Trying To Have Child Call Her Mom

[melilley]

I would stay out of it, but I would have said something in that moment. No different than her getting him upset/crying for any other reason at drop off.

I would have taken dcb by the hand and said to step mom "You're upsetting dcb." then to dcb "Dcb, please say goodbye to STEPMOM'S FIRST NAME, so we can start our day."

I really, really disagree with step-mom on this. How confusing for a small child in an already stressful situation.

My dh is my dd's step-dad. We have been together since dd was 3, she is now almost 12. I would Never force her to call him dad. We give her a choice and she chooses to call him by his name, but sometimes calls him her step dad or dad (a couple of times for a school project). When/if she chooses to call him dad, it will be on her terms.

I had a step mom who used to make my sister and I call her mom. I hated it, in fact, to this day I can't stand her. My dad passed away so she's not in my life anymore, thank goodness.

[Unregistered]

I would just email all 3 parties involved.

Hello Parents,

I’ve thought long and hard on this; I will not be silent concerning Johnny’s emotional health. The incident that happen during drop off is unsettling to me. Johnny seemed stressed and upset when Jane (stepmom) forced him to refer her as mommy. He cried, “I miss my mommy.” Jane’s reply was, “Who are you talking about Susie (bio-mom)? You’ll see her soon.”

I have no issue with Johnny calling both women mommy or by the first names. What all of you have decided as a family is 100% your business. However, my business is children and part of that is their emotional health. I do not wish my business or home used in family matters of that nature in the future. Johnny is an awesome kid and his friends are saddened to seem him so upset.

Thank you for your consideration,

Provider

I can see staying out of it but NOT when it effects the mental and emotional well being of a child in my care.
This is one of those situation where I think DOES require a provider to be an advocate or voice for the child.

The above conversation/note is spot on!

[Hunni Bee]

This made me really angry.

[KidGrind]

This made me really angry.

Me too.

[midaycare]

I would stay out of it but that is wrong on so many levels. And I am a stepmom.

[_Dana_]

Grrrrrr This makes me very angry as well. My ex used to do something similar with my DS when I got married to my DH. It would invoke a rage that burned deep inside because how it made my DS feel. Like MeLilly, we never forced DS to call him by anything. And always gave him a choice, working to empower him in the situation. These days, DS calls his step-father and bio-father by different names. One is Daddy, and one is Papa. (However, I've when DS is talking to his friends. He refers to his step-dad as his nice dad and his bio-dad as his mean dad b/c he yells at everyone)

Also, it isn't unusual for a child to mix them up as they adjust to the transition.

I probably would've waited to talk to the father in person at pick up to get a feel on his perspective, let him know how it is affecting little Johnny's emotional well-being, and make a suggestion if he is open to it. You letter sounded good tho. I like how you emphasized the Johnny's health, how it affects your business, and the other children.

I hope everyone makes good choices for your DCK's sake. My heart breaks for kids in those situations.

[mountainside13]

I didn't talk to dad about conversation. Just that he had a hard time at drop off and they need to be brief from now on. It really really bugs me! The whole situation right now.

[TheGoodLife]

This made me really angry.

Completely! How sad for that poor little boy

[lovemykidstoo]

I can see staying out of it but NOT when it effects the mental and emotional well being of a child in my care.
This is one of those situation where I think DOES require a provider to be an advocate or voice for the child.

The above conversation/note is spot on!

YES YES YES!! Someone needs to be this childs voice. Not to exaggerate, but isn't this a form of bullying? Maybe the dad has no clue that she's doing this. I bet mom would not be happy either. At the very least the child is old enough for you to tell him that if it bothers him to talk to his mom about it. I would definately say something though. It would be easy to say to dad, Johnny was upset this morning and this is why. If feel terrible about this little guy. Do you ever see mom? Please reconsider.

[Unregistered]

YES YES YES!! Someone needs to be this childs voice. Not to exaggerate, but isn't this a form of bullying? Maybe the dad has no clue that she's doing this. I bet mom would not be happy either. At the very least the child is old enough for you to tell him that if it bothers him to talk to his mom about it. I would definately say something though. It would be easy to say to dad, Johnny was upset this morning and this is why. If feel terrible about this little guy. Do you ever see mom? Please reconsider.

I agree. Poor kid. As if he doesn't enough to deal with now he has a crazy step mom demanding to take his mothers place. I wonder what other things she expects out of this child. This just may be the tip of the iceberg.... I would contact this child's mother and explain what you saw.

[DaveA]

I've had to delete and start over a couple of times to avoid coming across angry or harsh. It's not my intention, so if this ends up sounding bad, sorry in advance.

My oldest is my stepson. It amazed me when we got married (he was 8) how many people (from family to coworkers) interjected themselves into how we should handle situations like that one. If she wants to be called Mom & DCD agrees, that's their decision. I understand wanting to make transitions easier but that one is between DCD, stepmom, and son.I would say stay WAY out of it. If you put yourself in the middle of it, don't be surprised if you're told to butt out.

Good Luck

[craftymissbeth]

I've had to delete and start over a couple of times to avoid coming across angry or harsh. It's not my intention, so if this ends up sounding bad, sorry in advance.

My oldest is my stepson. It amazed me when we got married (he was 8) how many people (from family to coworkers) interjected themselves into how we should handle situations like that one. If she wants to be called Mom & DCD agrees, that's their decision. I understand wanting to make transitions easier but that one is between DCD, stepmom, and son.I would say stay WAY out of it. If you put yourself in the middle of it, don't be surprised if you're told to butt out.

Good Luck

[lovemykidstoo]

I've had to delete and start over a couple of times to avoid coming across angry or harsh. It's not my intention, so if this ends up sounding bad, sorry in advance.

My oldest is my stepson. It amazed me when we got married (he was 8) how many people (from family to coworkers) interjected themselves into how we should handle situations like that one. If she wants to be called Mom & DCD agrees, that's their decision. I understand wanting to make transitions easier but that one is between DCD, stepmom, and son.I would say stay WAY out of it. If you put yourself in the middle of it, don't be surprised if you're told to butt out.

Good Luck

I totally respect your experience and your opinion. I wonder if DCD is aware and if he is, wonder if he realizes how it upsets his son.

[Heidi]

I totally respect your experience and your opinion. I wonder if DCD is aware and if he is, wonder if he realizes how it upsets his son.

Yes...

I was not suggesting OP run the show, or tell the family what to do. My suggestion is she ASK dad, then give a suggestion if he seemed open to it. He can take it or leave it, and OP will feel like she did her part to look out for this child.

[safechner]

I've had to delete and start over a couple of times to avoid coming across angry or harsh. It's not my intention, so if this ends up sounding bad, sorry in advance.

My oldest is my stepson. It amazed me when we got married (he was 8) how many people (from family to coworkers) interjected themselves into how we should handle situations like that one. If she wants to be called Mom & DCD agrees, that's their decision. I understand wanting to make transitions easier but that one is between DCD, stepmom, and son.I would say stay WAY out of it. If you put yourself in the middle of it, don't be surprised if you're told to butt out.

Good Luck

I wouldn't want anyone forced my kids to call mom or dad if something happened between me and my husband. I would never allow the woman who wants to be called mom to my kids. She would have to stay out of my kids' life, no matter what she thinks or my husband thinks. That is just me. Let's hope it will never happen between me and my husband. I do have a step dad but I called him "dad" on my own decision. To be honestly, I am not too crazy about my step dad. I am glad I am staying away from my parents (780 miles away). I dont get in touch with them very much, anyways. :-)