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Okay you guys, this is going to be a long ride.
A little over a year ago I broke the no family/friends/neighbors as clients rule. Before you all get Judgy McJuggerson on me (which I'm sure I deserve but don't want to hear right now :
let me explain that I crossed my T's and dotted my I's before enrolling them and it's my DH who I'm having a hard time with.
My DH's best friend and his wife (let's call them BF & BFW) who we are both really close to, have a son (now 2) and they didn't want to take him to a stranger. BF's mom does daycare but she lives 25 minutes away from where they live and I live 2 minutes away from their house. BF's mom also lives in the opposite direction from where they work. So they approached me about taking their LO and I did express my concerns about friends as clients and they agreed to follow all rules/the contract and never asked for a discount or anything like that. Their schedule is 9-5 (BF picks up, BFW gets off at 5pm but has an hour commute). My other daycare kids get picked up by 4:30 so my days would end at 5pm which I did like. So after thinking about it for a few weeks I agreed to watch him.
Fast forward to August. Fall ball starts and DCD is on a league and he asked if it would be alright if I could watch DCB until 6pm on Tuesdays so he could play, his wife would pick up. Not that big a deal, their son is super easy so I agreed. That worked out well for a couple of months. He then asked me if I could also do it SOME Wednesdays because his brother who is on another team needed a backup sub some nights when he didn't have enough players. I reminded him that Wednesdays I take my daughter to Girl Scouts and that I needed his son to be picked up no later than 6pm, they both say it's no problem. It became a problem.
If BFW doesn't wrap up and leave RIGHT at 5pm she doesn't make it here by 6pm. If she stays a little later like let's say 15 minutes then she doesn't get here until 6:15pm. Tues is not a problem for me if she's a bit late but Wed are. I need to leave here right at 6pm to make it to GS at 6:15 when it starts. I was ready to talk to them about it but my DH stepped in and offered them to watch their son if they were late and I'd leave at 6pm no matter what. Since the whole point was that I just didn't want to be the one to be inconvenienced and DH was offering I didn't see it as a big deal. I told DH it was his responsibility now to make sure he didn't make plans on either of those days because that was the agreement HE made with them. DH says fine.
"Every Tuesday and occasionally on Wednesdays" has now turned into every Tues & Wed and somehow it has turned into sometimes Thursdays too. I didn't make that deal with DH's friend, my DH did so I tell DH fine but you take care of it, don't make it my issue. I remind DH that his BFW is expecting baby #2 early January and that baby will be coming here also so when the winter ball season starts he needs to keep in mind that not only will it be their 2 year old but he'll now also have a newborn to watch as well. He had not considered that, he has not talked to his friend about it, not my concern. It's my DH's deal. I WILL NOT be watching either kids on Wednesdays after 6pm.
So last Friday DH husband and I had date night planned and were going to leave as soon as BF gets here. We had dinner and a movie planned. We hardly ever get this opportunity because we have 4 kids and no one wants to watch 4 kids ::. At 5:15 BF is still not here and I go toI'm about to text him and DH tells me to give him another 5 mins. I do, he still isn't here yet. DH says he'll take care of it. DH texts him, BF responds and then DH tells me that his friend will be here at 6pm and my DH AGREED TO IT 
. BF gets here at 6:15 . I don't say anything to BF because my DH approved that deal so my issue is with DH. We don't have time to go to dinner at that point and only get to watch the movie. I did ream my DH about ruining our plans for his friend's convenience and expressed my concerns that his buddy never even texted or called to ASK if it was ok in advance because my DH is always agreeing to everything. I am also close to BF (we all know each other from 3rd grade to now) and I'm close to BFW so I feel like now they're becoming too familiar and the boundaries that I had set up are now useless.
Now let's get to yesterday. It's getting close to 5pm and my DH gets a text from BF (not me) asking if DH can drop off his son at his house. Apparently he had out of town friends come into town, went out to happy hour with them and had one too many drinks before getting dropped off at his house. He was in no condition to drive so he asked DH to drop his son off to him. I was SUPER PEEVED.
