A Little Too Personal For Me But................

[JenNJ]

Personally, I would go. You are not his mom, true. But you are the mother figure in his life. Families are chosen and they are choosing you (everyday by using your services) to be that special role model in his life.

He was left by his bio mom. He and his father obviously respect and care for you. This is a moment that could define that boy's life. A woman standing where no one in his life has before could make him see that he is worth and "deserves" to have a mom.

Think about how hard it must be to not have a mother. Think how it would feel to have a loved person in your life stand up and say, I am proud of you, I love you, and I am here for you.

Who cares what anyone else says or thinks! This is a life defining moment. Please consider going and standing behind this boy in a moment where he needs you.

[Cat Herder]

I would go in a heartbeat if I could be 100% sure it would not be a soul crushing blow to a poor GMA, somewhere.... Does he have a Gma?

Added: Just occurred to me that the situation might also make my DH a bit uncomfortable... Would DCD also be in attendance as a psuedo-family? Probably projecting, "if the shoe was on the other foot it would give me pause", but something to consider...

[Happily_wed]

I would go. I had parents but they never attended things with me. I was a cheerleader in junior high and high school and they never came to see me cheer. They missed my senior night in basketball when they were announcing all the seniors and their parents, etc.

IF this child had a mother or grandmother and they just refused to go I would not attend. But he has never known a mother and has no family in the area. I would be honored to have been asked and I would go. It would be a couple of hours out of my life but it might mean the entire world to him!

As for the other parents, what you choose to attend on your down time is none of their business.

[KiddieCahoots]

My heart says go, my mind says don't.
I feel it all comes down to the type of working relationship you've got going on so far, and you've got to take all aspects of that relationship into consideration to have your answer.
I don't usually go to all personal events, but have gone to the events of the families that were the right fit. This intensified the bond and great working relationship we already had started with.
On the other hand, I've just recently been invited to a birthday party that I know I cannot attend. The working relationship is already under strain, and if I went, I'm sure I'd be expected to accommodate with more, "special".
Only you can ultimately make that decision, and don't worry about what other clients think, tell them it's confidential ::..........

[crazydaycarelady]

I don't do stuff with the kids outside of daycare either but in this case I would. YOU are the closest thing this boy has to a mother. They both must really love you to have asked.

[daycare]

sorry I lagged in responding back to my own thread. This Iron woman training is killing me...

Thank you all so much for everything you posted.

Someone did bring up one of the only other concerns that I have and that is how my DH would feel about this. I guess I would need to find out more details about this function.

There really is no other family around that I am aware of. DCD told me that his family is extremely dysfunctional, his mother is an alcoholic and the rest of them are not any better, so he chooses not to be apart of that family. I belive they live up state NY any how. I have never known them to visit family either.

Trust me when I tell you how bad I really want to go. I just want to make sure that I consider everyone involved and make sure that this cant backfire in anyway.

Yes, you are all correct that I should not worry about what the other parents feel or say about this situation, it's not any of their business.

I will say that I was a little upset that DCD put me on the spot in front of DCK, I wish he would have not asked me in front of him, it was almost like it was a way to make me feel bad or something. Which I already do.

I love this boy like my own. I have had him for many years and I have been there through all of the ugly battles in his life, always being that safety net. Last year he drew me a picture for his brithday and gave it to me. He told me that it was a picture of his birthday wish, a beautiful mommy like me. Of course that made me cry and hurt so bad to know that when all of the other kids wanted toys, he just wanted a mom.

I adopted my first child, his mother died. She was my best friend. Oddly enough I love him more than I love my own biological children. One would think that this would be an easy decision for me, but it's not.

again thank you all so much for your responses, I have some things to think about. I guess getting the full details of the event would be a good start.

[CraftyMom]

You're probably the only "Mom" this kid has ever had. You shouldn't do anything you're uncomfortable with, but if the other parents are the only thing stopping you from accepting-just do it. This is completely different from a school play or birthday party. This is about making this child feel for a day like there is a mom in the picture.

[Annalee]

sorry I lagged in responding back to my own thread. This Iron woman training is killing me...

Thank you all so much for everything you posted.

