Calling All You Clever Providers

[Heart12]

HELP! I have a DCB (6mos) who's parents are starting to drive me insane! Im hoping that some of you OT can help me find something clever to say to put an end to this madness!!!

*quick background*- DCB has not been, lets just say, my "easiest" child in care since he started 3mos ago. He had a REALLY hard time adjusting to daycare & I had actually given the 2wk term notice, when he miraculously adjusted He has come a long way & I have excepted that he is just a whiny baby. DCP are great on the business aspect. They respect me & my policies, always pay on time, pick up on time etc.

The problem is, that every time DCB has a "rough day" I can see panic set in on DCM face & I have to constantly reassure her that everyone has bad days, & that DCB is NOT regressing! Not only that, I am SO SICK TO DEATH of hearing, "thats strange bc at home he does xyz.." or "thats really strange, he NEVER acts like that at home.." It's starting to make me feel really defensive. So how do you guys stop this? I want to say something clever but nice because this DCM is super sensitive & paranoid.

This week DCM started bringing baby food for DCB. I told DCM that DCB will take one bite & then will not open his mouth for more. Yesterday, I told her that I tried giving him another spoon to play with & he still wouldnt eat. DCD always drops off in the morning so today he hands me a 2 page note from DCM saying to make sure his food is heated, that she doesnt want him chewing on a spoon, & the usual, I dont understand why hes not eating at daycare because when he gets home he gobbles it up.

HELLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPP!!! Every time she gives me "advice" it makes me mad because DUH! you dont think Ive already tried those things? Come on! This isnt my first day on the job

[Unregistered]

HELP! I have a DCB (6mos) who's parents are starting to drive me insane! Im hoping that some of you OT can help me find something clever to say to put an end to this madness!!!

*quick background*- DCB has not been, lets just say, my "easiest" child in care since he started 3mos ago. He had a REALLY hard time adjusting to daycare & I had actually given the 2wk term notice, when he miraculously adjusted He has come a long way & I have excepted that he is just a whiny baby. DCP are great on the business aspect. They respect me & my policies, always pay on time, pick up on time etc.

The problem is, that every time DCB has a "rough day" I can see panic set in on DCM face & I have to constantly reassure her that everyone has bad days, & that DCB is NOT regressing! Not only that, I am SO SICK TO DEATH of hearing, "thats strange bc at home he does xyz.." or "thats really strange, he NEVER acts like that at home.." It's starting to make me feel really defensive. So how do you guys stop this? I want to say something clever but nice because this DCM is super sensitive & paranoid.

This week DCM started bringing baby food for DCB. I told DCM that DCB will take one bite & then will not open his mouth for more. Yesterday, I told her that I tried giving him another spoon to play with & he still wouldnt eat. DCD always drops off in the morning so today he hands me a 2 page note from DCM saying to make sure his food is heated, that she doesnt want him chewing on a spoon, & the usual, I dont understand why hes not eating at daycare because when he gets home he gobbles it up.

HELLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPP!!! Every time she gives me "advice" it makes me mad because DUH! you dont think Ive already tried those things? Come on! This isnt my first day on the job

Advice given to me many years ago when I first started daycare...you don't have to tell the parents everything. Just give general updates and only details when there is a specific issue. That way they will have less to obsess about.

[Blackcat31]

Advice given to me many years ago when I first started daycare...you don't have to tell the parents everything. Just give general updates and only details when there is a specific issue. That way they will have less to obsess about.

This is good advice! The more info you give a parent, the more you give them to micro-manage.

When parents say "They don't do X at home" my reply is "Well this is not home and my focus is on what he does and does not do HERE."

Parent: "Well I just find it odd that he does/doesn't do X at home...."

Me: "I am only concerned about HERE."

No matter what the parent says about home, I just continue to redirect them to the concept that HERE is the only place I can change or focus on. HERE.

If it gets REALLY bad, I will outright ask them "If he does X at home but won't HERE then HERE must not be the right fit for him. Are you wanting to submit your notice of withdrawal?" That usually stops any talk of behavior at home pretty quickly.

[laundrymom]

Does mom expect a note back?

I would personally smile. Say thank you. And stick it in her file.

