Trying To Have Child Call Her Mom

[mountainside13]

I will try to keep this short. Daycare Mom and dad got divorced 2.5 years ago. The dad remarried in October 2014. Dcb (4.5) had a bit of a hard time adjusting once they announced their engagement (1 month engagement), then moving to being here for 1 day a week and at home with her the rest. Fast forward to now, the step mom dropped off and he said bye ***. She corrected him and said no I'm your mommy. He started to cry and said he missed his mommy, the step mom then said of you mean *** (moms name). He said yes ***. Well you will see her later. Now say bye mommy. Is it just me or is that just wrong on so many levels?! I'm not a stepmom and I don't have personal experience with this. I just don't get trying to force a kid to call his stepmother mom/mommy and trying to to get him to call his real/bio mom by her first name.

I am in no way saying that step parents aren't important or anything of the sorts!

[Heidi]

Does dad drop off or pick up? I would ask him what his thoughts are. Something like "hey, dad, dcb was really upset this morning, and I'm wondering how you guys are handling this situation...."

I had a child in my care with 2 moms. One was "mom", the other "madre'" or something that followed her heritage. I might offer that as a compromise to calling step mom "mom" or by her first name.

[CraftyMom]

I will try to keep this short. Daycare Mom and dad got divorced 2.5 years ago. The dad remarried in October 2014. Dcb (4.5) had a bit of a hard time adjusting once they announced their engagement (1 month engagement), then moving to being here for 1 day a week and at home with her the rest. Fast forward to now, the step mom dropped off and he said bye ***. She corrected him and said no I'm your mommy. He started to cry and said he missed his mommy, the step mom then said of you mean *** (moms name). He said yes ***. Well you will see her later. Now say bye mommy. Is it just me or is that just wrong on so many levels?! I'm not a stepmom and I don't have personal experience with this. I just don't get trying to force a kid to call his stepmother mom/mommy and trying to to get him to call his real/bio mom by her first name.

I am in no way saying that step parents aren't important or anything of the sorts!

That's weird. She's overstepping IMO. Does dcb live there full time? I can see if he had no mom (if she had passed away or wasn't in the picture) But he HAS a mom.

Does he live with the step mom and rarely sees his real mom? Does she know about this? CLearly dcb isn't comfortable with it. Maybe if he WANTED to call her mom, but it doesn't sound that way

[Cradle2crayons]

I will try to keep this short. Daycare Mom and dad got divorced 2.5 years ago. The dad remarried in October 2014. Dcb (4.5) had a bit of a hard time adjusting once they announced their engagement (1 month engagement), then moving to being here for 1 day a week and at home with her the rest. Fast forward to now, the step mom dropped off and he said bye ***. She corrected him and said no I'm your mommy. He started to cry and said he missed his mommy, the step mom then said of you mean *** (moms name). He said yes ***. Well you will see her later. Now say bye mommy. Is it just me or is that just wrong on so many levels?! I'm not a stepmom and I don't have personal experience with this. I just don't get trying to force a kid to call his stepmother mom/mommy and trying to to get him to call his real/bio mom by her first name.

I am in no way saying that step parents aren't important or anything of the sorts!

I would be calling dad ASAP and discussing this. I would have probably said something to step mom also.

[mountainside13]

Does dad drop off or pick up? I would ask him what his thoughts are. Something like "hey, dad, dcb was really upset this morning, and I'm wondering how you guys are handling this situation...."

I had a child in my care with 2 moms. One was "mom", the other "madre'" or something that followed her heritage. I might offer that as a compromise to calling step mom "mom" or by her first name.

I haven't talked to dad about it. He usually picks up.

That's weird. She's overstepping IMO. Does dcb live there full time? I can see if he had no mom (if she had passed away or wasn't in the picture) But he HAS a mom.

