Keeping peace with neighbors long

[Thriftylady]

Okay, I need some backstory which is going to make this long. My neighbor passes away a couple of years ago. She was on Soc. Security and got rent help, utility help all that. Her whole family would come show up for her to cook for them, or become homeless and show up and live there etc. This is a 3 bedroom one bath house. She passed and her two daughters who had moved in with her (one there to help her, the other was homeless after her divorce) they still live there. One, the one that was helping her mom got a job. She works at a hotel cleaning rooms for just over min. wage. Some weeks she gets lots of hours others not so much depends how many rooms to clean. The other sister still refuses to work, says she can't blah blah. They both end up with their kids and grandkids living there for months on end. One set was there nine months and a couple weeks after they moved out, in moved the other set and their three kids. Still getting rent help, utility help, both sisters have seperate food stamp cases because they say they don't share food (they do). Then when the kids and grandkids move in, they always have another food stamp case in the house since none of them work. So they all live off the system.

So here is where now I have an issue. Last year, the other set of kids wanted to come play here with my DCKs and I said no, they couldn't be here unless they were DCKS. This year the one girl from over there and my DCG get on the bus together her. So now that my girls are coming earlier in the evening when we are outside they want to come over. And so does the little boy in the class with my other DCG (siblings) from down the street. Well don't you know it the moochers from across the street are happy to say "sure go play with your friends" while never even looking out the door to check on their kids. So now I am the neighborhood babysitter while I have extra kids over here dragging out toys and not wanting to put them away, playing in the sandbox and pouring my sand on the ground etc. My DCKs want to play with their friends, but I am starting to feel used up.

If you are still reading God Bless You! But how do I deal with this given I am feeling used and abused here?

[Play Care]

The only thing you can do is send them home. Try it nicely at first, but you may have to get firm. "I'm sorry, this is a day care, you have to go home." Don't let them stay.

I'd tell your dck's firmly "you'll need to have your mom or dad invite Sally to your house if you want to play. I can't have them at my house/in my yard during day care, it's not allowed."

Do you have a fenced yard? I'd be playing in that and making sure the gate was locked.

ETA: I know you want to keep it friendly but there's only so much you can do.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

Just say no and tell them to go home. My sister went throught he same thing. Kids get home from school, they all want to play at her house and no other parents will let them to come to theirs, so even though it made her look like the bad guy, she started turning them away and saying no. It is all you can do. Legally, they have no right to play at your house, so turn them away and let your kids know why. "Thrifty is working so we cannot have other here. Who wants to color???!"

[e.j.]

Okay, I need some backstory which is going to make this long. My neighbor passes away a couple of years ago. She was on Soc. Security and got rent help, utility help all that. Her whole family would come show up for her to cook for them, or become homeless and show up and live there etc. This is a 3 bedroom one bath house. She passed and her two daughters who had moved in with her (one there to help her, the other was homeless after her divorce) they still live there. One, the one that was helping her mom got a job. She works at a hotel cleaning rooms for just over min. wage. Some weeks she gets lots of hours others not so much depends how many rooms to clean. The other sister still refuses to work, says she can't blah blah. They both end up with their kids and grandkids living there for months on end. One set was there nine months and a couple weeks after they moved out, in moved the other set and their three kids. Still getting rent help, utility help, both sisters have seperate food stamp cases because they say they don't share food (they do). Then when the kids and grandkids move in, they always have another food stamp case in the house since none of them work. So they all live off the system.

So here is where now I have an issue. Last year, the other set of kids wanted to come play here with my DCKs and I said no, they couldn't be here unless they were DCKS. This year the one girl from over there and my DCG get on the bus together her. So now that my girls are coming earlier in the evening when we are outside they want to come over. And so does the little boy in the class with my other DCG (siblings) from down the street. Well don't you know it the moochers from across the street are happy to say "sure go play with your friends" while never even looking out the door to check on their kids. So now I am the neighborhood babysitter while I have extra kids over here dragging out toys and not wanting to put them away, playing in the sandbox and pouring my sand on the ground etc. My DCKs want to play with their friends, but I am starting to feel used up.

If you are still reading God Bless You! But how do I deal with this given I am feeling used and abused here?

