Keeping peace with neighbors long

[childcaremom]

I would say no. Ive done that plenty of times with our neighbors. I just say that it's against regulations for daycare.

I'm legally unlicensed and blame regs all the time. Even if I am ok number wise.

[auntymimi]

I would allow my own daughter to have friends over but never a dck's friend. That needs to be taken care of by the dck's family.

This. I have the same issue. Great little girls next door and I do allow them sometimes but usually not with dck because it would put me over ratio. Dcg begs for them to come over every day. I just say, "why don't you ask mommy to host a play date?"

[Thriftylady]

Thanks everyone for making me not feel like a big ole meanie. I guess I just feel like if their own parents don't provide toys and such for them why should I? I do feel sorry for them, but if I took in everyone I feel sorry for this house would be full of kids and animals. I can't even walk in an animal shelter.

[grandmom]

NO NO NO.

You cannot let them come one day a week if they follow the rules. They don't have boundaries and they will be there every day.

You have to set the boundary and stick to it.

NO NO NO. They cannot come play.

[auntymimi]

Thanks everyone for making me not feel like a big ole meanie. I guess I just feel like if their own parents don't provide toys and such for them why should I? I do feel sorry for them, but if I took in everyone I feel sorry for this house would be full of kids and animals. I can't even walk in an animal shelter.

I have other neighbors, lovely older couple, with an adult daughter who FINALLY moved out. It was supposed to be a temporary situation, but 7 mos later....anyway she had her 3 kids and live in bf (who wasn't dad and didn't work) there waiting on sec8 housing. These kids were some of the most unappreciative, entitled children ever! They literally moved to grandparents with nothing, no toys, just some clothes that's it. They would watch our daughters riding bikes and beg to ride it. Of course, parents were never out with them and these are little kids. Dh felt sorry and fixed up an older bike that used to be our nieces and brought it over. Bought training wheels and everything. Middle child, 6yo, says "I don't want that one! I want the pink one!" Talking about dd bike. Mom was right there, says nothing. Not one word. Little girl starts screaming tantrum demanding dd bike! I was flabbergasted ! Thank Goodness they moved!

[Thriftylady]

I have other neighbors, lovely older couple, with an adult daughter who FINALLY moved out. It was supposed to be a temporary situation, but 7 mos later....anyway she had her 3 kids and live in bf (who wasn't dad and didn't work) there waiting on sec8 housing. These kids were some of the most unappreciative, entitled children ever! They literally moved to grandparents with nothing, no toys, just some clothes that's it. They would watch our daughters riding bikes and beg to ride it. Of course, parents were never out with them and these are little kids. Dh felt sorry and fixed up an older bike that used to be our nieces and brought it over. Bought training wheels and everything. Middle child, 6yo, says "I don't want that one! I want the pink one!" Talking about dd bike. Mom was right there, says nothing. Not one word. Little girl starts screaming tantrum demanding dd bike! I was flabbergasted ! Thank Goodness they moved!

This is kind of the sort of parents in both groups of the kids that keep moving in and out over there. Makes me so mad that parents are like this. I have given them (the household) some toys I was getting rid of over there. I gave them my old play kitchen when I got a better one. Told them what thrift store to go to get cheap play kitchen stuff. They never bought one thing to go with it or even found some real stuff for it, it sits outside in the yard never getting played with.

[jgcp]

I am legally unlicensed so can only have 6. The problem being I have only two right now. With neighbor kids I have five. I am going to say no. Maybe I will be nice once a week and allow them for an hour or so IF they follow the rules. I am going to have a talk with the DCKs tonight before we go outside. I really don't want to be mean, but I am not the town sitter either. My girls asked to go over there the other night and I had to say no. First off because the dad just got out of jail and they are not telling anyone why. He was there a month or so and is on probation or something now. The mom is in jail for 90 days supposedly because of tickets she didn't pay but who really knows. I guess I kind of feel sorry for the kids.

Even if im not full i tell other kids ( nieces and nephews from across the road) that i legally cannot have them over during childcare hours... Not just that but they just head on over whenever they want and will just go to the yard and play ( even though they have their own playground??) so that just pisses me off so i let them know nicely to go home. Mom doesnt even know they have come over because shes so busy cleaning her house ( must be nice) Sounds like your situation is harder and i totally get where your coming from and feeling sorry for those kids but it just sounds like a liability waiting to happen??

[Unregistered]

Your first paragraph was completely unnecessary to answer your questions. As well as very uncomfortable to read. You really see yourself as better than these folks on assistance huh? Please, do NOT let these poor children come over, they WILL, sooner or later, pick up on your attitude.

