Not Sure What to Think - Peanut Allergy

[nannyde]

Wow! Insensitive. Although if I didn't have a child with nut allergies I probably wouldn't want to accommodate a child with them either I find this very insensitive. Just say you can't do it.....no reason to push the item that could cause death as a means to get the parent to turn you down. I didn't tag the right post I meant to tag the post about having PB cookies out at each interview. I don't expect special for my kids & would never expect a provider to give me "special" (one of the reasons I stayed home with my child when he was not in school) but being kind goes a long way!

It will mean nothing to the parents who don't have a kid with a peanut allergy.
It wouldn't happen with a family that was upfront about their kids peanut allergy before the interview.
It would stop a parent who wanted to deceive a provider and secure a slit BEFORE the information was given. It would force her to come divulge at the front door before entering and give the provider time to consider and reschedule. It would give the provider time without having to declare what she will or won't do before she has time to consider it.

This isn't the first time I have heard this exact routine. This is a common tactic to gain entry before disclosure so refusal to take the child becomes discrimination.

This is a textbook case.

Only difference is special meets special.

A sign on the door stating this is a nut friendly house and having nut products within view at the first contact stops the deceit.

[Baby Beluga]

As a parent of a child with an allergy, I can attest that it does take a TON of time. Perhaps I am interpreting ADA incorrectly (and honestly for a home preschool I did not think it would apply), but because I know the lengths we go to in order to keep my child safe, I cannot imagine that a home provider with other children present could do it except in the most unusual of circumstances.

Those who have been providers for a long time...is it uncommon for a parent to try to force you to keep a child that you feel you cannot care for safely?

Yes and no. You may be surprised to find out just how bossy, bullish and entitled some parents can get when they are told no. I believe some of it stems from the parent not truly understanding what it takes to keep a child safe and sometimes I think it is a from a parent who simply does not care and feels entitled. As providers we get to meet some incredibly wonder families and children. However we also get to meet some of the most dense, uncaring, parents who feel their child puts them out. While I am sure you can't fathom putting your child somewhere where the provider feels she cannot in good faith keep your child safe, there are parents out there who simply don't care and are happy to not have to deal with the problem for X amount of hours each day.

[Thriftylady]

Yes and no. You may be surprised to find out just how bossy, bullish and entitled some parents can get when they are told no. I believe some of it stems from the parent not truly understanding what it takes to keep a child safe and sometimes I think it is a from a parent who simply does not care and feels entitled. As providers we get to meet some incredibly wonder families and children. However we also get to meet some of the most dense, uncaring, parents who feel their child puts them out. While I am sure you can't fathom putting your child somewhere where the provider feels she cannot in good faith keep your child safe, there are parents out there who simply don't care and are happy to not have to deal with the problem for X amount of hours each day.

This is so true. It is why I quit doing daycare the first time I did it. Some of the parents were over the top, and I didn't yet have backbone enough to even begin to stand up for myself. I still don't in some ways, but this group helps me when I don't.

[Febby]

Yes and no. You may be surprised to find out just how bossy, bullish and entitled some parents can get when they are told no. I believe some of it stems from the parent not truly understanding what it takes to keep a child safe and sometimes I think it is a from a parent who simply does not care and feels entitled. As providers we get to meet some incredibly wonder families and children. However we also get to meet some of the most dense, uncaring, parents who feel their child puts them out. While I am sure you can't fathom putting your child somewhere where the provider feels she cannot in good faith keep your child safe, there are parents out there who simply don't care and are happy to not have to deal with the problem for X amount of hours each day.

Yup. Working in centers, I've seen multiple children whose parents decided not to bother telling the center about their child's allergies. And then when we called them, they said "Oh, yeah, she's allergic to _______. Didn't we tell you?" And then they get annoyed when we make them pick up their now sick child.

[Play Care]

As a parent of a child with an allergy, I can attest that it does take a TON of time. Perhaps I am interpreting ADA incorrectly (and honestly for a home preschool I did not think it would apply), but because I know the lengths we go to in order to keep my child safe, I cannot imagine that a home provider with other children present could do it except in the most unusual of circumstances.

Those who have been providers for a long time...is it uncommon for a parent to try to force you to keep a child that you feel you cannot care for safely?

Sadly, no it's not uncommon.

In addition, Home providers are *strongly encouraged* by licensing in most states to make their environments friendly for *all* kids... I've gotten the impression from most of my classes/trainings that there very few situations in which we would be allowed to say we can't meet the child's needs. Home providers don't get a free pass from following regs/laws because they work at home.

Right now in my care I have a child who is allergic to fish. Can't have fish of any kind - including tuna. Thankfully it's easy to manage and requires nothing major on my part. But - even though I've told parents that we do have some allergies in care I've still had parents trying to bring their own foods in. I've found that parents of kids without allergies are the worst because it feels as if they just don't care...

[Solandia]

I have no problem accommodating allergies, special needs, etc, as long as it is safe & appropriate to do so. I also require the parent to pay for my training for their child...I don't/refuse to do "parent training".

When it comes down to paying extra to keep their child safe, they won't do it.

