When Family and Daycare Schedules and Expectations Are Different

[childcaremom]

A recurring theme lately during interviews and emails are little ones with no schedule and/or no daytime naps.

Last interview: 12 mos dcg is hit or miss for naps but goes down for the night and sleeps 6:30-7.

Email this morning: 9 mos dcb does not nap during the day and will cry if left alone. Sleeps at night 6:30-6:30.

I don't want to dictate how parents parent and what their home schedule is like because obviously they are free to do what they want and I can't enforce it. Just as I will set my daily schedule for what works best for me and my group.

But is there a way to professionally tell these parents that (1) their child needs to nap here (2) needs to be able to nap on our schedule and (3) which probably means that they need to change it up at home. I don't want to dictate what they do at home but it won't work unless they make changes, kwim?

Or do you suggest that I lay out my schedule, tell them my expectations, and then tell them you will see how their child does but that if they are unable to adapt to our schedule you will not be able to keep them?

Or do you just straight up pass?

Honestly banging my head against the wall here. This is 99% of my interviews in the last year.

[JackandJill]

I always let parents know up front that there is a set nap time, and that children follow that regardless of home schedules. I make no exceptions or special accommodations after 2 weeks of helping them adjust. After 2 weeks they go down like everyone else.

I also point out that my sick/early pick up policy includes excessive crying and a child be unable to participate in activities. So a tired child who can't stop crying or who is falling asleep and preventing us from moving on with our day needs to be picked up.

I have never asked a family to adjust their at home schedule, but I let them know these policies are not negotiable or flexible. I've only had two families that didn't get on board with the schedules, and they were both let go after a few months. Everyone else has been no issue. I have a few kids now who nap perfectly here, but don't do one at home. Its funny how kids can adjust to different circumstances with different people.

I would just make it really clear in the beginning what you can and can't do in terms of naps and schedules, then if it becomes a problem down the line you won't have to go back and forth with parents.

[daycarediva]

I always reiterate over and over that the child must adapt to our schedule for GROUP care to work well and meet the needs of all children in care.

I give them our schedule. I follow up and ask if they feel child is making progress towards that schedule.

I have a two week trial (FT) four week trial (PT) for a reason. Not afraid to use it, either.

I would pass unless I had no other options. It takes work to get a child on schedule if the parents aren't on board.

[Leigh]

I would just pass. They're not going to change for you. I'd tell them that I can't accommodate the child's sleep schedule. I require that all children under 3 nap, and will allow kids over 3 to skip nap if **I** feel that it's appropriate (usually they're over 4 before I'll allow it, and I've had kids older than that still nap regularly). I used to require ALL kids to nap, but have relaxed on that to an extent, but only if I am the one who feels that napping is no longer necessary.

I currently have 1 year old twins who don't nap, but they were in NICU for the first 5.5 months of their lives. They don't cry (I might see a total of 10 minutes of crying between both of them in a month, IF they're teething). They're easy to care for. They're used to having their needs met, and used to not sleeping like other babies because of frequent hospitalizations. Every once in awhile, they'll actually nap, but they do well with just resting at nap time in their cribs, and sometimes doze off while eating (tube fed). These are the only kids I've ever seen at this age that can do well without sleeping (they do sleep through the night, and get about 12 hours at night-about 8-8.

[childcaremom]

Thanks for the input.

I'm not interested in any of these families. I am in a good place and only have one opening but this is so common now that I'm wondering if I will ever fill the spot. It is just so common now that I'm wondering if there are any kids who actually nap?

[Annalee]

Thanks for the input.

I'm not interested in any of these families. I am in a good place and only have one opening but this is so common now that I'm wondering if I will ever fill the spot. It is just so common now that I'm wondering if there are any kids who actually nap?

I have had interviews lately, too, that make me go I lost 3 to school but am determined to be patient. Hang in there!

[KiwiKids]

I typically will pass. Business is good in my area so I can be a bit pickier. If a family is a wonderful fit in other ways and then I give it a shot.... But that means baby napping while in daycare, not following the schedule they have at home.

[Indoorvoice]

I have been seeing this too. I let them know my expectations and then politely tell them they won't be a good fit and good luck in their search. So funny that most of them get frustrated with me on that initial phone interview but then call me back begging for the spot and promising me they'll change. Child care spots are few and far between here so they have no choice when there are other spots and they find out after calling around that I am the norm.

[Leigh]

Thanks for the input.

