When is it BEYOND Picky Eating? - Long

[Josiegirl]

I agree with Sharlan. No battling it out at all, not one word of negotiations, or begging or even asking anything about the food on the plate. Not one. Put it down on the table. Walk away. It would be hard to ignore but then when the fit comes do as suggested above, and put them down for a nap. No emotions, no conversation about any of it, just reiterate with the 'you must be very tired' mantra, nothing else, don't give the child any room for manipulating anything. The adult will never win this kind of a battle.
It would be great to get dcps on the same page but I highly doubt that would happen. Nobody wants to think their child is hungry.

[daycarediva]

I would STOP the mealtime battles.

Have a sit down talk with both dcm and dcd, plus the child.

Explain that the menus are what they are, they are for the benefit of all children and will not be altered for her.

Then I would stop the battles with the child. I would serve her very small portions of what you feed the rest of the children. Either she eats it or she doesn't. If she throws a fit, then it's off to nap without breakfast or lunch. Children too tired to eat need to sleep.

I have a daughter that negotiates EVERYTHING with a 7 yo terrorist. Everything is a battle from food to homework. He will not do homework or eat a bite of food if she is here. When she's not, he'll do his homework and eat most of what I put in front of him. I will not negotiate with him and he knows it.

I do NOT engage and this is EXACTLY how I have been handling it. At breakfast and snack- she goes to the calm down corner. At lunch- she goes to nap. This is especially horrific for her because she loses her story- and she loves story time.

She is highly intelligent, I would say most likely gifted. She is beginning to read now (at 3y5m). She is also an EXPERT con artist with her parents.

I had a phone conference with Mom and we had a long chat. Mom said that they are on board, 'it's easier to fix at 3!' (her words). They are no longer going to alter their meals or allow her to carb load at snacks. grain snacks are gone. Mom came in today to tell me that she and dcg went shopping and put a snack drawer in the kitchen. Fresh fruit, yogurt, cheese stick, mini water bottles. They got a recipe book from the library and dcg is going to help pick and prepare meals at home. I sent home the portioned/USDA plates with the parents as well so dcg can visualize what should be on her plate. Dcg PROMISED her mom she would take a no thank you bite of everything and that even if she didn't like it- she wouldn't cry.

At breakfast, she tried eggs. She didn't like them, but she took a bite, attempted not to make a face and said no thankyou. She ate one piece of toast with almond butter (almond butter!) and loved it. She drank water.

At lunch she ate her entire salad. I did toss it in ranch, but I'll take it! She tried the pasta and ate pieces of the meat sauce.

NO TEARS. I LOVE when parents get on board! Mom had said they voiced concerns to the pedi but they said "Oh all kids are like that." *sigh* I wish pediatricians had more nutrition knowledge or at least led parents to seek better advice!

[sharlan]

Yeah!

I wish my dd would take a stand with her terrorist, but she won't.

[Miss A]

My nephew is like this. At first we thought it was a power struggle, because one day he would eat what we served, and the next he would refuse to touch anything. Then, he started to refuse to eat most all food, except the junk his mom would feed him. She then began to see that something was wrong, and asked his Dr. He is now in therapy as he struggles with food sensory disorder. Basically, the thought of eating something new stresses him out so much, he becomes anxious and agitated. He then begins to refuse trying the food, even if it is something he has eaten before, because he has worked himself up so much. The therapist began using a child led feeding system. The parents give the child options that are healthy, and he is allowed to choose what sounds good to him through those options. Some times all he will eat is spaghetti and grapes, some days he will touch nothing but potatoes.

[Ariana]

That is awesome Diva!! I forgot to mention that we also do the one bite rule with my kid. She doesn't have to like it but she has to try it. We don't make a fuss over anything and she has liked some foods this way. My husband makes vegan caesar salad and she actually liked it!

Hope it continues to go well!

[Unregistered]

My son hasn't had a veggie near his mouth in 5 years except for peas. My picker eater loves strawberries but won't eat them if they are slightly soft or hard.. They have to be just right. Grapes have to be cut individually so he can't see where the stem went into the grape. Apples have to be sliced and peeled. He won't eat foods that touch. Peanut butter and jelly on a sandwich. No way. Separated on a plate just fine. He likes fruit snacks but again they have to be the right kind. Eats white pizza but it can't have any specks of seasoning on it. He likes pasta with nothing on it. Hardboiled egg whites only. He can't see a speck of yellow or he won't eat it. He isn't a sweet eater..but loves salty things. Dry toast Ok. He will eat a plain hamburger. Just the hamburger no roll. Hotdog,again no roll. He won't drink milk at all. He drinks water 95 percent of the time. Meals are catered to his choice or he would literally not eat. If I suggest I try a food. He takes the tinyest nibble. He is 8 and weights 50 lbs.

Dear God I can only imagine what life is like in this household. I can't imagine my folks would have catered to even a quarter of this mess.

