Using My Daycare To Cheat On Her Husband

[Unregistered]

Yes, this has happened, and the drama hasn't stopped. I have a few drop-off spots available and my neighbor/friend would drop off her 3 kids (including the baby) constantly for just a few hours. She always ran late, and was always dressed up. Turns out that the baby belongs to another man, and she tried to pass him off as her husband's (also our friend) all during her pregnancy and after he was born. Problem is...he doesn't look that much like the other kids!

The boys are super sweet and the older two are good friends with my kids. We see them every day. But it drives me nuts. We found out a year ago what she has been doing, and he decided to try and stick it out with her. He's a better person than I am! They have been in counseling, and then last week she suddenly decided to clear out the bank accounts and take the boys with her to a friend's house. Now, she is back...and I don't know what the heck is going on. The oldest boy (8 years old) told me that his parents were fighting and he wasn't going to be around that much. This about broke my heart! They are really good kids, and he is a good guy.

What really ticks me off on a personal front is that she was using those "oh, I just need to run a few errands" to drop off her kids so she could meet up with her lover!!!

Oh, and she didn't pay me for months, and I finally had to send over two invoices and get the husband involved as he didn't know she wasn't paying the bills.

Part of me just says grit your teeth and bear it til he finally wises up, but the other part of me just doesn't want anything to do with her. If it was a regular family, I would have termed them long ago - always late for drop off or pick up and late payment. But what do you do when you really like the kids, respect the husband and you can see their house from your backyard?

[LysesKids]

We all fall in love with many of the kids we care for, but this is not something I would want to be stuck in the middle of just because they are my friends/neighbors. IMO, the $$ isn't worth it and as you said, if it were a regular client you would have already termed... you know what the answer is

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

How I see it...would I participate in someone going to see their lover (NOT spouse)? No. It doesn't matter if they were paying me or not.

[Sugar Magnolia]

Meh.....

If you disagree with her lifestyle choices, don't provide any further services. If you chose to continue providing services, then it's really none of your business. Provide the children with a calm, stable environment........or move on. Who are we to judge? Honestly, life is too short to worry about other people's problems. I'm sure you are concerned for the kids, and that is wonderful. I wouldn't expend any more energy worrying about mom-s morals.

[taylorw1210]

If this was just a family that I was semi-friendly with, then I would mind my own business and just be business professional.

However, this sounds like it is a friendship before business and I personally would not be able to be friends with someone who was making such poor choices that were harming her children and husband. I would cut ties immediately because in my mind, providing care for her children while she cheats on her husband is enabling her behavior.

[Blackcat31]

If you disagree with her lifestyle choices, don't provide any further services. If you chose to continue providing services, then it's really none of your business. Provide the children with a calm, stable environment........or move on. Who are we to judge? Honestly, life is too short to worry about other people's problems. I'm sure you are concerned for the kids, and that is wonderful. I wouldn't expend any more energy worrying about mom-s morals.

This ^^^

[sharlan]

If you disagree with her lifestyle choices, don't provide any further services. If you chose to continue providing services, then it's really none of your business. Provide the children with a calm, stable environment........or move on. Who are we to judge? Honestly, life is too short to worry about other people's problems. I'm sure you are concerned for the kids, and that is wonderful. I wouldn't expend any more energy worrying about mom-s morals.

I totally agree. It really is none of our business what the parents do when the children are with us.

[craftymissbeth]

If you disagree with her lifestyle choices, don't provide any further services. If you chose to continue providing services, then it's really none of your business. Provide the children with a calm, stable environment........or move on. Who are we to judge? Honestly, life is too short to worry about other people's problems. I'm sure you are concerned for the kids, and that is wonderful. I wouldn't expend any more energy worrying about mom-s morals.

Couldn't agree more!

[DaveA]

I would tell her you are no longer providing care for the kids. She's using your business and your friendship for something you want no part of.

This is going to sound harsh (and it is), but I don't buy the whole who are we to judge attitude. As soon as someone involves me in their crap, it is my place to judge. Personally and professionally your word is your word and if she's lying to her husband and blowing her marriage vows (one of the penultimate examples of giving your word) out the window, she's shown hers is worthless. I wouldn't be friends with someone cheating on their spouse, have an employee or subcontractor who was, or work for someone who was having an affair. Combine that with the fact she's not keeping her end of the bargain by paying on time (again her word; either written contract or verbal agreement), and no way on this planet would I be an accessory to that crap.


Be there for the husband and the kids personally when this goes to hell, but professionally having nothing else to do with her.

[sharlan]

I would tell her you are no longer providing care for the kids. She's using your business and your friendship for something you want no part of.

This is going to sound harsh (and it is), but I don't buy the whole who are we to judge attitude. As soon as someone involves me in their crap, it is my place to judge. Personally and professionally your word is your word and if she's lying to her husband and blowing her marriage vows (one of the penultimate examples of giving your word) out the window, she's shown hers is worthless. I wouldn't be friends with someone cheating on their spouse, have an employee or subcontractor who was, or work for someone who was having an affair. Combine that with the fact she's not keeping her end of the bargain by paying on time (again her word; either written contract or verbal agreement), and no way on this planet would I be an accessory to that crap.


