Difficult Child and Parent

[nannyde]

If you are really unable to confront her you can just blame it on something vague and then invoke your dh.

"Dcm, I am giving you two weeks notice. My husband and I have made a decision that we want to go a different direction with my business."

She will ask what that means and want specifics. Tell her that you have promised your husband you won't discuss the details. When she insists keep saying "I gave my word to my husband."

Then she will ask if the other kids are leaving. Tell her that you can't discuss specific families. Assure her they will be informed that your business is going in a different direction.


Tell her that she is welcome to take him out immediately should she find immediate care. You will refund any unused portion.

[Play Care]

How about a letter tomorrow that you hand to her after she walks out the door - along with a refund for the week. "Hey dcm, this is for you, bye!"

And then:

"Due to unforeseen circumstances with my health, I am unable to continue providing care for DCB effective immediately. Here is your refund for the next week. Should you need assistance in your child care search the number for the child care referral agency is 1-800-CRAZYPARENT. I apologize for the inconvenience but I must follow doctors orders. It has been a pleasure caring for DCB and I wish you the best.

Sincerely,
Happy Provider"

So what that SHE is the unforeseen circumstance? And where can she go with it? You're not saying anything about her or her child. You are having health issues, doc says to slow down/stop etc. So when she calls you can do the broken record "yeah I haven't been feeling well and my doc says I need to slow down, so it was time. Thanks for calling!"

[Thriftylady]

I hate confrontation also, but as BC said we need to quit thinking of it like that really. I hate admitting she is right all the stinking time.

But having been through this, you won't feel guilty when it is done. You will feel free, like a bird just released from a cage. Think of it like this, this family is holding you hostage emotionally only that isn't how your brain is processing it. As soon as this term is over, guilt is not what you will feel.

[Blackcat31]

I hate confrontation also, but as BC said we need to quit thinking of it like that really. I hate admitting she is right all the stinking time.

I learned the hard way.

I try to save others from having to do the same.



Save the emotional side of you for the kids and use the business/logical side for parents.

[Ariana]

I had an issue with "confrontation" with one particular family because it was a friend of a friend, someone I "knew" through a forum and I termed her very early. I blamed it completely on myself rather than the behavior of her child to ease the blow. I said something like "I am finding it a bit overwhelming to have 5 children in my care and unfortunately I will need to term. Your children are bright beautiful boys and I really wish I could care for them. I will be happy to help you find alternative arrangements if possible".
That was it and it ended very pleasantly.

[HipUsername]

Sorry I haven't posted on here, here's a depressing update:

I actually decided Thursday morning to talk to them because he's usually not supposed to come on Thursdays (but always does) because both the mom and dad would be dropping him off picking him up. They didn't show up and didn't let me know, I had to text to ask.

So today I was very ready. He got dropped off by his dad, I sent a text asking if she'd be there to pick him up she said yes. I had all of his stuff packed and the money that would need to be refunded if she didn't want to have him come another week... and then she shows up with this kid??? He's her little half brother who lives out of town, he hasn't seen her or her kid in months so there's this joyful reunion in my living room that includes them pulling things out that I just put away for 5-10 minutes. I went into the kitchen where my husband was and was like "WTF DO I DO RIGHT NOW???" He's like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and so I just awkwardly freaked out and tried not to explode while she told me about her fun plans with her little brother until she left. I also told her that her kid has a red swollen testicle that she will probably do nothing about.

So I guess I'll just have to text her, I wanted to be respectful and do it face to face but I realize that waiting is actually just making the anxiousness worse. I should text her and ask her to call me or something.

I feel horrible because I feel like I failed in following through, but that really threw me off my game! That's understandable right??

I'll go sit in the corner and cry now.

[CalCare]

oh man. I'm sorry that's how it went down when you had gotten yourself all psyched up and ready. I'm just another anonymous person following your story and I just want you to know that I'm rooting for ya too. I haven't had such a hard situation as this with a parent and I am really getting worried about this boy. lovethis

[Brittany]

Gesh, I didn't read all the posts but I definitely agree to finding a new family to provide care for. With that said that poor child, it sounds like he has some major issues in his home environment bug bites that bleed, and un bathed at 2.5 it's just sad

[HipUsername]

Yeah. The swollen testicle is probably bacterial from dirty habits and poor hygiene. He has dirty fingernails, so once he started potty training it was just a matter of time before he got an infection (he plays with himself every time he potties ). I do feel bad for him, he's not behind developmentally at all, I think he has a lot of potential and is bright, but he has no consistency, and they go back and forth between treating him like an infant and expecting him to be a big kid and he's really confused. But from all the years that I nannied and took care of kids before I started this I know I can't do anything about it, and like I said in a previous post they've had CPS called and nothing happened.

