Child Seems to Dislike Daycare

[adnilwis]

My own daughter was very much like this at that age, probably worse. There has always been a small circle of people she is willing to show her "real" personality to. Almost 10 years old now, and she is still that way, only difference is her circle is just a little bit bigger.

We thought at first it was an "always home with mom" problem. So we enrolled her in preschool program. She went and loved it...but did not talk the entire time she was there. We started her in gymnastics at four. Same thing! By first grade, we had her working with a school counselor. I was at a loss, teachers were at a loss. They started rewarding her for talking with a sticker chart, one sticker per word. Once filled, she relieved extra play time. I was not keen on this idea, but I allowed it. It got her going at the absolute bare minimum. And I mean minimum. I'll never forget the day she filled up a 10 squared chart in one day, it was a big deal!

I however believe it was her love for gymnastics that got her functioning. She eventually worked her way up onto the competitive team. To do that, there were many many instances where she had to push through that social anxiety.

Just the other day two older girls (one my daughter knows) walked passed her telling her hi. She very quietly and uncomfortably said hi back. It did not go unnoticed, and I overheard one older girl explain to the other that my daughter is "just socially awkward." On another occasion, she gave a hug to Coach E who she has been working with for a few months. Coach D, who has worked with my daughter since age 4, was completely shocked, and while laughing wanted to know why he never got a hug.

Social anxiety, selective mutism, or just shy.. I still couldn't tell you. I guess my point is that as long as it's not debilitating and she is happy, it doesn't much matter. I know for my daughter there seems to be no rhyme or reason as to why she is more comfortable with some people over others. That connection is just naturally there or it isn't. That might be the case for this child you speak of and while it might be hard, I'd try not to take it personally. She just might not be able to help it.

Thank you for this. I know my own children are shy but they get better with time. This child however does not. I know I shouldn't take it personally but it's hard not to. I try hard to get her to talk and maybe that just makes it worse. I guess what's most confusing to me is how strangers (or people she has known or seen for less time than me) make her more comfortable and easy to talk with than me (who she sees for 5 days a week, 10 hours a day). Maybe I will never know. Her mom told me yesterday she is just super shy and doesn't seem to have anxiety about things. But I do it see it sometimes throughout the day. With eating, being touched, etc. Thank you for your input thoigh.

[NiNi.R.]

Thank you for this. I know my own children are shy but they get better with time. This child however does not. I know I shouldn't take it personally but it's hard not to. I try hard to get her to talk and maybe that just makes it worse. I guess what's most confusing to me is how strangers (or people she has known or seen for less time than me) make her more comfortable and easy to talk with than me (who she sees for 5 days a week, 10 hours a day). Maybe I will never know. Her mom told me yesterday she is just super shy and doesn't seem to have anxiety about things. But I do it see it sometimes throughout the day. With eating, being touched, etc. Thank you for your input thoigh.

All reasons why I believe there is more to it than just being shy. My daughter wouldn't have gotten better with time without a collaborative effort between us and the other adults in her life over the course of years.This girl you speak of is still really young! Is it possible it's a power or defiant thing?

If you think trying hard could be making it worse then maybe quit trying so hard and respect her space. When she does talk to you try saying something like "I love hearing your voice!" To encourage further interactions.

Or maybe none of that will work...Who knows! Sometimes kids can just be weird.

I feel you though! I know it can be frustrating. Good luck!

[adnilwis]

.This girl you speak of is still really young! Is it possible it's a power or defiant thing?

If you think trying hard could be making it worse then maybe quit trying so hard and respect her space. When she does talk to you try saying something like "I love hearing your voice!" To encourage further interactions.

Or maybe none of that will work...Who knows! Sometimes kids can just be weird.

I feel you though! I know it can be frustrating. Good luck!

Power/defiant definitely could be part of it. I don't think she has much in regards to rules at home so coming here is different for her. Also, when she does talk I do tell her I love hearing her voice and really make a big deal out of it. Thanks for all the input! She seems content being quiet but also very rarely smiles. So it's a serious kind of content. :-)

[Jdy2222]

I have a very quiet child in my care. Some days she won't speak at all, others she will. Most days she'll pretend talk on the phone, in a corner by herself, quite a bit but then not talk much to me. I ignore the shyness. I keep talking to her, but I don't expect a response so I limit questions unless she's shown she's in the mood to speak. I don't ever comment on her not speaking or talk to her about conversing, but if she nods or smiles I'll take that as a response and continue the conversation but never draw attention to the fact that she's communicating. If she stares blankly at me, which she does a lot, I move on and give my attention to someone else. With this one it's definitely a power play - she has a lot less control of the household and everything that happens at my house than she does at her own (she's in charge at home). She has gotten much better with communicating and interacting the last month or two (she's 2 1/2), but she still completely shuts you out if there's any conflict of any sort that she doesn't want to have to deal with.

I was a very shy child and remember my father "discussing" how I needed to talk and interact with people and how he wanted to see me do it. So much pressure! I absolutely couldn't meet his expectations and just got quieter because of it. With my own shy child I just let her be and eventually she found an interaction level she's comfortable with.