DCM Needs Honest Thoughts Please

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  • Bluebird1
    Daycare.com Member
    • Jan 2014
    • 5

    DCM Needs Honest Thoughts Please

    Recently loads of our personal information was compromised (military) including our children's SS#s, names, date of birth, passport numbers/photos, and worst of all, info linking our children to us and our jobs.

    Because of this, I've explained our situation and requested our small center (80 kids) doesn't post pictures of our kids on social media or website. I also signed the "no consent to photography" form.

    The reaction from the director was very negative. She called to ask me to change the form bc newsletters were printed before she saw my no consent form. I offered to pay for them to be reprinted and explained our new situation. She said she doesn't know how to deal with this bc they have so many pictures and she doesn't know what to do. I told her I didn't care if they snapped photos but not to put them on Facebook or business website. I offered to put everything in writing in case licensing needed back up info, and even offered to sign the consent form post dating for the newsletter and then sign a new form requesting no photos dated after the newsletter came out.

    Today she emailed me to keep kids at home for two upcoming days were photography would occur (holiday programs). She doesn't allow drop off after a certain time and you can't drop kids back after pick up, so while the events will only be an hour, it will results in kids missing 2 full days.

    So my question is, am I asking for too much? When the kids do camps, extracurricular activities etc, I don't sign the permission to photograph, and I've never had a problem. I honestly don't want to be a pain, and we love everything about the center, but I just don't want adversaries to know where my kids spend 7 hrs a day, even if it's a remote risk. I also worry about the other kids bc if my kids are targeted there is an overall risk to the other kids that go to the same center.

    Ugh, I don't know what to do, please help! I hate to look for new care bc we love this center/teacher/friends and oldest starts K next fall so I'd rather not have more transitions than necessary. But I sense the response is negative enough to term us.

    Also, I like to think of myself as a good parent, never ever been late in 2.5 yrs, never doped/dropped, never forgot a teacher's bday, baked goods for every holiday, cash in cards every Christmas, "just bc"cards, etc. this reaction has me completely jolted and confused. Is it a huge pain to have non-photographable children?
  • Leigh
    Daycare.com Member
    • Apr 2013
    • 3814

    #2
    Honestly, you've been violated in a very personal way, and I think that your emotions have to be running wild right now. I do think that photographing your kids is VERY unlikely to cause any issues. Honestly, I think that when emotions are high, we don't always make the best decisions, but the ones that are emotional.

    You have the right to request your children not be photographed. No doubt about it. I feel that we often go too far in trying to protect our kids. If you have faith that they are safe where they are, there's no need to avoid photographs. Ultimately, the decision is yours. I wouldn't think less of you for being extra cautious, but I don't feel that it's necessary. The people who stole your information are after your money and/or credit, not your kids.

    Comment

    • Baby Beluga
      Daycare.com Member
      • Aug 2014
      • 3891

      #3
      I will preface this by saying that I am generally the odd man out when it comes to posting photos online. DH works in IT and has held some interesting jobs in the IT field... In essence I am terrified of posting photos of myself or of our child for others to see. I will also never post photos of other's children online.

      While I do agree that the people who stole your information are likely after your money and personal info instead of your children, I still would not want my children to be photographed and think the response of the center is terrible. These would be my questions for the director:

      * Is is possible for your children to not be in the photos? (perhaps the children can wear a green sticky dot or something on their shirts signifying to whoever is taking the photos to not photograph them)
      * If this is not possible, can their faces be easily edited out of the photos before posting?

      I just want to add (and this is purely my two cents) when I was younger I had no online identity until I created one myself. I feel like children today have an identity before they are even old enough to make one themselves.

      Comment

      • NillaWafers
        Daycare.com Member
        • Oct 2014
        • 593

        #4
        Originally posted by Leigh
        The people who stole your information are after your money and/or credit, not your kids.
        From what I gathered they are military and it quite possibly could be more than just credit information or money. Or at least that's what it sounded like.

        I think being able to choose if your children are photographed is a very personal issue, and your center should be helping you with that. That would not include telling them not to show up - if they are in pictures they want to use they should edit the photos to hide their identities. It's pretty simple.

        Comment

        • racemom
          Daycare.com Member
          • Apr 2013
          • 701

          #5
          I think your center should honor your request. It doesn't seem to me that it would be that difficult to insure they are not in the photos or edited out if needed. I work in a smaller center and do not see why it would be an issue for the teacher to keep the child out of any photo areas. I also don't think it is fair to make your children miss out on the programs, as I am sure everyone is excited for the special day.

          Comment

          • Nisaryn
            New DCP
            • Jun 2015
            • 203

            #6
            Hello! I'm military (Navy) as well here and so I am the same way you are. My hubby and I both keep our FB pages set to friends and family only so that no one else can see our kids pictures...this pic on here is the most you will see! We also don't allow photos of our daughter to be taken at school and posted on the school page. The school has been very good about this...they have NEVER required that we not bring her, they just make sure that if they are doing an event that the back of her head is in the image. On images that she is in, they have been able to blank out her face by placing a cute smile sticker over it (she is homeschooled now though). Surely they can do this for you as well? It seems as if your center is being very....negative about this for no real good reason. You are completely within your rights about this. I will assume this center is not military affiliated? If it is...bring it up with the Child Youth Services Program. If it is a civilian center you can still bring it up with the CYP and they can call and speak to the center about it for you...might scare them into complying.

