Great, just great, face scratch story

[Denali]

Not that I want to stick up for a scratcher, but he does have a tendency to egg her on. He has pushed her down, hit her in the head with a stuffed animal etc. The lasts time she did that, she was playing with something and he went up and started to yank her toy from her. She grabbed him and pinched/scratched. That's been almost 10 months ago since the last time. If I term her, I'd have to term him too. Just because it doesn't leave a mark, doesn't make his behavior any better.

Sounds like you need to have the boy be your shadow and not the girl. 👍 both children are not free from guilt.

[Play Care]

When I have a younger group, our free play time is very limited. It's a pain because it means I have to remember to put kids "up" whenever I can't be right with them. But this past year when all my kids have been 3 and under, we haven't really had any physical issues (knocks on wood :: ) I keep special table toys that I can rotate in and out just for this.

Honestly at this point (third time) I'd be less concerned about laying blame and more on top of getting a solid plan together on my end to end it.

[lovemykidstoo]

Sounds like you need to have the boy be your shadow and not the girl. 👍 both children are not free from guilt.

Exactly, they have a love/hate relationship.

[lovemykidstoo]

When I have a younger group, our free play time is very limited. It's a pain because it means I have to remember to put kids "up" whenever I can't be right with them. But this past year when all my kids have been 3 and under, we haven't really had any physical issues (knocks on wood :: ) I keep special table toys that I can rotate in and out just for this.

Honestly at this point (third time) I'd be less concerned about laying blame and more on top of getting a solid plan together on my end to end it.

I'm definitely going to implement more structured activities. Coloring at the table, sensory tables at the table Both seated activities away from each other. Outside time is going to increase where they don't really play with each other, they all just run nuts. etc

Mittens on her in the house for awhile hahahaha

[Rockgirl]

Ugh, I know it’s frustrating when things keep happening.

I’d definitely insist that the scratcher’s nails are cut short, and inspect them at drop off. Also the shadowing.

[Blackcat31]

....this is all said with a kind heart and not meant to make you feel bad at all but....

I finally after almost 8 hours received a text back from the mother of the "victim" saying that she hopes I don't think she's a bit** but she is just frustrated that it always seems to be the 1 child that is the one doing all the damage. I totally understand her frustration, I do, but I do think she's making it more than it needs to be. I mean, they're 2 and 3 years old. I told her how I would try to be more diligent and she said she understands I cannot stop every thing 100%, that's impossible. She's not really upset with me, but rather the other child. God help me if this happens again, I will never see them again. Nothing like walking on eggshells.

I 1000% disagree. :dislike:

She has every right to be upset and if I were her, I'd be super upset and to be totally honest I'd probably pull my kid from care. immediately.

Once is one thing.
Twice is another.
Three times IS a supervision issue.

Not that I want to stick up for a scratcher, but he does have a tendency to egg her on. He has pushed her down, hit her in the head with a stuffed animal etc. The lasts time she did that, she was playing with something and he went up and started to yank her toy from her. She grabbed him and pinched/scratched. That's been almost 10 months ago since the last time. If I term her, I'd have to term him too. Just because it doesn't leave a mark, doesn't make his behavior any better.

The bolded above is EXACTLY why.

You are placing blame on a 3 yr old.

You are justifying a child's aggressive actions as if the other child deserves it. I don't understand that.

ANYTHING that happens on your watch is YOUR responsibility and I am not saying you aren't supervising them but I would have made a point of OVER supervising the first time this happened...the second time it happened I would have eliminated the opportunity for EITHER of the kids to have access to each other. all day. every day.

It's really the only action you can take if you are unwilling to term.

I also disagree that you would have to term them both.
The one that scratches should be terminated. Physical aggression should always be viewed as more dangerous and more of a liability than antagonizing behaviors that somewhat appropriate for that age group.

Physical aggression = NOT developmentally appropriate
Antagonizing behaviors = unwanted behavior but still developmentally appropriate.

Like I said, I am not saying any of this to be mean or hurtful but this is whole situation screams liability and as I read along with what is happening daily, it's like one of those scary movies we watched when we were younger.... I'm reading your posts and whispering to myself "Noooo, don't go down into the basement!"


Please reevaluate this situation and try to look at it from the outside. If you are going to pacify any family, it should be the victims....they're the ones that could create issues for you if they're child is injured again.

I just don't want this to end badly for you. :hug:

[lovemykidstoo]

....this is all said with a kind heart and not meant to make you feel bad at all but....





I 1000% disagree. :dislike:

She has every right to be upset and if I were her, I'd be super upset and to be totally honest I'd probably pull my kid from care. immediately.