I would call/walk over and explain to the neighbors that while their kids are wonderful and I understand they want to play with their friends, for licensing/insurance reasons, I can't have the kids playing on my property during day care hours unless they are enrolled in my day care. I'd give them the tuition rates for after school care (if you don't mind having them there as long as they're paying customers) and see what they say. Unless they do enroll and pay for your care, I would nicely tell the neighbor kids that unfortunately, because you have rules to follow, they can't join you while you're watching their classmates but maybe they could ask their parents to set up some play dates for another time.

[racemom]

I don't know if you are licensed or what your state laws are, but here you could not legally have them over without counting in your ratio. Which is a perfect way to get out of being neighbor babysitter. So sorry kids, but state says only registered dck allowed.

[Crazy8]

Just say no!!!!!! Let the neighbors and your dc children know that you are not allowed to have anyone over who is not part of the daycare. They come over, send them right back home. Rinse and repeat until they get the point.

[laundrymom]

Listen to the other posters.
Just tell them, sorry... This is the daycare. Only enrolled kids can play. Have a great night.

[Thriftylady]

I am legally unlicensed so can only have 6. The problem being I have only two right now. With neighbor kids I have five. I am going to say no. Maybe I will be nice once a week and allow them for an hour or so IF they follow the rules. I am going to have a talk with the DCKs tonight before we go outside. I really don't want to be mean, but I am not the town sitter either. My girls asked to go over there the other night and I had to say no. First off because the dad just got out of jail and they are not telling anyone why. He was there a month or so and is on probation or something now. The mom is in jail for 90 days supposedly because of tickets she didn't pay but who really knows. I guess I kind of feel sorry for the kids.

[Rockgirl]

I am legally unlicensed so can only have 6. The problem being I have only two right now. With neighbor kids I have five. I am going to say no. Maybe I will be nice once a week and allow them for an hour or so IF they follow the rules. I am going to have a talk with the DCKs tonight before we go outside. I really don't want to be mean, but I am not the town sitter either. My girls asked to go over there the other night and I had to say no. First off because the dad just got out of jail and they are not telling anyone why. He was there a month or so and is on probation or something now. The mom is in jail for 90 days supposedly because of tickets she didn't pay but who really knows. I guess I kind of feel sorry for the kids.

They don't have to know how many you have enrolled, and I'm betting they know nothing about regulations, anyway. I'd just nicely tell them that due to daycare regulations, you aren't allowed to have extra kids over. Or non-enrolled children--whatever sounds appropriate.

[e.j.]

I guess I kind of feel sorry for the kids.

How sorry will you feel if one of them gets hurt and the parents turn around and sue you? I just wouldn't want that kind of liability, especially for a family that isn't even paying you to watch their kids. It's hard to turn a kid away but we're living in such a sue-happy society that I don't want to take any more risk than I already do being a child care provider.

[laundrymom]

I am legally unlicensed so can only have 6. The problem being I have only two right now. With neighbor kids I have five. I am going to say no. Maybe I will be nice once a week and allow them for an hour or so IF they follow the rules. I am going to have a talk with the DCKs tonight before we go outside. I really don't want to be mean, but I am not the town sitter either. My girls asked to go over there the other night and I had to say no. First off because the dad just got out of jail and they are not telling anyone why. He was there a month or so and is on probation or something now. The mom is in jail for 90 days supposedly because of tickets she didn't pay but who really knows. I guess I kind of feel sorry for the kids.

You could always send them a bill. ?? Mark cancel on it but tell them next te you'll need paid and all paperwork turned in. Oh. And a hefty enrollment fee. 😎😎

[Thriftylady]

You could always send them a bill. ?? Mark cancel on it but tell them next te you'll need paid and all paperwork turned in. Oh. And a hefty enrollment fee. 😎😎

Yeah I think if they end up over here tonight I may tell them they need to enroll and their parents have to pay for that. I am going to talk to my girls when they get here BEFORE we go outside. The other night it all started with hollering back and forth across the street, I am going to tell them if that happens again we will come straight inside.

[littletots]

I would give regs as excuse. Hopefully, cold weather will come & you'll stay in more.

[Unregistered]

I would allow my own daughter to have friends over but never a dck's friend. That needs to be taken care of by the dck's family.

[mommiebookworm]

I would say no. Ive done that plenty of times with our neighbors. I just say that it's against regulations for daycare.