            Comment

            • spedmommy4
              Daycare.com Member
              • Mar 2015
              • 935

              #7
              I would ask what her specific concern is with this event and photography. To me, it seems like it would be easy enough for her to just not post pictures with your child or edit them before posting.

              However, I recently had a similar issue with an enrolled student. His mom was fine with photos posted to the private parents only accounts but did not want any pictures of her child on a public website.

              Well, we had a big carnival in July with 4 other childcares. Everyone had cameras. (Parents, owners, staff) On that day I couldn't guarantee her child wouldn't end up with his picture posted somewhere. Ultimately, I let her know and she was fine with it. It wasn't an easy conversation though.

              I would just make sure that she is only concerned about the pictures her staff will take. And if that is all, like the previous posters said, just discuss the solutions that would work for everyone.

              Comment

              • Unregistered

                #8
                I have a daycare Facebook page and website where I post pictures no names. I do have a photo a release form that the parents need to sign whether or not their child's photo can be posted. I currently have one that said no which is fine. If dck is in any shots I want to use, I just edit/blur/crop dck out of it. I just take a bunch of pictures or arrange the children so most times I don't even have dck in the pics.

                Comment

                • childcaremom
                  Advanced Daycare.com Member
                  • May 2013
                  • 2955

                  #9
                  I never give permission for my children's photos to be posted.

                  I think you need to have a chat with the school because this is not an odd request and it should be easily accomodated. I don't know about there, but I do believe that here they need permission before posting, so by not giving it, they wouldn't be allowed. And they certainly wouldn't be allowed to deny my child access to an event, simply because I didn't want their photo posted.

                  As for events where everyone has their cameras... this is a really sensistive topic for me but I will not post a photo of others' children on any of my online media and would certainly expect the same respect from other parents. I hate finding out that parents have posted group shots (which include my child) on to fb and the like.

                  Comment

                  • KidGrind
                    Daycare.com Member
                    • Sep 2013
                    • 1099

                    #10
                    Originally posted by Bluebird1
                    Recently loads of our personal information was compromised (military) including our children's SS#s, names, date of birth, passport numbers/photos, and worst of all, info linking our children to us and our jobs.

                    Because of this, I've explained our situation and requested our small center (80 kids) doesn't post pictures of our kids on social media or website. I also signed the "no consent to photography" form.

                    The reaction from the director was very negative. She called to ask me to change the form bc newsletters were printed before she saw my no consent form. I offered to pay for them to be reprinted and explained our new situation. She said she doesn't know how to deal with this bc they have so many pictures and she doesn't know what to do. I told her I didn't care if they snapped photos but not to put them on Facebook or business website. I offered to put everything in writing in case licensing needed back up info, and even offered to sign the consent form post dating for the newsletter and then sign a new form requesting no photos dated after the newsletter came out.

                    Today she emailed me to keep kids at home for two upcoming days were photography would occur (holiday programs). She doesn't allow drop off after a certain time and you can't drop kids back after pick up, so while the events will only be an hour, it will results in kids missing 2 full days.

                    So my question is, am I asking for too much? When the kids do camps, extracurricular activities etc, I don't sign the permission to photograph, and I've never had a problem. I honestly don't want to be a pain, and we love everything about the center, but I just don't want adversaries to know where my kids spend 7 hrs a day, even if it's a remote risk. I also worry about the other kids bc if my kids are targeted there is an overall risk to the other kids that go to the same center.

                    Ugh, I don't know what to do, please help! I hate to look for new care bc we love this center/teacher/friends and oldest starts K next fall so I'd rather not have more transitions than necessary. But I sense the response is negative enough to term us.

                    Also, I like to think of myself as a good parent, never ever been late in 2.5 yrs, never doped/dropped, never forgot a teacher's bday, baked goods for every holiday, cash in cards every Christmas, "just bc"cards, etc. this reaction has me completely jolted and confused. Is it a huge pain to have non-photographable children?
                    It is the center’s mistake not yours. I’d tell her, “I have rights as a parent. You’ve violated the agreement, not I. My kids will be attending those days as we PAY FOR THEM. It is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to keep them out of photos. If you are not able to then I need a refund for those days."

                    Comment

                    • Play Care
                      Daycare.com Member
                      • Dec 2012
                      • 6642

                      #11
                      I agree with everyone who said the center should be able to honor your request. More and more it seems parents are no longer sharing photos on social media and being more careful with what they post, so this is something the center should be sensitive to.

                      On a side note, have you put a lock on all your credit and your kids? I think that would be my main concern.

                      Good Luck!

                      Comment

                      • DaveA
                        Daycare.com Member and Bladesmith
                        • Jul 2014
                        • 4245

                        #12
                        Originally posted by KidGrind
                        It is the center’s mistake not yours. I’d tell her, “I have rights as a parent. You’ve violated the agreement, not I. My kids will be attending those days as we PAY FOR THEM. It is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to keep them out of photos. If you are not able to then I need a refund for those days."
                        I would say basically the same thing. It's the center's job to follow the contracts as much as it is the parent's. They shouldn't throw the responsibility to follow it on DCPs for this.