Does he live with the step mom and rarely sees his real mom? Does she know about this? CLearly dcb isn't comfortable with it. Maybe if he WANTED to call her mom, but it doesn't sound that way

He lives with bio dad and mom equally. Lately he's been with dad a little more because his mom is working 2 jobs and Recently graduated college. I am a little biase because I adore his mom! Dcb really likes her but doesn't want to call her mom. one of his friends here said that's not your mom. He said I know but o have to call her mom. So my guess if he really doesn't want too. I think she is way overstepping. I don't know why this is making me so upset. I've gotten too attached to this family, I know that!

[mountainside13]

I would be calling dad ASAP and discussing this. I would have probably said something to step mom also.

Is it really my place to be telling them what they can it can't do? Yea it makes him uncomfortable but is that enough to step in?

[Cradle2crayons]

Is it really my place to be telling them what they can it can't do? Yea it makes him uncomfortable but is that enough to step in?

It's not about telling them what to do. They are welcome to exhibit that behavior in their own home. But not in mine. She is setting him up to have a crappy day by doing that. Not to mention making drop off difficult, and upsetting him for no reason. That's where I would have the issue. It's emotional abuse and wouldn't be happening at my house.

[mountainside13]

It's not about telling them what to do. They are welcome to exhibit that behavior in their own home. But not in mine. She is setting him up to have a crappy day by doing that. Not to mention making drop off difficult, and upsetting him for no reason. That's where I would have the issue. It's emotional abuse and wouldn't be happening at my house.

Ok! The way you put it makes sense! I didn't see that from my perspective.

[daycare]

It's not about telling them what to do. They are welcome to exhibit that behavior in their own home. But not in mine. She is setting him up to have a crappy day by doing that. Not to mention making drop off difficult, and upsetting him for no reason. That's where I would have the issue. It's emotional abuse and wouldn't be happening at my house.

This is how I see it too. I personally don't think that I would get involved with what DCM is saying to the child, as that is none of my business, I would be more inclined to discuss the fact that she is upsetting the child at drop off and setting the kid off to have bad start to his day. I tell parents to say good-bye outside and to make sure that their child is completely ready to go, which includes emotionally.

[nannyde]

Stay out of it.

[KidGrind]

I would just email all 3 parties involved.

Hello Parents,

I’ve thought long and hard on this; I will not be silent concerning Johnny’s emotional health. The incident that happen during drop off is unsettling to me. Johnny seemed stressed and upset when Jane (stepmom) forced him to refer her as mommy. He cried, “I miss my mommy.” Jane’s reply was, “Who are you talking about Susie (bio-mom)? You’ll see her soon.”

I have no issue with Johnny calling both women mommy or by the first names. What all of you have decided as a family is 100% your business. However, my business is children and part of that is their emotional health. I do not wish my business or home used in family matters of that nature in the future. Johnny is an awesome kid and his friends are saddened to seem him so upset.

Thank you for your consideration,

Provider

[craftymissbeth]

Stay out of it.

The only thing I would mention is making sure drop-offs are as smooth as possible.

[daycarediva]

I would stay out of it, but I would have said something in that moment. No different than her getting him upset/crying for any other reason at drop off.

I would have taken dcb by the hand and said to step mom "You're upsetting dcb." then to dcb "Dcb, please say goodbye to STEPMOM'S FIRST NAME, so we can start our day."

I really, really disagree with step-mom on this. How confusing for a small child in an already stressful situation.

[mountainside13]

I have decided to talk to dad at drop off. All I'm going to say is the drop off needs to be quick and smooth.

[daycare]

I would stay out of it, but I would have said something in that moment. No different than her getting him upset/crying for any other reason at drop off.

I would have taken dcb by the hand and said to step mom "You're upsetting dcb." then to dcb "Dcb, please say goodbye to STEPMOM'S FIRST NAME, so we can start our day."

I really, really disagree with step-mom on this. How confusing for a small child in an already stressful situation.

basically this is what I was saying and agree 100%

We want each child to be setup for success and when they are dropped off an an emotional state, it is not helping them to achieve this goal.