[Play Care]

I am legally unlicensed so can only have 6. The problem being I have only two right now. With neighbor kids I have five. I am going to say no. Maybe I will be nice once a week and allow them for an hour or so IF they follow the rules. I am going to have a talk with the DCKs tonight before we go outside. I really don't want to be mean, but I am not the town sitter either. My girls asked to go over there the other night and I had to say no. First off because the dad just got out of jail and they are not telling anyone why. He was there a month or so and is on probation or something now. The mom is in jail for 90 days supposedly because of tickets she didn't pay but who really knows. I guess I kind of feel sorry for the kids.

I wouldn't allow them over at all. You have to keep it consistent because they won't know why it's okay one day and not okay the next.

[Josiegirl]

How sorry will you feel if one of them gets hurt and the parents turn around and sue you? I just wouldn't want that kind of liability, especially for a family that isn't even paying you to watch their kids. It's hard to turn a kid away but we're living in such a sue-happy society that I don't want to take any more risk than I already do being a child care provider.

In this day and age, THIS is how you have to think. 'Due to child care liability issues, I cannot allow non-enrolled children on my property'.

[Thriftylady]

Your first paragraph was completely unnecessary to answer your questions. As well as very uncomfortable to read. You really see yourself as better than these folks on assistance huh? Please, do NOT let these poor children come over, they WILL, sooner or later, pick up on your attitude.

No, I see myself as better than those who lie and cheat to get assistance. Lying about your expenses and how many families are living in a house to get extra assistance is illegal.

[Heidi]

No, I see myself as better than those who lie and cheat to get assistance. Lying about your expenses and how many families are living in a house to get extra assistance is illegal.

Many of us have been on some sort of assistance in our lives. I did not feel judged by your statement. lovethis

[Laurel]

Okay, I need some backstory which is going to make this long. My neighbor passes away a couple of years ago. She was on Soc. Security and got rent help, utility help all that. Her whole family would come show up for her to cook for them, or become homeless and show up and live there etc. This is a 3 bedroom one bath house. She passed and her two daughters who had moved in with her (one there to help her, the other was homeless after her divorce) they still live there. One, the one that was helping her mom got a job. She works at a hotel cleaning rooms for just over min. wage. Some weeks she gets lots of hours others not so much depends how many rooms to clean. The other sister still refuses to work, says she can't blah blah. They both end up with their kids and grandkids living there for months on end. One set was there nine months and a couple weeks after they moved out, in moved the other set and their three kids. Still getting rent help, utility help, both sisters have seperate food stamp cases because they say they don't share food (they do). Then when the kids and grandkids move in, they always have another food stamp case in the house since none of them work. So they all live off the system.

So here is where now I have an issue. Last year, the other set of kids wanted to come play here with my DCKs and I said no, they couldn't be here unless they were DCKS. This year the one girl from over there and my DCG get on the bus together her. So now that my girls are coming earlier in the evening when we are outside they want to come over. And so does the little boy in the class with my other DCG (siblings) from down the street. Well don't you know it the moochers from across the street are happy to say "sure go play with your friends" while never even looking out the door to check on their kids. So now I am the neighborhood babysitter while I have extra kids over here dragging out toys and not wanting to put them away, playing in the sandbox and pouring my sand on the ground etc. My DCKs want to play with their friends, but I am starting to feel used up.

If you are still reading God Bless You! But how do I deal with this given I am feeling used and abused here?

As others said, it is a big liability issue if they are over there on your work time. What if you are attending to one of them and one of your own dck's gets hurt or needs you? You could be accused of not meeting their needs. If the kids are school aged I'd talk directly to them. Explain that this is your job and that you know they'd like to come over and play but the only children that can be here are the ones who are enrolled in your daycare. Let them know it is nothing personal.

As far as feeling resentful because other people are getting government benefits under false pretenses, I totally agree.

Our family got food stamps some 25 years ago when we had 3 young children and my husband was out of work. But as soon as he found work, we could stop them. THAT is what they are for. Not for people to abuse. Good for you for reporting anyone that does this. I wish I had because I have known of some too.

Laurel

[KidGrind]

I didn’t understand what their financial situation had to do with this story. Whether well off or poor, it’s not your responsibility to watch other’s children for free.

I would tell the kids and parents no. It’s not being mean.

[Blackcat31]

Also not understanding what the neighbor's back story has to do with this.

If you are a business selling a service and the neighbors aren't buying that service, then why are they there?

Not wanting to be a meanie should also have nothing to do with it.

If you don't want to be the free neighborhood babysitter then don't be and send home any kids that aren't enrolled and paying to be in you care.