How Many Have You Termed and Why?

[Boymom]

Just out of curiosity, how many kids have you had to term and why did you term them?

I've termed one because she was the worst napper, she screamed at the top of her lungs all day, and her mom was trying to micro-manage me.

I've been thinking about terming 2 siblings for several reasons, but I don't want to be known as the daycare lady that terms everybody!

[Blackcat31]

Just out of curiosity, how many kids have you had to term and why did you term them?

I've termed one because she was the worst napper, she screamed at the top of her lungs all day, and her mom was trying to micro-manage me.

I've been thinking about terming 2 siblings for several reasons, but I don't want to be known as the daycare lady that terms everybody!

I don't think I can answer that. NOT because I am term crazy but because I've been in business for over 20+ years and at one point operated at FULL capacity (14 kids) some part-time, some full time and some drop in.

Last time I tried to recollect some statistics I learned I've cared for over 200+ children in my career so I honestly don't think I can answer that.

I operate ALOT differently now than I used to and could probably safely say I've termed 4 families in the last 7 years. 2 for bad parent behaviors, 1 for child behaviors and 1 because the parent was (alot) less than honest about some things.

[spedmommy4]

I will say two. I termed one for child behavior. I can handle a lot, but the behavior was way beyond too much for a typical early childhood setting. (eg: Climbing to the top of the play structure and throwing himself off, body slamming adults and other kids, . . . ) Child had been evaluated but parents believed I could handle it alone.

The second child was when I was closing up and moving my childcare out of state. I had drafted her letter and planned to because the mom ignored my calls for pick up when her little one was very ill. Dcm ended up getting mad that I enforced my illness policy and pulled her from my care. The only upside to that situation is she taught me a valuable lesson about enforcing my own policies 100% of the time, without exception.

[Controlled Chaos]

I have only been in business 4 years and I have termed a few...let's see

1 - I stopped offering half days and they didn't wish to go to full days

2 - part time siblings, I couldn't fill around them, but had FT people of the wait list. That was sad...they were awesome. Now my wait list is diverse enough that shouldn't be a problem again hopefully.

1 - refused to vaccinate and I require that (started requiring it when my dad, who visits frequently, had a bone marrow transplant)

1- behavior issues and parents hid that child had been diagnosed with delays and disorders

Seems like a lot in 4 years, but I think now I screen out more issues during the interview process so its less likely to come to that, though I would if needed. First few years was a lot of learning

[happymom]

1 - I stopped offering half days and they didn't wish to go to full days

I wouldn't count this as a term unless you stopped offering half days because you knew they didn't wish to go full days and wanted to get term anyway. =)

[Baby Beluga]

I have termed one family. It was a combination of a lot of things, but the straw that broke the camel's back was the repeated late pick-ups after closing time. Mom took umbrage with this because "she paid the late fees." She is correct, she did. She felt as long as she paid the late fee she could be late. I did not care about the money, I wanted my time. Immediately after her term I adopted BC's policy of three late pick ups and you are termed policy.

[childcaremom]

I don't know how many I have termed but when I had a lot of clients that I wanted to term, I realized that I needed to do a better job of weeding out the clients that were not good fits.

Since making changes, I have termed once due to parents (too many issues to list), once due to child (nap screamer) and once when I switched from full year clients to teachers only.

I honestly don't think that terming is a bad thing. It is not my go-to solution and is not a decision I make lightly but it is a tool in my toolbox. I know my limits and what I can deal with and what I can't. I've suffered burn out in this profession and have come close to it happening again. I have vowed to not let it happen again.

I will say that parents play a huge factor in my decision of whether or not to term (if they are willing to work with me then I am willing to put in more effort and for a longer period of time, otherwise I'm not). The things I don't want to deal with I aim to weed out during the interview process.

[Leigh]

A couple of years ago, I termed 2 boys with ODD & ADHD. My life was pure hell when they were there, but I tried my hardest with them. I gave noticed when the 4 year old bit another, younger child. I just termed a child for biting (her brother went with her, but he was welcome to stay). I'd tried everything with her, and after we thought it was fixed, she went rabid again. This kid, I'd even consulted with licensing and a local college to work on behavioral biting-nothing worked. I termed an infant who screamed all day, was put to bed at 5:30 PM (for the night) and was on milk based formula (her mother insisted) even though she had a documented milk allergy. Off the top of my head, those are the only ones that I outright told to get out.