I really, really appreciate all of the support and advice and kind words. Before I posted here I was really considering giving up on daycare altogether, but I feel a lot better about it now. Hopefully I can get this experience out of the way and start things differently with new families.

[Thriftylady]

Yeah. The swollen testicle is probably bacterial from dirty habits and poor hygiene. He has dirty fingernails, so once he started potty training it was just a matter of time before he got an infection (he plays with himself every time he potties ). I do feel bad for him, he's not behind developmentally at all, I think he has a lot of potential and is bright, but he has no consistency, and they go back and forth between treating him like an infant and expecting him to be a big kid and he's really confused. But from all the years that I nannied and took care of kids before I started this I know I can't do anything about it, and like I said in a previous post they've had CPS called and nothing happened.

I really, really appreciate all of the support and advice and kind words. Before I posted here I was really considering giving up on daycare altogether, but I feel a lot better about it now. Hopefully I can get this experience out of the way and start things differently with new families.

Swollen testicles are no small matter, and likely not due to hygiene. Hubby has had this twice in two years. Now my hubby they said it was his diabetes and his driving a truck (all the bumping and bouncing). This needs to be considered a big issue because it is.

[HipUsername]

Swollen testicles are no small matter, and likely not due to hygiene. Hubby has had this twice in two years. Now my hubby they said it was his diabetes and his driving a truck (all the bumping and bouncing). This needs to be considered a big issue because it is.

Oh! Yeah I read it could be from impact too. I can't imagine what he could have done, although he did jump on a kid pantsless before I could catch him from the potty (that was the first time he said it hurt, he thought the kid he jumped on was the one who hurt him so he didn't notice until then). So I guess it would make sense that he would injure himself if he didn't have padding. It was only one side though. It was very red, and by the end of the day it looked a little purple in an area of it. Poor little guy, she said she was taking him to a local place that has obstacle courses and foam pits. It's gonna hurt if she ignores what I told her.

[Unregistered]

I had a two year old who got a swollen testicle before. It turned out to be hydroceles and needed surgery to correct.

[Josiegirl]

Oh no Keep on her about the swollen testicle thing! Make sure she knows it's no small matter because I have a feeling with the half brother visiting everything else will be 2nd place. Poor lil kid, has he been complaining a lot about it hurting?? That's got to be painful.

[childcaremom]

Sorry I haven't posted on here, here's a depressing update:

I actually decided Thursday morning to talk to them because he's usually not supposed to come on Thursdays (but always does) because both the mom and dad would be dropping him off picking him up. They didn't show up and didn't let me know, I had to text to ask.

So today I was very ready. He got dropped off by his dad, I sent a text asking if she'd be there to pick him up she said yes. I had all of his stuff packed and the money that would need to be refunded if she didn't want to have him come another week... and then she shows up with this kid??? He's her little half brother who lives out of town, he hasn't seen her or her kid in months so there's this joyful reunion in my living room that includes them pulling things out that I just put away for 5-10 minutes. I went into the kitchen where my husband was and was like "WTF DO I DO RIGHT NOW???" He's like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and so I just awkwardly freaked out and tried not to explode while she told me about her fun plans with her little brother until she left. I also told her that her kid has a red swollen testicle that she will probably do nothing about.

So I guess I'll just have to text her, I wanted to be respectful and do it face to face but I realize that waiting is actually just making the anxiousness worse. I should text her and ask her to call me or something.

I feel horrible because I feel like I failed in following through, but that really threw me off my game! That's understandable right??

I'll go sit in the corner and cry now.

1. I would be reporting them to CPS regardless.

2. I would have your hubby be there on Monday at drop off or pick up. Whichever he can swing. Have all belongings packed up and money in hand when you open the door. That way there is no possibility of backing down. Do not let them in your house. Short speech, hand them their things, and done immediately.

You do not owe a notice period. You do not owe a huge explanation. End of story.


Maybe it's just me but something seems off about the whole thing.

[BabyMonkeys]

His lack of hygiene is exposing yourself and your family to all kinds of yucky things that could make you sick. I know confrontation is horrible, but I would much rather a confrontation than having one of my kids catch something that could make them very sick.

Not giving them a reason at all is probably the best option, but I probably wouldn't be able to do it. I tend to talk too much when I'm nervous, and most of the time it comes back to bite me on the butt! Maybe tell them that your own child is having a difficult time adjusting and they have to be your first priority, and that you are sure that as a mother she will understand?

I would def call CPS and give them a detailed description of everything you are telling us. That poor little boy.