Demanding to Take Home Toys/Food at Pick Up

[Unregistered]

I have a 2 1/2 year old DCB that throws tantrums at pick up. But, it's not just 'throwing tantrums', he demands stuff. He's such a good boy until his mom comes in the door. Yesterday when his mom showed up at pick up he started screaming and crying saying he wanted to go in the fridge and take home our pint of blueberries, I ended up giving him a bag with some. The day before was crying he wanted to take home a container of powdered gatorade that my husband left on the counter, I told him no, his mom said, "you can have a cup with apple juice to bring home". Day before that was taking a full box of oreos....not just one, he cried for the whole box, and his mom grabbed it and let him take it, I thought she was going to take it to the car with them, buckle him and give them back but she didn't. He's taken home hot wheels (about 10 total), 2 Disney dvd's, and a couple imaginext guys over the course of a few weeks and we'd never received them back. When it was nice out we tried being outside playing, but he threw a tantrums when he wanted to bring home my sons helmet and bike, and sand toys home. I can't win with him at pick up.

His mom doesn't help the situation. It's always, "what do you want honey, something in the pantry?" "what's in the fridge that you want?" "you like that toy honey? you can hold it" Then we never get it back. She doesn't like him crying at pick up and gives him whatever he wants. I've told him no, but his mom steps in and gives it to him. On Friday she said she can't leave with him crying and just stood there until he grabbed a package of goldfish and left with it....and by then is was 6:20 and I just wanted them gone. I've asked for the toys back he takes home, but she always forgets, then it started feeling uncomfortable to keep asking for it back.

I try to have all toys picked up before his mom comes, but she comes anytime between 5:30-6 that it's hard to keep him occupied without toys. Since starting picking up toys before his mom gets here that's when the food taking started. He's not the last kid to be picked up so making the school aged kids stop playing legos isn't fair.
I've tried talking to him right before pick up, but it's doesn't work either.
I feel like I've been too nice and I'm getting walked all over, any tips? I need to stick up for myself

He does NOT do this when his dad picks him up, only his mom.

[Unregistered]

What! That mom is crazy. Don't let him take one more thing out the door! I can't believe the mom is offering him your food and toys. If he asks for something just say no. The very next thing he asks for, tell him (loud and clear for mom to hear), "I'm not sending anything with you today. I need all my food and toys to stay here at my house." Then walk them out the door. Pick him up and carry him out if you have to. Leave him on the doorstep with mom and shut the door, "Bye! See you guys tomorrow!" Then write an email to mom telling her dcb has taken a lot of your supplies home with him to ease his transition to the car, but you need the supplies back or money to replace the items. then list items he has: 2 imaginext figures ($8), 10 matchbox cars ($15), etc. Mention that if you allowed all the children to take home and keep little supplies, it would add up and you wouldn't have anything for the children to use while in care.
Good luck!!

[midaycare]

What! That mom is crazy. Don't let him take one more thing out the door! I can't believe the mom is offering him your food and toys. If he asks for something just say no. The very next thing he asks for, tell him (loud and clear for mom to hear), "I'm not sending anything with you today. I need all my food and toys to stay here at my house." Then walk them out the door. Pick him up and carry him out if you have to. Leave him on the doorstep with mom and shut the door, "Bye! See you guys tomorrow!" Then write an email to mom telling her dcb has taken a lot of your supplies home with him to ease his transition to the car, but you need the supplies back or money to replace the items. then list items he has: 2 imaginext figures ($8), 10 matchbox cars ($15), etc. Mention that if you allowed all the children to take home and keep little supplies, it would add up and you wouldn't have anything for the children to use while in care.
Good luck!!

Ummm...wow. Just wow. If a parent dared to take food in my pantry, or even look in my pantry, I'd be super mad.

I have let a super thirsty dck go home with water before, but I always get the cup back the next morning. Washed.

A few times dck's have sneaked home small toys and the parents found then and were so embarrassed. That dcm...wow.

[Josiegirl]

Um wow is right. Yes dcm is being completely unreasonable and enabling her son. This has gone on so much now that you cannot afford to back down again. I would email or text dcm and tell her from now on, starting right this minute, there will be NO more taking of anything home. Dcm can bring her own child's drink for the ride home or use bribery herself to get him into her car without tears, if that's what is keeping this selfish trend going. There is no way in he!! I'd let that continue even one more time. She's afraid of her precious crying and you're afraid to tell them no. Practice today and Just Say NO. I'm not trying to come down on you but that dcm has some gall. And you're too nice to say no. Dck is learning how to manipulate everybody. Won't he be a fun and enjoyable teen to be around.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

I have a 2 1/2 year old DCB that throws tantrums at pick up. But, it's not just 'throwing tantrums', he demands stuff. He's such a good boy until his mom comes in the door. Yesterday when his mom showed up at pick up he started screaming and crying saying he wanted to go in the fridge and take home our pint of blueberries, I ended up giving him a bag with some. The day before was crying he wanted to take home a container of powdered gatorade that my husband left on the counter, I told him no, his mom said, "you can have a cup with apple juice to bring home". Day before that was taking a full box of oreos....not just one, he cried for the whole box, and his mom grabbed it and let him take it, I thought she was going to take it to the car with them, buckle him and give them back but she didn't. He's taken home hot wheels (about 10 total), 2 Disney dvd's, and a couple imaginext guys over the course of a few weeks and we'd never received them back. When it was nice out we tried being outside playing, but he threw a tantrums when he wanted to bring home my sons helmet and bike, and sand toys home. I can't win with him at pick up.