I'm not interested in any of these families. I am in a good place and only have one opening but this is so common now that I'm wondering if I will ever fill the spot. It is just so common now that I'm wondering if there are any kids who actually nap?

You're right. The thing I find odd is that parents are so concerned about organic everything, attachment parenting, and other trends that pop up, but they're not worried about something (sleep) that is as important as air, food, and water. With all the concerns parents have about their kids' well-being, something as important as sleep becomes what they ignore. :confused:

[Controlled Chaos]

You're right. The thing I find odd is that parents are so concerned about organic everything, attachment parenting, and other trends that pop up, but they're not worried about something (sleep) that is as important as air, food, and water. With all the concerns parents have about their kids' well-being, something as important as sleep becomes what they ignore. :confused:

You just hit the nail on the head. My favorite family right now - cloth diaper, all organic, attachment parenting and baby wearing. Kids nap like champs here. But at home? Nope! Their night time sleep routine is non existent and weekend naps are a mess. I am a fair hippy dippy myself, but it boggles my mind that sleep is seen as optional. Like, because we prepare parents to be exhausted they don't prioritize it. maybe? I don't know.

[Baby Beluga]

You're right. The thing I find odd is that parents are so concerned about organic everything, attachment parenting, and other trends that pop up, but they're not worried about something (sleep) that is as important as air, food, and water. With all the concerns parents have about their kids' well-being, something as important as sleep becomes what they ignore. :confused:

It baffles my mind why parents don't think sleep is important. I think somewhere along the line parents thought it was normal for children to not sleep. Learning to sleep went from being seen as a necessary life skill to something that just happened in the car or stroller from one activity to the next.

I remember my in-laws giving me so much crap because I was so strict with DD's sleep schedule. We would often leave events early or simply not attend because they would collide with DD's sleep schedule (in laws are night owls, and everything is scheduled late). She went everywhere and did everything in the first year of her life - yet she was never sick. Got her first cold on her first birthday. I attribute that to her getting regular, quality, sleep.

[Leigh]

It baffles my mind why parents don't think sleep is important. I think somewhere along the line parents thought it was normal for children to not sleep. Learning to sleep went from being seen as a necessary life skill to something that just happened in the car or stroller from one activity to the next.

I remember my in-laws giving me so much crap because I was so strict with DD's sleep schedule. We would often leave events early or simply not attend because they would collide with DD's sleep schedule (in laws are night owls, and everything is scheduled late). She went everywhere and did everything in the first year of her life - yet she was never sick. Got her first cold on her first birthday. I attribute that to her getting regular, quality, sleep.

I was the same way. EVERYTHING revolved around naptime! If I was out shopping and nap was approaching, I'd rush home to get him to bed on time. I had pack and plays at my sisters' homes in case we were visiting at naptime, and kept one in the cargo area of my vehicle!

[Controlled Chaos]

I was the same way. EVERYTHING revolved around naptime! If I was out shopping and nap was approaching, I'd rush home to get him to bed on time. I had pack and plays at my sisters' homes in case we were visiting at naptime, and kept one in the cargo area of my vehicle!

My in laws still make fun of me for it BUT my kids are the only grandkids if theirs to got bed when told and sleep through The night!

[KiwiKids]

You're right. The thing I find odd is that parents are so concerned about organic everything, attachment parenting, and other trends that pop up, but they're not worried about something (sleep) that is as important as air, food, and water. With all the concerns parents have about their kids' well-being, something as important as sleep becomes what they ignore. :confused:

I've been told the child is just too smart and curious about the world around them. Yes, I totally see that when they are crying and rubbing their eyes due to chronic exhaustion....

[mommyneedsadayoff]

It baffles my mind why parents don't think sleep is important. I think somewhere along the line parents thought it was normal for children to not sleep. Learning to sleep went from being seen as a necessary life skill to something that just happened in the car or stroller from one activity to the next.

I remember my in-laws giving me so much crap because I was so strict with DD's sleep schedule. We would often leave events early or simply not attend because they would collide with DD's sleep schedule (in laws are night owls, and everything is scheduled late). She went everywhere and did everything in the first year of her life - yet she was never sick. Got her first cold on her first birthday. I attribute that to her getting regular, quality, sleep.

I don't think they feel sleep is not important, but they have been brainwashed to think crying is more harmful than lack of sleep and they talk themselves into this idea that THEIR child is super special and does not need naps. Why? Not because he just gets by on very little sleep, but bc they would rather not carry through with an actual bedtime routine and enforce bedtime/naptime. But remember! It's not lack of parenting, but just a special baby who doesn't need naps