Would You Keep a Child Continuously for Nearly a Week?

[Angelmichelle]

A daycare mom whom I've known since before mom was a preteen (ironically, she used to babysit my kids when she was younger and I worked as a nurse overnights and needed to sleep in the morning while my hubby worked) has enrolled her infant. I love her and her family, in fact, her mom and my husband grew up together and still remain close. I have him 4 days per week, plus *some* weekends; he's considered full time but she has one weekday off from group and keeps him home that day. ANYHOW, yesterday she asked me to keep him overnight (not the first time, and I'm OK with that because of her substance abuse issues and I l love this love this him) because she hasn't been feeling well. He JUST had a 5 day inpatient stay in the hospital a few weeks ago. Much to my surprise, the day he was discharged she asked me if I could keep him shortly after she got home because she was afraid of caring for him because he still had residual illness and a few of his meds she was uncomfortable with administering). He was in attendance yesterday, and she asked if he could stay over because she was "overwhelmed" with her other children. Today she texted me and stated she's going out of town for 5 days and questioned if I would be willing to keep him until she comes back. She also said she'd come get him if I didn't want to. I don't mind... but I question if it's a bad idea. She's also very young, so I don't judge her at all. Would you do it?

[Blackcat31]

A daycare mom whom I've known since before mom was a preteen (ironically, she used to babysit my kids when she was younger and I worked as a nurse overnights and needed to sleep in the morning while my hubby worked) has enrolled her infant. I love her and her family, in fact, her mom and my husband grew up together and still remain close. I have him 4 days per week, plus *some* weekends; he's considered full time but she has one weekday off from group and keeps him home that day. ANYHOW, yesterday she asked me to keep him overnight (not the first time, and I'm OK with that because of her substance abuse issues and I l love this love this him) because she hasn't been feeling well. He JUST had a 5 day inpatient stay in the hospital a few weeks ago. Much to my surprise, the day he was discharged she asked me if I could keep him shortly after she got home because she was afraid of caring for him because he still had residual illness and a few of his meds she was uncomfortable with administering). He was in attendance yesterday, and she asked if he could stay over because she was "overwhelmed" with her other children. Today she texted me and stated she's going out of town for 5 days and questioned if I would be willing to keep him until she comes back. She also said she'd come get him if I didn't want to. I don't mind... but I question if it's a bad idea. She's also very young, so I don't judge her at all. Would you do it?

Nope.

I think that's beyond the scope of services I offer.

Also, the food program denies your ability to claim a child once they've (the child) been in care for more than 24 continuous hours. They then become residents of the household.

I would also check with your state....some family child care providers are not allowed to provide care for more than 24 hours.

I understand your wanting to help this mother but honestly, she's never going to learn to be a good mother if she's always got that safety net (you).

I'd offer my support and assistance where I could but i certainly wouldn't be doing anything I consider a parental responsibility.

[hope]

I think if you start caring for this child over night here, 5 days there, the dcm will continue to ask and increase the amount of time the child is with you. You mentioned she has other children. Where are they when you have dcb?

[Angelmichelle]

Thank you ladies. It gave me pause, that's why I questioned it. I believe the other children are going with mom for this trip. Daily they go to Early Head Start and then wraparound care. I've never asked where they went in the evenings but she has a large family so I would hope one of them. She denied this pregnancy for over six months. I'm not going to surmise that she didn't want him, but it sort of seems like it.

[Thriftylady]

Check first with licensing. I know when I was in Kansas we couldn't work daycare and/or any combination of jobs more than 18 hours per day. We also were not allowed to sleep with DCKs in care. Also, for me to do it, she wouldn't be able to afford it most likely. I am a 24 hour provider, but you pay for it if you have overnight hours and such. Are you sure you are charging her enough for all that you do?

[Angelmichelle]

Check first with licensing. I know when I was in Kansas we couldn't work daycare and/or any combination of jobs more than 18 hours per day. We also were not allowed to sleep with DCKs in care. Also, for me to do it, she wouldn't be able to afford it most likely. I am a 24 hour provider, but you pay for it if you have overnight hours and such. Are you sure you are charging her enough for all that you do?

I will check licensing. She doesn't pay, child care assistance does. I've actually never charged her extra. I've always been of the mindset that if she's on a bender then the baby is safer with me. However, I do feel all is right that it's going to get worse and longer.

[Thriftylady]

I will check licensing. She doesn't pay, child care assistance does. I've actually never charged her extra. I've always been of the mindset that if she's on a bender then the baby is safer with me. However, I do feel all is right that it's going to get worse and longer.

