Still Bothering Me

[mommyneedsadayoff]

I would agree with you 100% IF this family did this regularly or it was continual but so far, Daycare has now said they do this all the time.

It seems to me, its the first time this has come up.

I think the advice being given is awfully harsh for a parent that asked a question or raised a concern. ONCE.

If it was over and over and over, I'd totally understand and agree but to term for being concerned (ESPECIALLY if this is their first or only child) is not at all the partnership or supportive relationship we all strive to have with our clients.

Daycare said the dad questions everything and this is not the first time they have complained.

Just to add, I am giving my opinion based on my own experiences with parents like this. Parents who sort of play passive aggressive. He won't say what the issue is, but complains to his wife and makes her come in and address the "issue". If, as a parent, something is bugging me so much about my daycare that I am complaining to my husband all the time, then I should address it with it my daycare provider. Otherwise, I feel you are doing yourself, your child, and your provider a disservice. I don't trust parents like that and I need to be able to have trust with the families I work with, just as I need them to trust me to care for their child. I won't work with people who don't trust me and think that the reason their kid doesn't want to come is because I am mean or doing something wrong to make them not want to come. Again, JMO, but I would terminate.

[Blackcat31]

this is the first they have said something to this degree and I did give them an answer, but this is not their first complaint about our services that we provide.

Over the weekend it bothered me. I know we are not mean people, of course I use a stern voice with children when needed, but in NO way should I need to explain myself to this family.\

I have already told them, that if they are not happy they are welcome to leave and of course this was after I took the time to explain things once..

You said "I have a family, they are somewhat new, only have been here for two months.

they have not been off to such a good start, but nothing that I have not had to deal with before, so no biggie."

It seems like they went from being a newish family you can manage in your first post to a horrible family that pisses you off and needs to be termed now in only a couple posts.


Out of curiosity, do you tell parents during the interview that the interview is the only time they can ask questions or bring up concerns?

I don't know, I guess I am missing something and don't fully understand the issue.

I end my interviews by saying something along the lines of "The provider parent relationship is based on trust and if at any time you have concerns about my program or your child's experiences I my care please let me know."

I wouldn't begrudge a parent for being concerned or asking a question. It would only piss me off it was something I had to continually address over and over. The repeat concern is what pisses me off, not the initial questions/concerns.

[midaycare]

I would agree with you 100% IF this family did this regularly or it was continual but so far, Daycare has now said they do this all the time.

It seems to me, its the first time this has come up.

I think the advice being given is awfully harsh for a parent that asked a question or raised a concern. ONCE.

If it was over and over and over, I'd totally understand and agree but to term for being concerned (ESPECIALLY if this is their first or only child) is not at all the partnership or supportive relationship we all strive to have with our clients.

I think the advice is harsh, too, and I'm one who suggested terming. I have two trains of thought on this:

1) I really don't like how dcm brought this up. Using dcd. It feels "off" to me. I want to speak to the person with the concerns. If this has been an issue where I feel like they have been questioning my abilities or their child's well being for awhile, I would term.

2) Some dcf's are crazy with their first child and first experience in child care. I had a dcm early on who questioned everything. For the first 6 weeks, questioned everything. She bought cheap diapers, I wasn't changing enough (seriously cheap diapers). Dcg had a scratch on Saturday that dcm notices, I get 10 emergency texts wondering if it happened here on Friday. What did we eat? Would I send her the recipe so she knew how I prepared it? I finally told dcm that it seemed she didn't trust me, and I couldn't work with someone who felt that way. I gave her a two week notice. Dcm begged to stay and ended up being one of my favorite dcm's.

[daycare]

I agree with you BC that they deserve a right for me to explain things to them..

the other issues that have come up that dcd has complained about to me is:

why is he still crying at drop off Ok, normal
not paying on time 2 times, next time I will term for non-payment.

questioning the payment structure even though I explained in full detail at enrollment.

why do I have to pay when not here, again after I already went over all of it.

DCM came in one day and said, "we are frustrated with you because every day after he attends, we have to start potty training all over again.

there is more:

why is there a late fee and why are you charging me again for this late fee, again after I have already told them READ YOUR CONTRACT

I told them the child doesn't talk here and of course they said well then they must not be comfortable here, to which I said, of course they aren' they have only been here a month and attend part time.

they also made a comment about a new car I just got that was very rude and none of their business. DCD said wow I must be paying you too much to afford that. WOW...

so, some of this is just them questioning normal stuff, but it's been over and over again.

they are NOT first time parents they have 5 kids, one of them in high school.

