Do Your Personal Children Help With Daycare Related Things?

[permanentvacation]

My daughter told the psychiatrist that she doesn't WANT to be on the medicine because having to take medicine for a problem with her brain makes her think that something's wrong with her. Every time she takes the medicine, she's reminded that her brain is messed up.

The psychiatrist told her that many people who have to take medicine for psychiatric reasons feel that way. But that it truly is no different than having a medical illness and needing to take medicine for that. She and I told my daughter that it is simply a chemical imbalance in her brain and that the medicine balances out the chemicals. The psychiatrist showed her pictures online of a healthy brain and a chemically imbalanced brain. My daughter said she knows she needs to take the medicine, but that it just makes her have to acknowledge every day, twice per day that she has a problem.

In essence, she just wants to be 'normal' and not have any reason to have to take medicine every day of her life for the rest of her life starting at age 17. I understand how she feels, but it is what it is and she simply has to accept it.


Laundrymom,

Thank you. Yes, I do deserve to be treated with respect and love and it hurts me deeply when she mistreats me. I know it's due to a medical reason (chemical imbalance in the brain), but the way she treats me sometimes is truly heartbreaking.

I also am literally scared to death of her moving off to college out of fear of her not taking her medicine. I keep trying to drill it into her head that she HAS to take her medicine and that she should not rely on ME to tell her when to take it. I often tell her that she needs to be practicing now to get herself in the habit of taking it herself so it will be just a natural part of her routine by the time she goes off to college. But obviously she's not doing well at taking it on her own at all.

[Thriftylady]

The problem with those who suffer from depression isn't always remembering to take their meds, its the cycle of taking them, feeling better and then thinking you don't NEED them (because you feel better) and then not taking them.

I don't really believe it has to do with remembering/forgetting at all.

It's a painful and tough cycle to be caught up in for not only the person needing the meds but those in their lives as well.

As someone on meds for anxiety and major depression I can tell you I don't "forget" to take my meds. I also don't not take them because I am feeling better, but I have heard of that. Normally if I have an issue taking my meds, it is because I am depressed and it seems like such a chore to go dig them out (because they are put away from daycare kids), open them all up, find a glass of water, take them... Because when my depression gets bad I don't want to get up and do anything. BUT I have learned to tell DH when I start feeling that way. Even if he is gone on the truck, he will hound me about it and make sure I take them. That is why I tell him! He doesn't want to deal with me when I don't take them, I get irritable when I am depressed. At the end of the day, it is my job to take them just like anyone else with meds. I would let her know basically what my family has told me "nobody likes you when you don't take them.". Yes it is kind of harsh, but sometimes in life we all need to be told the truth.

[sahm1225]

My kids (9 and 10) do "work" in the day care and are paid for it. It's a tax deduction

This is different than the chores they are expected to do because they live here and are part of our family. I don't believe in "allowances" to do something they are supposed to do anyway (making beds, cleaning bedrooms, wiping down their bathroom, etc.)

If my kids spoke to me disrespectfully about what their job was, they'd find themselves on pretty thin ground.

How does it work to be a tax deduction?

[Blackcat31]

As someone on meds for anxiety and major depression I can tell you I don't "forget" to take my meds. I also don't not take them because I am feeling better, but I have heard of that.

You're definitely lucky in that regard!

[sahm1225]

I just took my daughter to the doctor's and told her that she hasn't been taking her medicine (Zoloft which she is taking for depression) on a consistent basis. Some days she'd be running late for school and not have the time to take it. Other days on the weekends, she'd sleep over her friend's house and forget to take it. Randomly throughout the week, she'd occasionally remember to take it. She's 17 years old. I expect her to be able to take her medicine without me having to tell her to. But even on days I tell her to, she will apparently say, "okay." to me and then still not take the couple of seconds to take her medicine. So I thought she's been taking the medicine when I tell her to and when she says 'okay'. But I just learned that she's been skipping her medicine more than I knew.