My DH doesn't understand what the big deal is. I tried to explain to my husband that I want to have clear boundaries and that my DH isn't allowing that. DH of course stuck up for BF and says that his friend was being responsible and instead of driving himself here tipsy and driving his son home like that he instead reached out so his son could have a safe ride home.
I countered that had he actually been responsible he would have never gotten to the point of not being able to drive or pick up his own son when knew he needed to and that now because of all of the favors my husband was allowing BF was at the point where he thinks he can go out during the afternoon, drink, and not have to worry about picking up his son because he knows that someone here will help him.
We were also in the middle of packing for a trip we leave for on Friday evening and cooking dinner so for me to have my husband stop what he was doing to help BF out was inconveniencing me. I did tell my DH that he couldn't take DCB until DH had gotten all of the stuff together that I needed so that I could finish up that part of the packing so DCB didn't get dropped off at home until 6:30pm. And yes, my DH watched DCB AND did his packing during that time.
So now apparently it's ok to pick up until 6pm on Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs and Fri. with no notice
And as a side note:
The last time DH and I had date night planned we invited another couple so we could double date and it was to celebrate something I accomplished so I got to pick the restaurant. We also extended an invitation to the kid-free dinner to BF and BFW.
Wouldn't you know that they not only asked us to make an exception so that they can bring their kid but they also asked to have the restaurant changed because I chose Korean BBQ and they were afraid the open grill was going to be a safety hazard for their son
.
I didn't want to change the place and I didn't want to have kids there I made that perfectly clear to my DH and DH still approached me to try to have it all changed. My DH started to give me a hard time about it and I told him if they were going to take their son, or change the restaurant then it wouldn't be a celebration for me so we could take a raincheck for my dinner and could reschedule it for another day, I'd stay home and he could go out and hang out with our friends.
We ended up eating Korean BBQ without BF, BFW or their 2 year old.
If you see me on an episode of snapped it's because I murdered my husband.
And THIS LADIES AND GENTLEMEN is exactly why you should not enroll people you are familiar with. And don't let anyone guilt you or sweet talk you into changing any of your own rules, not even your DH.
Now I have an issue to resolve and don't even know how to approach it! HELP!!
A little over a year ago I broke the no family/friends/neighbors as clients rule. Before you all get Judgy McJuggerson on me (which I'm sure I deserve but don't want to hear right now :
let me explain that I crossed my T's and dotted my I's before enrolling them and it's my DH who I'm having a hard time with. My DH's best friend and his wife (let's call them BF & BFW) who we are both really close to, have a son (now 2) and they didn't want to take him to a stranger. BF's mom does daycare but she lives 25 minutes away from where they live and I live 2 minutes away from their house. BF's mom also lives in the opposite direction from where they work. So they approached me about taking their LO and I did express my concerns about friends as clients and they agreed to follow all rules/the contract and never asked for a discount or anything like that. Their schedule is 9-5 (BF picks up, BFW gets off at 5pm but has an hour commute). My other daycare kids get picked up by 4:30 so my days would end at 5pm which I did like. So after thinking about it for a few weeks I agreed to watch him.
Fast forward to August. Fall ball starts and DCD is on a league and he asked if it would be alright if I could watch DCB until 6pm on Tuesdays so he could play, his wife would pick up. Not that big a deal, their son is super easy so I agreed. That worked out well for a couple of months. He then asked me if I could also do it SOME Wednesdays because his brother who is on another team needed a backup sub some nights when he didn't have enough players. I reminded him that Wednesdays I take my daughter to Girl Scouts and that I needed his son to be picked up no later than 6pm, they both say it's no problem. It became a problem.
If BFW doesn't wrap up and leave RIGHT at 5pm she doesn't make it here by 6pm. If she stays a little later like let's say 15 minutes then she doesn't get here until 6:15pm. Tues is not a problem for me if she's a bit late but Wed are. I need to leave here right at 6pm to make it to GS at 6:15 when it starts. I was ready to talk to them about it but my DH stepped in and offered them to watch their son if they were late and I'd leave at 6pm no matter what. Since the whole point was that I just didn't want to be the one to be inconvenienced and DH was offering I didn't see it as a big deal. I told DH it was his responsibility now to make sure he didn't make plans on either of those days because that was the agreement HE made with them. DH says fine.
