Sensitive Children, Or Sensitive Snowflakes?

[daycarediva]

Is anyone else seeing an increase in parents describing their child/ren as 'sensitive'?

Yes, some children ARE more sensitive than others. It can absolutely be part of a personality trait. I have had a few over the years, and have a more sensitive child myself. (eg. he cried at homeward bound this weekend)

EVERY SINGLE CHILD I have in care now, the parents refer to as 'sensitive'

ONE is actually a sensitive child. The rest? no.

I just got an email from a lady inquiring about care describing her 'highly sensitive' child (and everything she describes does not sound like sensitivity- sounds like a brat ) and even sending a link to an article about sensitive children. I just responded that I have no openings, even if I did I wouldn't be touching that.

Then I get an email from a current dcp about a new 'discipline' strategy they are using with dcb (who has been very challenging since Christmas) It is NOTHING I will be willing to do here, but Mom said "Dcb has always been highly sensitive. This makes him empathic(her error). He often cries because he feels the emotions in others. It's important to keep a positive dialogue tone of voice and positive facial expression when speaking to him about his own emotion."

She took issue with an incident at pick up yesterday, and mentioned it in her email. Dcb refused to leave. Dcm tried bribing, cajoling, offering choices and his behavior escalated to the point I intervened. Stopped him (ramming kids with his head) and said "No dcb, I can't let you hurt your friends." He started screaming and dcg starting singing "It's OK TO BE SAAAAAAD, BUT IT'S NOT OK TO BE SCREAAAAMMINNNNGGG." (what we always sing) and dcm got SO offended. "He is SAD dcg. It's OK to cry when you feel SAD." There were NO tears. He wasn't sad. He's ticked he got told NO. She prefers we help dcb have a 'safe space' to release his emotions, but she doesn't love our 'crying spot' (and it's exactly what the crying spot is- a place to go to release emotions).

Dcb is 3. I am thinking about a response, maybe we will just rename the cry spot to 'safe space', and every emotion will be either HAPPY or SAD. I'll stop telling the kids NO altogether, do everything the kids want all day long.

[childcaremom]

Well I can think of so many ways to respond to that email that in no way, shape or form are productive or professional.


:hug: to you. You seem to have an interesting bunch of dcps lately.

[Gemma]

I think all kids are sensitive to some extent, some have sensitive skin, some have sensitive tummies but sensitive to guidance and structure? Being sensitive it's no excuse to allow misbehavior or treat the child as if it was made of delicate crystal

[Gemma]

Well I can think of so many ways to respond to that email that in no way, shape or form are productive or professional.


.

::::::

[daycarediva]

I think all kids are sensitive to some extent, some have sensitive skin, some have sensitive tummies but sensitive to guidance and structure? Being sensitive it's no excuse to allow misbehavior or treat the child as if it was made of delicate crystal

Well I can think of so many ways to respond to that email that in no way, shape or form are productive or professional.


:hug: to you. You seem to have an interesting bunch of dcps lately.

That's my issue, I don't know how to reply professionally. Dcb is manageable for me- until dcm shows up. Dcd handles him MUCH better, but he runs right over dcm. Unfortunately, dcm won't send a text to get him ready (I've suggested it) and she picks up in a 30 minute window, which is RIGHT at snack time. I've suggested picking up 30 minutes later- for FREE, bc then we are outside and it's much easier.

Honestly, all my clients could easily afford nannies. They opt NOT to have a nanny so that their children gain social skills- and then they make a fuss when the children struggle with said social skills.

6 more months- new area. Promising emails from potential clients. Open house in March. happyface

[Ariana]

And how is that working for you mom??? He behaves here at my house, can regulate his emotions until you show up, so you are obviously the problem.

Parents simply do not understand what they are reading or talking about. It is ok to be sad, it is ok to cry but when you are inflicting pain onto others then it is no longer acceptable. This is GROUP care! If she wants her sensitive kid to be treated a specific way she needs to quit her job and stay home.

