Not Sure What to Think - Peanut Allergy

[momofapreschooler]

Most places here do not offer healthy, homemade meals and snacks. I think most of it is processed, canned, frozen, etc.

1. One was a owned by our local hospital for their employees but is also open to the community. They had several children with peanut allergies, and the director's grandchild had a peanut allergy. I believe they had most of their food under the purchasing agreement with the hospital.

2. One was part of a national chain. Those meals were not made from scratch. I was told the company had a national policy and national food purchasing contracts.

3. Two nut free schools made meals on site. At one a teachers/cook had nut allergies herself. Lots of toddler friendly unhealthy food and a lot of quick preparation and heat and serve at both places (4/6 were nut free...I had forgotten one).

4. The center that did mostly scratch meals but was not nut free did have an impressive allergy list for all the kids with allergies and just separated the foods. I actually would have trusted the cook, but they served peanut butter 2-3 times per week and too much risk of contact from the other kids.

5. Our local public schools are supposed to be peanut and nut free in terms of what the cafeteria serves. Mostly heat and serve there, too.

We actually eat our very infrequently because of my child's allergy. Our favorite places are our country club (chef says, "we are a scratch kitchen, so we know what is in our food), a local restaurant where the manager has a peanut allergy, a pizza place and 1 fast food restaurant.

Our home is nut free, and other than changing brands, it has not been that difficult to stock our kitchen with everything we once enjoyed except nuts, but it takes a long time to read every label in the grocery store. We do buy a lot of organic food and do have to go to a few grocery stores to get both peanut/nut free and organic for certain items. It probably is more expensive, but with all the money we save by not eating out much, we probably come out ahead.

[cheerfuldom]

I knew this lady would call and try and bait you on the phone and i was right. You did the right think OP. It is not your problem if other home daycares wont take her, which is a possibility, thats her problem. So even if she is right, it is not a good argument because you cant decide for every other place, just your place. With how rude she was being, I feel that this is final clue that she DID know the allergy. She will probably find some newbie provider that will take her and deal with it. It wont be safe most likely but she will find someone.

I had a mom not let me know of an allergy and show up the first day of care with a "oh by the way, here is her epipen". There are a lot of parents that dont take these allergies seriously, they will drop their kid off and let you deal with it. I had a provider friend that had a daycare baby have a severe reaction, the provider was never notified of the allergy, the ambulance came, the mom NEVER showed up even though she was called! She said it appeared the provider had things under control and she stayed at work! ugh, some parents just really dont care.

[laundrymom]

I have two kids in my life who are deathly allergic to nuts.
So this thread and the bullying tactic the mom tried really makes my blood boil.

My daughter dated a boy for over a year with the life threatening tree nut allergy. Not just peanuts. But all tree nuts. He was 17 yrs old at the time and reads everything. Every label. Every time. If something isn't labeled he will put a touch on the inside of his lower lip and hold it there for two minutes. If he feels any sensation he immediately doses w med and washes mouth. But it took him 17 years to get that way. To condition himself and police himself. His parents are still hyper aware of everything he ingests. There is NO WAY they would expect a daycare provider to deal with the risk management. When he would go places w us I had a list of foods that I knew were safe. Chickens, we knew where they were raised and who processed them. Eggs. Flour. Butter. Etc. real. Food ingredients. Things like smores. He couldn't have Hershey bars. He had canned icing. A particular brand. When daughter got job at roadhouse she had to shower. Keep her work clothes completely seperate. He couldn't even ride in her car.
This experience tells me a few things about the OPs potential family.
1. This mom is either an uncaring, uninformed, and un loving mom. Or she is inflating the severity of the allergy.
Because I can tell you, our peanut boys mom goes above and beyond to keep him safe. To educate people around him. To protect him at all costs. He was 15 mo when he was snacking on older brothers pbj at the table and went into A shock. The second time he was exposed they were at kings island. Walking around at age four when they passed the fudge shoppe. Samples were being passed out and they specifically asked... Is this nut free. The poor girl serving didn't think, she just looked down, saw her samples were chocolate without nuts so she said they were nut free. 30 feet down the path he started gasping. 30 minutes later he was in ER. Where he stayed for four days. Kings island has since educated their staff and changed policy.

The other little girl was about 6. On a peanut free flight from Indy to Phoenix. When they changed planes they confirmed the connecting flight was nut free. They get in the air, everything is fine, all of a sudden little girl tugs on moms shirt. "Mom. I smell peanuts. My throat hurts."
Honey. It's a nut free flight. At which point she started gasping. Her epi pan was used. Pilot emergency landed at the nearest airport with a big enough runway and the ambulance met them on the runway. After a search of the plane they found someone who didn't intentionally try to hurt the little princess, but they had carried on a bag of peanut M&Ms. Not thinking. They didn't know what they didn't know. Until they learned.
The bottom line is until you know, you don't know what you don't know. And usually when you know, it's because of something catastrophic.
This is why the OPs potential client makes me so angry.
Allergies are nothing to muck around with. It belittles the sacrifice so many make every day to keep their kids safe. And to place that burden on a provider and nonchalantly mention it after a contract is signed?!?!
That's neglect. Plain and simple. It should be the FIRST question to ask a potential provider. Not a text three days later. And I won't believe the kid was diagnosed the Friday after the interview until Elsa herself makes Arizona a frozen wonderland.
Grerrrrr. Just. Grrrrrrr

[Baby Beluga]

1. This mom is either an uncaring, uninformed, and un loving mom. Or she is inflating the severity of the allergy.
Because I can tell you, our peanut boys mom goes above and beyond to keep him safe. To educate people around him. To protect him at all costs.

