Sensitive Children, Or Sensitive Snowflakes?

[Mom2Two]

Dcd ROLLED HIS DANG EYES AT ME. Then he said "Dcb said he didn't want to come today." and I responded "Of course not, he has to share and follow directions."

Oh my, this was "spit my milk" funny.

And just for the record, I do only have two children myself, but I do try to make sure they know how to deal with others. One of my lesser reasons for doing daycare is so DD has the opportunity to be with a group and learn some leadership and having to work with others etc.

It seems to just be so, so, so hard for some parents to realize that it's THEIR kid's problem.

[Pestle]

I don't like the term "special snowflake"--I feel like there's a lot of contempt in that term.

I'm not even sure all these challenging parents are consciously trying to avoid confrontation with their kids. I think they're just completely clueless about child development, and since they don't have a game plan they don't know which battles to pick. Basic questions like "how much sleep does a child need at this age?" and "what goes into a balanced meal that meets my child's nutritional needs?" never cross their minds. They see anxiety or some other developmental issue in their child and don't know how to address it or whether it's even a problem that needs addressing, because they don't know what typical developmental stages look like.

I like the point about previous generations demanding that children be tough. My father would take the buckle of his belt to me if I cried. Is that better than what we've got now? No, but I think it's the same kind of people--mindlessly applying what they experienced as kids, without thinking about whether it worked or what its purpose was.

This generation of parents grew up being taught that every person is equal and being praised constantly, because in the '90s self-esteem was how to make kids succeed. (It didn't work.) The research has left that method behind, but the parents don't know that.

[Cat Herder]

It really is a known thing. Human development has not changed, just the environment.

Problem is researchers still need $$$ to validate their own educational expenses/paychecks and study new issues -young children spending more waking hours, in groups, with non-relatives, from birth- so it never really has been fully answered, concretely.

Everything is a theory to be forced down our throats in judgement or ignored when it becomes too expensive to implement or people want to rationalize their personal choices. IMHO, of course...

Cool old image:

[Pestle]

Sure, there are lots of theories. Sure, human development isn't changing. But as a species, our understanding of human development sure has changed! Think about how recently in human history people had no realistic understanding of how reproduction worked. There were Medieval philosophers who bought what the Greeks said about female anatomy, conception, and how the fetus gets its gender. (Males are perfect; females are imperfect, so any problems during conception will result in a female.) For so much of human history, we didn't even know where babies came from, much less what to do with them once they got here.

I picked up a reproduction 1st edition of the Merck Manual for a nursing student. A hundred years ago, we were prescribing arsenic for everything. We said that formula from a lab was definitely more healthy for our babies than human milk. We institutionalized the disabled. We can all agree those trends were damaging, right?

So I'm all in favor of continuing to research what these little humans are, exactly, and what we should be doing for them. Once we have a general concept of what's within the realm of healthy development and what isn't, we can flex our child-rearing habits to meet each child's needs.

But when parents are just "going with their gut," they don't know which child-rearing habits are appropriate at all, much less which habits are appropriate for their particular child. You don't need to know what you're doing to reproduce.

[Cat Herder]

But when parents are just "going with their gut," they don't know which child-rearing habits are appropriate at all, much less which habits are appropriate for their particular child. You don't need to know what you're doing to reproduce.

You said a mouthful there.

I am really excited about the child development and family planning course being offered in the high schools, here, now. I would like to see it become one of the mandatory classes for graduation. It benefits many generations if taught correctly. That is where we can reach young parents, before they have kids.

They also seem to be revamping the "home ec" classes, geared towards girls only in my youth , making them about actual economics, home /auto maintenance, basic cooking/food safety and all things "preparation to launch". I saw courses that focus on needed Life Skills like job interviews, resumes, online presence and even retirement planning.

At first, my thought was "isn't that what we teach them as parents?" but quickly realized that many things have changed so much since I launched, in the late 80's, that I find myself looking everything up online to answer their questions anymore. ::::

[Pestle]

It benefits many generations if taught correctly. That is where we can reach young parents, before they have kids.

Exactly!

Old "go with your gut" parenting:
"2yo, you have thrown your fork across the room, making a loud sound and spattering food across the floor. This makes me angry, so you must have done it with the intent to make me angry. I, an adult many times your size, will now get in your face and attempt to intimidate you into eating with your fork."

New "go with your gut" parenting:
"2yo, you have thrown your fork across the room. You must be tapping into ancient wisdom that rejects artificial, synthetic contraptions like 'cutlery.' Go ahead and eat with your fingers, baby!"

Informed parenting:
"2yo, you have thrown your fork across the room. I, the adult in this situation, have noticed that this is part of your ongoing frustration with tasks that require fine motor skills. I will sit with you and demonstrate the correct hold for a fork. I don't expect you to get it today, and I will make an effort to introduce other regular activities that will build your fine motor skills."