But if a response is needed,

"I know it's frustrating but children behave differently in a classroom of their peers. Keep in mind that baby''s food amounts are on target with the guidelines in place for childcare and that they get the bulk of their nutrition in the first year from breast milk or formula. Starting table food is an exciting time of discovery for both baby and caregivers. Im jazzed to be part of the process for your family. Be assured that if I feel baby is not on target with their peers or lacking a particular skill I will schedule a conference to discuss. "

[Heart12]

Thank you for the advice! I really value my fellow providers experience & advice!

I will definitely try to keep it very basic with telling her how DCB day went. I keep a daily log for my babies, so say DCM reads that DCB took a short a nap. She'll then start asking if he was fussy, did he cry himself to sleep etc. so I always end up oversharing Then, like clockwork the next day Ill have a note from her with advice & its ALWAYS things that I've already tried, so then I feel like I have to let her know that Im not a complete moron & I obviously have tried xyz.

What should I do about the food thing? Bc I know when DCM picks up tonight, shes going to be upset if he hasnt eaten the food. I have been telling DCP for over a week that I think some of DCB behaviors are related to teething. They responded saying that they dont feel any bumps & disregarded what I said. They do that a lot. It seems that "Mother Knows Best" because she reads a lot of baby books

[laundrymom]

Baby is on target for food. I dont understand why she is concerned.

Possibly because she thinks if you can BUY food marketed for a certain aged child in a particular size jar it should all be consumed at one time.
That's as ridiculous as saying if I can BUY a string bikini in a size 28. I should wear it when taking my teens to the pool.

Have her read the jar. It specifically says to remove desired portion and refrigerate any leftovers.

Fns. Dot. USDA. Dot gov.
Find infant meal pattern.
Print. Hand out.
Relax. You're doing great.

[Blackcat31]

Thank you for the advice! I really value my fellow providers experience & advice!

I will definitely try to keep it very basic with telling her how DCB day went. I keep a daily log for my babies, so say DCM reads that DCB took a short a nap. She'll then start asking if he was fussy, did he cry himself to sleep etc. so I always end up oversharing Then, like clockwork the next day Ill have a note from her with advice & its ALWAYS things that I've already tried, so then I feel like I have to let her know that Im not a complete moron & I obviously have tried xyz.

What should I do about the food thing? Bc I know when DCM picks up tonight, shes going to be upset if he hasnt eaten the food. I have been telling DCP for over a week that I think some of DCB behaviors are related to teething. They responded saying that they dont feel any bumps & disregarded what I said. They do that a lot. It seems that "Mother Knows Best" because she reads a lot of baby books

Just be honest with her and tell her that you fully understand being a first time mom but her constant notes and directions are in a way insulting. I understand she believes that mother knows her baby best BUT that applies only when mother is the one providing the care....since it is you that she is trusting to provide the care, then she needs to trust that you are doing it and doing it very well.

I would let her know that your role is to offer to baby ONLY. You can NOT force a child to eat and if she instructs you to do so, you can tell her licensing would not be okay with it.

Let her know you offer and that is it. Baby eats when baby wants to eat. Also eats however much or little as he wants. You have zero control over that.

The ONLY option I would offer her is that if baby does not eat what she wants him to (and when) you will call for immediate pick up. She will then need to come pick up and take care of feeding on her time. I would not allow baby to return once picked up.

Usually when given that option, parents back off and let you do your job. It's hard for first time parents to understand they need to give up some of that control but when you choose to enroll your child in daycare, you have to come to terms with that and it sounds like this mom hasn't.

You just need to be firm with her and let her know basically that you know what you are doing and you do it well. She needs to back off and let you do your thing. If she can't.....call for pick up every single time.

Eventually that will get old and she'll start to understand the error in her ways.

[Blackcat31]

Baby is on target for food. I dont understand why she is concerned.

Possibly because she thinks if you can BUY food marketed for a certain aged child in a particular size jar it should all be consumed at one time.
That's as ridiculous as saying if I can BUY a string bikini in a size 28. I should wear it when taking my teens to the pool.

Have her read the jar. It specifically says to remove desired portion and refrigerate any leftovers.

