Tell Me about Your First Time

[midaycare]

Similar to guiding children, we also need to spend more time actually guiding caregivers in appropriate responses and actions verses simply admonishing them for everything you feel they are doing wrong.

I did not see one single supportive suggestion or a single alternate option given to this provider. Is that helpful in any way?

Instead, I hear/read "You are bad. You are doing it wrong. Shame on you."

Which is kind of exactly what you are saying she incorrectly said/did to DCB.

You may feel angry for DCB but I feel angry for the provider.

This is where I like to come for help, not to be given the third degree

[Play Care]

yes! That is my point exactly!

Nothing in all my years of college, nothing written in the naeyc code of ethics, philosophy statements or dap approaches to guidance, nothing in any of my college textbooks or in any of my years of experience working in head start or in family childcare really addresses appropriate guidance, discipline and/or methods of caring for and teaching in a mixed age group, alone and with no support from the family itself.

that is something even veteran providers with years of experience struggle with and no two situations are ever the same.

amen!!!

[Blackcat31]

Copied/Pasted from NAEYC website

NAEYC Code of Ethical Conduct and Statement of Commitment(s)

Section III:
Ethical responsibilities to colleagues

In a caring, cooperative workplace, human dignity is respected, professional satisfaction is promoted, and positive relationships are developed and sustained. Based upon our core values, our primary responsibility to colleagues is to establish and maintain settings and relationships that support productive work and meet professional needs. The same ideals that apply to children also apply as we interact with adults in the workplace.

A-Responsibilities to co-workers
Ideals
I-3A.1-To establish and maintain relationships of respect, trust, confidentiality, collaboration, and cooperation with co-workers.

I-3A.2-To share resources with co-workers, collaborating to ensure that the best possible early childhood care and education program is provided.

I-3A.3-To support co-workers in meeting their professional needs and in their professional development.

I-3A.4-To accord co-workers due recognition of professional achievement.


Principles
P-3A.1-We shall recognize the contributions of colleagues to our program and not participate in practices that diminish their reputations or impair their effectiveness in working with children and families.

P-3A.2-When we have concerns about the professional behavior of a co-worker, we shall first let that person know of our concern in a way that shows respect for personal dignity and for the diversity to be found among staff members, and then attempt to resolve the matter collegially and in a confidential manner.

P-3A.3-We shall exercise care in expressing views regarding the personal attributes or professional conduct of co-workers. Statements should be based on firsthand knowledge, not hearsay, and relevant to the interests of children and programs.

P-3A.4-We shall not participate in practices that discriminate against a co-worker because of sex, race, national origin, religious beliefs or other affiliations, age, marital status/family structure, disability, or sexual orientation.

http://www.naeyc.org/

[LittleTikes]

I really thinking I need to term this family. I put SA-DCB (5) in time out for swearing again and he looked at me with a very mad face and said "I do not want to be in time out" - I also got "I do not like it here" "I do not want a DCP"

Anyways, I gave him 2 choices. Either sit down or we were going inside so he could stand in the corner. He stared at me with that angry face, did not move. So I called everyone to the porch and into the house. Told him to go wash his hands first before he headed to the corner, he stood in the bathroom, so I helped him wash his hands and walked him to the corner.
Oh I told him that he will not disrespect me in my home.

That was Monday. Today, while eating his snack, we were talking I caught him rolling his eyes. I found it to be odd. Then it was time for him to head out side when, I told him to get his jacket. He "did not want to wear" "mom did not pack it" when I said, then no outside he says "wait let me look" as he rolled his eyes. Time out again for lying and rolling your eyes.

I have a feeling that the "eye roll" is him doing as he was told by his parents, even though he does not agree with me.

Now he is the oldest of 3. Them finding care for all three with out going to the center and paying double, is nearly impossible currently for where we live. (I know not my problem.) However, I only really want to term him but I can see DCM being upset and not sure how to go about terming. DO I term all or just DCB. DCG is DD playmate but she will adapt. The yDCB is weaning AM nap and I do not want to start over there. I need financial to fill only one of the 3 spots before term just in case I term all or DCM pulls the other 2 after term.

What to do? just him or all 3. How would you do it?
What was your first term like?

My first term was for a similar situation. I've found that sometimes the older kids act resentful because they feel like they are at a "baby" place. I told his mom that he seemed to have outgrown the program. When someone doesn't want to be here and shows it through negativity, it's draining on the entire group. I'd be surprised if he wasn't also complaining at home, too, so they may already be thinking of alternatives, too.

