Baby Goes to Daycare Before Mat Leave Is Over?

[Blackcat31]

I say it's hard. You say its not. That's OK. Difference of opinions. Different lives, different skills, different thoughts and theories.
I don't feel the need to justify my feelings.

Why not? You felt the need to share an opinion...but then bow out when the "real" questions are asked.

Parenting now days is NOT hard compared to generations before us.

We are a coddled, entitled and soft society.

I admire women from my grandmothers generation....they worked hard AND parented at the same time never giving a thought to how or if another mother was judging them. They simply did what needed to be done.
WITHOUT the creature comforts we have grown to expect or think of as "rights".

[AmyLeigh]

I admire women from my grandmothers generation....they worked hard AND parented at the same time never giving a thought to how or if another mother was judging them. They simply did what needed to be done.
WITHOUT the creature comforts we have grown to expect or think of as "rights".

My grandmother and great aunt had 11 and 17 children respectively. No maternity leave for them. If they were picking cotton when they went in labor, they had to finish their row before going into the house to give birth, then cook a meal for the entire family and some other laborers right after the baby was born. No mom's night out, no date nights with their dh's, no 'me' time. Yet they survived. G-ma lived 5 years longer than the doctors expected her to and G-auntie is still going strong in her 90's.
I'm concerned of what my generation and the next are going to be like in their golden years. We cannot deal with anything that requires much effort. We have it way too easy.

[Leigh]

Why not? You felt the need to share an opinion...but then bow out when the "real" questions are asked.

Parenting now days is NOT hard compared to generations before us.

We are a coddled, entitled and soft society.

I admire women from my grandmothers generation....they worked hard AND parented at the same time never giving a thought to how or if another mother was judging them. They simply did what needed to be done.
WITHOUT the creature comforts we have grown to expect or think of as "rights".

What makes it hard is the guilt that some feel by leaving their child alone for 3 minutes, the fact that younger new mothers now have ZERO experience with kids-they never babysat, they never helped with siblings...they're going in blind. Part of what makes it hard is the ideal of what it takes to be a "good" parent. I think the #1 thing that makes it hard is the isolation after that first kid-your childless friends no longer invite you to do things with them, they don't understand how you can be so tired (even though you cleaned up 12 piles of puke in the 8 hours you should have been sleeping). And, of course, the demands for working moms-coming in early, finding backup childcare when your daycare is closed or your child is sick, putting in extra mandatory hours last minute when you're supposed to be picking up your child.

There are lots of things that can be hard. My mother and grandmother did wonderful jobs raising their kids. In my grandmother's day, though, a young female relative would come spend a month or two with you after giving birth to help you out (watch kids, run errands, clean house). When my mom had us, her sisters and sisters-in-law were there to help after childbirth, too. Who was there for me? Noone. Not even my husband most of the time (because we were working opposite shifts). When my LO came, I was doing physical therapy for an injury 2-3 times a week. I couldn't even get my own sister to watch my son for the hour that I needed therapy (though I helped her with hers). I am not complaining, but putting it out there that things are different now, and people deal with different stresses. I don't know ANY mom who had the kind of support my mom or grandmother had after having kids. These days, family and friends just aren't there for you like they used to be-everyone is busy with their own busy lives.

If there were ONE thing that I think makes mothering hard, it's the need to go back to work when your child is only 6-12 weeks old. The need to earn a paycheck when you really just want to enjoy caring for your child. The hardest thing for me was dropping him off at daycare and thinking that I was letting someone else raise my child for me.

Wow, this really turned into a rant! It's not meant to be. But, just because we have modern conveniences doesn't mean that motherhood hasn't also evolved. IMO, it never has been and never will be an easy job-it's the most important one we'll ever have, and trying our best isn't wrong.

[nannyde]

What makes it hard is the guilt...

Wow, this really turned into a rant! It's not meant to be. But, just because we have modern conveniences doesn't mean that motherhood hasn't also evolved. IMO, it never has been and never will be an easy job-it's the most important one we'll ever have, and trying our best isn't wrong.

But what is so hard that you have to have your kid away from you in order to be a good parent at times when you aren't working?

I don't agree with the guilt thing. I don't think it's very common and if it is... it is short lived because the truly guilty usually make a life change that allows them to DO In a way that the guilt is no longer an issue or it's very very short lived.

How many providers have parents that do not have their child in daycare when they are available to parent? I'm NOT talking about a few hours a year where they take a day for the couple to be together or a few afternoons a year when they get off early and run errands.

