Frustrated

[DaveA]

A good teacher I helped mentor out of college just left the field because he has been trying for a year to get transferred to infants and was told they couldn't take the "risk" of him diapering. I just read another thread about DCM who (correctly) pulled child after finding out provider had someone living with & watching kids without telling DCP or letting them see background check. She made the right call- I would have given the same advise if it was sister/ mom/ female friend that moved in. Every time something like this comes up I see some variation of "I don't let DH around the kids". It confuses/irritates me because I couldn't imagine telling my wife "Hey Honey- Love ya, trust ya, but you're not safe to have around the kids. Run along now."

I'm not asking about the general public: 50% don't have an issue, 25% are surprised about guys in childcare but have an open mind, and 25% are opposed to the very concept. I'm talking about ECE as an industry. If professionals act like the guys we trust the most aren't safe, how are we supposed to grow this industry to be more diverse? I've had directors publically make statements about men in ECE that would get flamed if it was about any other demographic group & it's taken as fact or with a "what'cha gonna' do?" shrug off attitude. Or am I just making a bad assumption that the field wants to be more diverse? Should women just be telling guys "This is our thing- stay out. If you do get involved, be prepared to be guilty till proven innocent your whole career?"

If this sounds harsh- my apologies. I'm just at that stage between confused/ frustrated/ & p*ssed.

[laundrymom]

I have to admit, I'm guilty of this. We are involved in ministry (not daycare wise but personally) and because of that are sure to not be alone w a person of opposite sex. Not a church rule, just a personal one. In order to protect my husband and my family, I ensure there is always another female adult with him if he's alone w my daycare. I completely understand the double standard. I completely think it's unfair. However, it's a protection I see is worth the hassle and blatant discrimination.
It would shatter my husband if an accusation was ever made. Absolutely shatter. He isn't a provider though, just an adult in my home. I think I'd feel differently if he were the provider or co provider.
Just being honest.

[racemom]

I am sorry this stereotype exists. You shouldn't be judged based on gender, and I think it's great the kids in your care get a wonderful role model. I wish my son would have had a male provider, I think it would have given him more confidence and made him more open.

I was at training with some students in college for early childhood education. Out of ten students three were male, so I think the numbers may be rising. I also think part of the problem is center work is low paying, and so it has typically been women in this role.

So, all my rambling is just to let you know I greatly admire you for your dedication! Don't let others make you feel unappreciated!

[Thriftylady]

It's hard. I think most people are good and most men can be trusted. My hubby doesn't want to be alone with the kids, and when we had foster kids we kept teens and he wouldn't let me leave him alone in the house with the girls, I had to take him with me. He fears being on the side of being accused and having to prove himself innocent. If not for his fears, I would have no issues with him being with any kids, he just wouldn't do anything. He however couldn't do daycare anyway, the noise alone makes him nuts .

I think part of the issue is that we are surrounded by news and media these days. Any time something happens, we hear about it for weeks. Every little detail, every circumstance. I think our constant access has changed us and how we view things.

How do we change perceptions? Good question and I have no clue! But look how many women we are starting to hear about and things like this, I think we are starting to find out that the things "we" worry about with men happen just as much with women, we are just starting to hear about it more. Really we all have to be careful with our kids no matter who leave them with and that is the understanding everyone needs to have.

Hang in there, it must be rough.

[Kabob]

I hear ya Dave...my dh actually is my backup here so if I have an emergency or need to make an appointment, he is in charge here. He has taken all the classes and he is (well, he was before he got his new job) around a lot so he knows the routine and children well enough to operate the daycare by himself.

All my parents know he is around and involved on a regular basis. They all know he is my backup but I always have told them when I will be leaving him in charge when I make an appointment and they never had a problem with it. This is because I make this known from the very first interview.

However, I have had parents not enroll here because they balked at the idea of a male being arou d their kids during daycare.