Fns. Dot. USDA. Dot gov.
Find infant meal pattern.
Print. Hand out.
Relax. You're doing great.

I don't think it has anything to do with actually eating/not eating....I think it's a control issue.

The lengthy notes, the need for details....this is a mom that is having trouble adjusting to the fact that someone else might know whats best for her baby.

[daycarediva]

She honestly sounds like a control freak. It's pretty weird, even for a FTM.

Here's what I would do- "Yes! Children do behave differently at home. It's quiet and less distracting at meal times. Glad he's doing so great on solids!"

Keep it positive, but on topic.

"Yes, slept a little less today. Sleep can vary, he'll make up for it at bedtime I'm sure!"

[Unregistered]

Baby is on target for food. I dont understand why she is concerned.

Possibly because she thinks if you can BUY food marketed for a certain aged child in a particular size jar it should all be consumed at one time.
That's as ridiculous as saying if I can BUY a string bikini in a size 28. I should wear it when taking my teens to the pool.

Have her read the jar. It specifically says to remove desired portion and refrigerate any leftovers.

Fns. Dot. USDA. Dot gov.
Find infant meal pattern.
Print. Hand out.
Relax. You're doing great.

This. And see if she will send food for the week. That way there won't be daily scrutiny of food eaten. Baby will usually even out consumption over the week. If in your estimation baby is doing fine, just say baby did fine. If you return jars at the end of the week, wash out opened jars. Nothing to scrutinize. Try to create a little separation between mom and daily routine. Mom's anxiety will go down too.

[Heart12]

Thank you all again for the wonderful advice! Im nervous, but today I am going to try to not say much at all & see what happens.

I've definitely been empathetic to Mom because I know that I was a little cray cray when I first had my daughter :: However, my child has always been home with me. Like BC said, I really think that this is more of a control thing mixed with a little mom guilt (insert-"only mommy can fix it" mentality). I saw red flags in the beginning when she would constantly ask (in different variations) if she could come here & "hang out" for a little bit. I shut that down immediately. Then, when he was having a hard time adjusting, she wanted to come observe & help him feel more comfortable. No ma'am. I find myself walking on egg shells with her because she's so sensitive & has cried MANY times here when he's had a bad day.

With the food, she sends a jar of homemade baby food & wants it to be sent home each night so she can see how much he ate.

[Heart12]

Also, I just wanted to add that in the beginning when DCB was having such a hard time adjusting, every single day I reminded her that children are different in daycare than they are at home.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

He should be getting most of his nutrition from his bottle, so whether he eats a bite or not is really not that important. I would tell her that until his nutrition is dependent on solid foods, you will not be concerned with AMOUNTS. It is simply opening up his world to new foods, but that is all. I agree with BC that this is a control issue and I agree with the first poster as well. Sometimes, the less you say, the better.

P.S. I had this mom and she never chilled out so it didn't work out. I would get firm and fast

[daycarediva]

He should be getting most of his nutrition from his bottle, so whether he eats a bite or not is really not that important. I would tell her that until his nutrition is dependent on solid foods, you will not be concerned with AMOUNTS. It is simply opening up his world to new foods, but that is all. I agree with BC that this is a control issue and I agree with the first poster as well. Sometimes, the less you say, the better.

P.S. I had this mom and she never chilled out so it didn't work out. I would get firm and fast

Can you just include baby food? He's old enough to be getting some finger foods if he's capable. Ripe diced avocado, peas, diced steamed carrots, etc. My own infants HATED jarred baby food. I then made a lot of my own, and we did finger foods mostly since we started solids later in the game (not until they could sit unassisted, around 6m+)

[mommyneedsadayoff]

Can you just include baby food? He's old enough to be getting some finger foods if he's capable. Ripe diced avocado, peas, diced steamed carrots, etc. My own infants HATED jarred baby food. I then made a lot of my own, and we did finger foods mostly since we started solids later in the game (not until they could sit unassisted, around 6m+)

This what I do. I HATE jarred baby food and the pouches! I would much rather puree or dice up the foods we eat and have them work on their fine motor skills:: It is cheaper, healthier (imo) and it takes away this pressure of monitoring intake amounts. They eat or they don't, but they get to experience new foods and gain independence by feeding themselves.