Advice?

[Heart12]

I have posted here before about a DCB (just shy of 5mos) having a rough time in my daycare. I absolutely love the parents but Im not sure how much longer I can handle this.

DCB has been here for 4wks now & Im ashamed to say that Ive had to send her home at least once a week every week. Each time Ive sent her home its been because she is overly tired, not sleeping, crying hysterically & disrupting the other kids. Ive tried everything I know, asked the family for advice & was still unable to console her. After 2wks I was at my witts ends & ready to term-but I love the parents so I kept pushing through. Beginning of week 3 was awesome! I thought that she was finally getting used to daycare. Then I ended up having to send her home last Friday & today!:dislike:

So what do you think? Should I shoot for 6wks & then reassess the situation? I feel sooooo horrible & honestly kinda like a failure that Ive had to send this baby home so many times. Ive never sent a kid home before! The parents always apologize when this happens but I feel awful for not being able to get it under control.

[Mike]

If you and the parents together can't make an improvement, and she is causing disruption, you need to set a fixed deadline as to when to call it quits. Sometimes, due to circumstances beyond our control, there are things we just can't do. I would say set it for 6 weeks and that's it.

[daycare]

how many days a week does the child attend?

how many hours?

what is your environment like?

how many kids do you have? what are their ages?

environment is everything to a child, I am sure you are already aware of this. If it's too over stimulating for a child you may see a reaction like what you are seeing now.

if the child is not attending enough days, there just may not be enough consistency.????

[Heart12]

Thanks for the response. She is here Monday-Friday 8am-5pm. I only have 3 kids (including her) in my daycare, so it doesnt get too loud or crazy in here. Im at a loss

[childcaremom]

If the parents are willing to pick up, etc, and you are ok to continue, then I would tell them that you are willing to work with her for 2 more weeks but if she is not showing signs of a complete transition (or very close to) that you will no longer be able to care for her as of x date.

If you have had enough (and it's ok if you have :hug, then I would tell mom and dad it's not a good fit and term.

[daycare]

If the parents are willing to pick up, etc, and you are ok to continue, then I would tell them that you are willing to work with her for 2 more weeks but if she is not showing signs of a complete transition (or very close to) that you will no longer be able to care for her as of x date.

If you have had enough (and it's ok if you have :hug, then I would tell mom and dad it's not a good fit and term.

I agree with PP.

It sounds like you have a nice small group that would be great for an infant.

We are not superhero's although there are days I sure feel like one....We can't win them all. YOU need to do what is best for you and your program. I can tell you really care about the kids in your care to try and get ideas to help them.

one member here, BC, she gave me a good idea of putting a star on my calendar that I resembled my last day that if things were not better by the date that I put that star, I would terminate care.

Hugs to you, I can't imagine how hard this must be.

[Heart12]

Thank you all so much! lovethis

I feel so guilty because the parents are so nice & they dont know why this is going so badly either. I think theyre also getting worried that I am going to term soon too. They have been saying certain things & even mentioning that their only other option is for one of them to quit their job to stay home with her. Ugh. I guess I will see how the rest of the week goes & then I may have to send home THAT letter.

Does anyone have an idea of what this letter should even say? Why do I feel so mean when I know Ive tried everything?!!

[MunchkinWrangler]

It's tough, it really is. I had that situation with the first baby I had. It was a rough 8 months, I felt like there was something wrong with me and my caregiving because all she did was scream... fed, changed,and rested. And I'm not just talking about fussy. Screaming...like I was murdering her. To the point where she was a little red ball of fury. I literally had to just leave her in a playpen alone because my heart was beating so fast and I was so stressed it made me cry. So I did what I had to do.

I learned that it wasn't me, just the personality of the child. The attachment parenting and baby wearing that was happening at home that I couldn't do because I had to care for my own son.

I would never do it again. Ever. I haven't had another like that one, hence knowing that it wasn't normal.

Don't feel bad. You have to do what is best for your group and for you to be the best caregiver possible. If you feel you need to term than I do believe putting that star on the calendar will help you with that answer.

[daycare]

sorry if this has been asked already, but have you talked to them about what they are doing at home? Are they willing to make some changes at home that might help the child adjust?

[Sunchimes]

I'm there now, and envious that you have the option to term. Do it. I've done it once before, and life is so much better.

Mine now is only part time, but 12.5 hours on those days. I know that is a recipe for disaster with an infant, and it is. Constant crying all day. But, the grandparents have been friends since before the mom was born, and it's only until Christmas. If it was going to be long term I would have already termed them, friends or not. It's not good for me, the other kids, or the baby.

[Heart12]

I have talked to the parents & they swear that she is not held all of the time & that she doesnt scream & cry all day. They have now told me to just do whatever I think is going to help her get through the day. I really have zero issues with the parents. If I give them advice, they try it. I cant really ask anymore of them. Its upsetting to them as well, which makes this even harder!

[Blackcat31]

I have talked to the parents & they swear that she is not held all of the time & that she doesnt scream & cry all day. They have now told me to just do whatever I think is going to help her get through the day. I really have zero issues with the parents. If I give them advice, they try it. I cant really ask anymore of them. Its upsetting to them as well, which makes this even harder!

Do you believe them?

I have a family that I've had in care for almost 2 years now and I have their second child (5 months) enrolled as well as their oldest, although the oldest did not start until age 13 mos.

These parents are super nice and I really like them (the DCD is actually an ex of my DD's....! I know, long story) but I really like both mom and dad but the baby is TOUGH!

