Baby Refuses Bottle First Days Back

[Unregistered]

Thank you for the replies, I do appreciate it. The plan this weekend is for gramma to watch him Friday while I work and to also give 2 feeds on Saturday. One lactation consultant suggested that baby may have developed an aversion to my milk since it's not fresh on Monday. We are going to scald it to eliminate the issue with soapy milk. It's an enzyme called lipase that makes it taste soapy.

I slept with a blanket last night and delivered the freshest milk I had today around lunch. Kid was happy but looked tired. He didn't seem hungry and has only had 3 oz today. She doesn't seem particularly affectionate with him. How important is cuddling at daycare? I know you are mostly of the opinion that he's not bottle trained, but I can't help but wonder if it's an environmental issue or a poor fit. Today I threw away a paper from a few weeks ago that said he drank 9 ounces on a Monday.

So we are going to try bottle training intensely, despite our pediatrician and two lactation consultants thinking that won't solve this issue. I feel I need to try it because I haven't tried it yet.

[nannyde]

Thank you for the replies, I do appreciate it. The plan this weekend is for gramma to watch him Friday while I work and to also give 2 feeds on Saturday. One lactation consultant suggested that baby may have developed an aversion to my milk since it's not fresh on Monday. We are going to scald it to eliminate the issue with soapy milk. It's an enzyme called lipase that makes it taste soapy.

I slept with a blanket last night and delivered the freshest milk I had today around lunch. Kid was happy but looked tired. He didn't seem hungry and has only had 3 oz today. She doesn't seem particularly affectionate with him. How important is cuddling at daycare? I know you are mostly of the opinion that he's not bottle trained, but I can't help but wonder if it's an environmental issue or a poor fit. Today I threw away a paper from a few weeks ago that said he drank 9 ounces on a Monday.

So we are going to try bottle training intensely, despite our pediatrician and two lactation consultants thinking that won't solve this issue. I feel I need to try it because I haven't tried it yet.

Throwing another factor in like scalding is going to make it difficult to know if the bottle feeds help.

Throwing in her affection is going to make it difficult to deal just with his nipple training.

She may have been miffed with the milk delivery.

If you think it's the not fresh milk then the two daily full feeds at home need to be with not fresh milk. That way you can eliminate it without her as a factor.

[nannyde]

Any chance you are cosleeping with him attached to your nipple most of the night?

[Unregistered]

Yes, we cosleep. I'm sure you're going to explain how that is hurting the daycare relationship.

[Heidi]

Yes, we cosleep. I'm sure you're going to explain how that is hurting the daycare relationship.

and...you're clearly defensive about the subject. I don't mean that rudely..but it's your gut reaction.

Do you really beleive that it doesn't?

It's your right to co-sleep. He's your child. But, please don't try to tell yourself that at 4 months, he's going to understand that at home he needs you to sleep, and at daycare he's perfectly fine with safe-sleep practices.

Truly, I am not being mean. You're putting a lot on a young infant, though, to eat differently, sleep differently, play differently, be stimulated differently (noise level, other children, caregiver occupied with multiple kiddos). It's pretty hard to boil down to WHY he's not eating at daycare when EVERYTHING is different.

Can you afford to hire a one-on-one caregiver? If not, maybe some compromises need to made for the sake of your little one. Simplu changing daycares now won't help him, because the next group childcare provider will have the same issues...he's not the only one to care for.

[nannyde]

Yes, we cosleep. I'm sure you're going to explain how that is hurting the daycare relationship.

How would that hurt the daycare relationship?

I'm asking if he is cosleeping nipple attached most of the night. The nipple attached is what I'm asking about.

[nannyde]

Have your lactation consultant call your daycare provider so the daycare provider can share her experience. The lactation consultant may have a completely differing opinion after that.

A few minutes on the phone and the lactation consultant is going to hear that the baby isn't nipple trained. Nipple trained defined as... can easily switch from breast to bottle without a blip on the radar. Chowing the bottle with ease.

Can you tell us why when you do the bottle feeds at home you were doing one ounce once a day?

I think many providers miss the opportunity at the interview to be VERY clear that the baby MUST be able to EASILY eat a FULL bottle EVERY day before starting daycare AND that the baby must come a couple of days before starting and SHOW the provider he/she can EASILY eat a full serving bottle with ease.

That demonstration is imperative so you don't end up where you are now. Mom doesn't have to attend the demonstration. She can send anyone to sit and feed the baby in front of the provider so the provider can see how he/she takes the bottle and that it is easy as fishin for the baby.