To clear it up...I have had interviews for kids with mic-key buttons, type 1 diabetes (w & without insulin pumps), asthma, and food allergies. *I am comfortable dealing with these issues* Ok, not all at once, but one special care child at time isn't going to put me over the edge.

in each case, the parents were DELIGHTED that I would consider caring for their child, because, lets face it...many home daycares will NOT. But as soon as I said that I would require to take a class and be compensated for it....they ALL backed away....that the parents free training of "Its so easy to manage...Let me show you how it is done" isn't' enough for me.

My pedi group does trainings in ALL of the above for parents & providers. FREE, some ongoing trainings were $50-75 per series of 4 classes, but I did require $10/hr plus mileage for my evening(s) away from my family. So we are talking a max of $200 extra for their child, that the parent was unwilling to pay because they felt they shouldn't have to do so. And were offended that I wouldn't just take their "training" as gospel truth.

So I never got to the point of turning anyone away for not accommodating their child over peanuts...because the possible $200 was a barrier to my care. I would have a very difficult time providing care for a severe peanut allergy, and could never feel the child was 100% safe anywhere.

[Blackcat31]

I can understand why a doctor would write this for a toddler with diabetes, as they are notoriously picky and if they have hypoglycemia, then it is a good snack, but there are alternatives for adults (soy butter, sunbutter, etc.), so I would be surprised if your physician actually writes such a note for a grown woman. I think is also makes a difference if you are a Type 1 diabetic (make no insulin at all, as most young children with diabetes are) versus if you are type 2 diabetic. That being said, as a HOME daycare, I do not think you need to be nut free and do not think you need a note. If you feel you cannot safely accommodate a serious allergy, as a sole provider in a business run out of your own home, that should be enough.

Again, I do not think a home daycare needs to accommodate a child with an allergy if they are not comfortable doing so. The provider must be able to safely care for all children in her care...simply that they enjoy nuts in the home is enough in my opinion, being the only adult present is enough in my opinion, being too far remote from EMS is enough in my opinion, but it does seem like having an adult with diabetes say that PB is the only thing that will work to stabilize their blood sugar is not accurate.
I am assuming the discomfort many home providers have is with all life-threatening food allergies (except maybe seafood) and not just peanut allergies. .

My DH is a Type 1 diabetic. Diagnosed at age 37 (if that makes a difference)

His Dr IS the one that "prescribed" peanut M&M's for those times in which he has low blood sugar. (My DH has had episodes where he went as low as 23) Peanut M&M's do the trick fantastically. For him, there are no other alternatives.

As I mentioned in another thread he could eat another substitute but with severe side effects. He can't have fruit with citrus (due to interactions with other medications he takes) and can't just eat candy or glucose tablets as they are nothing but sugar (he has some pretty severe digestive reactions when he eats sugar) and although crackers/breads etc are carbs they are slow acting and as you know, time is important when dealing with diabetes and low blood sugars.

For some reason Peanut M&M's are the magic potion and we have found nothing that matches it's swiftness in raising his blood sugar AND maintaining it until his next meal/snack without the severe side effects those other alternatives have.

So yes, in an essence Peanut M&M's ARE the ONLY option for him.

Just as peanut allergies are protected by the ADA so is diabetes and my DH should not HAVE to find an alternative simply because a parent insists that he does or "thinks" he has other alternatives.

If that is the argument that the provider is using to turn away kids with allergies, them what about milk, soy, wheat, egg and other life-threatening allergies? No reputable medical doctor is going to say you need all of those for emergency management of diabetes.

I'm kind of insulted that someone thinks a provider would go to such lengths to deny care as I was the one that initially brought up the topic of NEEDING Peanut M&M's (therefore making it impossible to take on a child with peanut allergies) and I did NOT make that statement to give others an "out" or "excuse" to take kids with peanut allergies.

I made the statement because in my DH's case, it is 100% accurate and his Dr (a reputable one) will back that up medically. NOT because it is easiest or partially true but because in my DH's case...it IS true and his medical need (also protected by the ADA) does not have to take a back seat to a parent with a child with peanut allergies insisting their child is enrolled in my program.

I have zero issues accommodating a child with allergies provided that I am capable of doing so. In the case of peanut allergies I am NOT and do not feel I should have to.

FWIW, I DO currently have a child with wheat, egg, dairy and fish allergies. He has been part of my program for almost 2 years now. I have zero issues accommodating him. It does not in any way, conflict with any one else's medical conditions.

[LittleTikes]

Many years ago, I took a child with various food allergies; including one to peanuts. My daycare went peanut-free and I thought I was pretty vigilant, but in the evening, we went back to our regular home life. One evening, my daughter was eating peanut butter something and had it on her hands. She then, managed to smear a small amount on one of our sofa tables. Guess who came in the next morning and managed to touch the exact spot that had the peanut butter smear? I felt terrible and had to play detective to even figure out what had happened. After that, I could not guarantee safety because we were not a peanut-free private home. It's just not worth the risk, when there are safer options.

[Unregistered]

People can get food allergies at any age. Sometimes mid 20's others into 40's. I have nut free family child care. All children wash hands when they arrive. There are no peanuts or pine cone activities. I also have DC children w eggs and milk allergies. No big deal. Sorry, it was such an issue. You were not the right provider for her.

[Rockgirl]

OP, did the mom finally stop trying to contact you?