I have to agree with this. My own 3 year old has allergies - dairy, egg and peanuts. She can be near these things she just can't ingest them. Every single time we go somewhere or she spends the night at my in-laws I pack all of her food. That way I know how it was prepared, what it touched, etc. I trust my MIL to do these things (and she has offered) but I don't want her to go through the hassle of making sure the food is safe for my DD to eat, nor the guilt should something not be properly prepared and my DD has a reaction. I would NEVER expect anyone to do that. Ever.

[Tasha]

I had company come to town yesterday afternoon so I haven't been able to read the posts since then so I've got some catching up to do, but I do want
to thank everybody - especially Nannyde for her terrific advice and BC (who really understands the intricacies of caring for a person with diabetes). But really everybody who replied. I really couldn't even have a good time last night with my visitors because I was so worked up over this woman. We were gone last night but I know she tried calling me a couple of times on my home phone, but didn't leave a message. So I'm waiting for that other shoe to drop...

[childcaremom]

Do not answer the phone. I would not engage with her anymore at all.

Could you imagine you had actually ended up with her as a client?

[daycare]

Yes,this. I would not engage with her anymore. There is nothing left to discuss.

So sorry your night was ruined by this lady. I have been there before and it stinks. Hugs to you and TGIF!!

[Tasha]

I knew this lady would call and try and bait you on the phone and i was right. You did the right think OP. It is not your problem if other home daycares wont take her, which is a possibility, thats her problem. So even if she is right, it is not a good argument because you cant decide for every other place, just your place. With how rude she was being, I feel that this is final clue that she DID know the allergy. She will probably find some newbie provider that will take her and deal with it. It wont be safe most likely but she will find someone.

I had a mom not let me know of an allergy and show up the first day of care with a "oh by the way, here is her epipen". There are a lot of parents that dont take these allergies seriously, they will drop their kid off and let you deal with it. I had a provider friend that had a daycare baby have a severe reaction, the provider was never notified of the allergy, the ambulance came, the mom NEVER showed up even though she was called! She said it appeared the provider had things under control and she stayed at work! ugh, some parents just really dont care.

These examples just astonish me! It's interesting to me to know that I am not the only provider who this has happened to. In a weird way it makes me feel better to find out it's happened to other people. But it also makes my blood boil.

[KidGrind]

I had company come to town yesterday afternoon so I haven't been able to read the posts since then so I've got some catching up to do, but I do want
to thank everybody - especially Nannyde for her terrific advice and BC (who really understands the intricacies of caring for a person with diabetes). But really everybody who replied. I really couldn't even have a good time last night with my visitors because I was so worked up over this woman. We were gone last night but I know she tried calling me a couple of times on my home phone, but didn't leave a message. So I'm waiting for that other shoe to drop...

I would like you to know I have multiply allergies including a peanut allergy. I manage it and I’ve only had one scary incident which involved an undiagnosed allergy. The DCM my response and actions with saving her sons life.

I would decline providing care for this child. A child’s life in not to be played with and this mother is doing exactly that with her dishonesty.

[nannyde]

I had company come to town yesterday afternoon so I haven't been able to read the posts since then so I've got some catching up to do, but I do want
to thank everybody - especially Nannyde for her terrific advice and BC (who really understands the intricacies of caring for a person with diabetes). But really everybody who replied. I really couldn't even have a good time last night with my visitors because I was so worked up over this woman. We were gone last night but I know she tried calling me a couple of times on my home phone, but didn't leave a message. So I'm waiting for that other shoe to drop...

Did you get a doc note from your daughter's doctor?

[Tasha]

Did you get a doc note from your daughter's doctor?

I did. I was worried she would balk but she understood completely, so now I have it on file. I never would have thought of asking for one, so thank you.

[nannyde]

I did. I was worried she would balk but she understood completely, so now I have it on file. I never would have thought of asking for one, so thank you.

Can you tell me.how she wrote it?

You can pm me if you want.

[Tasha]

Can you tell me.how she wrote it?

You can pm me if you want.

Sure, I'll PM you.

[nannyde]

Sure, I'll PM you.

You have what you need. I wouldn't take anymore of her calls. Has she called you today?

[Tasha]

You have what you need. I wouldn't take anymore of her calls. Has she called you today?

You must have mental telepathy because she just did. The phone rang while I was giving snack, and I did not answer. So that's 3 times that she has called and not left a message. I can't take the phone off the hook, and she has my cell number, obviously, and now I wonder what she wants and how long she is going to keep this up. I just want this ordeal over and for the knot to leave my stomach.