OMG Custody Issues

[Thriftylady]

That's your state. OP lives in TX.

I live in MN.

When someone files a restraining order here it is granted TEMPORARILY for 5 days. ANYONE can say ANYTHING to get one. In 5 days the person filed against can go to court and contest whatever the filer says. If the filer lied, the restraining order is denied and it's like it never happened.

IF the filer has enough proof then it's granted for a period of 1 or 2 years depending and is usually very specific.

In my state its VERY common for a parent (usually the mother) to make up all sorts of stuff about the soon to be ex in regards to the child so that the mom gets custody

However, my thoughts on this situation is that the OP ONLY knows what the mom has told her. HEARSAY.

If I were the OP, I would tell the mom that I would NOT accept the child into care until the dad has been served the restraining order and unless it was a granted NOT TEMPORARY (as in a few days) order I would not accept the child into care simply because of the liability alone until the order was addressed in court more deeply than just the initial temporary order. TOO risky.

It's not the providers responsibility to notify the dad or anything else in this situation. Her only responsibility is to keep herself and the other children in care safe. If that means denying care to this family (until it's settled down and more legalized in the courts) because someone else's drama ESPECIALLY dangerous drama is not the OP's problem.

I was more speaking to the keeping the child out until the papers are served. I guess to sum up what I apparently didn't say clearly, is that to say the child can't come until the papers are served would be saying the child couldn't come for who knows how long. It could take weeks to get papers served if using the sheriff in some states. So you would be excluding the child for a long time. As far as a restraining order those vary by order. Mine with my abusive ex was good from the time the papers were served until the divorce was final. Like he would all of a sudden no longer be violent after the judge signed off on the papers.:confused:

[Blackcat31]

OP this is for your state:

http://texaslawhelp.org/files/685E99A9-A3EB-6584-CA74-137E0474AE2C/attachments/D82622E3-0353-63DF-9766-B6B92A7D8001/updated-protective-order-kit-2015.pdf

If I were you, I'd simply stay out of it.

Notifying the dad is not your job or the mom's.

As a provider, I would make sure you have the required paperwork on file in care and if dad shows up, call 911.

I would not allow child to attend until he has been notified.

If you do not think the courts will notify him in a timely manner, it's mom's issue to pursue not yours. She should have an attorney and her attorney can advise her.

The only role you should play in this is having the correct paperwork and having your phone handy in case you need to call 911. Otherwise, the rest is between them.

[morgan24]

OK that makes sense but I still don't want to be the one to tell him he can no longer see his child and he has a restraining order against him. I am thinking if he shows up I will have dh meet him outside the house and handle this. I don't want to make this a big issue or have other kids around if he gets upset.

I had a similar situation happen a couple of months ago. I told the dcm until dcd has been served with the papers and knows exactly what is going on that I would not be her go between and be the one to inform him. That I would continue letting him pick up his child and that they needed to have it all worked out before they get here. In my case she let dcd still pick up until he recieved the papers. I also made it clear their family issues have to be worked out before they get her and that I would not be taking sides.

[Blackcat31]

I was more speaking to the keeping the child out until the papers are served. I guess to sum up what I apparently didn't say clearly, is that to say the child can't come until the papers are served would be saying the child couldn't come for who knows how long. It could take weeks to get papers served if using the sheriff in some states. So you would be excluding the child for a long time. As far as a restraining order those vary by order. Mine with my abusive ex was good from the time the papers were served until the divorce was final. Like he would all of a sudden no longer be violent after the judge signed off on the papers.:confused:

It's not a divorce situation (for the mom/dad it is...) its a restraining order or order for protection.

Which usually means someone is fearful for their life or safety. If there is a young child involved, I can't imagine it would take weeks to serve someone when the potential to be dangerous is the reason for the RO in the first place. :confused:

Yes, coupled with a divorce and/or custody issue the situation can get complex and lengthy but still that part has nothing to do with the OP.