I'm talking about the vast... by far... percentage of time when the parents are not otherwise occupied with the work day... do they keep their children with them?

Guilty moms don't stay away a minute more than they must. Guilty Dads don't either.

[nannyde]

Leigh I otherwise agree and enjoyed your words.

[Leigh]

But what is so hard that you have to have your kid away from you in order to be a good parent at times when you aren't working?

I don't agree with the guilt thing. I don't think it's very common and if it is... it is short lived because the truly guilty usually make a life change that allows them to DO In a way that the guilt is no longer an issue or it's very very short lived.

How many providers have parents that do not have their child in daycare when they are available to parent? I'm NOT talking about a few hours a year where they take a day for the couple to be together or a few afternoons a year when they get off early and run errands.

I'm talking about the vast... by far... percentage of time when the parents are not otherwise occupied with the work day... do they keep their children with them?

Guilty moms don't stay away a minute more than they must. Guilty Dads don't either.

I think you're right that it is short-lived in SOME people. About half of my parents want their kids here open to close, every day. The other half will pick up early every chance they get, keep their kids home with them on their days off, and encourage grandma to pick up early when she can. I think that some people just had kids before they were ready to give up their "single" life...they still want to live like they did before they had kids. I just can't imagine why they don't want their kids with them, other than selfishness or that they don't know what to do with them.

I have a friend who pays $60/week for part-time care (not with me) for her kid (4), and he attends 2-4 hours a week. He's ONLY at care when the parents' shifts overlap by 1/2 hour. I have encouraged her to leave him there longer just because he needs some social skills! She won't do it-she won't be separated from her kids for one minute longer than necessary. Her husband feels the same way. They are parents to six boys, and they cherish each of them.

I agree that the "new generation" of parents tends to be me-oriented. I think that they feel that they have to have it all, and see their children as another thing included in it. Personally, I tend to swing toward the other end of the spectrum, but I'm not so sure that's entirely healthy, either-I prefer being with my son to anything else in the world. I hate it when he goes to sleep at night because he's so peaceful and angelic that I want to pick him up and hold him. I take him with me everywhere I go because I enjoy his company. I don't see my friends enough because I don't like leaving him with sitters. That's probably not exactly healthy for me, either, but I don't want to miss a thing with him.

[Blackcat31]

What makes it hard is the guilt that some feel by leaving their child alone for 3 minutes, the fact that younger new mothers now have ZERO experience with kids-they never babysat, they never helped with siblings...they're going in blind. Part of what makes it hard is the ideal of what it takes to be a "good" parent. I think the #1 thing that makes it hard is the isolation after that first kid-your childless friends no longer invite you to do things with them, they don't understand how you can be so tired (even though you cleaned up 12 piles of puke in the 8 hours you should have been sleeping). And, of course, the demands for working moms-coming in early, finding backup childcare when your daycare is closed or your child is sick, putting in extra mandatory hours last minute when you're supposed to be picking up your child.

There are lots of things that can be hard. My mother and grandmother did wonderful jobs raising their kids. In my grandmother's day, though, a young female relative would come spend a month or two with you after giving birth to help you out (watch kids, run errands, clean house). When my mom had us, her sisters and sisters-in-law were there to help after childbirth, too. Who was there for me? Noone. Not even my husband most of the time (because we were working opposite shifts). When my LO came, I was doing physical therapy for an injury 2-3 times a week. I couldn't even get my own sister to watch my son for the hour that I needed therapy (though I helped her with hers). I am not complaining, but putting it out there that things are different now, and people deal with different stresses. I don't know ANY mom who had the kind of support my mom or grandmother had after having kids. These days, family and friends just aren't there for you like they used to be-everyone is busy with their own busy lives.

If there were ONE thing that I think makes mothering hard, it's the need to go back to work when your child is only 6-12 weeks old. The need to earn a paycheck when you really just want to enjoy caring for your child. The hardest thing for me was dropping him off at daycare and thinking that I was letting someone else raise my child for me.

Wow, this really turned into a rant! It's not meant to be. But, just because we have modern conveniences doesn't mean that motherhood hasn't also evolved. IMO, it never has been and never will be an easy job-it's the most important one we'll ever have, and trying our best isn't wrong.

But see that is part of the issue. Previous generations weren't judged by other moms because they didn't put it all out there to be judged...and the NEED for a second income was not there.