[Unregistered]

Heidi, I do feel a bit defensive and under attack by at least one poster. I posted here knowing you all would have a different perspective, but I don't appreciate some of the rhetoric. My hope was that at least one of you had gone through this and found a solution. Specifically where a baby feeds for half the week and balks at the other half. It may very well be that I've failed my child and have subsequently put him in harms way with this provider. I am trying to fix it and find ways to troubleshoot.

I did one ounce a day because it's more convenient than double pumping for 15 minutes and feed a baby a bottle for 20 minutes. There's also a concern that the less the baby is on the breast the more likely I will run into issues with supply.

He spends about half the night in his basinette. And half the night next to me and sometimes latched. It depends on if I fall asleep before I get him back to the basinette and whether he settles again in te basinette.

[daycarediva]

Heidi, I do feel a bit defensive and under attack by at least one poster. I posted here knowing you all would have a different perspective, but I don't appreciate some of the rhetoric. My hope was that at least one of you had gone through this and found a solution. Specifically where a baby feeds for half the week and balks at the other half. It may very well be that I've failed my child and have subsequently put him in harms way with this provider. I am trying to fix it and find ways to troubleshoot.

I did one ounce a day because it's more convenient than double pumping for 15 minutes and feed a baby a bottle for 20 minutes. There's also a concern that the less the baby is on the breast the more likely I will run into issues with supply.

He spends about half the night in his basinette. And half the night next to me and sometimes latched. It depends on if I fall asleep before I get him back to the basinette and whether he settles again in te basinette.

With all due respect, that's a ridiculous assumption. It sounds like the provider is doing all she can to open up the lines of communication with you to best help your child. If you change caregivers, you're going to continually run into this issue until it's resolved.

I agree with Heidi on this topic. She isn't trying to offend you, she IS trying to give you great advice and she REALLY knows her stuff when it comes to babies. She is a loving, wonderful provider.

He needs to be ready for daycare/group care or hire a nanny. Have grandma and Dad do FULL bottles (and yes, pumping ****s, I ebf my kids. I get it) make sure he isn't co sleeping.


Also- lack of affection- I'm sure baby gets a LOT of cuddles especially with his feeding schedule, he is in arms for a great majority of her day. It takes me a while to 'fall in like' with a child. It doesn't mean a child I haven't yet bonded with is in ANY danger, it doesn't mean I am not affectionate toward that child, it's just faking it until I make it.

How is he sleeping at daycare?

[nannyde]

Heidi, I do feel a bit defensive and under attack by at least one poster. I posted here knowing you all would have a different perspective, but I don't appreciate some of the rhetoric. My hope was that at least one of you had gone through this and found a solution. Specifically where a baby feeds for half the week and balks at the other half. It may very well be that I've failed my child and have subsequently put him in harms way with this provider. I am trying to fix it and find ways to troubleshoot.

I did one ounce a day because it's more convenient than double pumping for 15 minutes and feed a baby a bottle for 20 minutes. There's also a concern that the less the baby is on the breast the more likely I will run into issues with supply.

He spends about half the night in his basinette. And half the night next to me and sometimes latched. It depends on if I fall asleep before I get him back to the basinette and whether he settles again in te basinette.

He's not eating at the front end of the week after he's been all nipple all the time. (minus one ounce once a day)

We have been through this. You have been given excellent advice but it isn't advice that changes the cold hard fact that he MUST be fed bottles every day to be able to keep the skill set of the bottle nipple.

Your story is very very very very very common. There isn't anything unique in it other than the "scalding" part.

I'm trying to help you. If you are looking for a solution that doesn't involve full serving bottles at home every day then you are going to have a hard time getting that with a group of experienced providers. We've been to this rodeo before (especially in the last few years with the upsurge of breastfeeding and infant sleeping attached to the nipple).

The only mistake your provider made was not requiring a grand performance right before starting care. Other than that, I can't see where she is doing anything but telling you the truth... which by the way... won't come your way from a desperate provider who wants your money.

If it is convenient for you, it will most likely not work for the kid in daycare. Parenting is hard work and in this case, you can not continue to send him to daycare when you know he isn't able to eat. Either tackle extra pumping, other host feeders, and full serving multiple daily home feeds on off days OR stay home with the baby until you know for certain he is a champ on the bottle.

You can research, hit daycare boards, hit mommy and breastfeeding groups, make phone calls to specialists trying to find a way where you don't have to do the hard hard work of nipple training... but in the end it's very simple. The baby can't manage the bottle nipple and he must if he isn't going to be with you. That takes practice and it means there will be feedings away from daycare where convenience doesn't take precedence.

