What Has Changed?

[Josiegirl]

I completely agree with society's expectations too. Every professional's book says something different in how to raise a child, what's wrong and right, better or best. Everybody's opinion is better than the last, many parents strive to be that perfect parent. Don't ever tell your kid no. BS on that. Don't want to hurt their self esteem so tread gently and don't be negative. There has to be a firm enough line, given with a lot of love, acceptance, but kids still need to learn right from wrong.

[Cat Herder]

How cool would a parental bonding time fit bit type watch be? When they spend time doing fun projects, going for a swim, taking a walk or tossing a ball around with their own kids they get feedback points that can be instantly shared to their social media accounts for "high five" validation. Each time they check social media, take a call or answer an email during that time they lose points. As the social validation climbs, time spent with their own kids climb. Parents competing with each other for the most high fives until kids start asking for their own "me" time.

[Annalee]

I have a dck4 now that I am working with the parent on choices/consequences. He thinks "spanking" is the only alternative and he doesn't spank so it is a constant "yes" to this kid. she gets what she wants when she wants it. this is the one that gets up screaming running around the house all night long. I asked if she had a consequence and he said "well, we explain that sleep makes you smarter" Uhm....ok....how did that work for you:: THis kid runs off adrenaline until she collapses which can be days at times. :confused: It's a parent problem!!!! Consequences and boundaries don't have to be spanking....take something away, give extra chores, etc...

[Country Kids]

Kids had a healthy appreciation, respect and maybe just a little bit of fear for authority figures. So they listened much more than today and I feel because of that, all hell's broke loose. Parents were more apt to follow through with threatened consequences. Now that hardly ever happens. Or parents speak before thinking and offer threats they know they cannot follow through with. Loss of all credibility happens then. Kids actually listened to their parents way back when. But kids still felt as if they mattered; discipline may have been handed out with a heavier hand but kids weren't juggled around between 100 different caregivers or babysitters just so parents could get their ME time which turns into free time for every single little thing. Why don't kids accompany parents to the store anymore?
Kids are screaming for attention and in doing so, are given very temporary solutions, a quick fix for the moment but it doesn't fix the problem of no time for a child that a parent chose to have.:confused:

Not only did kids listen and respected their parents back then, but they listened and respected almost all adults. Adults also didn't have to be "scared" of giving a child a consequence because of their actions. You messed up on the bus-your walking, you disrespected a teacher-to the principles office and you knew that was the better part because when you got home that was when the punishment really began, and the list could go on.

[Annalee]

I grew up in the "whipping" generation....I am in my 50's...BUT I do NOT remember those and I know I got some, but my brothers got more::. What I remember is when my parents said it they meant it and there was no negotiation....it was about respect not abuse.....there was one TV so the family gathered IF it was on....none of us were separate in our own rooms with our own TV.....we sat down together at meals......we played board games......we played ball outside.....we went on vacations together.... I think the "quality time" is what is missing in children's lives....quality time builds relationships and a love/respect relationship.... Just my opinions!

[Cat Herder]

Not only did kids listen and respected their parents back then, but they listened and respected almost all adults.

Part of that, IMO, was that parents spent time teaching, playing and bonding with the kids so that the kid actually wanted the adults approval and company. The kid liked and trusted the adults. It has to begin there.

If the kid is constantly ignored, invalidated, belittled, bossed around and criticised their entire goal will be to make the adults life miserable. Can't really blame them. There are a lot of these kids out there right now. Passively parented, lonely and angry. Imagine being an 8th grader whose mom has over 100 selfies on facebook this year alone. Who do you respect? Who do you talk to about the bullying?

[kendallina]

Besides government involvement and care becoming a synonym for education the biggest change is who runs the household and makes the rules.

It used to be the tallest people in the household, the ones allowed to carry a wallet but now it seems the shortest members or loudest members of the household are the ones in charge. ::

Yes, this. I was thinking of this the other night when I was waiting for my daughter at dance and almost 1/2 of the very limited seating was taken up by children. Most of them were on devices waiting for siblings . About 7 adults were standing, some were grandparents! I would never let my daughter keep her seat over an adult. It was very clear to us as children that if an adult enters the room and you're in the last chair, you get booted.

[Annalee]

Not only did kids listen and respected their parents back then, but they listened and respected almost all adults.

My 49 year old brother remembers the day (he was 8) he told an adult at church the "he wasn't his daddy and he didn't have to mind him"...:: We laugh about that story now but it wasn't funny then. He shares that with this man that has passed's daughters..... BUT in all fairness adults acted like adults back then....the problem is today, there are too many adults that act like children???

[daycarediva]

^ alllll of this-plus later potty training (he doesn't want to...) poor diets (screaming until they get nuggets for dinner) ZERO outside time (unless they're here...)

To parents- put your damn phones down, put the screens away and FACE TIME (Not the app) with your child.

No, the audio books DO NOT replace your snuggles at bedtime.

No, your child DOES NOT need a screen in the car/dr's office/grocery store-you name it.

Go outside, get messy, set reasonable limits, expect more behaviorally and your children WILL rise to the challenge.

and OH MY the increase in gross motor and speech delays. I know K teachers who say it's at record highs for OT, PT and ST consults.

[Country Kids]

^ alllll of this-plus later potty training (he doesn't want to...) poor diets (screaming until they get nuggets for dinner) ZERO outside time (unless they're here...)

To parents- put your damn phones down, put the screens away and FACE TIME (Not the app) with your child.

No, the audio books DO NOT replace your snuggles at bedtime.