Other than those, I haven't technically termed, but I'd made myself unavailable for several families. One was a family with kids who had crazy behavior issues and had issues with paying on time. Another was a child that I took for overnights whose mom would have her nap with her before mom started the night shift...meaning that child would show up well rested and ready to play at 10:30 PM, and not sleep until 1AM-2AM, then awaken around 6 (1.5 hours BEFORE I get up). And, I just interviewed a family that I'm making myself unavailable for, as well. The kids I interviewed for were OK. The older siblings were ANIMALS, and the mother didn't even seem to notice them (6, 8, 10 years old) jumping on my furniture, opening the door to my bedroom and running in, and going through my fridge. I actually raised my voice at them more than once during the interview and mom sat there not even paying attention to what was going on. I finally told the mom that it was time for them to leave, and the next day got a message saying they decided that they wanted to choose me. N.O.P.E. I try to be nice when I turn someone down or become unavailable-I don't need bad reviews from someone I didn't even provide service for, but it is HARD sometimes not to just scream at certain people to get out and never talk to me again! LOL.

Almost all of my terms, as well as the ones that I've just kind of ghosted, are in the last 18 months. I just don't have it in me to put up with other peoples' SH!& anymore. If I don't like the way you parent, if I don't like YOU, if your kids are out of control, if you can afford new tattoos, vacations and concert tickets, but not to pay me, if you won't listen to your child's doctor or therapist about your child's issues, you can't come here. I just can't anymore. And, I'm a happier person for it, too (usually).

[Lil_Diddle]

only one. This past October a dck ran in front of a swing here and fell and fractured his arm. The parents never questioned what happened or made me believe that they thought I did anything wrong. Then in January the dad brought the boy in and within minutes of the father's departure I knew DCK was sick. He was running a fever so I called dad. DD knew boy had a fever and said, "I guess the Tylenol hasn't kicked in yet." told DD he needed picked up. No big deal, dad seemed ok about it. When DD got here he went unleashed. "I can't believe your all about following the handbook.... When he fractured his arm, we could have turned you in, our Dr. told us that he was not hit with a swing" It got to the point I had to raise my voice and tell the DD to leave because he was so irate. DM called later and apologized and said they do not believe I would ever hurt their child and they believed me and the DD was just stressed. I gave him the opportunity to come back and talk and he refused to talk about anything or apologize. So I figured I needed to let them go, I just felt DD was a liability. The mother and I were both upset about it, she even called me back in May and begged to be let back in, but I just don't want to have contact with DD again.

[Crazy8]

only once and it was over 10 years ago. Child had behavior issues, parents were in denial.

[renodeb]

I have termed 6 children in 11 years. All for different reasons. The most recent one was because there was an incident between one of my dc kids and a parent. (not the parent of the kid).
Each time I term it's not easy. I tale it very much to heart.
Deb

[e.j.]

I've "termed" 3 times in 20 years. I handled them in a way that while I kind of initiated the process, the parents thought they were making the decision to leave. No hard feelings that way!

One was the result of a parent raising his fist to me when I told him his child hurt himself earlier that day when he tripped and landed on a toy. There were a quite a few other issues that led to my decision to get them out of my house for good but that was the clincher. At about that same time, the dcm was trying to help her college student/night time babysitter earn money for school. She cut some of my hours to give to this babysitter "because she needed the money".:confused: (Because I was just working for the fun of it??!) I told her I totally understood and suggested she take the kids to her friend full time since she needed the money and I had a full time family who actually needed the spots. "As much as I hate to see you go....."

Another was a disagreement over nap time, among other issues. The mother, who was also a neighbor, didn't want her child to nap but dcg was falling asleep at my kitchen table every day. Knowing she would never agree to nap time and that this was my chance to get her to leave, I told her day care regs say I have to offer the children a nap if they're tired (true) so unfortunately, if she didn't want her child to nap, she would have to find someone else to watch her dd.

Another was a family that had a lot of issues. I won't go into details but when dcm told me the teenage sister was showing **** movies to my 5 yo dcg in the morning before she came to dc, I decided I was done. I had been staying open later because dcm couldn't pick up at my regular closing time. She was even later picking up the day she told me about the movies so I used that as an excuse to tell her the late pick ups were interfering with my kids' homework/dinner time. I knew she couldn't pick up any earlier so I wasn't surprised or disappointed when she said she would have to find different child care then.

[e.j.]

My son reminded me of one more. A little guy who was just way too active for me to feel like I could keep him safe. I termed him outright after a really tough week with him.

[JackandJill]

I've termed 3 times in my 3 years being open.

1- on his second day dcb threw a Thomas the Train through my window (both days he was insane out of control, never listened to me and was really aggressive).

2&3 - both infants who could not be put down without screaming, and never napped.

[sahm1225]

I've been in business for 7 years and I've termed twice.

One was my cousins daughter and she just couldn't keep up with the payments. Subsidy had issues too so it just got out of control and I couldn't financially afford to keep her. Ended way better that I thought it would've.

One was a current dcf and I termed one of their kids. Dcb needed a different environment. He has since been evaluated and is getting the help he needs. Daycare was causing this poor dcb anxiety and he was just horribly aggressive. He's doing better now (term was last month) and I have his sister until the end of the month because she's leaving for kindergarten.

I've had a few that I've encouraged to move on and they thought it was their idea