DCP Asking Other Parents For Handouts

[daycare]

I wouldn’t say a thing to her, unless you witnessed it on your property.

If she sees your other clients out in town and they ask how she’s doing? It is their business and choice to help her out. She doesn’t have to mute herself because her kid attends the same childcare.

Now if you were giving a party for all your clients and she started up with a sob story or solicited donations, money, etc. THEN AND ONLY then would I address it with her. I’d pull her to the side and remind her it’s a joyous time.

Also, if you’re unnerved by it, I’d address the parents dropping off stuff with her with the following, “Jane how generous of you. I think it’s awesome you’re helping Mindy out. In the future, I’ll need you the exchange to be between the two of you.”

You’ll take yourself out of the equation.

I completely see what you are saying, but have to disagree as other parents have come to me and are bothered by it. They should not be put in this situation by another DCP.

If it was not brought to my attention then I would not have to be involved, but it was, so unfortunately to keep the peace, I have to be the one to tell her no more...

anyone else agree with me or am I not seeing something here?

[daycare]

I am a broke single mother, myself. Anyone who reads most of the threads here knows that about me as I have asked for advice from you guys on my financial issues.

However, I don't go around to co-workers, friends, neighbors, etc. telling my 'Oh poor me story'. I think the ones that do that are looking for attention and 'all they can get out of you'. I know a few people who are and have been struggling for a while and the ones that rant and beg from others are the ones that usually have the most because they 'poor me' them and make everyone feel sorry for them and give things to them.

Does this woman have a habit of telling her 'poor me story' to others? Is this situation new to her? If she is new to being broke, she might simply be frantically trying to get help and advice from anyone and everyone while she wraps her mind around her situation and tries to get a handle on her new situation.

If she has a habit of telling others her 'poor me' story, then I bet she isn't so poor and doesn't really need any hand outs. And probably isn't even trying to take care of herself, just wants to live off of everyone else. This is basically my sister and my niece (from another sister). I've told you about my sister a time or two. Here's my niece's story. My niece lives completely off of the government. She literally moved from the state she had lived in for years to this state after learning from my sister (not her mother) how to go about living completely off of the government! Yep! My sister TAUGHT my niece how to live off the government! All she had to do was move here, be homeless for a year, and make sure to sleep in a homeless shelter every night that recorded that she slept there so she had proof of being homeless! Keep in mind, she had a home of her own in the state she moved from! She purposely left her home, sold all of her stuff, moved to this state, and lived homeless for a year so she could then live off of the government for the rest of her life! Pathetic, isn't it? Anyway... She really is quite capable of working, but chooses to use her 'mental issues of being afraid of being in public' to get awarded money, a free house, everything from the government and doesn't work one second of any day. However, she can walk down the public sidewalks in a shady side of town to go to the public grocery stores, Walmart, the mall, restaurants, wherever she'd enjoy going! She also has gone to Burning Man on vacation and is currently in the state she moved from visiting family and friends. But hmmm... she's afraid of being in public, so she can't work and needs to live off of the government on disability. Yeah!:confused: Anyway, she's one of those that go around and tell everyone her 'poor me' story. She gets people to take her son on vacations with their families, gets people to make meals for them and bring them to her, gets people to give her money because she's so upset being in the house all the time, she just needs to get out, so people give her money so she can 'go enjoy herself' or they invite her out with them and pay for everything for her. Yeah, the more they holler 'poor me', typically the less they really need hand outs. At least, that's been my experience.

The ones, like me, that keep our mouth shut about being broke because we are embarrassed, our kids are embarrassed, we feel like complete failures and certainly don't want to scream that from the mountaintops to everyone we know, the ones that keep their mouths shut and quietly cry to themselves at night and are trying to figure things out for and by themselves, they are the ones that need and deserve others helping them. The ones that when asked how things are going, might mention or jokingly say on occasion something like 'yeah, times are hard, but we're making it'. And don't give everyone a 'poor me' speech, those are the ones that are truly scraping by while honestly doing their best to support themselves. The ones that keep their business and problems to themselves are the ones that really need and deserve others' help.