This issue will continue as long as he is on breastmilk at daycare. If you have illness, vacation, the provider closes... etc... you HAVE to stay on the bottles. You can have a baby who is a champ on the bottle and more than three days of all mom all the time and night latched and the skill set can poof away and you have to start all over. You think it's rough now... if your baby at six, nine, twelve months has a break of a few days of bottles you will have a WAY harder time than you have now. This is an ongoing parental responsibility though out the life of breast milk feeding at daycare.

[Thriftylady]

I agree with NannyDe. I didn't BF my kids, looking back I wish I had tried it, I had my reasons for doing it the way I did but now I wish I had at least tried.

But you are asking providers for advice and what we have seen, we are giving you that. Your child is in a bit of danger right now, but it is danger you control. You have to bottle train the child, your provider can't do that for you. You can change providers every other week, and will still have the same results. We are not trying to bash you or say you are horrible, we are just telling you the facts. Please don't get defensive about it, take the information and use it. Your child could suffer health issues such as dehydration due to this, and as long as your provider is trying to get the bottle down, there is nothing else she can do about it. You have three choices right now, YOU bottle train, or you come and BF your child twice daily IF the provider allows that. I don't allow that and either do many other providers. The third option is for you to stay home with your child until you are ready to wean the child. Sometimes parents can opt to get a nanny to get their child one on one attention, but in this case I don't see how that would really help you. A nanny would still have to bottle feed, and until baby is bottle trained that won't happen.

Getting defensive and using excuses won't help you or your child. Taking the knowledge of people who have dealt with this without getting defensive will. We can't say what kind of mother you are or you are not, we haven't seen you mother. We can tell you this situation won't work and changing providers will be more of the same.

[Unregistered]

Heidi, I do feel a bit defensive and under attack by at least one poster. I posted here knowing you all would have a different perspective, but I don't appreciate some of the rhetoric. My hope was that at least one of you had gone through this and found a solution. Specifically where a baby feeds for half the week and balks at the other half. It may very well be that I've failed my child and have subsequently put him in harms way with this provider. I am trying to fix it and find ways to troubleshoot.

I did one ounce a day because it's more convenient than double pumping for 15 minutes and feed a baby a bottle for 20 minutes. There's also a concern that the less the baby is on the breast the more likely I will run into issues with supply.

He spends about half the night in his basinette. And half the night next to me and sometimes latched. It depends on if I fall asleep before I get him back to the basinette and whether he settles again in te basinette.

I think the solution you were looking for someone to say the provider was or wasn't doing "X" so it would be her fault and her responsibility to fix when in reality it is you that needs to alter your practices for the best interest of your child.
That became clear when you said the words "it's more convenient" above. That is usually code for "whatever is easiest for me on my time"

[Heidi]

OP-

I know this is diffiult for you, and I absolutely empathize. But, I'm going to tell you that you're on a board with experienced daycare providers. Some of us have been parents and daycare providers for 20-35 years.

We don't answer questions like this with the idea of somehow making you feel bad. We answer questions based on our experience. Like NanDe said, this isn't our first rodeo. Read through this board, and you'll see that your question is answered over and over and over. Or, there's a provider who's newish and she's wondering what she should do because she has an infant that won't eat or sleep.

I have no stake in this situation. I'm not your provider. My only motivation to tell you what I think is for your sake and the sake of your little one. It doesn't affect me if you change providers ten times, co-sleep, nurse him until he's 12, or feed him only cheetos. He's your child. You make the decisions, you deal with the consequences.

Eventually, you'll be dancing at his wedding, then tsk-tsking at how your daughter-in-law is raising your grandbabies. She, of course, will be rolling her eyes at you.

[Unregistered]

Heidi, thanks for not judging me.

[Unregistered]

For anyone who finds this thread, here's an update. He did fine with gramma on Friday and Saturday, no problem drinking full feed bottles from 8-5. Sunday we gave him 2 full feeds by bottle separated by nursibg to see how he transitioned. He did great. On Monday he would not take the bottle at the home daycare. The best bottle he took was at lunchtime when his 2 year old sister was helping. I've discussed the matter with our daycare lady. We don't think he forgets how to use a bottle at daycare. We are starting to suspect that he doesn't like the environment or he doesn't like her. The strange thing is that he took 9 to 13 ounces a day for about 6 weeks. What's changed? He got older. According to her research, she says some infants prefer taking a bottle from a different teacher. But she doesn't have that option. We are going to continue bottle transitioning and see if he changes his mind and we are going to look for a daycare with more than one caregiver.