Calling All You Clever Providers

[daycarediva]

This what I do. I HATE jarred baby food and the pouches! I would much rather puree or dice up the foods we eat and have them work on their fine motor skills:: It is cheaper, healthier (imo) and it takes away this pressure of monitoring intake amounts. They eat or they don't, but they get to experience new foods and gain independence by feeding themselves.

YES! I think it also makes a nice streamlined transition from baby-real food. Just dice less, etc. They ate the same as we did pretty much by 8-10 months.

[daycare]

didnt get a chance to read all of them. Looks like you had some great people chime in.

I always turn it into a positive.

EXample: DCM sends me a text, why did dcg come home with her pants on inside out and backwards???

My response: Oh you saw, aren't you so proud of her. She did it all on her own. CELEBRATE!!

DCM: oh that explains everything

me: I love that she is feeling so confident and capable to want to do things on her own and even more happy that WE can provide her with plenty of opportunities to practice. Yeah dCG!!!!

We reap what we sow right....I found that turning most things into a positive will turn the parents around and get them looking at it the same way.

[Mom2Two]

Can you just include baby food? He's old enough to be getting some finger foods if he's capable. Ripe diced avocado, peas, diced steamed carrots, etc. My own infants HATED jarred baby food. I then made a lot of my own, and we did finger foods mostly since we started solids later in the game (not until they could sit unassisted, around 6m+)

Yeah, I would too. If you are providing it, you won't have to give as much info.

I've mentioned this before, but we've done tons of eating therapy, failure to thrive, tube feeding and so on, and one of the things I came out with is to not really stress toooo much about the eating. If their doctor is fine with their growth charts then there isn't a problem.

I would really downplay the issue and just do your best to find food the kids likes and if the child only eats a little, well that's the child's decision. They really are able to make that choice even at a young age.

[Madeline]

As a parent (I know you asked for providers' feedback, I'm a therapist so maybe the empathy is just overwhelming) I read in your description this mom still suffering from fear of termination. It sounds like you're a provider who is committed, knowledgeable, caring, and bring a lot of experience to the table. I'd be afraid of losing you too! If my provider had given me two weeks and then my child was able to catch up well enough to stay I'd be nervous about every "bad" report too out of fear of losing out on a good thing. Would you feel comfortable trying to reassure her that you're not thinking about terminating? Would it be true to tell her that? I can't help but wonder if she had a clearer idea of where that line is for her child's behavior now if she might stop working so hard to convince you he's "good" at home. I want to be sure I say that this does all seem to be her perception, not that I believe you've contributed to her fears.

Often in my work I talk to people who express fears that others do not like them. Conversations about the importance of being honest when you have a positive thing to share or a negative thing to say seem to help them realize this fear comes from their own inability to comfortably provide negative feedback. Once they can see that people of value are trustworthy when they tell you what you like to hear & what you don't it's easier to trust they're getting the whole truth all the time. Point being, I suspect she's afraid that you're more frustrated than you are & is trying to "fix" that in the best way she can without having an honest conversation with you. I hope you're able to model that for her as you sound more confident than the mom you're describing.

[Heart12]

As a parent (I know you asked for providers' feedback, I'm a therapist so maybe the empathy is just overwhelming) I read in your description this mom still suffering from fear of termination. It sounds like you're a provider who is committed, knowledgeable, caring, and bring a lot of experience to the table. I'd be afraid of losing you too! If my provider had given me two weeks and then my child was able to catch up well enough to stay I'd be nervous about every "bad" report too out of fear of losing out on a good thing. Would you feel comfortable trying to reassure her that you're not thinking about terminating? Would it be true to tell her that? I can't help but wonder if she had a clearer idea of where that line is for her child's behavior now if she might stop working so hard to convince you he's "good" at home. I want to be sure I say that this does all seem to be her perception, not that I believe you've contributed to her fears.

Often in my work I talk to people who express fears that others do not like them. Conversations about the importance of being honest when you have a positive thing to share or a negative thing to say seem to help them realize this fear comes from their own inability to comfortably provide negative feedback. Once they can see that people of value are trustworthy when they tell you what you like to hear & what you don't it's easier to trust they're getting the whole truth all the time. Point being, I suspect she's afraid that you're more frustrated than you are & is trying to "fix" that in the best way she can without having an honest conversation with you. I hope you're able to model that for her as you sound more confident than the mom you're describing.

Thank you!

Maybe DCM would disagree, but I feel like I have made it crystal clear that I am not going to give up on this family. Even when I gave the 2 week term notice, through tears, (& admitting that this had me feeling like a failure) I told them that if things started getting better in that 2 week period, that I would certainly love to keep DCB here. I also told them that I would not be advertising or interviewing for his spot. After talking to DCP, we agreed that things were infact getting better. I've talked to them several times about how now looking back, I think maybe DCB just had a lot going on (teething, separation from mom, new place etc) when he started here. I also make sure that, on good days I rave about how far DCB has come & how I am so happy that things worked out for all of us. Im just not sure what else I can do to reassure her?

I cant help but think that this really is just a control issue for DCM. Like I said before, she has tried multiple times to come here & observe our day. She provides EVERYTHING for DCB, even toys. Whenever I give advice or a simple, "I think he may have some teething pain..." I always feel like it is disregarded & its insulting. I dont know everything, nor do I act like I do- but I am mom & Ive been in childcare most of my life. Im not asking her to always agree with me, but it seems like she doesnt even consider what I have to say. "Mother knows best" attitude, driving me bonkers!

[MarinaVanessa]

he could still have lingering fear of termination. Or ...
She could be going through mom guilt of having to leave her baby with someone else so she can go back to work.
She could be going through control issues, "I know what's best for my baby and no one else can care for my baby like I can"
Maybe it's a little of everything.