As far as your house being the 'drop off stuff for poor broke single mom'... I would not allow my house to become the donation drop off location. If they are being begged from her at other locations, then they can meet her there to give her the stuff. Or you could tell them what time she usually gets to your house for daycare and tell them they can meet her at her car at that time. I'd say something like you don't want to become the middle man with delivering things to her or something like that. I'm not very nicey-nicey, so I really am not the right person to suggest what to say. I, personally, would be completely blunt and say, "You can't leave stuff at my house for someone else, but she arrives here at 5, so you can meet her at her car then." That's most likely what I would say. If they fuss about wanting to leave stuff here, I'd say something like "If I do this for one parent, I'd have to do it for any other parent who asks me to allow others to drop things off here for them. Could you imagine if I had 2 or 3 parents receiving things at my house from other parents? I wouldn't have the room to store everything and I'd be responsible for it all until they pick it up." If the parents really want to give it to her, they'll wait for her to arrive or come back at her arrival time. Or will meet her wherever they saw her where she begged from them in the first place. Now, in my situation, they park on the street. I don't have a driveway. So, if they give her donations at their cars, while parked on the street, it isn't affecting my household.

thanks for writing all of this and you are soooooo right about those that really need help don't say anything. I was a single mom of two kids for some time and I NEVER in a million years could imagine doing what this DCM is doing. It was my choice for my life and it was my problem, not anyone else. I struggled bad. But I worked my tail off and did everything that was legal to keep a roof over our head, clothes on their back and food on the table. I can't stand those people that cry poor me I am a single mom, well guess what you should have thought about the possibilities before you decided to make that child.

To this day I have my own personal account set up "just in case fund". What if my husband leaves, gets hurt, or worst possible, dies. I always have to look out for me and my kids.

I guess I just don't really get how people could do this. To me it is an embarrassment.

BUT don't get me wrong, I like DCM she is a nice person, I just don't get why she is doing this all the time.

[Crazy8]

if she is talking to them outside of your house - like at her job, etc. I really don't think you should say anything to her. It is up to the parents to tell her "oh sorry to hear that" and leave it at that. If they are bringing stuff to you to give her that is their choice. I would just tell them that you can not be the drop off point, that maybe they will want to bring it to her place of business.

If they are uncomfortable with it then they need to nip the conversation when it starts and they need to not give her stuff. Whether or not they are all clients of yours really doesn't matter if she is doing this outside of the daycare.

Now if she is standing outside your home waiting for them and asking them then you need to step in and tell her no more.

[daycare]

if she is talking to them outside of your house - like at her job, etc. I really don't think you should say anything to her. It is up to the parents to tell her "oh sorry to hear that" and leave it at that. If they are bringing stuff to you to give her that is their choice. I would just tell them that you can not be the drop off point, that maybe they will want to bring it to her place of business.

If they are uncomfortable with it then they need to nip the conversation when it starts and they need to not give her stuff. Whether or not they are all clients of yours really doesn't matter if she is doing this outside of the daycare.

Now if she is standing outside your home waiting for them and asking them then you need to step in and tell her no more.

Ok I see your point. I guess if she is doing it at her work, then really there is nothing that I can do about it. I am assuming that is where she is doing it, as everyone has delayed drop offs so that everyone is not dropping off at the same time. so my dcps hardly ever see each other.

[Laurel]

if she is talking to them outside of your house - like at her job, etc. I really don't think you should say anything to her. It is up to the parents to tell her "oh sorry to hear that" and leave it at that. If they are bringing stuff to you to give her that is their choice. I would just tell them that you can not be the drop off point, that maybe they will want to bring it to her place of business.

If they are uncomfortable with it then they need to nip the conversation when it starts and they need to not give her stuff. Whether or not they are all clients of yours really doesn't matter if she is doing this outside of the daycare.