We, as a society choose to NEED that income. It's not a necessity. I am NOT talking about the exceptions as there is always exceptions to most everything. I am speaking in general.

Today's families "need" a second income to be able to afford the creature comforts and other things used in the great race to keep up with the Jones's.

Leigh I otherwise agree and enjoyed your words.

ABSOLUTELY!

[Leigh]

To clarify about the guilt: I wasn't talking of childcare-I now see that is what it looked like! I'm talking about those parents who exhaust themselves trying to entertain their child every moment of the day, and can't let them play alone. Those parents who can't get anything done because they're afraid to let their kids get bored for a while. Those people make it hard on themselves unnecessarily.

Some do feel guilty about using daycare, some don't. We can usually see right away who those parents are. I have one mom who told me that she feels bad not staying with her kids because her entire paycheck goes to paying me, but she could NOT handle being home with her kids all day-it would make her crazy.

[Annalee]

To clarify about the guilt: I wasn't talking of childcare-I now see that is what it looked like! I'm talking about those parents who exhaust themselves trying to entertain their child every moment of the day, and can't let them play alone. Those parents who can't get anything done because they're afraid to let their kids get bored for a while. Those people make it hard on themselves unnecessarily.

Some do feel guilty about using daycare, some don't. We can usually see right away who those parents are. I have one mom who told me that she feels bad not staying with her kids because her entire paycheck goes to paying me, but she could NOT handle being home with her kids all day-it would make her crazy.

The last few infants I have taken come from parents that genuinely care, but appear to not really know what to do with the child...I am not sure how to explain it. But during the interviews leading up to enrollment, they appear scared-nervous even if the child is in the carrier perfectly fine....Does that make any sense? I do feel they want what is best for their child but also want what they had before they had children as well...the best of both worlds and this is where the opinions on this thread begin to differ....I was raised by parents whom never left my 2 brothers and I. We went on vacations, played outside, did lots in the home because only dad worked and funds weren't that great but we have lots of wonderful memories....so when I had kids, they just fit into hubby and I way of life....I think many parents today don't know how to just let the child be a part of their life. Not everyone, before I get flamed, but some parents::

[TaylorTots]

Here is my take on this...

I provide a service so that I can support my family.

Families buy my services so they can do __________.

That blank space is NONE of my business just as what I do with my personal time is none of anyone else's business.

I think that judging, venting and complaining about how other people parent their child(ren) IS unfair and not necessary at all.

No ONE parent sets the standard for right or wrong.

No ONE parenting style is right or wrong.

No amount of time with or without your child is right or wrong.

The ONLY things I am concerned about when a parent brings their child to me for care is:

Is the parent (or emergency contact person) reachable?
Is the child clean and not abused, malnourished and/or in need of any type of intervention?
Can the child participate normally or within the developmental guidelines for his/her age group?
Does the parent follow my policies and rules?

That's pretty much all I care about.

The rest is not for me to judge.

We all got into this business for many different reasons and our clients use our services for many different reasons.

Just as I do not want to be judged for my reasons, I do not judge parents for theirs.

This debate gets old.

NONE of us are in any position to judge why a parent uses our services.

Just be grateful that they do.

It enables you to pay your bills, keep food on your table and feed your own children.

It's that simple.

Agree! Heck, when my parents go on maternity leave, their older siblings are REQUIRED to be enrolled in the program full time and I am clear I expect them every day that they would be here if the parent was working. 1) I do this for a paycheck and 2) I work my bum off to get all my kiddos on routines and rules, not to have parents muck them up for 2 months during maternity.

[nannyde]

To clarify about the guilt: I wasn't talking of childcare-I now see that is what it looked like! I'm talking about those parents who exhaust themselves trying to entertain their child every moment of the day, and can't let them play alone. Those parents who can't get anything done because they're afraid to let their kids get bored for a while. Those people make it hard on themselves unnecessarily.

Some do feel guilty about using daycare, some don't. We can usually see right away who those parents are. I have one mom who told me that she feels bad not staying with her kids because her entire paycheck goes to paying me, but she could NOT handle being home with her kids all day-it would make her crazy.

Good points but I think I would exchange the word bored to cry.

[Unregistered]

Of course you would.

[Leigh]

Good points but I think I would exchange the word bored to cry.

LOL! And you would probably be right to-she flat out admits that she can't be alone with her kids because she can't handle them (they are AWESOME kids, and E.A.S.Y. to care for!).