I once had an interview with parents of an infant girl and they immediately freaked out when I told them my dh would be around and also be my backup. They said I should tell him to keep away during daycare hours and if I made an appointment, they will pickup immediately.
I was baffled...I told them I have an infant daughter whom I frequently leave dh alone with because I trust him so why should it matter to them if dh is around? They argued that their daughter wasn't his daughter but I pointed out abuse can come from either gender and they recently adopted their daughter so by their theory...the dad would be most likely to abuse their new daughter because he's a male.

I get there are news reports and statistics but still...that's like saying we shouldn't allow females to work typically male dominated jobs because we believe females are more emotional or lack muscle mass. Sex discrimination can go both ways...it's not fair but the only way we can fix it is if we talk about it and make steps to close the gaps.

[Second Home]

I think we all have to be careful of being accused of something inappropriate . But , It is all too easy to be falsely accused by a parent because they are mad.
I see zero male teachers at my kids elementary school , most are at the middle / high school level .

I have to say that I would not trust a male or female that I did not know extremely well with any of my children especially when they were too young to express themselves , which is why I opened my own dc when I moved to MD.
But we had an incident in the family a few years back where a relative aged 7 yrs was abducted and killed by a neighbor . I have since lost trust in most people where it comes to my children's safety.

My DH is one of my subs , he has only been left with kids who are good friends of ours and it was once . Whenever he is home during dc hours he is never alone with the kids and never changes a diaper .He may play with the sa kids outside , football , basketball etc.. but that is with the parents permission and I am out there with the little ones .

My sister has run a child care for over 15 years , at one time she and her husband were co-owners / co licensed for a large family home care . All it took was one parent to falsely accuse him of inappropriate touching and it almost ruined them . It took months for the investigation to be cleared up , he was found innocent because they had proof he was not even at the home when the supposed incidents happened . But that accusation will always be on their record . He has left the dc business after that and she runs it alone.

[NoMoreJuice!]

I have two large labradors in my home. I love them to pieces, they are big, goofy, cuddly messes. However, I would never allow them to be around the children in my care simply because the liability is not worth it. The same goes for my DH. He is the kindest, nicest guy I've ever met, and the kids love him. That being said, I would NEVER allow him to change diapers or help the kids to the bathroom, or dress/undress. I would do anything to protect him, and my business, and this is the best way to do both.

Simply because the nicest parents become BAT-POOP CRAZY when they get even a tiny hint of suspicion in their mind.

[hope]

I see the same thing in elementary schools. The only male teachers in my DD's school are the gym teachers. The only males in the school are the grounds crew, the cleaning crew and the two male gym teachers.

Nannys are popular in my area. I have seen men advertising and have heard people's discussions on the topic. The men don't have a chance of being hired.

At my home daycare I use my DH in case of emergency if my sub or my mom can't help. People have told me that they were weary at first but once they got to know him day in and day out they felt they could trust him. YET they had no problem leaving their children with my mom or sub without ever meeting them (i always offer a sit down for a meet and greet).

[Leigh]

My husband is my #1 backup at daycare. He can handle things well when I am away. I trust him more than anyone else, and I know he cares for the kids the way that I do. I have only had ONE mom question having him cover, and it was only a question-she asked if he knows how to care for infants. I assured her that he does, and everything was fine after that. I know that a lot of moms just don't let their husbands care for their own children, or that the dads just don't want to care for their own infants, so I can understand where a woman may think that a man couldn't do the job, but it's just not the case at all.

[Starburst]

One time my mom (who always sees herself as progressive and for equal rights) was picking me up from a child development class and noticed a guy came out of the door and even commented that it would have made her uncomfortable if we had a male teacher when we were in daycare and I explained to her that colleges are trying to give people incentives to work outside of gender role careers such as men working in nursing or child care/education and women in more industrial and business related careers.