Be there for the husband and the kids personally when this goes to hell, but professionally having nothing else to do with her.

I understand what you're saying, but we have absolutely no idea of where our parents go the minute they walk out our door. I don't ask for an itinerary and I really don't care. They are paying for my services, end of story.

Now, if a personal friend were using me as a cover, you can bet that I would end it ASAP. I had a friend years ago call and say that if her dh called, either say she hadn't reached my home yet or that she had already left. She told him that she was driving the 30 mins to my house to pick up her swim suit when she was actually headed 30 mins the other direction to have sex with his best friend (and the father of her youngest child). I reminded her that I don't lie for anyone. Her dh didn't call and she never used me for a cover up again.

[Thriftylady]

Well if you have considered terming over other reasons and this is icing on the cake, I would term. If it were me, I wouldn't judge exactly but as soon as I got drug into it, I would be done. To each their own until it starts to involve me and I don't belong in another person's marriage. I would be afraid that it would become an issue with being put in the middle later.

[Play Care]

If you disagree with her lifestyle choices, don't provide any further services. If you chose to continue providing services, then it's really none of your business. Provide the children with a calm, stable environment........or move on. Who are we to judge? Honestly, life is too short to worry about other people's problems. I'm sure you are concerned for the kids, and that is wonderful. I wouldn't expend any more energy worrying about mom-s morals.

The ONLY thing I'd be annoyed with is not getting paid. They would be gone for that.

[taylorw1210]

I would tell her you are no longer providing care for the kids. She's using your business and your friendship for something you want no part of.

This is going to sound harsh (and it is), but I don't buy the whole who are we to judge attitude. As soon as someone involves me in their crap, it is my place to judge. Personally and professionally your word is your word and if she's lying to her husband and blowing her marriage vows (one of the penultimate examples of giving your word) out the window, she's shown hers is worthless. I wouldn't be friends with someone cheating on their spouse, have an employee or subcontractor who was, or work for someone who was having an affair. Combine that with the fact she's not keeping her end of the bargain by paying on time (again her word; either written contract or verbal agreement), and no way on this planet would I be an accessory to that crap.


Be there for the husband and the kids personally when this goes to hell, but professionally having nothing else to do with her.

Couldn't agree more.

[DaveA]

I understand what you're saying, but we have absolutely no idea of where our parents go the minute they walk out our door. I don't ask for an itinerary and I really don't care. They are paying for my services, end of story.

I agree to a point. I wouldn't pry into someone's life, but I also act based on the information I have. I don't differentiate between "personal" and "professional" ethics. I run 2 businesses out of my home. These businesses are a part of me. In the OP's situation I would consider the person's actions as involving me in something I would never condone. As soon as that happens it is time to cut ties. Maybe it's too many John Wayne movies and Louis L'Amour western novels as a kid, but to me it's a pretty easy call.

This is one of those great situations where divergent opinions can be correct for each person. Not being facetious- "right" or "wrong" is entirely in the eyes of the beholder. I enjoy seeing the thought process behind decisions like this.

[Unregistered]

AND....it is now worse

Thanks so much for all of your help, ladies. I think the biggest issue is that I want to term immediately but my husband (who is her husband's very good friend...and again, we can see their house from our back yard) thinks it is terrible of me to want to term them. In his opinion, we should do whatever we can to help him out. I told him that we can help him as his friends, but not with my business. I am done.

And the reason for that....she went CRAZY!!! Like an episode of SNAPPED on Lifetime. Seriously bad. The Monday before Thanksgiving the dad came to our back door with his two older boys, freaking out. I took the boys downstairs and the middle (age 6 and in my son's class at school) told me his mom needed to be medicated and have doctors. The older boy, age 8, told him not to think about it. I gave them hugs and said that everybody needs help sometime.

We sat them down with movies, snacks, and company. Turns out that psycho's still boyfriend (yes, she has been seeing him while going to marriage counseling) has another girlfriend, and she came to the husband's house. They took a selfie and sent it to her. She came driving home in a rage in her big SUV (18 month old in the back) and proceeded to storm into her house, drag the woman off the kitchen stool and beat the crap out of her. Husband had to separate them while telling the older boys to go into the back bedroom. He got some cracked ribs and a concussion while trying to separate them.

The wife ran back outside to the SUV and the other woman stood on the front porch. Well, she tried to run her over, TWICE! She circled back up over the yard and on the street trying to run her over (again with the youngest still in the SUV) and then raced off to Target to meet her lover.

She was picked up by the cops and charged with child endangerment and attempted murder. My husband still wants me to help out the husband. I said, no. The boys need a live-in nanny with a psychology degree. The kicker of it is...her mom told the husband to leave her in jail, but he didn't listen and bailed her out for the holiday. He had to lift the restraining order against her in order to do it. Now, she is trying to text me and sent over an apology note with my husband with the money she owed me. Her husband has apparently forgiven her and has let her back into the house. They are pretending nothing happened.

My dad says it doesn't matter the income bracket, college education, etc....some people are just crazy.

There is no way I am letting her back in the daycare!