Have Any of You Created an IFSP or Been Involved with One at All?

[permanentvacation]

I am considering creating an IFSP (Individual Family Service Plan) for one of my children. But I have never even heard on that term until a class that I recently took taught us briefly about them. Since they didn't teach in depth about them, I'm not over confident about creating one. And, my thought is that if I do create one, the parents might just pull their child out of my daycare rather than actually try to work to help their child. I have discussed this one problem with both of the parents for months and they just shrug their shoulders about it.

The problem is that the child (almost 3 year old) wants to sleep all day. I used to think and told the parents that she might have a neurological problem and possibly be having seizures. Then I thought that it might just be that she is so over tired that she just 'zones out' and it's not seizure related. Now, however, I believe the parents are probably fighting at night and the child is either kept awake from the noise or is afraid to sleep at home.

Here's the scene...

Upon arrival pretty much every morning, the child comes into daycare exhausted and literally falls asleep standing up or while she's playing, simply falls asleep and falls over onto the floor or her head hits the table. She will be in mid-sentence or in the middle of doing something such as putting a puzzle piece into a puzzle and stop abruptly and have this blank stare for the longest time until you clap your hands loudly a couple of times, move her, or loudly call her name a couple of times. So I started thinking she might be having seizures. I told the parents that I think she has a neurological problem and possible seizures and that they need to take her to the doctors and ask to see a neurologist. Of course they never did that. And I finally gave up requesting them to take her to a doctor. And just thought maybe she's zoning out just because she's so tired.

Then the mother started complaining to me about the father. And about a month later, he moved out for almost 2 weeks. The second day that he was not living in the house, the little girl came in here wide awake and functioned perfectly all day long! She was awake every day until the second day after the dad moved back into the house! Now, she's tired, crying, and zoning out all day long again.

So, after taking the Americans with Disabilities class a few days ago, I've been thinking of creating an IFSP for her regarding her wanting to sleep all day which makes it so she's unable to learn social skills because she's not able to interact with the other children and she's not able to learn many of the scholastics that I teach because she's falling asleep or zoning out so much.

The child had this problem the first day she started here and when I asked the parents about it, they each blamed the other and then blamed the old daycare center. She's been in my care for months and I fuss about her needing to sleep at home and be awake here. I make a comment almost every morning about her being tired again in the morning and ask what time she went to bed the night before. The answer is always, "I don't know, I went to bed at 12:30am (or 1 or all the way up to 1:30 am) and she was still up. But I was tired, so I went to bed." One time, the mother literally said, "I don't know if she ever went to bed, I went to bed at 1:30. But I don't even know if she ever went to sleep." The CHILD is 2 YEARS OLD!!!

How do you as a parent go to sleep knowing that your child is up roaming around the house in the middle of the night????

Since the parents haven't done anything to correct her sleeping/zoning out issues. I really think that my creating an IFSP will either just be a waste of my time or will make them pull the child out of my daycare and go to someone who will simply let the child sleep all day.

What do you think? And can you teach me more about IFSP's?

[NillaWafers]

Omgosh after you said that she falls over and just hits her head - I would term. I'm sorry, but that's a risk to her health and if she's not getting help from her parents it's a liability to you!

That is NOT normal, it's not her being tired. It's not staying up all night. If you pull an all nighter you just don't fall asleep and fall over while standing - you lay down cus you're tired.

I would give her parents a letter saying that you need XYZ (neurological evaluation) or her last day will be xyz. YIKES

[permanentvacation]

Yes, I really have been truly afraid of her being in need of neurological care or something else being wrong with her. I have been worried about my liability, but I also worry that if she goes to another daycare that just let her sleep and didn't care at all, that she might never get the care she needs.

Then when dad left and the child came in here bright eyed and bushy-tailed every day, I really think it's due to lack of sleep from something keeping her from sleeping at night. I am assuming that the parents are arguing at night because the mother has complained to me about the father numerous times and because as soon as he moved out, the child was fully awake here which showed that she obviously got plenty of sleep the night before. But as soon as he moved back in, the child got no sleep at night and was tired all day.

So, after that with the dad moving out and back in changing the amount of sleep the child got at night, I don't believe it's a medical issue at all, I really just think it's from lack of sleep.

