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I agree with everyone this needs to stop.I would print out your e-mail and hand it to mom.I would have the child ready to go and ask mom to call from the driveway.Bring him to the door (carry him)hand off to mom and shut the door.If he starts crying -see you tomorrow have a good night. I had to do this but luckily everyone left at same time.We were ready reading books in front porch.They said hello to there parent ,goodbye to us then got a sticker and out the door.If they acted up ,no sticker and had to sit on my lap the next day.(bribery -yes worth it -yes).If we were outside in driveway they greeted their parent nicely got in carseat -got sticker.At first parents raised eyebrows but it was good who doesn't want to hear hi mommy how was your day?
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So she brought the DVD's back, but said she couldn't remember which hot wheels and imaginext were ours.
At pick up time I got his boots and coat on and we sat and read for a few minutes until she got there. When dcm got there, dcb stood next to me and as I opened the door he then took off running and crying. He threw his boots off and cried on the floor kicking the ground.
I picked him up, and put the boots in his bag and handed him to dcm. He started crying for juice and reaching for the fridge. His mom said, "oh honey, are you thirsty?" I handed him his sippy cup that he brings and it was full of juice since I filled it up, he threw it and then started crying 'eat eat!' His mom asked him, "what do you want? Let's use your words and look." I stepped in and said, "I'm sure your mommy has something yummy for you at home to eat, I'll see you tomorrow. Bye dcb!" And I opened the door. She took him out the door screaming and I heard him scream all the way to the car. I'm hoping it gets better!Comment
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Great start! Tomorrow I would skip the juice. Mom can have something ready and waiting in the car if she wishes. At most I might fill the cup with water. Is there any way to gate the entrance way off, so that he can not bolt when she comes?Comment
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Nice! Keep up the good work!Comment
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Just out of curiosity what is the last time he gets a meal/snack at your house? And does he actually he it.
I used to have a 5 yr that would be with me until 545 and he was always asking for food at pick up. We ate at 3:15 and he normally hardly ate his snack. I started giving him milk at 5:00 so that he would hold over until parent arrived. It worked out really well.Comment
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Did you warn her you were doing it this way from now on? Oh man, kick that dcm in the butt!! She needs a serious wake-up call before he gets any older. BUT good for you!! And stay strong, this is one child who definitely needs boundaries set. Dcb will eventually get it, sounds like sooner than dcm.
I can picture her in years to come, thinking back to this time and saying ' I wish I had listened to that smart dcprovider!'
Just a little story for you to help you stay strong: I had this dcg long time ago. She was 3 or 4 and as spoiled as can be. She was an only child and came late in dcm's life. But she was the one dcm who was the type you have. She'd walk in and without asking, give her dd a banana off my shelf because her dd wouldn't eat before dc but we'd already had breakfast. Or if her dd wanted to bring something home dcm would just pick it up and take it. Again, without even checking with me.
She and one of my other dcfs were good friends and the other dcd would tell me I was the best thing that ever happened to that little girl because I didn't put up with her $hit. Evidently they had gone out to dinner altogether and dcg was being allowed to jump on the table, run all over the place. The clincher was when dcg ran in front of the kitchen door just as the waiter was coming through with a huge tray of food.
Course you know what happened. All because dcm couldn't tell precious no.
Isn't there a saying that goes 'parenting isn't for wimps'? Ain't it the truth.:
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You did great! I would hold his hand so he can't run off. Hand off before dcm even has a chance to step in the door.
I also would not have a drink for him. Remind him that he just had one and that mom will have one for him at home. Then out he goes.
Do you remember which toys? Maybe ask her to bring a bunch and you will pick them out. Or find the replacement cost and tally a bill. I wouldn't let that drop.
And guess what? From here on out it will be that much easier to say no to this dcm
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Time for the BYE BYE OUTSIDE program.
Tell mom she and her son need to communicate BEFORE she drops him off so he can tell her his list of demands for the ride home. That way he can have cars, boxes of oreos, juice cups, pints of blueberries.... whatever ... in the car for him.
Have you read my book? The permissive parent chapter and Parental Attention Seeking Syndrome chapter should school you on the moms behavior.Comment
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Great job, today do no juice. :hug:happyfaceComment
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Practice what you want to say, it helps!
It will get easier. I would update your policy to include bye bye outside.Comment
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Yikes! I'm so glad you're taking steps to stop this behavior - it's totally wrong on the mom's part, and expensive for you. I can't think of ANY other place where someone could just take what they wanted without at least asking!
Since you've asked for the toys to be returned without results I'd send her an itemized bill for all the toys that weren't returned. I'd also total up the amount of food that went home - it'll probably be an eye-opener for you - and charge her for that also. If you're feeling generous you could say that if the toys are returned or paid for by a certain date you'll waive the food bill, but that's up to you.Comment
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The week was better, no juice. I filled his cup with water. Dcd picked up Tuesday, Wed and Thurs. He's great with his dad and says bye, and off he goes. Friday his mom picked up. He was ready to go waiting with a book. He started crying for a snack when she got there and she said, "I have something in the car for you". So much better! I'm still going to continue getting him ready at 5:30.
I feed him snack at 3:30, sometimes the SA kids will say there are hungry and everyone gets a snack a 5pm again. I feel like getting picked up at 6pm is a long day and was wondering if he really was hungry and I don't want his mom to feel I'm not feeding him enough. But, when his dad comes, he never asks for food....so not sure if he really is hungry or not.
As for the toys, I told her from now on no toys leave the house. I doubt I'll ever get them back or paid for.
I'll check out that book, sounds awesome!Comment
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Your post holds the answer. He knows the boundaries with his dad is different than with his mom. He knows a pout, whine, cry and tantrum will result with any of his whims being met.
He is not hungry for food. He is hungry for his manipulation game with mommy to begin.Comment
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