Boyfriends Child At My Daycare

[nannyde]

No way.

[Pestle]

Yikes! I'm in the "don't provide free care for anybody" camp. Lots of care providers even send their own children to a different day care (particularly if their own kids are in a different age group or have special needs).

This falls into the "never do business with family" situation; it seems like every professional has a horror story about trying to do their significant other a solid and, instead, getting burned financially as well as emotionally.

[Cat Herder]

IDK. This one is touchy.

Does this really fall into the "never do business with family" realm or the "kid is always welcome at dad's house"?

Dad lives there = Kid lives there, IMHO

[midaycare]

IDK. This one is touchy.

Does this really fall into the "never do business with family" realm or the "kid is always welcome at dad's house"?

Dad lives there = Kid lives there, IMHO

I can see it both ways, but first and foremost, they aren't married. Second, this is OP's business. Third, dad isn't home while the business is running (I'm assuming). So while it's dck's "home", it's not a home during business hours. Kind of like how my ds can't have friends over while I work because I'm running a business. I can't supervise. It's my home, but from 7:30-5:30 every weekday it's a business. Fourth, dcm wants free.

I would inagine dcm finds other care when the idea of free goes away. I could be wrong. But I'm guessing this issue resolves itself.

I can argue just as much for this, for the well being of the child, but they aren't married, so I won't. They could breakup tomorrow and dck would need to find alternate care on dcd's week (most likely). Then what...she still goes there on dcm's week? Yikes.

My answer would be different with a marriage.

[Pestle]

I don't think the issue is marriage or not; it has more to do with custody of the child. Some couples stay together their entire lives without legally marrying, and they end up with MOST (although not all) of the financial and other legal entanglements that you end up with in a marriage.

If the care provider doesn't have legal custody of the child, I say the care provider shouldn't provide care for free.

If two people split custody of the child (dad and mom), then things could get hairy if somebody's paying child support or getting gov't benefits. Or, if later on there's a custody dispute, the care provider needs to have completely thorough and accurate records.

[Cat Herder]

Op, what would happen if the child's mom was no longer in the picture and Dad suddenly had custody 24/7? What would this situation look like to you then?

[mommyneedsadayoff]

There are too many variables in this situation. I would determine what works for me based on my relationship with dad and the child. If it is a new or tentative relationship, I may be more weary of getting involved, but if you live together and care for the child frequently, I would consider caring for the child full time. But, I would do as Cat Herder suggested and not involve ANY money. Care for the baby as you would your own and on mom's week, just make sure she abides by the pick up/drop off time you designate. It is so hard to give a direct answer here, because it may work so AMAZINGLY for you to care for the baby and for your 3-parent relationship (you, mom, dad) to grow in wonderful ways. But if mom is a bit of turd, it could go bad and she could use you and your business to get out of her obligation. I hope that is not what dad is doing, but only YOU know the dynamic of this relationship. For me, though, if I did it, I would not charge any money. The reason is because, if I was in love and wanting to spend my life with this person, their child is MY child in a way. I want them cared for and in a consistent environment. Their well being matters to me because it matters to their dad and I want our WHOLE family to be harmonious and cared for.

As for marriage or boyfriend, my dh and I were together for 12 years with two kids before we got legally married. And we FELT it when it came to his family. They still don't celebrate our anniversary. Only the anniversary of the day we got married. Only you know how strong or legitimate your relationship is, so if it is worth being in for hte long haul, then do what feels best to keep it working for hte long haul.

[Unregistered]

If he had her full time, it would still be free...but like i said he pays me in other ways like picking up most of the utility bills or buying groceries. I consider her my daughter but also feel the mom is taking advantage of the situation. Im not her friend so i dont need to do her favors and my boyfriend and her dont get along very well. After reading everything you guys have said i dont think i want to take her during her moms time. It could get messy.

[Alwaysgreener]

If he had her full time, it would still be free...but like i said he pays me in other ways like picking up most of the utility bills or buying groceries. I consider her my daughter but also feel the mom is taking advantage of the situation. Im not her friend so i dont need to do her favors and my boyfriend and her dont get along very well. After reading everything you guys have said i dont think i want to take her during her moms time. It could get messy.

For tax purposes you need to charge him and buy your own food and pay your own bills. I believe Tom Copeland would agree with me, you won't be able to write of a portion of your bills on your taxes if you (or a spouse) didn't pay them.
Charging him will also help him in court because then he can prove he pays child care. If you don't charge him, she could get more child support when she shows that she has to pay every week (even when the child's not there) at a different day care.