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I’m a former Head Start director and we wasn’t allowed to send a child home unless he or she was sick. This taught me much patience and helped me to gain a lot of experience dealing with many temperaments. Soothing music helps. We also shared the CD with the parent and asked her to play it at home. This helped the child to become familiar with the sound in his environment. Vibration is also another soothing method. If you or the parent has a bouncer or such that you can place the child in that vibrates will be great! Another method that may sound silly is a blanket with the parent’s scent. It doesn’t have to be a smoke smell or strong perfume or colognes, but something that you can use to place on her to calm her. It really depends on how much effort, time, or patience you have. It takes time for infants to get adjusted to different environments. If the child goes to another daycare more than likely she will repeat the same behavior. Don’t feel bad about getting exhausted it happens to us all! I’m just looking forward for my opportunity on my opening date for my center!
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:hug: First off, you need to stop taking ANY of this personal. Some kids really are just not cut out for daycare.DCM swears that she is not held all of the time & that she is a happy baby at home. I believe that she is not held all day, but now that you mention it I can almost guarantee that they are in that child's face 24-7. DCM has made comments before about the other baby in my daycare being so happy & swears that her daughter is the same way at home. Even sending me pictures & videos of her at home laughing/smiling. :confused: Im tired of hearing things like, "I just dont know why she wont sleep for YOU" ETC. Maybe I am just being sensitive, but this makes me feel like Im the problem.
It has been a rough morning already. DCB did not nap this morning so I brought her back out to play & another parent was dropping off & said, "I thought this was her nap time?" I freakin burst into tears
I do feel like I can talk to this Mom, but still how freakin unprofessional! Ugh. DCB is screaming in the exersaucer & Im crying. I am mortified!
I feel like when I tell the parents something positive thats happened, they cancel out how stressful the rest of the day has been. Like she could be crying all day, but the second I say something like, I just gave her a bottle & now shes playing. Theyre like, whew! So glad its going well! Meanwhile, Im ready to pull my hair out strand by strand it took 40min of screaming & a bottle to soothe her.
So Im at the point where I feel like I need to send a letter home tomorrow. Im just not sure what it should say?? I dont want to come off like, "you have 2wks to fix this or I have to term" because I genuinely dont think that they know what else to do! Mom cried at pick up yesterday because she said shes worried that she wont adjust & that if she doesnt Mom will have to quit her job to stay home. This makes me feel awful! Im thinking they feel like I am going to term soon because they have really been laying it on thick with the compliments.
Also, yesterday DCB took 3 naps, all 30min long. When I told DCD yesterday he was relieved that she slept. Am I being selfish for feeling like 30min naps are just not going to work here? The frustration I feel right now is so real.
BlackCat, do you have any advice on what to say in a letter to the parents?
Thank you for all of your advice, I dont know what I would do without this forum! lovethis
Your answer is in your post. You just don't see it because your heart is standing in front of your brain.
You said: "Maybe I am just being sensitive, but this makes me feel like Im the problem."
That IS the answer.
You are NOT the problem nor are you being overly sensitive.
This baby is NOT adjusting to daycare.
This baby is NOT happy at daycare.
IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE THE PROBLEM.
But it does mean she does not belong in your daycare.
The ONE thing I wish other providers would have told me when I first started this was that it is NOT MY job to fix, endure or put up with anything longer than I am emotionally and/or physically capable of.
If this baby is stressing you out. STOP!
There is no set amount of time you HAVE to endure.
There is no set amount of time you HAVE to continue trying.
There is NO reason you have to give other than baby is NOT happy here and you can NOT provide for her the care/attention she needs.
It does NOT mean you failed.
It does NOT mean you are wrong/bad or mean.
It means this kid needs X and you can't offer that.
Whatever X is, makes NO difference in the grand scheme of things. It's NOT a measure of YOUR success or failures.
It just is what it is and I guarantee that EVERY.SINGLE.ONE of us has been there. We've all felt bad, felt like failures, felt like we are doing something wrong of felt like we aren't doing enough right.
We have ALL also forgotten WHY we are in this business.
