When Family and Daycare Schedules and Expectations Are Different

[Unregistered]

On the other hand parents that have older children can't put two to four hours of their lives on hold each day to stop everything and rush home to nap the baby. We are barely home on weeknights and weekends due to scouts, various sports practices, music lessons and tutoring.

[KiwiKids]

I don't think they feel sleep is not important, but they have been brainwashed to think crying is more harmful than lack of sleep and they talk themselves into this idea that THEIR child is super special and does not need naps. Why? Not because he just gets by on very little sleep, but bc they would rather not carry through with an actual bedtime routine and enforce bedtime/naptime. But remember! It's not lack of parenting, but just a special baby who doesn't need naps

I do agree with this!

[KiwiKids]

On the other hand parents that have older children can't put two to four hours of their lives on hold each day to stop everything and rush home to nap the baby. We are barely home on weeknights and weekends due to scouts, various sports practices, music lessons and tutoring.

I don't think that's what people are talking about though. I have 4 kids. Number 1 might have gotten to take all naps on time but number 4 had to be a little more flexible and take their afternoon nap in the car during the preschool run and elem school pick up.

I think most are talking about parents who claim their children just don't need to nap at all when they are a young baby and toddler. I am sure there are kids out there who really don't need the sleep. But I think they are few and far between and definitely not the children I've had in care who can't function at times due to being exhausted.

[childcaremom]

I have chatted with a few parents in depth about this. Most seem bewildered on how to get their child to sleep during the day. They see the value in good rest but don't know how to go about helping their child get that good rest. They see the exhaustion through the day but just deal with it by doing an early bedtime. And the cycle just continues.

When I explain how I transition children onto a nap schedule, they look at me like I am a monster. And I am VERY gentle with these children.

Really, I don't want to debate with parents. I think parents are bombarded with so much conflicting info from 'experts' and parenting trends that their heads are spinning.

I guess I was just looking for advice on how to approach this type of family because it seems to be very common lately that the children are not napping at all during the day, or not regularly, and then they pop into bed immediately after dinner.

And I think the best thing to do is to just pass.

Although I was honest with this most recent mom (as she had told me that she had care lined up and provider cancelled last minute) and gently suggested that she start incorporating a daytime rest as most providers will require this and that it would make her little one's transition much easier and less stressful for everyone involved. Whether or not she takes my advice... well it won't be my problem to deal with.

[Leigh]

On the other hand parents that have older children can't put two to four hours of their lives on hold each day to stop everything and rush home to nap the baby. We are barely home on weeknights and weekends due to scouts, various sports practices, music lessons and tutoring.

I had parents of 2 kids (sibs) who never got naps on the weekends because the PARENTS were too busy having fun to stop to let the kids nap. Those kids fell asleep on Monday morning every week. Kids are overscheduled lately-it's sad. Games are starting at or after bedtime for the kids playing the games! Kids need time to unwind, relax, read a book, have free play with friends and to sleep. Even if you limit your child to activities 2 days a week, if you have 3 or 4 kids, you're still all overscheduled. It's just a matter of choices and sometimes it's hard to say no to all of the activities, too, because the kids really want to be in everything.

[Cat Herder]

Nobody has ever won a mommy war with "Well, my child is a great napper and is adored by his daycare provider."

Also, 6pm bedtime means more me time. Pretty hard to get those clients on board with the typical 8pm since there is a difference in priorities. It isn't always for selfish reasons, probably less likely.

Remember child abuse prevention education? It is also part of parenting class. "When to put child in a safe crib and walk away".

Some parents value more family time in the evenings but have nothing left to give. Some are simply surviving unexpected work, sibling and partner responsibilities. 6pm is all they can muster for mental functioning and stress management purposes.

I read an article this morning of an 8month old being whipped to death by a belt. "Sleeping issues". Escalation of stress, screaming child and lack of education/resources. I wonder if this could have been prevented with intervention. Idk.. I am still thinking on it, I guess. This kind of thing happens daily...

[KIDZRMYBIZ]

I have had just a few DCFs in the past try this, too, but it had nothing to do with a lack of knowledge of healthy sleep habits or how to. Did you see how early OP says they are putting the children down for the night? 6:30! So they pick child up from daycare at 5:30, drive home, eat, bath, and bed all in under an hour! Then DCM and DCD have all evening to Neflix and chill. Nevermind the negative effects it has on poor baby/kiddo all the live long day. That was my experience anyway.

[Mike]

I read an article this morning of an 8month old being whipped to death by a belt. "Sleeping issues". Escalation of stress, screaming child and lack of education/resources. I wonder if this could have been prevented with intervention. Idk.. I am still thinking on it, I guess. This kind of thing happens daily...

I've read or heard so many stories about children killed by parents who just lost it, or didn't know how to be a parent, that I often think about the difference between being a parent or being a driver. A parent has so much more responsibility, yet requires no training, no license, and almost anyone (women anyway) can do it.