I have a sensitive child and I stayed home with her. I just recently put her in preschool. I did that because I know when she starts kinder there will be zero coddling of sensitivites and she needs to "toughen up" so to speak. At least in preschool the ratios are low but in kinder it is survivak of the fittest ::

[Annalee]

That's my issue, I don't know how to reply professionally. Dcb is manageable for me- until dcm shows up. Dcd handles him MUCH better, but he runs right over dcm. Unfortunately, dcm won't send a text to get him ready (I've suggested it) and she picks up in a 30 minute window, which is RIGHT at snack time. I've suggested picking up 30 minutes later- for FREE, bc then we are outside and it's much easier.

Honestly, all my clients could easily afford nannies. They opt NOT to have a nanny so that their children gain social skills- and then they make a fuss when the children struggle with said social skills.

6 more months- new area. Promising emails from potential clients. Open house in March. happyface

i hear ya! i put a sign up a while back for parents to hold child's hand walking in/out along with a pic for visual learners....got some nasty faces and a few remarks but hey, if you can't handle your kids I will tell/show you how ::

[Gemma]

That's my issue, I don't know how to reply professionally. Dcb is manageable for me- until dcm shows up. Dcd handles him MUCH better, but he runs right over dcm.

I used to have that issue, kids that were great for me totally flipping to the other end when mom or dad showed up, and since I totally blame the parents, I wrote in my contract that if a child misbehaves at pick up/drop off, transition has to be kept as short as possible (I'm talking grab your kid and leave, fast) and the child must hold hands at all time
....I let go one family over this issue, and suddenly all the rest of the parents learned to control their kid

[spinnymarie]

Could you be the one who gets him ready to go? I know it's during snack but perhaps it's worth it. You could require her to pick up at the door.
DCM,
I've noticed that DCB is having a hard time leaving daycare recently. In this scenario, my policy is to no longer allow the child the choice to get ready himself, but to help him myself until he feels ready to be independent again. Please text me when you arrive in the driveway and I will walk him to the door to meet you.
Thank you for informing me of your new strategy with DCB. I hope you are seeing positive results! As I explained at enrollment, my guidance strategies include positive reinforcement, redirection, and, as a last resort, removal from an activity.
I appreciate your update.
DCP

[daycare]

I think personally what the issue is (sorry not trying to age anyone here) is that when we grew up, we really were not allowed to talk about our emotions or really display them. My own mother would tell me if I was crying for any reason that it was not a reason to cry and if I was going to cry she would give me a reason to. Which was code for she was going to spank me.

Now, everything is about how you feel. Joey took your block, how does that make you feel???? You don't like writing your name, how does that make you fee. Let's OVER validate everyones feelings, it's ok to cry and scream cry for 45 minutes if your sad...... Don't get me wrong, I am on board with some of it, but not most of it.

As our county said, 2015, the year america became sensitive.

I also think it has a lot to do with parents just NOT wanting to parent and so when they try to, their kid just cries. Guess what the word NO does work, just because they cry when they hear it, does not mean that they are sensitive. they will
get over it.

I too have SOOOOOOOOOO many kids that their parents claim they are so overly sensitive.

Hey, I respect everyones feelings, but I am not going to go get a peace pipe and celebrate your emotions of sadness for an hour.

ok sorry, Ill shhhh now....

[Mom2Two]

I think personally what the issue is (sorry not trying to age anyone here) is that when we grew up, we really were not allowed to talk about our emotions or really display them.

I was also thinking that maybe these kids are only children or maybe just one of two. When I was growing up, there weren't many families that only had two children, let alone one child. Now, if you are one of a bunch of kids in a family, you are in a group, just like we do group care. And no one has too much time for you. As one of seven, I was honestly glad for the 20 minutes of one-on-one time I got some days with my parents. Mostly I was helping out.

I do think that individuality and sensitivity are important, but also knowing that you are just one among many is important too. We all need to learn that sometimes we just have to **** it up and remember that we're not the only person on the planet.

[TXhomedaycare]

I think personally what the issue is (sorry not trying to age anyone here) is that when we grew up, we really were not allowed to talk about our emotions or really display them. My own mother would tell me if I was crying for any reason that it was not a reason to cry and if I was going to cry she would give me a reason to. Which was code for she was going to spank me.