Once is one thing.
Twice is another.
Three times IS a supervision issue.



The bolded above is EXACTLY why.

You are placing blame on a 3 yr old.

You are justifying a child's aggressive actions as if the other child deserves it. I don't understand that.

ANYTHING that happens on your watch is YOUR responsibility and I am not saying you aren't supervising them but I would have made a point of OVER supervising the first time this happened...the second time it happened I would have eliminated the opportunity for EITHER of the kids to have access to each other. all day. every day.

It's really the only action you can take if you are unwilling to term.

I also disagree that you would have to term them both.
The one that scratches should be terminated. Physical aggression should always be viewed as more dangerous and more of a liability than antagonizing behaviors that somewhat appropriate for that age group.

Physical aggression = NOT developmentally appropriate
Antagonizing behaviors = unwanted behavior but still developmentally appropriate.

Like I said, I am not saying any of this to be mean or hurtful but this is whole situation screams liability and as I read along with what is happening daily, it's like one of those scary movies we watched when we were younger.... I'm reading your posts and whispering to myself "Noooo, don't go down into the basement!"


Please reevaluate this situation and try to look at it from the outside. If you are going to pacify any family, it should be the victims....they're the ones that could create issues for you if they're child is injured again.

I just don't want this to end badly for you. :hug:

I have said that I absolutely understand her being upset. Of course I do. This has been an issue for the past year and a half. So yup, when dcg was 1 she did it, then again sometime else and then again this week. It's been a big time span. She has not done it to anyone else, which leads me to believe there is a definite personality conflict. I'm really sorry though to say I am not supervising. I can be sitting on the floor right smack next to someone and looking at another child to my left when to my right it happens. If there is a way to stop something like that then I need those super powers. . Its' not as if they were wrestling and I didn't stop it. It was an extremely quick swipe. How would I keep them from having access from each other all day other than what I'm doing by having one on one side of the room and one on the other.

I wouldn't have been surprised if she would have pulled. The part that pissed me off was when I was trying to communicate with her and she ignored me for 8 hours. That part I thought was rude. When she finally did text me back she explained that she was not upset at me at all and was happy with how I watch the kids and knows I can't stop everything 100%. I thought it was a bit much that she said she was thinking of taking him to the dr for a scratch. That is the part that I thought was overreacting. Not to mention, he was totally fine when it happened. Did not wimper, cry, act scared at all. It was only after he went home and the next morning that she said he threw a fit to get in the car and he's done that many many times because he doesn't want to get out of bed, so who knows if it was even related. I am not in any way excusing her (dcg) behavior, I'm just saying that he is an aggressor too. He has hit her in the head with toys, pushed her down etc. Maybe my phrasing on that wasn't clear. I'm saying if someone comes up an hits you in the head, you just may retaliate. Should you? Heck no, but she is 2 years old. So they are playing separately right now and will be for awhile. Shoot I had mittens on her for most of the day yesterday and she actually liked them . They BOTH need to keep their hands off each other and we're working on that, trust me.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

Not that I want to stick up for a scratcher, but he does have a tendency to egg her on. He has pushed her down, hit her in the head with a stuffed animal etc. The lasts time she did that, she was playing with something and he went up and started to yank her toy from her. She grabbed him and pinched/scratched. That's been almost 10 months ago since the last time. If I term her, I'd have to term him too. Just because it doesn't leave a mark, doesn't make his behavior any better.

In daycare, it is the behaviors that leave marks that are the WORST for your business...biting being number one. Parents do not want to see marks on their kid and after 3 times, I am surprised mom hasnt pulled yet. I would give her a detailed plan of how you are going to handle this going forward.

First thing for me would be that the 3 year old needs to be shadowed and redirected on how we play with friends. He has to learn about giving people space and he is a role model for younger kids, so when he uses aggression to get what he wants, the younger kids will learn aggression (as well as means of defense, like scratching) in return. I know that group size can be a factor (my max was 5), but when I had children who needed more direct guidance, i would spend a large majority of time hovering, redirecting, being that annoying gnat that would stop them before a behavior occurred, foiling their plans to steal a toy. But, when you spend the time, it pays off. They learn respect for each other and EARN the right for more free play. I allow them much more independence as they figure it all out. You dont want your toddlers learning social skills from each other or there will be mass chaos, so you have to be the model for the older kids, who then model it for the younger ones. As for the 2 year old, she would be separate from the victim and shadowed 100%. She has learned a skill that needs to be unlearned, which means you have to be there to intervene and guide in ALL her interactions with her peers. It is a lot of work and supervision in the short term, but will hopefully pay off for the longterm. And if it's too much right now, I would consider terming.