Someone did bring up one of the only other concerns that I have and that is how my DH would feel about this. I guess I would need to find out more details about this function.

There really is no other family around that I am aware of. DCD told me that his family is extremely dysfunctional, his mother is an alcoholic and the rest of them are not any better, so he chooses not to be apart of that family. I belive they live up state NY any how. I have never known them to visit family either.

Trust me when I tell you how bad I really want to go. I just want to make sure that I consider everyone involved and make sure that this cant backfire in anyway.

Yes, you are all correct that I should not worry about what the other parents feel or say about this situation, it's not any of their business.

I will say that I was a little upset that DCD put me on the spot in front of DCK, I wish he would have not asked me in front of him, it was almost like it was a way to make me feel bad or something. Which I already do.

I love this boy like my own. I have had him for many years and I have been there through all of the ugly battles in his life, always being that safety net. Last year he drew me a picture for his brithday and gave it to me. He told me that it was a picture of his birthday wish, a beautiful mommy like me. Of course that made me cry and hurt so bad to know that when all of the other kids wanted toys, he just wanted a mom.

I adopted my first child, his mother died. She was my best friend. Oddly enough I love him more than I love my own biological children. One would think that this would be an easy decision for me, but it's not.

again thank you all so much for your responses, I have some things to think about. I guess getting the full details of the event would be a good start.

This makes me think of the Teddy Stallard story I saw at a daycare training http://makeadifferencemovie.com/index.php ....If you have time and don't mind shedding some tears, take time to watch this....the story is only 8 minutes but is awesome!

[daycare]

This makes me think of the Teddy Stallard story I saw at a daycare training http://makeadifferencemovie.com/index.php ....If you have time and don't mind shedding some tears, take time to watch this....the story is only 8 minutes but is awesome!

omg I balled my eyes out and now I have to go teach class.

thank you for sharing that..... looks like I am going to be stand in mom for the event..

that video impacted me so much.

thank you

[Annalee]

omg I balled my eyes out and now I have to go teach class.

thank you for sharing that..... looks like I am going to be stand in mom for the event..

that video impacted me so much.

thank you

You are welcome! The video was an eye opener for me as well!

[Blackcat31]

I'm torn- 50% of me says you could make an exception and it would mean a lot to DCK. The other half thinks it would be better to decline and not worry about softening the line between daycare provider and client. I wouldn't lie, but I wouldn't be comfortable doing it when it's not something I would do with other kids. As I type I find myself leaning toward the latter.

Snap decision answer- I would politely find a way to say that you were honored to be asked to participate but you couldn't.

I would not go.

I may fill the same role a mother may fill in regards to some aspects of the child's life but the bigger issue here is the fact that the child does not have a mother in the picture right now and that is something (although very sad) the family (DCD and DCK) must find a way to deal with.

I doubt this will be the only event in his life that calls for a mother. Will you always be asked to fill in for those...kwim?

When my kids' school did the mommy and me or daddy and me type function the parent went. Whatever parent the child had.

Even though DCK has only got a dad in the picture, Dad IS providing BOTH parental roles therefore, his dad should attend the event since he is serving as both mom and dad.

I have a very clear and solid line drawn between business and personal and this would be crossing it.

I understand each situation is different but I don't allow myself to even venture into territory that I don't want to be in for everyone.

[Josiegirl]

I haven't watched the video linked but you can bet I'll come back later to watch it.
I'm pretty sure I would go, it would feel like a complete honor to me to be asked. Just think how special this little boy must think you are in his life! He picked you!
And never mind what everybody else thinks or feels about you going, it depends on how you feel about it.

[Kabob]

I think you should do whatever you're comfortable with.

If it makes you feel any better, my mom wasn't there for me after my parents divorced so my dad filled that role. Even before they divorced, we had a very difficult relationship that wasn't healthy or normal to say the least.

Even though I've reconciled with my mom (to a degree), I still send my dad mother's day cards every year and wish him a happy mother's day. I started doing that as a kid when I came to terms with the fact that you don't always get the parents you wish for. My dad did a great job.

Everyone deals with life differently though, so you should follow your gut on this one.