No, your child DOES NOT need a screen in the car/dr's office/grocery store-you name it.

Go outside, get messy, set reasonable limits, expect more behaviorally and your children WILL rise to the challenge.

and OH MY the increase in gross motor and speech delays. I know K teachers who say it's at record highs for OT, PT and ST consults.

Kindergartners are now going with pull ups on in school. One of my parents who is a k teacher was telling me she has like three in pull ups.

I read an article that the speech delays is from the technology that these kids are getting that their brains aren't wired for.

[Meeko]

I've been at this for over 30 years now. Almost all parents were on the same wavelength back then. They spent more time with their kids, actually listened when I needed to discuss behavior and so on. I hardly got questioned about anything.

Nowadays, most parents can't wait to get rid of their kids to daycare and are disinterested in them. Screen time etc...anything to keep them from being in the way. BUT!...they ask a trillion questions and have all kinds of opinions. I can only assume that for most it's a guilt thing.

"If I "look" and "sound" involved, it will look better on me.

Not all parents....but too many.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

IMO, the parents who spend the least amount of time parenting their kids seem to have the most unreasonable expectations of their child's caregivers. I believe the more hours a child spends emotionally detached from their parents (whether in daycare or strapped in some device/glued to some screen while their parent is tuned out) are, and will continue to be, the ones with the most behavioral issues.

I think that has stayed consistent over the years. Kids have not changed, parents have not changed. Society's expectations of parents have changed. They are no longer viewed as capable of raising children without intervention. That is new. Parents should be offended by the over reach, but I am not seeing that reaction at all. Many seem relieved of duty.

Slow clap for all of what you just said!happyface. I'm seeing so many parents who feel they know everything about parenting and will give you their opinion on every last situation, but they spend very little time actually parenting. For lack of better words, they want all the glory, without doing the work.
One big difference I can see though in one on one time with parents, is that when I was young, we were told to go outside and find something to do.
So we weren't around our parents, but we were outside busy playing and using our imaginations. Now, however, you're still not doing one on one with your parents, but you're inside, in the same room, on your tech device. You are not interacting, even though you are around each other...it's a really weird vibe. It's such a detachment that I feel like that's going to cause problems later on when you want your kid to talk to you.

[Homebody]

I'm new to the profession of being a daycare provider, but in my opinion every generation thinks that the upcoming generation is rude, disrespectful, don't know how good they have it, etc. I'm 42 and I remember growing up with the TV always on. Quality time spent with my parents was spent watching TV. So, TV has basically been replaced with these handheld devices, and its both parents and kids addicted to these things. Also growing up I was outside all day playing with friends, parents were hardly ever involved. Sometimes when we think about the past its with rose colored glasses. We only remember what we want to. My Dad (who's 70) told me recently how lucky kids are these days, and back when he was growing up kids weren't really thought of much at all. Him and his siblings were beat as kids, and I'm not talking of your regular spankings that are now considered child abuse. Children were used as cheap labor too, and still are in some countries.

The biggest difference in this generation is the advancements in technology. However, not everyone allows it to take over their lives. I have couple of sets of parents that are awesome with their kids, and you can tell in their kids behavior. They are polite and respectful. I have had a couple of kids in my care though that had some behavioral issues. Are these issues due to the influences of today's society? I don't know for sure, but there were plenty of kids when I was growing up who had behavioral issues too.

Basically what I'm saying is every generation has good and bad qualities, and things that make them unique. Overall people are still people though, and we all still have the same feelings and instincts that make us human.

[Josiegirl]

I agree with some of what you said Homebody. But I think back to when I was in school and teachers weren't limited in how they disciplined the kids. Chewing gum in class meant you had to wear that gum on your nose for the day. Can you imagine if that happened nowadays? Students caught wreaking havoc on buses walked, plain and simple. It became the parents' problem to get them to school. I remember in 4th grade the teacher had a ruler by the door to remind us we had to behave respectfully or a slap of the ruler across the knuckles would happen. And watching her do it to the same 2 guilty kids kept the rest of us in line.
Chewing gum in class? Talking out of turn? Running in the halls? Putting your hands on another child, as in playing with a friend? Those were the common discipline problems of yesteryear. Look at the common problems of today's classrooms?? There is a huge difference there. Discipline has become a negative word. In the past 10-20 years I can only remember a handful of parents who were not afraid to speak up to the children to let them know who is the real boss at home. Everybody else has been trying to do the real conversations of discussion, how do you think so-and-so feels, what else can we do differently, let's talk it over with our friends, etc., etc. Sometimes that IS the thing to do but many 2-3 yos do NOT have the attention span or processing to take that all in. What exactly is wrong with saying 'because I'm the adult and I say so'. There should be no wiggle room for manipulation from a child that young. Instead of telling a 2-3 yo they shouldn't pull hair because it hurts, parents go into this whole long spiel about why. Kids shut them out.
Plus kids don't seem to be taught manners anymore. And that can go a long way towards respecting others. Home lives have changed. Parents don't hold back their fighting, their language, their behavior in front of little impressionable kids. Anything goes. They talk about everything in front of kids. They watch everything on TV in front of their kids. Kids absorb and everybody becomes insensitive to what used to be horrifying in our lives.

[Annalee]

Too many do NO discipline in the name of "don't abuse kids".....I tell my clients discipline doesn't have to be something physical. I think they are so afraid of the physical part that they do nothing. All kids need boundaries and structure which simply means routines and expectations.....and families just can't grasp that!