The doctor said that if you take Zoloft inconsistently, it can make you have major mood swings including extreme hatefulness and irritability. Which is exactly what she's been doing. So, all the attitude problems I've been getting from her for the past month or so might just be (hopefully is and probably is) from her not taking the medicine consistently. So I am going to make sure to give her the medicine every day and make her take it in front of me to be sure she actually takes it every day. Hopefully after taking it daily for a few days she will get back to being more helpful, respectful, caring, and overall have a better attitude and personality.

PV, I mean this in the nicest way... You need to stop making excuses for her. she's irritable and mean because she's a teenager and choosing not to take her medication. I know you want what's best for her, but you either treat her like a baby and let her continue to walk all over you & be mean or you treat her like an adult and stop giving her money unless she earns it. It's just you and her and it's obvious that you do everything to make her life happy. I find it ridiculous that you had to PAY another teenager to help you move things.
It ****s that she suffers from depression and its a life long battle for her, but she needs to realize that it is HER responsibility to take her medication.

[Blackcat31]

PV, I mean this in the nicest way... You need to stop making excuses for her. she's irritable and mean because she's a teenager and choosing not to take her medication. I know you want what's best for her, but you either treat her like a baby and let her continue to walk all over you & be mean or you treat her like an adult and stop giving her money unless she earns it. It's just you and her and it's obvious that you do everything to make her life happy. I find it ridiculous that you had to PAY another teenager to help you move things.
It ****s that she suffers from depression and its a life long battle for her, but she needs to realize that it is HER responsibility to take her medication.

......treating her like an adult though isnt mean...

It ****s sometimes to have to be the tough guy but the lesson they learn makes it worth it....

[Happily_wed]

I have to work for that money and if my kids expect to get any part of it for unnecessary items then they can dang sure work for it too! Why should they get to spend my hard earned money for doing nothing in return?? My kids are older and on their own now but I never gave mine a choice. If something needed done I told them to do it and they did it. They had chores from the time they could walk.

If it had been me when she refused to help her new bed would have gone into the garage and she wouldn't be sleeping on it. Each time she refused to help me something she values that I paid for would disappear. And each time she asked me for money I would tell her NO! I always told my kids " This is a home. You live here, you eat here, you bathe here, you dirty laundry and dishes, etc. It's part of your responsibility as a member of this family to help out!"

For four summers I worked in a campground. Part of my duties included cleaning bath houses, selling firewood and ice, etc. As an employee there my family got to use the pool for free. My kids liked to go to work with me and spend part of the day in the pool, use a boat for free, etc. However my rule was if you go to work with me and use the free things that I work for, then you will work too. I made them help me clean the bath houses, stock the wood shed, carry firewood and ice for people, etc. It helped them to learn that nothing in life is free. Someone works for it!

[Happily_wed]

ANYONE living under MY roof and accepting food, clothing or shelter on my dime pitches in.

I don't care if you were birthed into the family or invited through the front door....if you are residing here (my house) you are working here.

WITHOUT monetary compensation.

Yep here too!

[permanentvacation]

I understand her not wanting to have to take medicine. I understand that she feels funny having to take medicine in front of her friends when she's at sleep overs. I understand that each time she takes it, it reminds her that she 'has problems'. However, she has to realize that those are the cards she has been dealt and she has to accept them and just do what she has to do (take her medicine properly) to be able to live a happy, productive, and successful life. I think as she gets older and matures more, she will not let the 'odd man out' feeling get to her. Right now, it's new to her and she just wants to be like everyone else. She doesn't want to be 'the one who has to take medicine'. She just wants to be a normal kid like everyone else.

Yes, the psychiatrist also backed me up on her not helping me and mistreating me. She told my daughter things like, "That's your mother. If she needs help carrying something or doing something, you should simply help her out of respect and care for her." and things along that line. Then she also told us that her unwillingness to help and overall negative attitude is very likely due to not taking the medicine consistently.

The psychiatrist also told both of us that I should not buy anything for her or do anything for her other then fulfill her basic survival needs until she starts showing me respect, treating me properly, and taking care of the items that I have already given her.