Does his school have after-school care where he could be with his peers and classmates? It's usually more affordable, too. I'd just have a talk with dcp and tell them some of the behaviors that I've observed and that he would probably be happier in an after-school program. (My dcb acted exactly the same at his new place, but I felt like a huge weight had been lifted!)

[Jack Sprat]

I really thinking I need to term this family. I put SA-DCB (5) in time out for swearing again and he looked at me with a very mad face and said "I do not want to be in time out" - I also got "I do not like it here" "I do not want a DCP"

Anyways, I gave him 2 choices. Either sit down or we were going inside so he could stand in the corner. He stared at me with that angry face, did not move. So I called everyone to the porch and into the house. Told him to go wash his hands first before he headed to the corner, he stood in the bathroom, so I helped him wash his hands and walked him to the corner.
Oh I told him that he will not disrespect me in my home.

That was Monday. Today, while eating his snack, we were talking I caught him rolling his eyes. I found it to be odd. Then it was time for him to head out side when, I told him to get his jacket. He "did not want to wear" "mom did not pack it" when I said, then no outside he says "wait let me look" as he rolled his eyes. Time out again for lying and rolling your eyes.

I have a feeling that the "eye roll" is him doing as he was told by his parents, even though he does not agree with me.

Now he is the oldest of 3. Them finding care for all three with out going to the center and paying double, is nearly impossible currently for where we live. (I know not my problem.) However, I only really want to term him but I can see DCM being upset and not sure how to go about terming. DO I term all or just DCB. DCG is DD playmate but she will adapt. The yDCB is weaning AM nap and I do not want to start over there. I need financial to fill only one of the 3 spots before term just in case I term all or DCM pulls the other 2 after term.

What to do? just him or all 3. How would you do it?
What was your first term like?

I had a child very much like this in my care. I tired redirection, him being my special friend and never leaving my side, meetings with mom, time out, we talked about our feelings and how we treat people and why. You name I am pretty sure we covered it. It was stressful and awful. Icing on the cake was when he called DD a $%#&* and then turned around and called me one. I called dcm who was on her way back from a funeral apologized for the timing of the call etc. I explained to her what he said and told her I would no longer be able to provide care effective immediately. She didn't say much, besides okay. She didn't pick up that day a relative did.

I would term only him. If she chooses to pull all three that is her choice. You can't do anything about that. I have had a dck tell me they didn't like it here before. I just looked at them and said it made me sad to hear that I am sorry they feel that way. Then went on about my business. You have to do what is right for you and your program.

[daycare]

I guess I started this and said don't use the corner and didn't explain well. I guess I should have said stop using the corner because its not working, not because it is wrong or that she is wrong for doing it, but because it is the wrong method for the child. If he was responding to it, it would have worked.

As someone else said "The kids that need the most love ask for it in the most unloving ways." I offered ways to maybe try and connect with him.

what she was doing so far she said has not worked, so I gave some ideas. I offered suggestions that have worked well for me in the past and shared in hopes that maybe it will work for that child and provider too.

As for the jacket, where I live, I would have this option all year around. Rigt now it's 88 outside. I guess I didn't realize where the provider lived and I have no experience with cold weather that could pose harm on a child. The coldest it has ever been here is maybe 38-40.

I feel like others are picking things apart, but what do I know......

[mommyneedsadayoff]

I guess I started this and said don't use the corner and didn't explain well. I guess I should have said stop using the corner because its not working, not because it is wrong or that she is wrong for doing it, but because it is the wrong method for the child. If he was responding to it, it would have worked.

As someone else said "The kids that need the most love ask for it in the most unloving ways." I offered ways to maybe try and connect with him.

what she was doing so far she said has not worked, so I gave some ideas. I offered suggestions that have worked well for me in the past and shared in hopes that maybe it will work for that child and provider too.

As for the jacket, where I live, I would have this option all year around. Rigt now it's 88 outside. I guess I didn't realize where the provider lived and I have no experience with cold weather that could pose harm on a child. The coldest it has ever been here is maybe 38-40.

I feel like others are picking things apart, but what do I know......

Just for clarification, my responses have been to the unregistered poster who said what she did is wrong and sort of went off on her. I agree, if the methods are not working, then it is time to reevaluate. In this case, I wold think it is best to end care for dcb as he is not fitting well with the group and has outgrown the program.

[Alwaysgreener]

Wow.
Let me start by clarifying some things that I feel are being misunderstood.