Well check your contract with the state. They could make you pay back any money they pay while she isn't working and/or at school if they find out. Also, if the addiction is that bad, you need to consider a report for neglect. Leaving your child for days/weeks at a time IS neglect. I get you are trying to think of the child, but you may be doing more harm than good, and end up in a bind because of it.

[BabyMonkeys]

I would absolutely keep him. Although if this were a family that you didn't have an extensive prior relationship my advice would be different.

She knows that she needs help, and is asking for it. Not every parent would. She is uncomfortable caring for a child that was ill enough to have to spend 5 days in the hospital. She knows that you are a nurse, and would be able to properly administer medications, and know what reactions to watch for. You know what symptoms to watch for that might indicate he was getting worse. A sick baby can overwhelm anyone. Parents that get overwhelmed (particularly those with substance abuse issues) are more likely to abuse their children, or at least neglect them. Why risk it?

Are you enabling her? Probably. I'd rather do that than have to worry about the baby. You can figure out the enabling part in the future when she doesn't have such a sick baby.

[Josiegirl]

I have done it in the past but I think in your case I'd be very hesitant. She's going away even though her baby just got out of the hospital after 5 days? How far away will she be in case of an emergency?

I know you've mentioned how much you care about this family so I wouldn't try to advise you one way or the other. But if it were me, I'd be nervous about it.

[MunchkinWrangler]

My biggest question and I might be the odd one out here but why aren't you reporting this? If you know she has substance abuse problems she isn't a fit parent. Also, you are enabling her. What she is doing is neglect. Being young is no excuse. This situation is black and white to me. Her children aren't safe with her and she isn't parenting. What this mother needs is rehab not a 24 hour babysitter.

[Jujube835]

My biggest question and I might be the odd one out here but why aren't you reporting this? If you know she has substance abuse problems she isn't a fit parent. Also, you are enabling her. What she is doing is neglect. Being young is no excuse. This situation is black and white to me. Her children aren't safe with her and she isn't parenting. What this mother needs is rehab not a 24 hour babysitter.

I agree with this. Sorry OP but this woman does not sound fit to parent. She needs a wake up call.

In regards to keeping a child overnight, I have and would again. I didn't consider it "childcare." I was basically keeping the children for a friend. They stayed at my house for 11 days/nights while the dad was on a business trip. I didn't charge him for the extra time. He just paid his weekly rate and then bought me some cool souvenirs from Texas. Lol

[Blackcat31]

I will check licensing. She doesn't pay, child care assistance does. I've actually never charged her extra. I've always been of the mindset that if she's on a bender then the baby is safer with me. However, I do feel all is right that it's going to get worse and longer.

This may be true but its also enabling mom.

I agree that it needs to be reported.

[Unregistered]

If you are a mandated reporter, you may have a responsibility to report if you suspect she is abusing drugs or alcohol. You may have liability if you have knowledge and do not report, so keep that in mind. You aren't doing anyone a favor by putting your license at risk.

[LysesKids]

A daycare mom whom I've known since before mom was a preteen (ironically, she used to babysit my kids when she was younger and I worked as a nurse overnights and needed to sleep in the morning while my hubby worked) has enrolled her infant. I love her and her family, in fact, her mom and my husband grew up together and still remain close. I have him 4 days per week, plus *some* weekends; he's considered full time but she has one weekday off from group and keeps him home that day. ANYHOW, yesterday she asked me to keep him overnight (not the first time, and I'm OK with that because of her substance abuse issues and I l love this love this him) because she hasn't been feeling well. He JUST had a 5 day inpatient stay in the hospital a few weeks ago. Much to my surprise, the day he was discharged she asked me if I could keep him shortly after she got home because she was afraid of caring for him because he still had residual illness and a few of his meds she was uncomfortable with administering). He was in attendance yesterday, and she asked if he could stay over because she was "overwhelmed" with her other children. Today she texted me and stated she's going out of town for 5 days and questioned if I would be willing to keep him until she comes back. She also said she'd come get him if I didn't want to. I don't mind... but I question if it's a bad idea. She's also very young, so I don't judge her at all. Would you do it?

I personally would say no... have you thought about what you would do if the child got hurt or really ill & needed hospital care? That could screw you because you wouldn't have power of attorney to get care, plus if you can't get a hold of mom, then what? Social Services steps in and not only does baby suffer until someone has authorization to treat, but mom could likely lose all kids to foster care once her excessive drinking is discovered; not to mention the nightmare you will have explaining to licensing how this came about to start with.

Being a mandated reporter, you should have already contacted someone to get the mom help

[Second Home]

I know you want to help her but I would think there is way too much risk in keeping the baby for a week straight .
I would not do it .