His mom doesn't help the situation. It's always, "what do you want honey, something in the pantry?" "what's in the fridge that you want?" "you like that toy honey? you can hold it" Then we never get it back. She doesn't like him crying at pick up and gives him whatever he wants. I've told him no, but his mom steps in and gives it to him. On Friday she said she can't leave with him crying and just stood there until he grabbed a package of goldfish and left with it....and by then is was 6:20 and I just wanted them gone. I've asked for the toys back he takes home, but she always forgets, then it started feeling uncomfortable to keep asking for it back.

I try to have all toys picked up before his mom comes, but she comes anytime between 5:30-6 that it's hard to keep him occupied without toys. Since starting picking up toys before his mom gets here that's when the food taking started. He's not the last kid to be picked up so making the school aged kids stop playing legos isn't fair.
I've tried talking to him right before pick up, but it's doesn't work either.
I feel like I've been too nice and I'm getting walked all over, any tips? I need to stick up for myself

He does NOT do this when his dad picks him up, only his mom.

I stopped reading by the second paragraph. Mom doesn't get any say in this situtation and I think you need to start doing Nannyde's Bye Bye outside. Meet mom at the door with dck ready to go and hand him off outside and say bye and shut the door. That is absolutely ridiculous that dcm thinsk she has access to your fridge or your pantry and you need to stop enabling the situation by letting him take stuff or letting mom have the idea that she can offer up YOUR stuff. I am sorry if I sound harsh, but you are being taken advantage of by a two year old and his mom. If she can't handle dck crying, she needs to bring her own stuff and leave it in the car.

[laundrymom]

I would bill her.

[childcaremom]

I would bill her.

You need to put your foot down and stop this. I mean this in a kind way. This dcm is beyond rude and this child needs to know that this behaviour is unacceptable.

I would email tonight and tell her that from now on, nothing leaves the house. No toys, no clothing, no food. If he needs a snack on the way home, she needs to bring one for him in the car. That you expect all toys he has taken returned tomorrow at drop off. That you will be billing her for items not returned, payment due Tuesday at drop off. That child care will not be available if she does not follow through.

I would have this child dressed and ready for mom at pick up, starting at 5:30 he would be dressed and sitting looking at a book or puzzle at the table. Hand him out the door as soon as she arrives. Check his pockets if you need to.

I would then be looking to replace. What a nightmare!

[Josiegirl]

You could just say something like 'after careful consideration I have come to realize we need to stop re-enforcing dcb's habit of crying for food or toys when it is time for him to go home. He is not learning a positive way to transition at pick up time and we both need to help him overcome this'
Then make the request, as PP advised, that all toys need to be returned as they are dc toys and not free for the taking. Suggest she keep a couple things he can look forward to in the car.

Good luck, I don't like confrontations either. I'm angry for you.

[daycare]

If we let everyone take home toys from daycare I would have no toys left. All toys will stay here.

No food will leave the daycare with your child. Anything we provide for them will be our responsibility and become costly to our program.

If your child is having issues with leaving toys you are welcome to leave quickly with a snack brought from home.

Any toy taken from daycare will be against permission and considers stealing. We will charge for times taken and terminate care should this occur.

[Leigh]

All I can say is Oh, HELL no! STOP letting it happen. Tell the child no, and if mom tells him yes, then you need to tell mom no, too. Firmly. That's utterly ridiculous.

[jacksmommy13]

Original poster here.
Thanks, I needed to hear that saying NO is ok. It's hard when the dcm is saying yes, take it. I do not like confrontations, but I've been practicing today and I feel I'm ready for tomorrow! I'm going to have dcb with shoes on and coat waiting at the door reading a book. And I've fully prepared myself to say no if he demands to take the book home.
I've already emailed asking for the toys....which was easier to do online, not face to face.

[Leigh]

Original poster here.
Thanks, I needed to hear that saying NO is ok. It's hard when the dcm is saying yes, take it. I do not like confrontations, but I've been practicing today and I feel I'm ready for tomorrow! I'm going to have dcb with shoes on and coat waiting at the door reading a book. And I've fully prepared myself to say no if he demands to take the book home.
I've already emailed asking for the toys....which was easier to do online, not face to face.

I just can't imagine what kind of person thinks it's OK to go to someone else's home and take whatever they want!

[Snowmom]

Original poster here.
Thanks, I needed to hear that saying NO is ok. It's hard when the dcm is saying yes, take it. I do not like confrontations, but I've been practicing today and I feel I'm ready for tomorrow! I'm going to have dcb with shoes on and coat waiting at the door reading a book. And I've fully prepared myself to say no if he demands to take the book home.
I've already emailed asking for the toys....which was easier to do online, not face to face.

happyface
You can do it!

[childcaremom]

Original poster here.
Thanks, I needed to hear that saying NO is ok. It's hard when the dcm is saying yes, take it. I do not like confrontations, but I've been practicing today and I feel I'm ready for tomorrow! I'm going to have dcb with shoes on and coat waiting at the door reading a book. And I've fully prepared myself to say no if he demands to take the book home.
I've already emailed asking for the toys....which was easier to do online, not face to face.

I hate confrontations, as well. It took me a long time to develop a backbone in this business but it is sometimes so necessary.

Good luck! You can do this!

[Josiegirl]

Good luck, you can do it!!! I'm a terrible wuss when it comes to things like this. I used to let them 'borrow' stuff too but then I realize things didn't come back all the time, especially from 1 dcf. So I just started telling them nicely but firmly, 'that stays with daycare'. Crycrycry 'no honey, you can see it tomorrow when you come back'. And don't give in, not even once. As for taking snacks, etc., just say 'I'll bet mommy has something yummy waiting for you'. Put it on mom. SHE needs to handle this better than she is, she needs to parent up.

Why is it parents will do just about anything to not let their child cry???? It will not hurt that child one bit to be told no.

Just remember you have to come back and let us know how it goes. So you *have* to stay strong.