Would You Be Offended?

[KidGrind]

I know you are not arguing

I wasn't given many gifts here on this planet, but one of them is "reading" people. Nothing weird or psychic. But I get bad feelings off of some people, and the warm fuzzies from others. In a different life before daycare and teaching, I was a hr consultant and interviewed people for companies. I did really well and everyone was always happy with the people I picked. It's a gift. Now I have many things that are not gifts ... Autoimmune issues, terrible at directions, horrible at math, and the list goes on and on ...

My protocol for interviewing is simply to show the parent around and tell them about the program. I lead the interview and they can ask questions when I am done. I'm not rude and I don't say that, I just take control of the situation.

I listen to what the parents say very carefully. What are their concerns? Only money? I'll pass. Do they ask about naptime, what we eat, do they have concerns about their LO? Are they concerned about silly things? Are they asking me if they come 30 minutes late will I still feed their child breakfast? As we are talking I read all body language. I ask where they work, to hear about their schedule, any concerns about previous daycares.

I can usually get a great idea from talking and body language. It's nothing fancy. My gut just gives me a "heck yes" or a "run Forrest, run!"

[Blackcat31]

I know you are not arguing

I wasn't given many gifts here on this planet, but one of them is "reading" people. Nothing weird or psychic. But I get bad feelings off of some people, and the warm fuzzies from others. In a different life before daycare and teaching, I was a hr consultant and interviewed people for companies. I did really well and everyone was always happy with the people I picked. It's a gift. Now I have many things that are not gifts ... Autoimmune issues, terrible at directions, horrible at math, and the list goes on and on ...

My protocol for interviewing is simply to show the parent around and tell them about the program. I lead the interview and they can ask questions when I am done. I'm not rude and I don't say that, I just take control of the situation.

I listen to what the parents say very carefully. What are their concerns? Only money? I'll pass. Do they ask about naptime, what we eat, do they have concerns about their LO? Are they concerned about silly things? Are they asking me if they come 30 minutes late will I still feed their child breakfast? As we are talking I read all body language. I ask where they work, to hear about their schedule, any concerns about previous daycares.

I can usually get a great idea from talking and body language. It's nothing fancy. My gut just gives me a "heck yes" or a "run Forrest, run!"

Thank you... I knew that is how you would answer (generally speaking) and my point is that why do we as providers (general providers....not specific ones) get the option of asking parents questions without coming across as interrogating clients but when clients ask us questions (even ones we view as silly or unnecessary) a majority of providers view that type of parent as interrogating?

See what I mean?

I also "read" people very well and have some parents "appear" to be interrogating type folks but they are actually far from it.

As a parent, you can bet your bottom dollar I would be asking you a million and one questions if my child was going to potentially be spending more waking hours at your house, under your supervision, along side your family members.

Would I question you as to what your protocol is for emergencies? Yep.

Would I question you as to what your idea of an emergency is? Yep.

Would I ask about the amount of time any of your family members get to be in direct contact with my child? Yep.

Etc etc etc...

See what I mean? Especially for first time parents.

I also think that LEO's are trained to view things in a certain manner, to ask leading questions and be on the look out for any feelings of uneasiness or situations that appear or feel "off" or "not right" BECAUSE of what they do for a living. They DO tend to come across as interrogating in a way but not as much that I would immediately write them off as potential clients or immediately pass on them.

A relationship is definitely not built in a day so I can't make an educated decision base don one experience with a family. If I wasn't sure, I would schedule a second interview/meeting or I would simply straight up talk with them about how their tone or first impression is possibly giving me a red flag type vibe AND then see what their response or reaction is.

Sorry... I know I am rambling but I had a previous experience like this where someone misinterpreted a family's intent and it was NOT at all what it appeared to be. The family ended up being THE best DCF ever even though they started off on the wring foot.

[KiddieCahoots]

How does everybody type so fast!? ::............

Think op questioning the interviewed dcd's integrity as a possible client has just been answered by the angry texts she is now unfortunately receiving. Never mind the demeaning remark of her "work" status. I say demeaning because her 50+ hours a week of daycare were simply diminished from the reality of the work force by his perspective.
If I did not respect a certain profession then I would not acquire their services, I'd do it myself. If I did however need their services, I'd be giving respect for the fact alone that I was asking them to do such an important service for me. But that's just me.

