offer; if you don't like it, change the da%# channel or here's a better idea, shut it off completely and grab a life with your family! Again, parenting needs to be more fully involved. Other people cannot be held responsible anymore. Why are parents not being held accountable for anything these days? Everyone else is expected to take up the slack??

[Cat Herder]

Why are parents not being held accountable for anything these days? Everyone else is expected to take up the slack??

Because judging parents and holding them socially accountable is no longer politically correct and passing more laws will take years and billions.

Because politicians need voters. Voters vote for who makes their lives easier.

It is easier to force those who work in industries that support kids by threatening their paychecks. (Childcare workers, software companies, furniture manufacturers, car manufacturers, restaurants, teachers, etc. )

[amberrose3dg]

Because judging parents and holding them socially accountable is no longer politically correct and passing more laws will take years and billions.

Because politicians need voters.

It is easier to force those who work in industries that support kids by threatening their paychecks. (Childcare workers, software companies, furniture manufacturers, car manufacturers, restaurants, teachers, etc. )

This is what makes me sad and terrified for the future generation. I am gonna be one cranky ass old lady.

[Cat Herder]

This is what makes me sad and terrified for the future generation. I am gonna be one cranky ass old lady.

Each generation has said the same. They were not wrong. Luckily there will be a pendulum swing. It seems to be a pattern.

[Blackcat31]

This is what makes me sad and terrified for the future generation. I am gonna be one cranky ass old lady.

:: I just told my DH yesterday that when I retire I am going to be a Walmart greeter....



.....only I am NOT going to greet anyone...I am going to be shouting things like:

"Hey you! Do you even own a comb??!! Aisle 4! Go get one!! It's 4PM!! Comb your hair!!"

"Don't you know the difference between pajama pants and pants? Come on dude! I'll help you out...if you have neon yellow Sponge Bob's all over them.....they are PAJAMA pants!!!!! This is NOT your bedroom! Go home and get dressed before you come back!!"

"Hey lady! Is that your kid trailing behind you? It is? Well look at HIM not down at your phone!! Hold his hand and stop yelling over your shoulder for him to hurry up! Slow down! Facebook will still be there this afternoon!"


You know...super helpful stuff like that.

Of course the alternative is hiring me to be the person at the door that makes sure you aren't stealing anything.....

...but then I'd probably check people's bags and be like "Um, nope...Cheese crunchies and blue-raspberry Kool-aide are not part of the food pyramid. Go put those things back on the shelf and find some real VEGETABLES!!"

[Cat Herder]

:: I just told my DH yesterday that when I retire I am going to be a Walmart greeter....

:::::: Not a bad plan.

My retirement (and current part time) job generally starts with "Hold my beer".... Sometimes it is weirdly rewarding to see Darwinism in action.

[LysesKids]

There is also a push to reach out to the homeless and families in need and recognize the signs....have had to rewrite our termination clause to allow for many resources to be used before we terminate families.

I already work with Foster & shelter kids, but only as Drop-ins; none have used me FT even when offered as the state doesn't pay enough for Legally licensed exempt vouchers. I was in a crises shelter many years ago, so understand the need is different compared to a family that has a regular roof over their head, but I still think TN is pushing some of the rules too far when it comes to terminating a family.

[Josiegirl]

:::::: Not a bad plan.

My retirement (and current part time) job generally starts with "Hold my beer".... Sometimes it is weirdly rewarding to see Darwinism in action.

Crack me up.

[Ariana]

Because judging parents and holding them socially accountable is no longer politically correct and passing more laws will take years and billions.

Because politicians need voters. Voters vote for who makes their lives easier.

It is easier to force those who work in industries that support kids by threatening their paychecks. (Childcare workers, software companies, furniture manufacturers, car manufacturers, restaurants, teachers, etc. )

Bingo!!

I hate to say it but everyone is focused on the wrong thing. I won’t say what these “fake” issues are that politicians have us worried about but they are fake. Statistically speaking and accoridng to research these issues do not exist. Meanwhile lack of parenting should be at the forefront and should be what we are really afraid of.

The politically correct landscape is ruining our society. No one is judged or shamed for anything. It is all about acceptance, you go girl, you do you momma etc. I get so sick of it! There is healthy support for a parent struggling and then there is blatant enabling of toxic behaviors.