AND THIS IS WHY I FEEL LIKE I AM OVER IT. that last comment was just the final straw....

[midaycare]

You said "I have a family, they are somewhat new, only have been here for two months.

they have not been off to such a good start, but nothing that I have not had to deal with before, so no biggie."

It seems like they went from being a newish family you can manage in your first post to a horrible family that pisses you off and needs to be termed now in only a couple posts.


Out of curiosity, do you tell parents during the interview that the interview is the only time they can ask questions or bring up concerns?

I don't know, I guess I am missing something and don't fully understand the issue.

I end my interviews by saying something along the lines of "The provider parent relationship is based on trust and if at any time you have concerns about my program or your child's experiences I my care please let me know."

I wouldn't begrudge a parent for being concerned or asking a question. It would only piss me off it was something I had to continually address over and over. The repeat concern is what pisses me off, not the initial questions/concerns.

You bring up good points that sometimes we may be too ready to term. I know if I would have termed my hitter (who after 6 months is now a non-hitter), I would have missed out on a pretty cool little dude. Totally different scenario than this one, but I do use terming sparingly. Maybe my advice to others is too quickly given!

[Blackcat31]

Daycare said the dad questions everything and this is not the first time they have complained.

Just to add, I am giving my opinion based on my own experiences with parents like this. Parents who sort of play passive aggressive. He won't say what the issue is, but complains to his wife and makes her come in and address the "issue". If, as a parent, something is bugging me so much about my daycare that I am complaining to my husband all the time, then I should address it with it my daycare provider. Otherwise, I feel you are doing yourself, your child, and your provider a disservice. I don't trust parents like that and I need to be able to have trust with the families I work with, just as I need them to trust me to care for their child. I won't work with people who don't trust me and think that the reason their kid doesn't want to come is because I am mean or doing something wrong to make them not want to come. Again, JMO, but I would terminate.

She said DCM says DCD is always in her ear...I didn't read anywhere Daycare said DCD questions everything.

I also read where Daycare said at the end of her first post "It just feels like there is always something with this family, mostly the dad"

I didn't take that as DCD is always questioning her.

Like I said, I must be missing something.

Nan always says the truth is in the first post so I am basing what the situation is (and my interpretation of it) off that....where Daycare also says "nothing that I have not had to deal with before, so no biggie"

[midaycare]

Oh my word, daycare, the comment about the car!!!!!!!!!

I had a dcd say to me recently, "Now that baby dcg isn't sleeping as much, we are finally getting our money out of you."

Dumb-butt. Good thing I have grown thick skin with this job.

[daycare]

You said "I have a family, they are somewhat new, only have been here for two months.

they have not been off to such a good start, but nothing that I have not had to deal with before, so no biggie."

It seems like they went from being a newish family you can manage in your first post to a horrible family that pisses you off and needs to be termed now in only a couple posts.


Out of curiosity, do you tell parents during the interview that the interview is the only time they can ask questions or bring up concerns?

I don't know, I guess I am missing something and don't fully understand the issue.

I end my interviews by saying something along the lines of "The provider parent relationship is based on trust and if at any time you have concerns about my program or your child's experiences I my care please let me know."

I wouldn't begrudge a parent for being concerned or asking a question. It would only piss me off it was something I had to continually address over and over. The repeat concern is what pisses me off, not the initial questions/concerns.

I don't think they are a horrible family at all and I welcome them to come and talk to me at any time they ever have concerns about their child. Every child here is important to me and I feel that it is part of my job to make certain that both the parents and the child are feeling safe and secure while in my care.

the stuff they have complained about or questioned about prior to is stuff that I have heard before from other clients in the past, to which I have no issue addressing.

BUT this last comment seems to really bug me. Again, I didn't let it bother me on Friday when DCM told me, but for whatever reason, I can't seem to let it stop bothering me and it just feels like they are trying to dig at me now. It just seems like the parents are not happy here. Their child is happy here, I seem them laughing and smiling every day, I show them pics and videos to prove it. But I can only go so far to convince a family they need to stay with my program and that I am keeping their child in a loving and safe place.

[daycare]

She said DCM says DCD is always in her ear...I didn't read anywhere Daycare said DCD questions everything.

I also read where Daycare said at the end of her first post "It just feels like there is always something with this family, mostly the dad"

I didn't take that as DCD is always questioning her.

Like I said, I must be missing something.

Nan always says the truth is in the first post so I am basing what the situation is (and my interpretation of it) off that....where Daycare also says "nothing that I have not had to deal with before, so no biggie"

BC this is true... The dcds complaints that he has had is not anything that I have not heard before and really even though I typed it out, it's not a huge deal to me... Everything they have asked or had complaints about, I have had other families ask or complain about it as well, especially when they are new.