[christine19720]

Oh my word! I just had awful visions pass before my eyes... "What time did he eat? 9:45? Are you sure it wasn't 9:50? How do you know for sure? Can I see the dirty diapers? I want to know that you really changed him 5 times."

Yep!!!
BTDT!

[Play Care]

Unless I missed it, I didn't see where the DCD said that.

He asked OP why she didn't go back to work after her kids went to school.

I don't see anything wrong with that.

We see/read posts here ALL the time from providers that say things like "going back to work" after my youngest goes to Kindy etc...

See, to me asking why she didn't go back to work IS saying that. And I think you know I get annoyed when providers act like it's not a job also
Had he said "why didn't you go back to working outside the home" I'd be cool. Ive just found that those who view what I do as me hanging at home keeping an eye on a couple of kids for some money are the same ones who don't think its a big deal if they run late because "after all, you're home anyway" it's ( the phrase why didn't you go back to work?) just become a red flag for me.

[midaycare]

Thank you... I knew that is how you would answer (generally speaking) and my point is that why do we as providers (general providers....not specific ones) get the option of asking parents questions without coming across as interrogating clients but when clients ask us questions (even ones we view as silly or unnecessary) a majority of providers view that type of parent as interrogating?

See what I mean?

I also "read" people very well and have some parents "appear" to be interrogating type folks but they are actually far from it.

As a parent, you can bet your bottom dollar I would be asking you a million and one questions if my child was going to potentially be spending more waking hours at your house, under your supervision, along side your family members.

Would I question you as to what your protocol is for emergencies? Yep.

Would I question you as to what your idea of an emergency is? Yep.

Would I ask about the amount of time any of your family members get to be in direct contact with my child? Yep.

Etc etc etc...

See what I mean? Especially for first time parents.

I also think that LEO's are trained to view things in a certain manner, to ask leading questions and be on the look out for any feelings of uneasiness or situations that appear or feel "off" or "not right" BECAUSE of what they do for a living. They DO tend to come across as interrogating in a way but not as much that I would immediately write them off as potential clients or immediately pass on them.

A relationship is definitely not built in a day so I can't make an educated decision base don one experience with a family. If I wasn't sure, I would schedule a second interview/meeting or I would simply straight up talk with them about how their tone or first impression is possibly giving me a red flag type vibe AND then see what their response or reaction is.

Sorry... I know I am rambling but I had a previous experience like this where someone misinterpreted a family's intent and it was NOT at all what it appeared to be. The family ended up being THE best DCF ever even though they started off on the wring foot.

My hope is they DO ask me a lot of questions, but it may be written funny. I think we are more alike in our thinking than not. I am extra picky - and so far it's worked well for me. If I see a red flag, I will pass. I'm not interested in finding out if someone is a good client or discovering if they are just quirky. I want to enter Day 1 feeling good about everything.

I've learned in life I just don't need added stress. There are plenty of dcp's around here & centers that will take those parents. I have 6 slots. One bad apple can ruin my whole bunch

[midaycare]

How does everybody type so fast!? ::............

.

I was forced to take a semester of typing in 8th grade. Hated in then, but it did pay off.

[sugar buzz]

I should have titled this: Worst. Interview. Ever. I think offensive was the wrong word. It was more the delivery than the wording, and it was horrible. He arrived with a chip on his shoulder and remained angry and hostile the entire interview. (I've never had an interview where the person didn't smile or shake my hand, when I went to the door.) I gave him the benefit of being a cop, a new parent, and terrified of daycare due to his experiences, but when I told him my daily rate, he said, "You charge by the hour, RIGHT?!!!!" (Say "right" like it's the b-word), and when I told him I close at 5:30, he told me if there were an arrest or accident, "it'd be closer to 6:00." When you put it all together and add the hostility, I think anything he said would have sounded offensive and disrespectful. Some of you lovely providers would have handled him beautifully and stood toe-to-toe--I would pay to see that. :: I'm very shy and quiet, and I think he thought he had a live one. I did keep re-stating my policies and not to start the "babysitter" debate, but when he asked if I would watch their baby on date-nights, I said: "You would need what's called a babysitter." (I just felt so disrespected at that point.) They've now texted me four times telling me that I wasted their time, they were going to go with someone else, and they want to talk to me. He's obviously never been told no. WTH?

