Parents, Would You Ask?

[Unregistered]

So you're a liar?

Yes! I lie every day.

I lie to kids..go play mommy will be here soon when in reality mommy might still be hours from coming.

I lie to parents.. Mom comes in with a new haircut, clearly looking for a compliment of some kind. While I might think the new haircut is awful I tell her it is cute and really frames her face nicely.

I lie to my own kids... No, the doctors needle isn't going to hurt you.

I lie to my parents.. sure I will take time out of my busy day to drive 20 miles away to check your mail everyday for 2 weeks while you are away. When in reality I check it once the day before they come home.

I lie to my doctor... yes I am eating healthy, get regular excercise, and have no stress.

I would never tell a parent about any firearms. Little Sally's mommy could have a meth head brother that she casually tells my info to and in turn comes looking for the gun one day to settle a score with someone. What I have in my home is private unless it is in my daycare area. The other areas of my home are off limits unless you live in this house.

[Mike]

I would never tell a parent about any firearms. Little Sally's mommy could have a meth head brother that she casually tells my info to and in turn comes looking for the gun one day to settle a score with someone.

Could very well happen.

What I have in my home is private unless it is in my daycare area. The other areas of my home are off limits unless you live in this house.

True, and if anyone ever does ask, you are under no obligation to answer. Problem is, if anyone does ask, they pretty much know the answer based on your answer, unless you just say no. Any other answer and they will know or assume you do have one. They don't have the right to ask unless they specifically ask if there are any guns in the daycare area. The rest of the house is none of their business.

[Play Care]

Could very well happen.



True, and if anyone ever does ask, you are under no obligation to answer. Problem is, if anyone does ask, they pretty much know the answer based on your answer, unless you just say no. Any other answer and they will know or assume you do have one. They don't have the right to ask unless they specifically ask if there are any guns in the daycare area. The rest of the house is none of their business.

In my State I have to tell dcp's in writing that I have a firearm. Regardless of what area of the home the firearm is stored in.
But I think many have missed the point of the post. This wasn't about DC or dc clients. This is about your child's friends that you allowed to be invited to your home. That would reasonably be in areas other than the dc area.
If you don't have kids, then this has nothing to do with you. If your kids are much older and don't live with you, this has nothing to do with you. If you never have kids visiting your home (not day care) then this isn't for you.
I love a glass of wine in the evenings. And with tween kids, it's reasonable that in the near future I will be asked about alcohol in the house. I could get offended and act sneaky and lie. But I just can't live that way.
Again to me this is a darned if you do, darned if you don't, parents just can't win.

[Blackcat31]

In my State I have to tell dcp's in writing that I have a firearm. Regardless of what area of the home the firearm is stored in.
But I think many have missed the point of the post. This wasn't about DC or dc clients. This is about your child's friends that you allowed to be invited to your home. That would reasonably be in areas other than the dc area.
If you don't have kids, then this has nothing to do with you. If your kids are much older and don't live with you, this has nothing to do with you. If you never have kids visiting your home (not day care) then this isn't for you.
I love a glass of wine in the evenings. And with tween kids, it's reasonable that in the near future I will be asked about alcohol in the house. I could get offended and act sneaky and lie. But I just can't live that way.
Again to me this is a darned if you do, darned if you don't, parents just can't win.

That's the point though... it's not just about guns.
It's about your child being safe.

Do you ask the parents of your kids' friends if they have knives, alcohol, matches, gasoline, *adult* magazines or movies, firecrackers, chainsaws, cigarettes, turpentine etc.... in their homes before they are allowed to go there?

Asking these types of questions could be helpful in certain situations but if you have kids that are old enough to understand, you teach them how to stay safe. You teach them the skills they need so that when they visit a friends house and see a lighter sitting near the fireplace they won't immediately take it and start the house on fire.

You teach them about the dangers of the world and you get to know the families your children spend time with so that you don't have to ask intrusive questions that can be insulting in some cases.

If my child's friend had a parent that asked me if I have that laundry list of dangerous and deadly items in their home just so their child would be safe, I'd probably suggest the child not visit. Or worse, lie and I don't want to live like that either.

You have a tweenager. If my tweenager wanted to hang at your house and I asked you if you had any of those dangerous items in your home and asked if they were locked and out of reach of my child, I would think that as a parent with a child that you've obviously kept safe and healthy enough to make it to their teen years, you should be insulted that I even asked that. I should have a right to assume that you do all the things necessary to keep your child safe since she is still living-breathing.

As parent I do not feel this is a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation at all. We DO have power as parents. We DO have options and solutions.

The answer in my opinion lies in taking responsibility for OUR OWN children and teaching them how to be the safest they can be.


I might not trust anyone else's parents and I might feel uncomfortable allowing my child to go to certain people's houses but that is still on me as the parent. I can only control my own environment and my own child's education so I have to trust that I taught my child the necessary skills to stay safe. I have to do those things because even if I outright asked, the parent could still lie.

[Play Care]

That's the point though... it's not just about guns.
It's about your child being safe.

Not really, there is also a liability involved. It's the reason there was such outrage over the party I mentioned earlier, initially other parents were charged. Even those who claim they specifically had asked about alcohol and were not present at the party.

Do you ask the parents of your kids' friends if they have knives, alcohol, matches, gasoline, *adult* magazines or movies, firecrackers, chainsaws, cigarettes, turpentine etc.... in their homes before they are allowed to go there?

This is silly and I just can't even...This is classic tin foil hat "they're coming to take my guns" argument.