One family I nannied for, the mom knew I was planning on opening a daycare/preschool and I guess she automatically assumed I was going to take her son (her daughter probably not until preschool since she was a SAHM) and would try to find ways to sneakily suggest how I run it (small town and no nut free preschools). Based on her friend who had one back in their home town's personal decisions (which she tried to make it to sound like were official state regs) I wasn't allowed to have pets or men at my daycare. I knew both were bull because I worked at an FCC with pets and most women who do home daycare are married/ in a relationship with a man who may live with them and have male relatives (in CA you can't have a separate home to do daycare in). Not to mention the daycare dads coming in and out the door through out the day. Plus it's against the law because it's discrimination. A former friend of mine even applied to work at a FCC ran by a man, it actually fell through because she and her mom (who owned the FCC I worked at) thought the guy was too nice/lax with his house rules (letting the kids go outside without shoes, letting them throw toys around and not have to clean it up). I've heard some single mom's prefer if there is a positive male role model around (especially if the child's dad is not involved at all).

I read the other post and decided not to respond because I didn't want to start an argument and part of me wasn't sure if this was only about the fact that the provider didn't give her access to background checks and neglected to inform her ahead of time or if it was because there was a new man in the house (would she have even thought to say anything if it was a woman)? Also while I do realize parents have the right to know about anyone living in the house, a separation can be hard enough on a provider without having to broadcast it to all your clients (what happened to separating business from personal). Though it was a bit of a red flag that it seems the provider instantly let a new guy move in right after her husband moved out, I can see why she would try to avoid mentioning that to daycare parents (her mister?), though would that be their business too? Sometimes people don't understand that caregivers are people outside of work and that providers have to give up a lot of privacy when running a business out of their home. (Little rant)

[Starburst]

Oops, double post

[Unregistered]

My dh is my backup. No one ever questioned it or didn't bring there child.
I'm pretty sure the kids like him more than me!!! Lol

[daycare]

I can't stand people like this.....

I have a male asst and my husband that both work with me. I love love love my male asst he is the best employee I have ever had.

I have had parents turn their noses up at me when i tell them and I just say well looks like we are not a good fit for each other.

One lady went off on me once and I said I am sorry you feel this way, but I guess what you are telling me then is that your husband should not care for your daughter then either. She was very nasty.

My male asst, is openly gay and I have had a few parents leave over it. Good, there's the door. I just don't understand why people think they should have to have a say in what your abilities becuase of your gender or se x ual preference is. Who cares what you do behind closed doors...I don't want to know what anyone does in their own time behind closed doors.

It is an unfortunate stigma, but I think it just has to do more with ignorant people. LIke the same people who judge me because of my culture.

UGH, I feel for you dave, this frustrates me to no end as well.

[Second Home]

I had an interview a few weeks ago . They asked who else would be around or provide care ( a valid question). I said I have a friend who is my sub , my husband is also my sub and as soon as my dd turns 18 she will be added as my sub .

They did not like that my dh was a sub , I said well he lives here and the children would see him in the morning or his days off . They asked if I could not let my dh be a sub/ interact with the dck when their child was here , I said " no , but I can let you know ahead of time if he will be a sub and you can keep her home that day " .
Now my dh has never really cared for the dck except once in 12 years and they were school aged kids who are good friends of ours but it was the way she was telling me to not let him be seen around in his own home .

Needless to say she said they were not coming - good because I was not taking them .

[Controlled Chaos]

I have two large labradors in my home. I love them to pieces, they are big, goofy, cuddly messes. However, I would never allow them to be around the children in my care simply because the liability is not worth it. The same goes for my DH. He is the kindest, nicest guy I've ever met, and the kids love him. That being said, I would NEVER allow him to change diapers or help the kids to the bathroom, or dress/undress. I would do anything to protect him, and my business, and this is the best way to do both.

Simply because the nicest parents become BAT-POOP CRAZY when they get even a tiny hint of suspicion in their mind.

I understand what you are saying about liability, but part of the problem is a person should not be compared to a dog. Male providers are competent professionals not "goofy, cuddly messes". I know you didn't mean it rudely, but I think that comments like that are part of the problem. My dh doesn't sub, but he lives here. He comes first. If parents are uncomfortable with my dh, a father of 3, from interacting with their children then we won't work out.

Back when I taught my principal never closed the door all the way when meeting with female students (middle school age). Just a sad reality of suspicion and fear The door was open for his protection not the kids!