[sugar buzz]

And I apologize for mistyping. I was really upset when I typed my first post. He said: "Why didn't you work after your kids went to school?" When I said: "I work fifty-five hours a week," he just slightly nodded. He acted like he intended it for the way I took it.

[midaycare]

And I apologize for mistyping. I was really upset when I typed my first post. He said: "Why didn't you work after your kids went to school?" When I said: "I work fifty-five hours a week," he just slightly nodded. He acted like he intended it for the way I took it.

I will restate what I wrote in my first post to you: what a tool. You lucked out big time by discovering his true nature.

[Blackcat31]

I should have titled this: Worst. Interview. Ever. I think offensive was the wrong word. It was more the delivery than the wording, and it was horrible. He arrived with a chip on his shoulder and remained angry and hostile the entire interview. (I've never had an interview where the person didn't smile or shake my hand, when I went to the door.) I gave him the benefit of being a cop, a new parent, and terrified of daycare due to his experiences, but when I told him my daily rate, he said, "You charge by the hour, RIGHT?!!!!" (Say "right" like it's the b-word), and when I told him I close at 5:30, he told me if there were an arrest or accident, "it'd be closer to 6:00." When you put it all together and add the hostility, I think anything he said would have sounded offensive and disrespectful. Some of you lovely providers would have handled him beautifully and stood toe-to-toe--I would pay to see that. :: I'm very shy and quiet, and I think he thought he had a live one. I did keep re-stating my policies and not to start the "babysitter" debate, but when he asked if I would watch their baby on date-nights, I said: "You would need what's called a babysitter." (I just felt so disrespected at that point.) They've now texted me four times telling me that I wasted their time, they were going to go with someone else, and they want to talk to me. He's obviously never been told no. WTH?

And I apologize for mistyping. I was really upset when I typed my first post. He said: "Why didn't you work after your kids went to school?" When I said: "I work fifty-five hours a week," he just slightly nodded. He acted like he intended it for the way I took it.

Hun, you did fine :hug:

Your second post CLEARLY explains that this was not a mis-interpretation with a parent but an interview with an A-hole for lack of better terms.

Condescending and rude are VERY different then interrogating or inquiring ....kwim?

I would have had issues immediately with them trying to dictate when you were able to close and his angry demeanor. Leave your stress at work dude.

Do not respond to their texts. Unless you want to send one final text:

"Please STOP texting me. Continually texting after it is clear we are NOT going to be working together is considered harassment. STOP texting."

[sugar buzz]

Thanks B.C.! I needed that....

[TaylorTots]

Since hindsight is 20/20...

I would have turned it around on DCD and used my normal questions about what they do at home with baby but grilled him 3 ways about the same thing.

"How often does baby eat?"
"Does baby ever refuse a bottle?"
"What if you are in the car at feeding time? Do you pull over, prop the bottle, let baby cry?"
"How often do you change baby's diapers?"
"What if baby needs a diaper change before that? What if baby is dry?"
"Do you ever put on diaper cream? What kind? Why that kind?"

If they are going to question my ability to care for their child in a non-respectable way then I'd do the same. But then again, I wouldn't want to deal with those parents and right away would decide to not offer them the spot.... so the rest of the interview would be me trying to have some fun...

[Hazel]

I would absolutely pass! If they are acting like this they will probably be those nightmare parents we've all had once in our careers (if you haven't you're very lucky!)
I've been interrogated to the point where I felt uncomfortable and have turned them away. It's never worth it.
The most recent issue I had was when a parent asked if I had home owners insurance to cover myself and the kids in case anything happened and then turned around and not only wanted to read it but wanted a copy for himself.
I guess I can understand why he would want to know but all I kept thinking " is this one of those crazy families I hear about that hurt their kid and then blame me and Sue me knowing I have a 1 million dollar umbrella policy to cover me and my daycare?" Maybe I'm paranoid but it just felt really off the way he asked, his body language and everything....

[KidGrind]

Sorry you went through that awful interview.

What in the **** do they want to talk to you about? They already said they’d go with someone else.

I’d like to with DCD’s “…more like 6:00 PM…” comment would’ve been met with, “Mr. _______ I close promptly at 5:30 PM. I don’t work pass 5:30 PM with children in care. It’s $1 per minute for late pick ups, due at the time of pick up or care will not be provided the following day. The 3rd late pick-up is immediate termination. I don’t think I’m the right fit for your family."