[Cat Herder]

But the provider only knows this because of the mom.

I've had mom's claim all sorts of stuff about their soon-to-be ex that wasn't at all true.

^^^ This.

I would caution to be very careful with believing her story as told. It is not uncommon for women to use the police as a convenient way to remove a Dad from his kids life. As punishment for not pining for her forever or paying enough ransom. Sad, but all too true. Many believe that filing an RO is the quickest way to get them out of the house to ensure physical custody.

Kids have a right to both parents. It isn't about the Mother or Father.

I agree that exclusion until some resolution can be found would be best for your family and the other children in your care.

[daycare]

This....

there are two sides to every story. I never side with a parent EVER.

If the papers are only being served, then that means they have not even gone to court yet to have an order put into place????

so sorry you are dealing with this. BC should also give you her letter she gives the parents when they divorce.

[Play Care]

But the provider only knows this because of the mom.

I've had mom's claim all sorts of stuff about their soon-to-be ex that wasn't at all true.

That could very well be the case. However the provider has been given the paperwork, if I'm reading correctly, that Dad is not allowed to pick up. This is not about the provider making judgments, but following a court order.
Since Dad may not have been served, I agree that the child should not be in care until everyone knows what's what.
When I had a child with a court order (against her mother) I was instructed to not open the door but to call the police if she showed. And that's just due to the order.

[MunchkinWrangler]

Yes, we as provider's need to follow court orders. Until she has that in hand, she shouldn't have to be put in the middle of a custody battle for whatever reason. That's not fair for the mother to put her in that situation.
Also, we have other kids in care that need to be protected and if any situation has a possibility of becoming a dangerous or outrageous one, I would exclude until everything has been worked out.
It is the providers job to ensure her environment is safe for everyone.

[TXhomedaycare]

Mom gave me the temporary (10 days) court order and I asked her to keep dcb home today. I understand that what she said about dcd is hearsay but I am not totally going to disregard it. Even if she didn't tell me about it I would still be on alert due to the nature of this issue. I am not going to wait until dad is served to watch dcb since we don't know when that will be. The court date is next Friday and we will see what the outcome is. Police in this area would be here in the blink of an eye and my husband is much larger than dcd I refuse to get involved but decided to post because this is an interesting situation and I wanted to make sure I was out of line to not want to watch dcb at least today. Thanks everyone!

[daycarediva]

OP this is for your state:

http://texaslawhelp.org/files/685E99A9-A3EB-6584-CA74-137E0474AE2C/attachments/D82622E3-0353-63DF-9766-B6B92A7D8001/updated-protective-order-kit-2015.pdf

If I were you, I'd simply stay out of it.

Notifying the dad is not your job or the mom's.

As a provider, I would make sure you have the required paperwork on file in care and if dad shows up, call 911.

I would not allow child to attend until he has been notified.

If you do not think the courts will notify him in a timely manner, it's mom's issue to pursue not yours. She should have an attorney and her attorney can advise her.

The only role you should play in this is having the correct paperwork and having your phone handy in case you need to call 911. Otherwise, the rest is between them.

ALL of this.

Mom may be hoping dcd shows up and makes a scene to gain validity in court. People are all kinds of cray cray. I wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole.

[MunchkinWrangler]

Mom gave me the temporary (10 days) court order and I asked her to keep dcb home today. I understand that what she said about dcd is hearsay but I am not totally going to disregard it. Even if she didn't tell me about it I would still be on alert due to the nature of this issue. I am not going to wait until dad is served to watch dcb since we don't know when that will be. The court date is next Friday and we will see what the outcome is. Police in this area would be here in the blink of an eye and my husband is much larger than dcd I refuse to get involved but decided to post because this is an interesting situation and I wanted to make sure I was out of line to not want to watch dcb at least today. Thanks everyone!

:hug: You are doing what's right for DCB and your childcare home. Plus, I agree, even if your SO is larger than DCD, neither of you should have to get involved. Sorry you have to deal with this situation!