[Mom2Two]

Is she super tall as well or is she just big and heavy?

Imo, if she's at 100 percentile for weight (I don't think you can be over 100th percentile--it's the max) she's picky because she is overfed and is simply not hungry. Don't budge. She's not hurting. She's not hungry. She's picky coz she doesn't really require as much food as she's being given. Just give her a healthy meal, let her eat what she wants, and don't let it get under your skin if she whines about what she's given.

IMO you and the parents are all stressing way too much about "getting her to eat." Kids who are actually hungry for food don't fool around--they EAT.

[Josiegirl]

I have 2 dcgs, sisters, 1 eats just about anything and she's likely to have 2-3 helpings(that's when I shove extra veggies and a lil bit of the other foods on her plate but lots of veggies), dcg #2 is super super picky. She'd live on mostly grains if you let her, touches very few fruits and even way less veggies. They're both in about the same percentile, dcm was shocked.
Their pedi said that it's good to be picky because then dcg #2 isn't just eating everything, she's picking and choosing what she wants whereas dcg #1 would eat more than she needs to.
My thought is wth is the logic and sense in that???

[childcaremom]

I do NOT engage and this is EXACTLY how I have been handling it. At breakfast and snack- she goes to the calm down corner. At lunch- she goes to nap. This is especially horrific for her because she loses her story- and she loves story time.

She is highly intelligent, I would say most likely gifted. She is beginning to read now (at 3y5m). She is also an EXPERT con artist with her parents.

I had a phone conference with Mom and we had a long chat. Mom said that they are on board, 'it's easier to fix at 3!' (her words). They are no longer going to alter their meals or allow her to carb load at snacks. grain snacks are gone. Mom came in today to tell me that she and dcg went shopping and put a snack drawer in the kitchen. Fresh fruit, yogurt, cheese stick, mini water bottles. They got a recipe book from the library and dcg is going to help pick and prepare meals at home. I sent home the portioned/USDA plates with the parents as well so dcg can visualize what should be on her plate. Dcg PROMISED her mom she would take a no thank you bite of everything and that even if she didn't like it- she wouldn't cry.

At breakfast, she tried eggs. She didn't like them, but she took a bite, attempted not to make a face and said no thankyou. She ate one piece of toast with almond butter (almond butter!) and loved it. She drank water.

At lunch she ate her entire salad. I did toss it in ranch, but I'll take it! She tried the pasta and ate pieces of the meat sauce.

NO TEARS. I LOVE when parents get on board! Mom had said they voiced concerns to the pedi but they said "Oh all kids are like that." *sigh* I wish pediatricians had more nutrition knowledge or at least led parents to seek better advice!

So glad you were able to have a chat and reach a happy conclusion for everyone!

[daycarediva]

Is she super tall as well or is she just big and heavy?

Imo, if she's at 100 percentile for weight (I don't think you can be over 100th percentile--it's the max) she's picky because she is overfed and is simply not hungry. Don't budge. She's not hurting. She's not hungry. She's picky coz she doesn't really require as much food as she's being given. Just give her a healthy meal, let her eat what she wants, and don't let it get under your skin if she whines about what she's given.

IMO you and the parents are all stressing way too much about "getting her to eat." Kids who are actually hungry for food don't fool around--they EAT.

She is 'off the charts' for weight. Around 50% for height. It isn't about getting her to eat just anything, it's about getting her to eat healthy food in healthy amounts.

I have 2 dcgs, sisters, 1 eats just about anything and she's likely to have 2-3 helpings(that's when I shove extra veggies and a lil bit of the other foods on her plate but lots of veggies), dcg #2 is super super picky. She'd live on mostly grains if you let her, touches very few fruits and even way less veggies. They're both in about the same percentile, dcm was shocked.
Their pedi said that it's good to be picky because then dcg #2 isn't just eating everything, she's picking and choosing what she wants whereas dcg #1 would eat more than she needs to.
My thought is wth is the logic and sense in that???

In my experience, pediatricians aren't very informed about nutrition. IF dcg 1 was eating more than she needed to, she would be overweight. They prob get the same calories, but dcg1's are healthier.

[MotherNature]

Dear God I can only imagine what life is like in this household. I can't imagine my folks would have catered to even a quarter of this mess.

Wow- that was really rude. My son is like this, but even more extreme. He has spd & has been in therapy for over a year, including one dy a week for feeding therapy. We've tried several programs & tactics. He used to eat all sorts of stuff, curries, etc. At 18 months, like a switch, he stopped eating. He doesn't eat meat, rarely touches cheese or peanut butter. His only protein is peas, frozen peas. It's so frustrating not knowing how to proceed & what to do. He's 5 & 30 lbs. He's been to geneticists, dietitians, endocrinologists, and multiple therapists. Lots of blood work and tests, and we're still trying to figure out what is going on. I'm a former chef. I know food. To discredit this parent like that is rude. It may not just be disobedience & control; there may be a genuine medical/neurological issue.