[NillaWafers]

I hate to cry wolf but is it possible she's being abused? I just wouldn't be able to tolerate a kid sleeping all day here - we do way too much stuff and that would put a serious damper on it.

I have no experience with ISFP, but if you say it's just her tired, that's not really a disability. If it was neurological, maybe? But you say it probably isn't. Her parents need to step up and parent and they aren't. I would still give them an ultimatum because it affects your life too. Get her sleep habits in check or hit the road.

There's also something to be said about saying "Oh if I don't help her nobody will". You can't help everyone. Do your best, but this really seems kinda extreme if you've already told them it needs to be dealt with and nothing is happening.

[Silly Songs]

Why did they leave the previous center ? I agree that it sounds like abuse maybe. It's my opinion only.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

Something is fishy here. Sleep is a basic need and it is neglectful parenting from what this sounds like. I would consider calling CPS. I don't want to assume the worst, but something is not right here. (Not taking her to the doc for those behaviors is also neglect and makes me wonder why they don't want to take her, kwim?)

[permanentvacation]

I honestly have not read the last couple of posts simply because I am so upset that I just need to, and maybe shouldn't, but just need to tell someone what just happened.

I do the Ages and Stages Questionnaires with my children. It's been a couple of months since I've done them as you aren't supposed to do them constantly. Anyway, so, since she slept for nap plus almost 2 hours before nap. I woke her up for lunch then she slept for nap.

So, she's well rested, so I decided to assess her first with the ASQ3. I showed her a mirror as instructed and asked her, "Who do you see in the mirror?" She mumbled something and I only understood the 'n' sound. I asked her a couple of times who she saw in the mirror and told her to speak louder. I realized that she was saying 'a ni**er'!!!! After I thought that was what she said, I asked a couple of more times and she definitely was saying 'a ni**er'!!! OMG!!! WOW!!!!

Now, I do know that especially in my area, it is very common for African Americans to call each other that term when talking/bullcrapping with each other. But for a 2 1/2 year old to call herself that when looking in a mirror!?!? I don't even know how to respond/react/what to or not to say to the parents. I couldn't even bring myself to write what she said on the questionnaire.

I then asked her what the person in the mirror's name is. At first she just looked at herself and after a couple of times of asking what the person in the mirror's name is, she said her name.

Am I overreacting about this? What would be your next step if that happened with a child you take care of?

[permanentvacation]

During nap, before I assess the little girl, called my specialist and told him about what I have told you guys. He suggested that I call another organization, not Department of Social Services, but an organization that can possibly assess her, work with the parents on her behalf, and work with me on trying to get the child the proper care she needs. I called that organization and spoke with someone who said that they will have someone else call me in a day or so.

[NeedaVaca]

I used to work for the state and wrote IFSP's. However, this is just not something you should be doing for a daycare child. You need to be trained first of all, second this is something you do with a team (medical, therapists, social workers, etc) of people that are involved with the child's early intervention.

If this family has not been taking you seriously then an IFSP is just a piece of paper and won't mean a thing. I think you are confused about what IFSP's are used for, it won't help you with your problem with this family. It is for documenting therapy services the child will receive and how often, outcomes, time lines, etc...

[spedmommy4]

I will address your first question about an IFSP. An IFSP is a document created by a school district or regional center for a child under the age of three with an identified special need. I am a licensed special education teacher and I would not create one for any of the kids in my care. It isn't my role.

It sounds like you're worried about this child, and that's understandable. BUT, in this role, the only thing you can do is provide the parent with the information. If the way the parent chooses (or chooses not) to deal with the issue begins to impact your program, you may have to let the family go.

Sometimes it takes a provider, or series of providers, letting a child go to make a family deal with an issue.

[permanentvacation]

The more I assess the kids in my area, the more upset I get and the more worried about them I am.


Yes, I agree that I can't really make the parents change their parenting ways. Unless something was found by DSS to be truly abusive. And then, even with that, in most abusive situations, unless the child is proven to be sexually abused or excessively physically abused, at least in my area, DSS doesn't really do much about anything.

I guess I have a couple of options. Just accept that many parents raise their children differently than I agree with. Continually terminate children for the differences in our child rearing beliefs. Do my best to not be upset by what happens at home as long as it's not truly abuse and simply focus on what I can do for the child here while in my care for the day. Or find a different career.