..to enjoy the kids
..to enjoy our own kids
..to provide loving care/attention to other's kids
..to be the boss/in charge
There are many reasons and they are all as unique and personal as the provider themselves but there does come a time when we have to realize and accept that some kids just aren't cut out for what we offer/provide and nothing we do can change that. Once we realize and accept that those kids do not equate to failure on our part, this job becomes easier.
I know you said you like the parents and they are very nice but you need to set that aside and decide based on fact whether or not you want to keep dealing with this and keep the baby or if you just don't see it getting any better....
Depending on what you want to do, I will absolutely help you write a letter saying so....
When you "think" about what decision you want to make, make sure you consider your family too... as well as the other kids. YOU maybe able to endure the stress etc but can your family? Can the other kids? How you feel (whether you wear your heart on your sleeve or keep it hidden makes no difference) kids can "feel" your stress and anxiety.....
Sorry for the novel but you NEED to hear that this situation (this baby and family's behaviors) is NOT tied to you or your actions..... it's NOT personal and it's NOT a pass or fail in regards to you/your program.
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:hug: First off, you need to stop taking ANY of this personal. Some kids really are just not cut out for daycare.
Your answer is in your post. You just don't see it because your heart is standing in front of your brain.
You said: "Maybe I am just being sensitive, but this makes me feel like Im the problem."
That IS the answer.
You are NOT the problem nor are you being overly sensitive.
This baby is NOT adjusting to daycare.
This baby is NOT happy at daycare.
IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE THE PROBLEM.
But it does mean she does not belong in your daycare.
The ONE thing I wish other providers would have told me when I first started this was that it is NOT MY job to fix, endure or put up with anything longer than I am emotionally and/or physically capable of.
If this baby is stressing you out. STOP!
There is no set amount of time you HAVE to endure.
There is no set amount of time you HAVE to continue trying.
There is NO reason you have to give other than baby is NOT happy here and you can NOT provide for her the care/attention she needs.
It does NOT mean you failed.
It does NOT mean you are wrong/bad or mean.
It means this kid needs X and you can't offer that.
Whatever X is, makes NO difference in the grand scheme of things. It's NOT a measure of YOUR success or failures.
It just is what it is and I guarantee that EVERY.SINGLE.ONE of us has been there. We've all felt bad, felt like failures, felt like we are doing something wrong of felt like we aren't doing enough right.
We have ALL also forgotten WHY we are in this business.
..to enjoy the kids
..to enjoy our own kids
..to provide loving care/attention to other's kids
..to be the boss/in charge
There are many reasons and they are all as unique and personal as the provider themselves but there does come a time when we have to realize and accept that some kids just aren't cut out for what we offer/provide and nothing we do can change that. Once we realize and accept that those kids do not equate to failure on our part, this job becomes easier.
I know you said you like the parents and they are very nice but you need to set that aside and decide based on fact whether or not you want to keep dealing with this and keep the baby or if you just don't see it getting any better....
Depending on what you want to do, I will absolutely help you write a letter saying so....
When you "think" about what decision you want to make, make sure you consider your family too... as well as the other kids. YOU maybe able to endure the stress etc but can your family? Can the other kids? How you feel (whether you wear your heart on your sleeve or keep it hidden makes no difference) kids can "feel" your stress and anxiety.....
Sorry for the novel but you NEED to hear that this situation (this baby and family's behaviors) is NOT tied to you or your actions..... it's NOT personal and it's NOT a pass or fail in regards to you/your program.
Seriously! Stop worrying about how the parents will feel and think about yourself and your well being as well as the other kids in your care, you are crying...it's time to let them go! Once this child is no longer in your care you will see how much happier your days are:hug: It's hard to do but the relief is immediate!!Comment
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:hug: First off, you need to stop taking ANY of this personal. Some kids really are just not cut out for daycare.
Your answer is in your post. You just don't see it because your heart is standing in front of your brain.
You said: "Maybe I am just being sensitive, but this makes me feel like Im the problem."
That IS the answer.
You are NOT the problem nor are you being overly sensitive.