Won't sleep, wants to be held alot and has some behaviors that tell me what the parents aren't saying.

Sometimes actions speak louder than words.

*My parents say baby does not get held 24/7. truth.
buuuuut mom, baby and older sibling spend 75% of the day on the floor snuggled up together in what mom calls their "nest" (baby might not be held 24/7 but thinking the "nest" is pretty much the same thing )

*My parents say baby sleeps all night without issues and they do not co-sleep. truth.
buuuuuut baby sleeps in a rock and play next to the parent's bed and mom has made mention on more than one occasion how her arm is bruised from being draped over and onto the rock and play alllllllllll night.

*My parents said baby has torticollis and PT said as much belly time as possible so they are working on it. truth.
buuuuuuuut baby screeches the second their belly touches the floor and older sib says "Momma doesn't like when baby cries so Miss BC will have to work in some belly time"


There is more but you get the point.......

The kicker for me is DCD's mom is a 31 yr veteran child care provider herself and I know that she has counseled ALL her children about the do's and don't of being a daycare parent. DCD knows what daycare life is like (for both provider and for child).... DCD also knows the laws on safe sleep and yet all of that knowledge has escaped him.


So, just wondering if you believe the parents and what they say or is baby's behavior telling you something they are not??

[daycare]

BC---sooooooooo true. Parents will tell us what they want us to hear. Some will think that it's no big deal and are just saying words to please us. I don't really think that they are thinking it's such a big deal.

In the end the truth always comes out becuase actions do speak louder than words.

Client of mine swore that the child sleeps from 7p-7a daily. Child has been in my program almost a year and has never made it to lunch time do to falling asleep prior to. I started calling for pick up every time the child fell asleep during class time, DCM eventually got sick of it and pulled the plug herself.

So maybe they are not telling you what really really is happening?????

[Heart12]

Do you believe them?

I have a family that I've had in care for almost 2 years now and I have their second child (5 months) enrolled as well as their oldest, although the oldest did not start until age 13 mos.

These parents are super nice and I really like them (the DCD is actually an ex of my DD's....! I know, long story) but I really like both mom and dad but the baby is TOUGH!

Won't sleep, wants to be held alot and has some behaviors that tell me what the parents aren't saying.

Sometimes actions speak louder than words.

*My parents say baby does not get held 24/7. truth.
buuuuut mom, baby and older sibling spend 75% of the day on the floor snuggled up together in what mom calls their "nest" (baby might not be held 24/7 but thinking the "nest" is pretty much the same thing )

*My parents say baby sleeps all night without issues and they do not co-sleep. truth.
buuuuuut baby sleeps in a rock and play next to the parent's bed and mom has made mention on more than one occasion how her arm is bruised from being draped over and onto the rock and play alllllllllll night.

*My parents said baby has torticollis and PT said as much belly time as possible so they are working on it. truth.
buuuuuuuut baby screeches the second their belly touches the floor and older sib says "Momma doesn't like when baby cries so Miss BC will have to work in some belly time"


There is more but you get the point.......

The kicker for me is DCD's mom is a 31 yr veteran child care provider herself and I know that she has counseled ALL her children about the do's and don't of being a daycare parent. DCD knows what daycare life is like (for both provider and for child).... DCD also knows the laws on safe sleep and yet all of that knowledge has escaped him.


So, just wondering if you believe the parents and what they say or is baby's behavior telling you something they are not??

DCM swears that she is not held all of the time & that she is a happy baby at home. I believe that she is not held all day, but now that you mention it I can almost guarantee that they are in that child's face 24-7. DCM has made comments before about the other baby in my daycare being so happy & swears that her daughter is the same way at home. Even sending me pictures & videos of her at home laughing/smiling. :confused: Im tired of hearing things like, "I just dont know why she wont sleep for YOU" ETC. Maybe I am just being sensitive, but this makes me feel like Im the problem.

It has been a rough morning already. DCB did not nap this morning so I brought her back out to play & another parent was dropping off & said, "I thought this was her nap time?" I freakin burst into tears I do feel like I can talk to this Mom, but still how freakin unprofessional! Ugh. DCB is screaming in the exersaucer & Im crying. I am mortified!

I feel like when I tell the parents something positive thats happened, they cancel out how stressful the rest of the day has been. Like she could be crying all day, but the second I say something like, I just gave her a bottle & now shes playing. Theyre like, whew! So glad its going well! Meanwhile, Im ready to pull my hair out strand by strand it took 40min of screaming & a bottle to soothe her.

So Im at the point where I feel like I need to send a letter home tomorrow. Im just not sure what it should say?? I dont want to come off like, "you have 2wks to fix this or I have to term" because I genuinely dont think that they know what else to do! Mom cried at pick up yesterday because she said shes worried that she wont adjust & that if she doesnt Mom will have to quit her job to stay home. This makes me feel awful! Im thinking they feel like I am going to term soon because they have really been laying it on thick with the compliments.

Also, yesterday DCB took 3 naps, all 30min long. When I told DCD yesterday he was relieved that she slept. Am I being selfish for feeling like 30min naps are just not going to work here? The frustration I feel right now is so real.

BlackCat, do you have any advice on what to say in a letter to the parents?

Thank you for all of your advice, I dont know what I would do without this forum! lovethis

[SignMeUp]

A little off topic, but I have heard that sleeping in a rock n play may cause torticollis.