Like others have said, less is more. Give less details about the baby's day. If you keep a log about his day try to keep it simple and just write down times.
Breakfast 8:45 am
Wet diaper 9:15 am
Bottle 9:20 am
Soiled diaper 10:15 am
etc

Can you get away with not writing down exact amounts of bottles and food the baby ate? Try it. If she asks about it you can say "Oh yeah, I get super busy and didn't write down how much did I. He ate just fine. He's improving everyday and is much happier than when he first started"

I have a DCB(1) that started rocky like this and much like your daycare baby he just whines a lot, doesn't really cry just whines when he wants something. I don't tell the mom he does it though because at home DCB has mom, dad, grandma, grandpa and aunt that spend a lot of time with him so I have a feeling that they cater a lot to him at home so it's an adjustment here to have to share one adult with several children. DCM, DCD and grandma ask how his day went and I always say "He had a great day. We played with the blocks, read stories, played outside and had he had a nap to rest up after all of that" That's it. Just general info. I don't need to tell her that little Jimmy took a block out of his hand and he cried for a couple of minutes, or that he cried for a couple of minutes because he wanted Suzie's story, that Johny accidentally bumped into him outside and knocked him over and he cried or even that he got really fussy and super whiney because he was tired so I napped him.

[Heart12]

he could still have lingering fear of termination. Or ...
She could be going through mom guilt of having to leave her baby with someone else so she can go back to work.
She could be going through control issues, "I know what's best for my baby and no one else can care for my baby like I can"
Maybe it's a little of everything.

Like others have said, less is more. Give less details about the baby's day. If you keep a log about his day try to keep it simple and just write down times.
Breakfast 8:45 am
Wet diaper 9:15 am
Bottle 9:20 am
Soiled diaper 10:15 am
etc

Can you get away with not writing down exact amounts of bottles and food the baby ate? Try it. If she asks about it you can say "Oh yeah, I get super busy and didn't write down how much did I. He ate just fine. He's improving everyday and is much happier than when he first started"

I have a DCB(1) that started rocky like this and much like your daycare baby he just whines a lot, doesn't really cry just whines when he wants something. I don't tell the mom he does it though because at home DCB has mom, dad, grandma, grandpa and aunt that spend a lot of time with him so I have a feeling that they cater a lot to him at home so it's an adjustment here to have to share one adult with several children. DCM, DCD and grandma ask how his day went and I always say "He had a great day. We played with the blocks, read stories, played outside and had he had a nap to rest up after all of that" That's it. Just general info. I don't need to tell her that little Jimmy took a block out of his hand and he cried for a couple of minutes, or that he cried for a couple of minutes because he wanted Suzie's story, that Johny accidentally bumped into him outside and knocked him over and he cried or even that he got really fussy and super whiney because he was tired so I napped him.

I do think that it is a little bit of everything with DCM & I've been empathetic because I totally get it. This food thing has just frustrating.

Yesterday I kept it super light at pick up & I definitely saw a difference immediately! I guess the Mom in me wants to tell them every detail, but I need to act more like a provider!

DCB has no issues with the bottles. But with the homemade baby food, she wants that sent home every night.

My DCB lives with both parents & grandparents too! In the beginning I could tell that he was having a hard time adjusting because he was getting every ones undivided attention at home.

I really think that if I pull back on giving her so much info. then things will get better!

[Mom2Two]

Often in my work I talk to people who express fears that others do not like them. Conversations about the importance of being honest when you have a positive thing to share or a negative thing to say seem to help them realize this fear comes from their own inability to comfortably provide negative feedback. Once they can see that people of value are trustworthy when they tell you what you like to hear & what you don't it's easier to trust they're getting the whole truth all the time.

Thank you! I feel this way but it's really helpful to hear someone else with your experience to say it. There came a point when I realized that it's possible to be kind and honest at the same time, although also there are those times when "firm" seems a bit more important than "nice."

[Madeline]

Sounds like you've done all you can to alleviate her angst and this isn't about you but about her. I wonder if just reflecting how she feels to help her better recognize her ownership of this or if you could kindly tell her how it effects you when she says these things.

I'd think about something like:
DCM "really? He never does that at home."
You: "that can be really confusing huh?"

DCM: "I wish he'd eat everything."
You: "it can feel nerve wracking when we watch our babies learn how to eat."

This might protect you from feeling on the defensive and help her run out of things to say or see that you understand where she's coming from.

On the other hand you could be direct about your emotional response and say "wow, hearing that makes me wonder if you trust my care for DCB." or "I can't help but interpret that you worry about DCB while he's with me. What can I do?"

She does sound like she'll be a lot of work and that's hard when you're already working so hard to care for kiddos all day.

[Heart12]

Sounds like you've done all you can to alleviate her angst and this isn't about you but about her. I wonder if just reflecting how she feels to help her better recognize her ownership of this or if you could kindly tell her how it effects you when she says these things.

I'd think about something like:
DCM "really? He never does that at home."
You: "that can be really confusing huh?"

DCM: "I wish he'd eat everything."
You: "it can feel nerve wracking when we watch our babies learn how to eat."

This might protect you from feeling on the defensive and help her run out of things to say or see that you understand where she's coming from.

On the other hand you could be direct about your emotional response and say "wow, hearing that makes me wonder if you trust my care for DCB." or "I can't help but interpret that you worry about DCB while he's with me. What can I do?"

She does sound like she'll be a lot of work and that's hard when you're already working so hard to care for kiddos all day.

I love this. The past few days I have been trying to give less details & it seems like it has helped!