I will say that they question the same things a little too much to which I tell them read your PHB or contract, easy peesy, no big deal.

BUT like I said this last comment or complaint just is still bothering me

[mommyneedsadayoff]

I don't think my advice is harsh. :confused: It may be different from the route you guys might take, but daycare was asking for opinions and I gave her mine, based on my own experience. If she feels the family is worth working with until they get to a better place, then I am sure she will take that route. For me, I have tried that route and it was a never ending headache and if I had gone with my gut int he first place, I would have saved myself that headache and a lot of time.

As for communication when parents have concerns, dcm says dad is the concerned one, yet he has not addressed any of this issue with her. Dcm did and will probably relay the response back and maybe he will get the guts to speak with her about it, but ime, he will probably find her response not good enough and continue to complain to his wife and make her the middle man. And Nanny ay be right. Maybe mom is using dad as an excuse. Either way, I don't think they are being respectful or mature about how they are handling the situation. Maybe they will take it as a learning experience and grow or maybe not...daycare has to be the one to decide whether she wants to be the one to teach them and if she decides to term, it is not a HARSH choice. It is just the choice she feels is BEST.

[daycare]

I don't think my advice is harsh. :confused: It may be different from the route you guys might take, but daycare was asking for opinions and I gave her mine, based on my own experience. If she feels the family is worth working with until they get to a better place, then I am sure she will take that route. For me, I have tried that route and it was a never ending headache and if I had gone with my gut int he first place, I would have saved myself that headache and a lot of time.

As for communication when parents have concerns, dcm says dad is the concerned one, yet he has not addressed any of this issue with her. Dcm did and will probably relay the response back and maybe he will get the guts to speak with her about it, but ime, he will probably find her response not good enough and continue to complain to his wife and make her the middle man. And Nanny ay be right. Maybe mom is using dad as an excuse. Either way, I don't think they are being respectful or mature about how they are handling the situation. Maybe they will take it as a learning experience and grow or maybe not...daycare has to be the one to decide whether she wants to be the one to teach them and if she decides to term, it is not a HARSH choice. It is just the choice she feels is BEST.

I love everyones different point of view, so thank you so much for sharing yours. It does really help to hear all the different sides of how others would feel or handle this situation.

[Rockgirl]

I could probably deal with most of this, but the car comment is WAY out of line. I can't stand the implication that because we work with children, it's somehow wrong to make a decent living and have nice things. It's like, "Sure, you can have a vehicle, but nothing TOO nice, okay?"

[Laurel]

I kind of got mixed up on what is going on but when I have a parent that says the other parent said so and so, I talk to the parent that supposedly said something. "Hey Bill, Jen told me this morning that you were uncomfortable with so and so. What is the problem?"

Why would dad drop off a child that he thinks might be being mistreated? I might even say that after he answers. "Why do you keep bringing him if you are uncomfortable?"

[nannyde]

they also made a comment about a new car I just got that was very rude and none of their business. DCD said wow I must be paying you too much to afford that. WOW...

"Actually you guys pay less than ANY of the other parents. I'm glad you brought it up though because I've been waiting for the right time to speak to you about it.

I'm going to need to raise your rates. With the new car and the extra insurance, we have to bring in some extra revenue. Since you guys pay the least, you will be the first to get a rate hike.

Thanks for bringing it up though. I'm relieved to get it over. The increase is X and it goes into affect on X day."

[Thriftylady]

they also made a comment about a new car I just got that was very rude and none of their business. DCD said wow I must be paying you too much to afford that. WOW...

"Actually you guys pay less than ANY of the other parents. I'm glad you brought it up though because I've been waiting for the right time to speak to you about it.

I'm going to need to raise your rates. With the new car and the extra insurance, we have to bring in some extra revenue. Since you guys pay the least, you will be the first to get a rate hike.

Thanks for bringing it up though. I'm relieved to get it over. The increase is X and it goes into affect on X day."

Love this. I am afraid I am going to loose my three new ones for another reason. I have an old used van, it is paid for and what we can afford. The carpet is stained and dirty. My new DCG got in it today after preschool and said "your car is nasty". The girl is three for crying out loud. Granted mom is a nurse, makes good money and has a NEW suv. But I hope I don't get judged for having an old vehicle. I guess if DCM says something I can offer to raise her rate to get a new van. Right now, four wheels and an engine with good brakes and such is in the budget.