                        Comment

                        • LysesKids
                          Daycare.com Member
                          • May 2014
                          • 2836

                          #13
                          Originally posted by Bluebird1
                          Recently loads of our personal information was compromised (military) including our children's SS#s, names, date of birth, passport numbers/photos, and worst of all, info linking our children to us and our jobs.

                          Because of this, I've explained our situation and requested our small center (80 kids) doesn't post pictures of our kids on social media or website. I also signed the "no consent to photography" form.

                          The reaction from the director was very negative. She called to ask me to change the form bc newsletters were printed before she saw my no consent form. I offered to pay for them to be reprinted and explained our new situation. She said she doesn't know how to deal with this bc they have so many pictures and she doesn't know what to do. I told her I didn't care if they snapped photos but not to put them on Facebook or business website. I offered to put everything in writing in case licensing needed back up info, and even offered to sign the consent form post dating for the newsletter and then sign a new form requesting no photos dated after the newsletter came out.

                          Today she emailed me to keep kids at home for two upcoming days were photography would occur (holiday programs). She doesn't allow drop off after a certain time and you can't drop kids back after pick up, so while the events will only be an hour, it will results in kids missing 2 full days.

                          So my question is, am I asking for too much? When the kids do camps, extracurricular activities etc, I don't sign the permission to photograph, and I've never had a problem. I honestly don't want to be a pain, and we love everything about the center, but I just don't want adversaries to know where my kids spend 7 hrs a day, even if it's a remote risk. I also worry about the other kids bc if my kids are targeted there is an overall risk to the other kids that go to the same center.

                          Ugh, I don't know what to do, please help! I hate to look for new care bc we love this center/teacher/friends and oldest starts K next fall so I'd rather not have more transitions than necessary. But I sense the response is negative enough to term us.

                          Also, I like to think of myself as a good parent, never ever been late in 2.5 yrs, never doped/dropped, never forgot a teacher's bday, baked goods for every holiday, cash in cards every Christmas, "just bc"cards, etc. this reaction has me completely jolted and confused. Is it a huge pain to have non-photographable children?
                          I believe the center should honor your wish to not photograph; heck over the last 3 years I have had 4 children in care that due to situations, would put not only them in jeopardy, but everyone in my care including me (Domestic Shelter & Foster kids); I do believe the hackers are more into it for stealing everyone's ID's, but legally if the center gives you the option to opt out on a written form then they shouldn't add restrictions to it just because it's too much of a pain in their a**.... I would also be asking for a refund for those days

                          Comment

                          • Bluebird1
                            Daycare.com Member
                            • Jan 2014
                            • 5

                            #14
                            Thank you, thank you, thank you all so much for your replies. So more on the background story: I think I'm the last person on the planet not to have a Facebook or MySpace or Twitter account. So with that being said I have virtually no online social media presence and may be extra paranoid because of my ignorance.

                            Back in March one of DH's colleagues was put on the I*si*s kill lists calling for l*o*n*e wo lf attacks in people's houses...open news sources did pick up the story but it probably wasn't that big of a news story to non-military folks. So it's not like the first thing people (like the director) think of when you ask her not to post photos. So it does sound a little crazy when I explain the story. We were never on the list, but now with the large amount of data stolen over the summer, we would expect these lists to be updated. Bc of the nature of our work, I think we tend to be overly cautious and paranoid, but I also am terrified that my kids could be a target. I have explained all this to the director but it is also hard not to come off sounding paranoid/crazy.

                            In fact, last Christmas I gave her nannyde's book in her gift bag and in her card I told her I promised never to be like the parents in the book. When I emailed her back last night i told here I didn't want to be a snowflake parent requesting special things. I did offer to sign the consent so she doesn't feel like I'm trying to legally bind her or hold her responsible, etc. but if she could have the understanding we don't want the kids' pictures on social media site and she could just skip those pics when uploading them. I think her big fear is other parents or other folks that come to the school will take the photos and she can't control them. I honestly don't really care if regular people take photos of my kids, I just don't want them FB tagged or associated with the school, Bc that's were they spend 32-35 hrs a week and would be a very soft target. I told her I'd keep the kids home, Bc it just seems easier than re-explaining this to her. I think if we can just make it til may, I can move to public school and I suspect they will have more experience in dealing with these types of things.

                            I thought this was the best compromise I could make, Bc until I have an FBI report, which will hopefully will never come, this threat is very remote and looks like me being super paranoid.

                            Thanks for all your kind words and advise, it helps to hear honest feedback:hug:

                            Comment

                            • KidGrind
                              Daycare.com Member
                              • Sep 2013
                              • 1099

                              #15
                              Without all the backstory, it’s really simple.


                              You did NOT sign the consent. As a director, she should simply respect your request. The center gives out the forms for a reason. Parents have rights. The backstory doesn’t matter. You don’t have to explain yourself.

                              Comment

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