Now if she is standing outside your home waiting for them and asking them then you need to step in and tell her no more.

The parents can speak for themselves if it makes them uncomfortable. But, like you say, I wouldn't want to be in the middle of it.

Laurel

[KidGrind]

I completely see what you are saying, but have to disagree as other parents have come to me and are bothered by it. They should not be put in this situation by another DCP.

If it was not brought to my attention then I would not have to be involved, but it was, so unfortunately to keep the peace, I have to be the one to tell her no more...

anyone else agree with me or am I not seeing something here?

I am alright with anyone disagreeing with me. You asked for opinions, I shared mine.

Your parents are all adults. They should nip her cry me a river stories in the bud when she addresses them. Again if it’s not happening at your home/business, it is not your problem. It’s unfortunate your clients are involving you.

[daycare]

I am alright with anyone disagreeing with me. You asked for opinions, I shared mine.

Your parents are all adults. They should nip her cry me a river stories in the bud when she addresses them. Again if it’s not happening at your home/business, it is not your problem. It’s unfortunate your clients are involving you.

lmao ok I am flipping back to say that I have to agree with you that if it is not happening at my house, which I am not sure at this point if it is or not then it's none of my business. I will just tell them that I can't be involved and leave it at that.

[TaylorTots]

I sometimes wonder where their child support goes. I know it's not supposed to pay for everything, but sometimes it seems like they don't even receive it.

I know of multiple single moms that don't get their child support and dad can provide her proof he pays it.

The state told her she was getting "too much assistance" and was not eligible for child support. The child support is collected by the state to pay back some of her welfare assistance.

This is in Iowa, not sure if its similar elsewhere.

[permanentvacation]

I also know a lot of single mothers who don't receive the child support they are supposed to get. But they still don't harass their friends, neighbors, coworkers, etc. with their 'poor me' speeches and don't beg for handouts from them. They just quietly do the best they can.

[Unregistered]

Keep in mind many single mothers are single mothers by choice. Many choose to have children without a husband ON PURPOSE. Much of the welfare recipients in my area do JUST THAT!

They can have baby after baby, collect cs and welfare or sometimes, they'll go through lengths to have a child with NO baby dad on the birth certificate, so that they cannot be required to go after child support FIRST and welfare as a secondary. 1/2 of the clients I have have boyfriends that actually live with them, and care for them; meanwhile they're going to multiple charities, asking for toys (and getting them from MORE THAN ONE), food, gas, utilities, car repairs, food stamps, everything else they can get their hands on, and many of them who qualify for subsidy don't even work. (I always wonder what they're supposed to be doing, but hey, when I took subsidy, I never asked. I figure that's between them and the state)

It's nauseating, to say the least. I do not feel bad for most of the single moms I have ever dealt with. Unless your spouse beat you up, or your s/o died or you had an unexpected divorce, you are single because you made certain choices in your life that led you on that path. It does not mean your life is so much harder than anyone else's, and the woe is me is really getting old.

I know a married couple that BOTH work, do not qualify for any assistance not even disability! They struggle dearly because the military dad works part time after injury from a deployment from years ago. Mom works FT at a bank. They truly struggle even though they are all together (them, 3 kids) and do not ask for ANYTHING. They, I feel for. Just because they are married does not make their lives any easier than any single-with kids person's life.

Single parenting may be tough, but it certainly isn't the only hardship out there, and I think many people forget that.

[permanentvacation]

I am a single mother because my ex was abusive. After years of it, I finally told him that I'd rather live in a cardboard box then take the abuse any longer and for him to either be nice or get out. He got out. I'm getting close to needing a cardboard box! !