Now, everything is about how you feel. Joey took your block, how does that make you feel???? You don't like writing your name, how does that make you fee. Let's OVER validate everyones feelings, it's ok to cry and scream cry for 45 minutes if your sad...... Don't get me wrong, I am on board with some of it, but not most of it.

As our county said, 2015, the year america became sensitive.

I also think it has a lot to do with parents just NOT wanting to parent and so when they try to, their kid just cries. Guess what the word NO does work, just because they cry when they hear it, does not mean that they are sensitive. they will
get over it.

I too have SOOOOOOOOOO many kids that their parents claim they are so overly sensitive.

Hey, I respect everyones feelings, but I am not going to go get a peace pipe and celebrate your emotions of sadness for an hour.

ok sorry, Ill shhhh now....

:: so true

I was also thinking that maybe these kids are only children or maybe just one of two. When I was growing up, there weren't many families that only had two children, let alone one child. Now, if you are one of a bunch of kids in a family, you are in a group, just like we do group care. And no one has too much time for you. As one of seven, I was honestly glad for the 20 minutes of one-on-one time I got some days with my parents. Mostly I was helping out.

I do think that individuality and sensitivity are important, but also knowing that you are just one among many is important too. We all need to learn that sometimes we just have to **** it up and remember that we're not the only person on the planet.

I have a few kids who are the only child and they are the only ones who have trouble during drop off and pickup. I noticed once parents get out numbered they tend to step up ::

[Cat Herder]

So, is it safe to say we have exited the era of the "gifted" child and entered the realm of the "sensitive"?

Cool, that means we are halfway back to the "tough as nails" children. I can wait...

[Baby Beluga]

So, is it safe to say we have exited the era of the "gifted" child and entered the realm of the "sensitive"?

Cool, that means we are halfway back to the "tough as nails" children. I can wait...

:: everything that is old is new again?

[daycarediva]

So, is it safe to say we have exited the era of the "gifted" child and entered the realm of the "sensitive"?

Cool, that means we are halfway back to the "tough as nails" children. I can wait...

::


YES everyone! I agree.


I can't get him ready to go with Mom here. 1. I sit at the table with my kids (family style) and IF I get up- it's a free for all. Kids will get up/run around, scoop food out of turn, etc. 2. He does NOT listen to ANYONE when mom is here (or dad, but dad is slightly better). Mom WILL intervene in his favor. 3. She will NOT text me so I can get him ready. I've asked. At this point, I think I will not serve him snack (we eat a bit early so he can eat with us) and get him ready, except for shoes. When mom pulls up, toss his shoes on and have him wait by the door.

Daycare- HAHAHA at peace pipe! Dh was singing "The world needs a drink" this morning.

I got two more emails. I ignored both, as I had already spoken to her in person AND then I reiterated to dcd what I will/will not do.

Here was this morning-

dcb walks in- dad takes all of his stuff off (dcb is capable, but he is helpless with both parents).

Dcb runs over to the table where we were sitting and pushes other dcb out of his chair and starts playing with his table activity. I stopped him and corrected that behavior, made a fuss over the pushed dcb.

Sensitive dcb ran to dcd who said "That dcb isn't playing with it anymore so you can have a turn now."

and I HAD to speak up. "NO. Dcb IS still playing with it. Sensitive dcb can ask for a turn and find something else to play with until dcb is finished."

Dcd ROLLED HIS DANG EYES AT ME. Then he said "Dcb said he didn't want to come today." and I responded "Of course not, he has to share and follow directions." I'm so over it at this point. Neither parent is actually on board with helping him adjust to group care, they just want special treatment so he never cries. Not happening.

Got a text from a different mom about another dcg I UPSET her yesterday when she had a potty accident and I didn't OFFER HER CHOICES on which underwear to put on. I'm sassy, so I said "Oh good, now she only has that option so there won't be a choice available for next time either so she won't be upset."

I attract crazy like a magnet.