This baby is NOT adjusting to daycare.
This baby is NOT happy at daycare.
IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE THE PROBLEM.
But it does mean she does not belong in your daycare.
The ONE thing I wish other providers would have told me when I first started this was that it is NOT MY job to fix, endure or put up with anything longer than I am emotionally and/or physically capable of.
If this baby is stressing you out. STOP!
There is no set amount of time you HAVE to endure.
There is no set amount of time you HAVE to continue trying.
There is NO reason you have to give other than baby is NOT happy here and you can NOT provide for her the care/attention she needs.
It does NOT mean you failed.
It does NOT mean you are wrong/bad or mean.
It means this kid needs X and you can't offer that.
Whatever X is, makes NO difference in the grand scheme of things. It's NOT a measure of YOUR success or failures.
It just is what it is and I guarantee that EVERY.SINGLE.ONE of us has been there. We've all felt bad, felt like failures, felt like we are doing something wrong of felt like we aren't doing enough right.
We have ALL also forgotten WHY we are in this business.
..to enjoy the kids
..to enjoy our own kids
..to provide loving care/attention to other's kids
..to be the boss/in charge
There are many reasons and they are all as unique and personal as the provider themselves but there does come a time when we have to realize and accept that some kids just aren't cut out for what we offer/provide and nothing we do can change that. Once we realize and accept that those kids do not equate to failure on our part, this job becomes easier.
I know you said you like the parents and they are very nice but you need to set that aside and decide based on fact whether or not you want to keep dealing with this and keep the baby or if you just don't see it getting any better....
Depending on what you want to do, I will absolutely help you write a letter saying so....
When you "think" about what decision you want to make, make sure you consider your family too... as well as the other kids. YOU maybe able to endure the stress etc but can your family? Can the other kids? How you feel (whether you wear your heart on your sleeve or keep it hidden makes no difference) kids can "feel" your stress and anxiety.....
Sorry for the novel but you NEED to hear that this situation (this baby and family's behaviors) is NOT tied to you or your actions..... it's NOT personal and it's NOT a pass or fail in regards to you/your program.lovethislovethislovethislovethis
So true and such good advice.
Op, I have been in your position many times.
Tried longer than I should have, for whatever reason. Felt like I could/should/had to fix things, felt like I would be a failure if I gave up, kept trying indef. because I really liked the parents, etc etc.
I bolded the above paragraph because this is a really good barometer to keep in mind. I know how I feel when dealing with a child going through a tough transition. I gauge how everyone else in my group is handling it. Is the excessive crying/screaming/whatever stressing them out? How is my mood at the end of the day? Do I have patience left for my own children, husband and commitments?
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug: Because it isn't easy, no matter what you decide.Comment
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Parents gave me a copy of a cd that they play at home for her. It has helped her get through some self-soothing difficulties! Although she doesnt like to be reclined or in a bouncy seat unfortunately. Mom also sent her shirt & own crib sheets which didnt seem to have any affect. Thanks so much for your advice!
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THANK YOU!!!!!! :hug: Youre right about everything, & I definitely needed to hear that! All of it.:hug: First off, you need to stop taking ANY of this personal. Some kids really are just not cut out for daycare.
Your answer is in your post. You just don't see it because your heart is standing in front of your brain.
You said: "Maybe I am just being sensitive, but this makes me feel like Im the problem."
That IS the answer.
You are NOT the problem nor are you being overly sensitive.
This baby is NOT adjusting to daycare.
This baby is NOT happy at daycare.
IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE THE PROBLEM.
But it does mean she does not belong in your daycare.
The ONE thing I wish other providers would have told me when I first started this was that it is NOT MY job to fix, endure or put up with anything longer than I am emotionally and/or physically capable of.
If this baby is stressing you out. STOP!
There is no set amount of time you HAVE to endure.
There is no set amount of time you HAVE to continue trying.
There is NO reason you have to give other than baby is NOT happy here and you can NOT provide for her the care/attention she needs.
It does NOT mean you failed.
It does NOT mean you are wrong/bad or mean.
It means this kid needs X and you can't offer that.