So I told her that I won't buy her anything or do anything extra for her until she does those things AND takes her medicine like she's supposed to. She has taken her medicine properly since seeing the psychiatrist and her behavior has been 100% better! I told her that she HAS to put a mattress cover on her bed (which I brought up at the psychiatrist's appointment and the doctor gave her a speech agreeing with me that she needs to protect her mattress with a waterproof cover) and that she needed to wash her comforter that I had recently bought her which the cat spilled her coffee on. I gave her money to take the comforter to the laundry mat (my washer and dryer are too small for it) and for her to buy a mattress cover. She went immediately and washed her comforter and bought a cover.

I am going to administer her medicine to her and hopefully she will continue to have a good behavior. I will also start drilling it into her that SHE needs to be the one reminding ME that she needs her medicine. Eventually I will try to give her control of taking the medicine herself again.

[Magic]

it is just my daughter and I here and we are a team she is 15 and even has a job of her own
we never did allowence either she helps and gets rewarded for it and we do lots together and she understands the value of money and working hard

I am glad she is seeing the doctor about depression
maybe when talking to her about it ...point out that yes maybe chemical unbalence but also the world is very different these days then many ago
with the mass media we see so much pain and distuction and not so nice human behavour ..out there ...life is hard ....and scarey ...when we as parents are down and worried they feel it ...when we are up and things going good ..they feel it .....kids grow up so fast these days ...so life comes at them fast ....in some ways she is normal ....teen years are hard ....and as a girl cycles can add to that ...I wish you both luck ...

[mim]

How does it work to be a tax deduction?

I'm not quite sure as this is my first year doing it. But my tax guy told me to write out a job list (only daycare related) and then the amount they get paid. And at the end of the year you give out a w-2. They are my own kids and minors and will not make as much as the requirement to pay taxes. Also they won't have to pay social sec. Medicare etc. and because they are my dependent so don't have to pay workmans comp and such.
You can just ask your tax preparer and they should give you all the info.

[Blackcat31]

How does it work to be a tax deduction?

"If your own child is under age 18 there is no Social Security/Medicare taxes, no state or federal tax withholding and your child care earn up to $5,700 and not owe any federal income taxes. Therefore, there is a tax benefit to your family in that you can deduct the wages you pay and the child probably won't have to pay any taxes. As a result, you may want to treat your younger children as employees."

http://www.tomcopelandblog.com/2011/02/to-hire-a-relative-or-not.html

[BabyMonkeys]

My 17 year old daughter is amazing. She loves the babies as much as I do, and happily helps with all things daycare related. She will even dump the diaper genie if it's full. I can't believe how I lucked out with her. I usually pay her around $25 a week, because I want to, not because she expects it.

My 14 year old son on the other hand, wants nothing to do with the babies or daycare. He will help bring in the groceries, but deliberately lets someone else bring in the daycare bags. It got to the point that it's not worth the argument. So, I make him do extra chores around the house that have nothing to do with the daycare.

[daycare]

I can so relate to this. When my daughter was 13-15 she was like this.

Her dad and I are divorced. He gives her everything without question, while I do not.

She learned quickly, you do nothing, you get nothing.

she is 17 now and it was a rough 2.5 years with her that I felt like I was the worst parent ever. I am sure my daughter hated me.

You should tell your daughter she is very lucky that I am not her mom. If that were me and she refused to help clear out her old bed, i would be taking the new one back and letting her figure it out. Or I would have made her buy the new bed from me and let it sit in the garage.

In my experience, girls from 13-15.5 can be very hard to understand. Just be firm and remember, you are her mother first, not her friend.

[childcaremom]

I can so relate to this. When my daughter was 13-15 she was like this.

Her dad and I are divorced. He gives her everything without question, while I do not.

She learned quickly, you do nothing, you get nothing.

she is 17 now and it was a rough 2.5 years with her that I felt like I was the worst parent ever. I am sure my daughter hated me.

You should tell your daughter she is very lucky that I am not her mom. If that were me and she refused to help clear out her old bed, i would be taking the new one back and letting her figure it out. Or I would have made her buy the new bed from me and let it sit in the garage.

In my experience, girls from 13-15.5 can be very hard to understand. Just be firm and remember, you are her mother first, not her friend.

So much to look forward to Aren't the teen years fun