A. His choice was to put on the coat to go out and play or stay inside to play.
(what he did was lie about having a coat, then roll his eyes, then went and got his coat. He made his choice to wear the coat. I did not force him to do it. Not sure how that was setting him up to fail. Not to mention, he was cold walking up the driveway after he got off the bus)

B. His choice was to sit down for time out (and stop yelling at me) or go to the corner.
(He choose the corner)

C. He is in 1st grade not K.

D. I also notice that I wrote "stand" in the corner. He "sits" facing the corner.



Now to answer any questions

1. He has been here since June. He is the oldest one. He is the same one that is tried after school. DCM has not been talkative since I charged her late fees. She is always in a hurry mode. They been getting DCB from school on Fridays.
I am currently advertising and interviewing.

2. I have been keeping his time here a consistent. We walk up the driveway and talk. He washes and has snack, giving him one on one with me and some downtime. He wash again and gets ready to go out. When we come in he washes. Then it is to the table to color til DCM or DCD arrives. (DCM / DCD have recently been coming at unpredictable times.)

3. Having him nap is not always feasible. This is some times the other kids only outside time. I can not have him napping inside while I am out. My DH is home and he sits with the kids outside as I get DCB off the bus and his snack. Then my DH may have to go do something else.

4. The schools have the Y care in the building. I hinted to that when school started. She does not want to pay for it, not sure the cost. I honestly think that would be a great option for him though. Kids his own age / other first graders.

5. Yes we are required out side time. but he had plenty of outside time in school. (thus the choice to stay inside)


Thank you

[Controlled Chaos]

your headline had my eyes popping out I couldn't read the rest....

so funny


I will go back and read now
::::::::

I have definitely been thinking about awkward sex all morning due to the subject ::

[Unregistered]

I've taken far more classes then I care to remember . In addition to 15+ years of professional experience and a degree in Early Childhood. I suspect many on here have similar records. I have to ask though, are kids today more respectful to adults and each other? More polite? More considerate? I have a very hard time answering yes to that. I personally value the advice from older generations, and am thankful for the discipline my parents gave me. My husband would say the same about his childhood and he's older then me. I would rather trust the methods used that worked then a "new" idea that doesn't seem to be doing much for kids or providers.

Agreed 1000%!!!!!

[Thriftylady]

Wow.
Let me start by clarifying some things that I feel are being misunderstood.

A. His choice was to put on the coat to go out and play or stay inside to play.
(what he did was lie about having a coat, then roll his eyes, then went and got his coat. He made his choice to wear the coat. I did not force him to do it. Not sure how that was setting him up to fail. Not to mention, he was cold walking up the driveway after he got off the bus)

B. His choice was to sit down for time out (and stop yelling at me) or go to the corner.
(He choose the corner)

C. He is in 1st grade not K.

D. I also notice that I wrote "stand" in the corner. He "sits" facing the corner.



Now to answer any questions

1. He has been here since June. He is the oldest one. He is the same one that is tried after school. DCM has not been talkative since I charged her late fees. She is always in a hurry mode. They been getting DCB from school on Fridays.
I am currently advertising and interviewing.

2. I have been keeping his time here a consistent. We walk up the driveway and talk. He washes and has snack, giving him one on one with me and some downtime. He wash again and gets ready to go out. When we come in he washes. Then it is to the table to color til DCM or DCD arrives. (DCM / DCD have recently been coming at unpredictable times.)

3. Having him nap is not always feasible. This is some times the other kids only outside time. I can not have him napping inside while I am out. My DH is home and he sits with the kids outside as I get DCB off the bus and his snack. Then my DH may have to go do something else.

4. The schools have the Y care in the building. I hinted to that when school started. She does not want to pay for it, not sure the cost. I honestly think that would be a great option for him though. Kids his own age / other first graders.

5. Yes we are required out side time. but he had plenty of outside time in school. (thus the choice to stay inside)


Thank you

I would just let mom know it isn't working and again suggest the school program. If paying for it is an issue, have her check into it more because many of those programs are based on income. Now that doesn't solve the issue of being able to pay and not wanting to of course.

As far as the corner, I would just call and check with licensing to be sure it isn't an issue. I see what you are saying, but that won't keep you out of a bind with them. I am not saying it is right or wrong as much licensing may see it as wrong. As I said on my post above I see them as basically the same thing but not everyone does.

I am jaded when it comes to these things and people acting/behaving badly towards me. I have had my fill of it and just don't accept it from anyone anymore. I told my own son the other day he had disrespected me for the last time and if he couldn't treat me with respect not to contact me until he can. And I meant it. I love him with all I have, but he can't treat me with disrespect. That being said, I wouldn't take it from a child either.