"Every Tuesday and occasionally on Wednesdays" has now turned into every Tues & Wed and somehow it has turned into sometimes Thursdays too. I didn't make that deal with DH's friend, my DH did so I tell DH fine but you take care of it, don't make it my issue. I remind DH that his BFW is expecting baby #2 early January and that baby will be coming here also so when the winter ball season starts he needs to keep in mind that not only will it be their 2 year old but he'll now also have a newborn to watch as well. He had not considered that, he has not talked to his friend about it, not my concern. It's my DH's deal. I WILL NOT be watching either kids on Wednesdays after 6pm.
So last Friday DH husband and I had date night planned and were going to leave as soon as BF gets here. We had dinner and a movie planned. We hardly ever get this opportunity because we have 4 kids and no one wants to watch 4 kids :
:. At 5:15 BF is still not here and I go toI'm about to text him and DH tells me to give him another 5 mins. I do, he still isn't here yet. DH says he'll take care of it. DH texts him, BF responds and then DH tells me that his friend will be here at 6pm and my DH AGREED TO IT . BF gets here at 6:15 . I don't say anything to BF because my DH approved that deal so my issue is with DH. We don't have time to go to dinner at that point and only get to watch the movie. I did ream my DH about ruining our plans for his friend's convenience and expressed my concerns that his buddy never even texted or called to ASK if it was ok in advance because my DH is always agreeing to everything. I am also close to BF (we all know each other from 3rd grade to now) and I'm close to BFW so I feel like now they're becoming too familiar and the boundaries that I had set up are now useless. Now let's get to yesterday. It's getting close to 5pm and my DH gets a text from BF (not me) asking if DH can drop off his son at his house. Apparently he had out of town friends come into town, went out to happy hour with them and had one too many drinks before getting dropped off at his house. He was in no condition to drive so he asked DH to drop his son off to him. I was SUPER PEEVED.
My DH doesn't understand what the big deal is. I tried to explain to my husband that I want to have clear boundaries and that my DH isn't allowing that. DH of course stuck up for BF and says that his friend was being responsible and instead of driving himself here tipsy and driving his son home like that he instead reached out so his son could have a safe ride home.
I countered that had he actually been responsible he would have never gotten to the point of not being able to drive or pick up his own son when knew he needed to and that now because of all of the favors my husband was allowing BF was at the point where he thinks he can go out during the afternoon, drink, and not have to worry about picking up his son because he knows that someone here will help him.
We were also in the middle of packing for a trip we leave for on Friday evening and cooking dinner so for me to have my husband stop what he was doing to help BF out was inconveniencing me. I did tell my DH that he couldn't take DCB until DH had gotten all of the stuff together that I needed so that I could finish up that part of the packing so DCB didn't get dropped off at home until 6:30pm. And yes, my DH watched DCB AND did his packing during that time.
So now apparently it's ok to pick up until 6pm on Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs and Fri. with no notice
And as a side note:
The last time DH and I had date night planned we invited another couple so we could double date and it was to celebrate something I accomplished so I got to pick the restaurant. We also extended an invitation to the kid-free dinner to BF and BFW.
Wouldn't you know that they not only asked us to make an exception so that they can bring their kid but they also asked to have the restaurant changed because I chose Korean BBQ and they were afraid the open grill was going to be a safety hazard for their son
. I didn't want to change the place and I didn't want to have kids there I made that perfectly clear to my DH and DH still approached me to try to have it all changed. My DH started to give me a hard time about it and I told him if they were going to take their son, or change the restaurant then it wouldn't be a celebration for me so we could take a raincheck for my dinner and could reschedule it for another day, I'd stay home and he could go out and hang out with our friends.
We ended up eating Korean BBQ without BF, BFW or their 2 year old.
If you see me on an episode of snapped it's because I murdered my husband.
And THIS LADIES AND GENTLEMEN is exactly why you should not enroll people you are familiar with. And don't let anyone guilt you or sweet talk you into changing any of your own rules, not even your DH.
Now I have an issue to resolve and don't even know how to approach it! HELP!!
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