I also know of people who pop one baby out after another just to live off of the government. Then stay home watching cable tv and eating all day long. You know they are healthy enough to go out to work, but find a way to get around having to work too. I can't get over people like that! My sister, her daughter, and my niece from my other sister all just sit around the house all day long living off of our taxes. My sister and my niece from my other sister both have food stamps, free health insurance, free cell phones, cash from the government, my niece gets free door to door vehicle service, and they both have a free HOUSE to live in even!!! They have a house, gas and electric, food, cable, internet, a house phone, and a cell phone and no one in their households work! Both of their households completely live off of our taxes! Oh, and they each have a dog! Yep! My taxes are not only providing for the people's survival, but also for them to enjoy having a pet and pay for the pet's food, water, toys, leash, collar, and vet bills! Wow! Just WOW!

I don't know how they live with themselves. If I were them, I would not have any self-respect or dignity. My conscience would keep me up all night long. I just can't fathom literally not trying to do anything at all to support myself. My mother has probably been rolling over in her grave about my sister living like she does.

It absolutely disgusts me that my own family members choose to be so unbelievably lazy and live completely off of other people! I stopped talking to my sister a while ago and I only talk to my niece on a very slim occasion when she calls me.

I don't mind people getting occasional help if they are working, but still not able to quite make ends meet. But for people to go year after year completely living their entire lives off of the government when they are perfectly capable of getting a job but chose not to just infuriates me!

[permanentvacation]

Oh, and lets not forget that my taxes buys their kids and grand kids MANY MANY toys every Christmas! Here my kids sit with me buying them ONE stupid little thing each. I got my older daughter a plant for Christmas! A PLANT! That's it. I got my 16 year old one little $8.00 trinket of a mother elephant and her baby. I got my older daughter's boyfriend a mug with his favorite football team on it, and I got my younger daughter's boyfriend a t-shirt. That's all I got for anyone...

A plant
An elephant trinket
A mug
and
A t-shirt

That's all I could afford!

However, each year my sister can afford (from our taxes) to buy a boat load of toys for her 5 or 7 or however many grand kids she raises. My niece can afford to buy expensive technology toys for her son. And this year my niece was able to afford to take her family to Florida for Christmas to visit family! No one in their house works, but I work every week day, typically 11 hours per day and sometimes on the weekends. And I can barely afford the minimum to live. And all I can afford is 4 stupid cheap Christmas presents!

Something's wrong with that!

[Unregistered]

I would kindly ask her to not make requests for items from your other clients, and tell her that it has the potential to make them uncomfortable and puts you in a difficult spot. I would give her a list of charities (which it sounds like she already has.)

I'm sorry, but I am VERY sick of the 'I am a single Mom, I am entitled to all the free things! Pity me and give me stuff!"

I so agree! And the excuses and sob stories also. No pride, I'm entitled attitude. It's easy people, don't breed them if you can't feed them!

[craftymissbeth]

I so agree! And the excuses and sob stories also. No pride, I'm entitled attitude. It's easy people, don't breed them if you can't feed them!

While I agree that single mothers aren't entitled to anything more than any other parent, the bolded is really ignorant, IMO. I know I certainly never dreamt I'd be a single parent when I "bred" and had my child 8 years ago. Since I currently receive food assistance from the state should I be ashamed that I need help feeding my child?! Should he suffer because I couldn't keep my freaking marriage together and now I'm so broke that I had to turn to the state for help?!

Get off your high freaking horse. It's a difficult concept to grasp, apparently, but every last one of us is on the edge of losing everything... we just don't realize it until it happens.

[daycare]

While I agree that single mothers aren't entitled to anything more than any other parent, the bolded is really ignorant, IMO. I know I certainly never dreamt I'd be a single parent when I "bred" and had my child 8 years ago. Since I currently receive food assistance from the state should I be ashamed that I need help feeding my child?! Should he suffer because I couldn't keep my freaking marriage together and now I'm so broke that I had to turn to the state for help?!

Get off your high freaking horse. It's a difficult concept to grasp, apparently, but every last one of us is on the edge of losing everything... we just don't realize it until it happens.

that was a really bold ignorant statement to make...

life happens..........