Whatever X is, makes NO difference in the grand scheme of things. It's NOT a measure of YOUR success or failures.
It just is what it is and I guarantee that EVERY.SINGLE.ONE of us has been there. We've all felt bad, felt like failures, felt like we are doing something wrong of felt like we aren't doing enough right.
We have ALL also forgotten WHY we are in this business.
..to enjoy the kids
..to enjoy our own kids
..to provide loving care/attention to other's kids
..to be the boss/in charge
There are many reasons and they are all as unique and personal as the provider themselves but there does come a time when we have to realize and accept that some kids just aren't cut out for what we offer/provide and nothing we do can change that. Once we realize and accept that those kids do not equate to failure on our part, this job becomes easier.
I know you said you like the parents and they are very nice but you need to set that aside and decide based on fact whether or not you want to keep dealing with this and keep the baby or if you just don't see it getting any better....
Depending on what you want to do, I will absolutely help you write a letter saying so....
When you "think" about what decision you want to make, make sure you consider your family too... as well as the other kids. YOU maybe able to endure the stress etc but can your family? Can the other kids? How you feel (whether you wear your heart on your sleeve or keep it hidden makes no difference) kids can "feel" your stress and anxiety.....
Sorry for the novel but you NEED to hear that this situation (this baby and family's behaviors) is NOT tied to you or your actions..... it's NOT personal and it's NOT a pass or fail in regards to you/your program.
It really is affecting me (obviously when Im crying infront of other parents) I know for a fact that its starting to affect the other baby because hes getting woken up, & sometimes the crying is just so bad that it sets him off.
Today I ended up calling the Mom to come pick her up again. Same story. Not sleeping & constant crying. Mom stayed for about an hour to watch how she was doing & saw first hand. She seemed to understand & said she may just keep her home tomorrow. I think Im ready to write that letter BlackCat! If you have time to help, I would so appreciate it! lovethisComment
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You all are SO RIGHT. Its not just about me! I am so grateful for this forum!!!! :hug::hug::hug::hug:lovethislovethislovethislovethis
So true and such good advice.
Op, I have been in your position many times. Tried longer than I should have, for whatever reason. Felt like I could/should/had to fix things, felt like I would be a failure if I gave up, kept trying indef. because I really liked the parents, etc etc.
I bolded the above paragraph because this is a really good barometer to keep in mind. I know how I feel when dealing with a child going through a tough transition. I gauge how everyone else in my group is handling it. Is the excessive crying/screaming/whatever stressing them out? How is my mood at the end of the day? Do I have patience left for my own children, husband and commitments?
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug: Because it isn't easy, no matter what you decide.Comment
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I did this for 9 months. Parents did/said all the right things. Baby never adjusted. He was my last infant.
I was just going to suggest to have Mom come in and observe.
Some children are simply NOT cut out for dc. It's NOT you.Comment
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Heart I truly understand your pain. I too am going through something similar. Fortunately my dcb has improved however I have come to the conclusion that I will not be enrolling another infant under 12 mos.I agree with what pp said about parents not being truthful. It happens all the time here. I had a parent tell me just last week that when dck is home dck never naps then turn around and tell me 5days later that she takes 4 hour naps at home
. I think that we sometimes tend to make parents problems ours and we shouldn't. I don't go to a them and expect them to take on my problems. The hardest part is to term but once you get the words out you immediately feel better :hug:
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I had a baby that cried all day for the first three days. I flat out told the mom on the 4th day that this is not working and after Friday I was done. I explained that every child need a turn at attention and every minute of my day is not the baby's turn.
She begged me not to release them. She confessed that dcd hold her all the time, and any noise dcb maked he picked her up. Mom stated she couldn't not even take a shower without baby crying. She asked me what they needed to do to stay.
I told her if baby is fed, changed, and safe, she doesn't not need to be picked up. The first week of parental changes did the trick. She ended up being a gem!
Sometimes you need to force the parents hand because they lie. It's like poker. The house always wins!
If they don't agree to changes at home, then take your chips and move along! There are others who want to play.Comment
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