You teach them about the dangers of the world and you get to know the families your children spend time with so that you don't have to ask intrusive questions that can be insulting in some cases.

A parent who is asking likely has had a bad experience that's causing them to ask (Again, EJ's example). They are likely not trying to offend or passing judgement but realize instead that kids often make poor decisions and have immature risk assessment skills. They are asking for your help/cooperation.

If my child's friend had a parent that asked me if I have that laundry list of dangerous and deadly items in their home just so their child would be safe, I'd probably suggest the child not visit. Or worse, lie and I don't want to live like that either.

You have a tweenager. If my tweenager wanted to hang at your house and I asked you if you had any of those dangerous items in your home and asked if they were locked and out of reach of my child, I would think that as a parent with a child that you've obviously kept safe and healthy enough to make it to their teen years, you should be insulted that I even asked that. I should have a right to assume that you do all the things necessary to keep your child safe since she is still living-breathing.

As parent I do not feel this is a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation at all. We DO have power as parents. We DO have options and solutions.

I'm speaking to the idea that everything that happens to a child is the parents fault. When the child was killed locally, there was a vocal group who felt the parents of the victim were at fault. So if they had asked about guns, they would have been nosy, but because they had to bury their son, they should have asked. The only way to win is to not leave your home apparently

The answer in my opinion lies in taking responsibility for OUR OWN children and teaching them how to be the safest they can be.

I agree that this should be PART of the solution, but I also feel kids, especially young ones, shouldn't be solely responsible for their safety. I'd like to assume that a family that owns guns keeps them inaccessible to the kids. But then we have EJ's example, and the two local kids (separate incidents)

I might not trust anyone else's parents and I might feel uncomfortable allowing my child to go to certain people's houses but that is still on me as the parent. I can only control my own environment and my own child's education so I have to trust that I taught my child the necessary skills to stay safe. I have to do those things because even if I outright asked, the parent could still lie.

My answers in bold.
I'll just have to agree to disagree here though.
This is the reason I can't join debate forums. It's too much fun ::::

[Blackcat31]

My answers in bold.
I'll just have to agree to disagree here though.
This is the reason I can't join debate forums. It's too much fun ::::

I agree!
That we disagree

and I agree on the reasoning behind not joining debate boards

:hug:

[Miss A]

Not that everyone will agree here, but I really loved the responses to this thread. It was really neat to see the diverse reactions, and to see the reactions so varied based on each posters location.

I am from a teeny tiny county on the border of the Iowa/Minnesota line. The town I grew up in, and have since moved away from straddled the boarder, and a small part of its city limits lay in Minnesota. We are a hunting and fishing community. In my county, that contains 6 towns, there are 3 sports shops and shooting ranges. We also have a large number of concealed carry classes that are always full, as well as the Hunters safety class that fills up with 12 year olds each fall. In my area, there is rarely gun violence, except for the rare occasion in one small town that has an immigration issue and has been raided by ICE on numerous occasions.

But, many of you are from areas where gun violence is more prevalent. I liked to see your response, as you present a different view point for me. I don't know what it is like to have shootings in the local news regularly, or to have it affect how I feel walking down the street. I don't know what it is like to not live in a community of 1,000-2,000 people, and not know my neighbor my child's friends parents personally. That is a totally different lifestyle for me, and I will be the first to admit that I am quite naive in the realities that many face. I am a small town country girl, who grew up in a town of 250 people.

Thanks everyone for your answers, I really enjoyed reading each and every one.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

I grew up in a small town and currently live in a smaller city and hunting and sport shooting is pretty popular here, so I just assume everyone has a gun in their home. I was raised on a farm and a shotgun or rifle by the front door was normal. I walked by them everyday. It is still that way in many homes out in the country here today, so I have talked to my kids about gun safety and will continue to do so frequently as they grow. As of right now, my kids have only stayed over at my sister's house and I know they have guns and where they are located, so I have never worried about it. And I don't like having kids over here that are not related so I doubt I will ever be asked.
I am much more of a 'meet at the park' kind of person, so the parent is in charge of their own kid and I am not liable. I just cannot trust that a child coming into my home has been taught to behave and to not do unsafe things (of course, supervision is necessary, but there are times they may be unsupervised for a few). An example is my oldest sister let her daughter have a friend spend the night. They are 10 and had a great night and everyone went to bed. The next morning, my sister was getting breakfast and her dd came down from her room and asked if her friend had already gone home. My sister was like, what?! They looked all over the house and yard and could not find her and so my sister was freaking out (obviously) and made the dreaded call to her mom to tell her and let her know she was going to call the police. The mom was like "oh! She came home last night! Sorry, I mean to tell you!" Apparently, she decided to come home because she couldn't sleep, so she WALKED home at 2 am and told her mom and her mom never bothered to call my sister and tell her! Anyway, sorry I went a little off topic, but I just feel better not having other kids in my home to worry about for that type of reason

[CityGarden]

My dd does not go to homes of families I am not close with unless I am present. The family I am close with I have asked. So far there is only one family I trust to be responsible enough consistently so dd is fine over there. Others I just decline for some random reason or offer their children to come with me and make it sound exciting or I offer to go with my dd.

The challenge with safety measures and guns is that I (want to) believe most gun owners especially those with young children initially plan all the safety steps but then life can interrupt and someone sets it down for a second, gets distracted.... and accidents happen.

I intentionally did not read all the replies to this thread and I won't debate if my approach is right or wrong. I feel it parent has to parent the best way they see fit for their family.

My thought is ....

You might shock someone when you ask, you might even initially offend them by asking but IF I don't ask then I don't know.