Somehow, I have to stop being upset over the way parents raise their children here. I don't want to change careers. I can't afford to terminate every other child I get because of things that happen in their house. So I guess I just need to accept that many parents in my area raise children differently than I was raised and do my best to give the best care that I can while they are in my care during the day.

[Mike]

I hate to cry wolf but is it possible she's being abused?

That was my first thought. (that unliked topic again)

Something is fishy here. Sleep is a basic need and it is neglectful parenting from what this sounds like. I would consider calling CPS. I don't want to assume the worst, but something is not right here. (Not taking her to the doc for those behaviors is also neglect and makes me wonder why they don't want to take her, kwim?)

I showed her a mirror as instructed and asked her, "Who do you see in the mirror?" She mumbled something and I only understood the 'n' sound. I asked her a couple of times who she saw in the mirror and told her to speak louder. I realized that she was saying 'a ni**er'!!!! After I thought that was what she said, I asked a couple of more times and she definitely was saying 'a ni**er'!!! OMG!!! WOW!!!!

possible verbal abuse

Where I live, if we have any suspicion of possible abuse, we have to report it. Sounds to me like trouble at home for sure.

[permanentvacation]

So, I've talked to a couple of people from my area that have African Americans in their family. They said that I am overreacting to this.

Their opinion is that the mother and father might be arguing/fighting with each other, but there's nothing legally anyone can do about that unless one of them want to call the police on the other. The fact that if they are fighting and their child isn't able to sleep because of it, I know from the mess I went through with my ex, that in my state, the law doesn't consider that abuse against the child and no one will do anything about the situation.

They said that if they were me, they'd just realize that the child didn't get enough sleep the night before, so they'd let the child sleep at daycare. They said that they'd just wake the child up when we need to go outside or she needs to eat. Basically, let the child sleep until I HAVE to get her up. And just know that once she sleeps enough, she'll wake up and participate in things for the rest of the day.

They also said that most likely, the when the child is looking in a mirror at home, the parents or siblings say something like, 'Who's that ni**er?' Not meaning it in a derogatory manner, but more like they are bullsh*tting/just talking slang with their family members/friends.

The things they said make sense when I started thinking about the general population and what is considered 'normal' mannerisms/behavior here.

I think I need to stop critiquing my children and their family's way of living. I think I need to focus on making the money I need to make to take care of myself and stay focused on my own financial needs. Yes, if I see obvious signs of abuse, I need to report it. But, I need to understand what is considered normal in families in my area and stop being shocked and concerned about little things such as a child calling themselves that term when she looks in a mirror. Or that a child didn't get enough sleep at night. No organization that we would report possible abuse to would concern themselves with either of those things. So I need to stop concerning myself with them.

[permanentvacation]

And, taking my previous post in consideration, I definitely don't want to create an IFSP for a family in this area. I think there are too many differences in my expectations and most of the families in my area.

Thank you for telling me that an IFSP is supposed to include a team of professionals. That's what I thought the information said in the class I took. But then the teacher told us that we can make one up by ourselves and it would be just us, the daycare provider, and the parent(s) that were involved. That's when I got confused about it.

[permanentvacation]

Tonight I talked with 2 different people who are very bluntly honest. One is an African American man and the other is a white mother of mixed children. They both, without knowing what the other said, told me that black families, at least in our area - the Baltimore area, often call each other and the children that term to desensitize them. If children get used to being called that term when they are young, it simply becomes another word, another way of describing themselves and when they hear it on the street out in the world, they don't overreact to it. The lady I spoke to said that getting the girls used to the term keeps the girls from getting their feelings hurt if and 'you know someone will' call them that or they'll at least hear someone being called it on the streets or in school. And it keeps the boys from getting in fight or shooting someone over being called a word that they aren't used to being called.

Both of them told me not to worry about her calling herself that term in the mirror. The man actually chuckled at me as if saying, "You silly clueless white woman, YES! This is normal for black households in our area!" The white woman who has mixed kids told me that if she calls herself that term again when looking in a mirror, that I could just simply say, "That's you! Your name is so-and-so" and basically ignore that she said that term. She said, "Or, just don't do the mirror part of the test again for a while!" and she chuckled.

So, I won't stress any more over her calling herself that term.