A Little Too Personal For Me But................

[daycare]

I have a dcf that consist of dck and dcd only. DCM left shortly after the birth of dcb and has never been back. I don't know the story, this is what I was told.

DCB has been in my care since age 14 months old and is now 5 in kinder. The DCD has done an absolute amazing job with him.

Well DCB is doing an activity with his church and there is a mommy and me day.

They don't have any other family around or too many close friends that live near by.

Today at pick up I get put on the spot by DCB and DCD. They both ask me if I would be willing to do this activity with DCB. While I am flattered, I said can I check my calendar, because I don't do those kind of things with DCKS. I don't even go to b-day parties. I didn't tell them that, I just said let me get back to you.

But to me this just felt a little different, I don't want to let dck down, but I feel really horribly backward.

What should I do? Should I go? I worry other parents will find out and I belive that at least every one of my DCF has asked me to a personal event that I declined. I don't want to seem like I am playing favorites.

what would you do? would you go? If I decide to decline, how should I tell them.

I thought about lying saying I have something going on this day, but live in such a small town that it might get bacl to them......

ohhhh what to do....help

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Since you are super uncomfortable, could you just tell them that and suggest a female relative?

I think I would go.

[Butter Biskets]

In this case, I would do it. I wouldn't want to let the little boy down, especially with his back story. I know it isn't something that you would normally do, but I think that this would mean everything to him.

[Cradle2crayons]

I personally don't think this counts as a "personal event" like a birthday party etc.

This child doesn't have a mom. And I would feel very honored to have been chosen to attend this very special event.

I grew up with a mom there PHYSICALLY but not in any other way. She took my sister to mom stuff but didn't take me. She threw me away mentally and emotionally. I'm "damaged" in some ways due to this.

But, this young man has no mom at all. I've been asked to do a few of these events and I've done it.

Also, my husband spends more months away than in town due to his job. Thankfully, we had a stand in she asked and he accepted. Both times. It REALLY made my daughter feel so good that this guy accepted.

Of course, this choice is YOURS. But again, don't think of it like a birthday party. And, if other parents found out, I would HOPE they didn't say a WORD to me or else I'd show them the door. If they didn't understand the context of this invitation is different than a birthday party, then bye bye to them!

[Childminder]

I would go! Honored to be asked. You have been the maternal influence almost her entire life and what would it take, two hours of your life? I understand the wish to keep business and family separate as many on here wish to do but that is not me.

When he is older and calls you up to thank you for the support you gave him or if he wants to bring his child to you because you were the person that went out of your way to care for him you will be glad you did it. I know I have been.

[Sugar Magnolia]

Only you can decide this, daycare!

My dad died when I was 4. The father/daughter things were always hard for me. My mom remarried when I was 14, to a really great guy who I love dearly, but as a little kid, the absence was tough.

It's a tough decision. I understand your feelings completely. I would support you either way. :hug:

[ColorfulSunburst]

I would go!

me too!

[Lucy]

I would go!

me too!

Me three! I'd love it! I went to two Kindergarten graduations this June. (I only have before/after kids right now, so I was able to go.) Loved it! I'd be proud, in your situation, to accompany your little DC boy.

That being said, it might possibly worry me that dcd could take this as a sign that you want to be more involved in the dcb's life. I'd be a little bit afraid he'd start asking more and more favors. But if it were just this one time, I think it would be awesome.

[Leigh]

I have a dcf that consist of dck and dcd only. DCM left shortly after the birth of dcb and has never been back. I don't know the story, this is what I was told.

DCB has been in my care since age 14 months old and is now 5 in kinder. The DCD has done an absolute amazing job with him.

Well DCB is doing an activity with his church and there is a mommy and me day.

They don't have any other family around or too many close friends that live near by.

Today at pick up I get put on the spot by DCB and DCD. They both ask me if I would be willing to do this activity with DCB. While I am flattered, I said can I check my calendar, because I don't do those kind of things with DCKS. I don't even go to b-day parties. I didn't tell them that, I just said let me get back to you.

But to me this just felt a little different, I don't want to let dck down, but I feel really horribly backward.

What should I do? Should I go? I worry other parents will find out and I belive that at least every one of my DCF has asked me to a personal event that I declined. I don't want to seem like I am playing favorites.

what would you do? would you go? If I decide to decline, how should I tell them.

I thought about lying saying I have something going on this day, but live in such a small town that it might get bacl to them......

ohhhh what to do....help

You're probably the only "Mom" this kid has ever had. You shouldn't do anything you're uncomfortable with, but if the other parents are the only thing stopping you from accepting-just do it. This is completely different from a school play or birthday party. This is about making this child feel for a day like there is a mom in the picture.

[NightOwl]

In many, many ways, we ARE second moms, whether we want to admit it or not. They spend too much time with us to avoid it happening. So yes, I would absolutely go and feel so honored that they asked.

[daycarediva]

I would probably go. I don't go to dck's events, but this would be different for me.

[Shell]

I would go, too. You've had this child for years, and as pp mentioned, you are his "mother" figure. What an honor!

[DaveA]

I'm torn- 50% of me says you could make an exception and it would mean a lot to DCK. The other half thinks it would be better to decline and not worry about softening the line between daycare provider and client. I wouldn't lie, but I wouldn't be comfortable doing it when it's not something I would do with other kids. As I type I find myself leaning toward the latter.

Snap decision answer- I would politely find a way to say that you were honored to be asked to participate but you couldn't.

[taylorw1210]

You're probably the only "Mom" this kid has ever had. You shouldn't do anything you're uncomfortable with, but if the other parents are the only thing stopping you from accepting-just do it. This is completely different from a school play or birthday party. This is about making this child feel for a day like there is a mom in the picture.

Completely agree. If the other parents are the main thing stopping you from saying yes, think about how much it would mean to the little boy rather than what the other parents would have to say. And imagine the difference in how he'd feel between having you there vs. not.

In many, many ways, we ARE second moms, whether we want to admit it or not. They spend too much time with us to avoid it happening. So yes, I would absolutely go and feel so honored that they asked.

I would probably go. I don't go to dck's events, but this would be different for me.

I would totally go. After 4 years, you can't help but form a special bond with a child you've cared for for so long. And I'm sure he adores you, and what an amazing compliment the dad has given you by even asking you!

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

The more I have thought about this the more I feel like you should really go. I understand you are uncomfortable and I would likely be as well but I FEEL for that little boy.

My son didn't have his biological father growing up due to him being incarcerated...and his biological mother was terrible...but, thankfully when a "DAD" figure or "MOM" figure was needed various people stepped up to fill in. Children like this are very different from others. While others take for granted that their parents can go with them, or have minimal appreciation and just see it as a fun night, this child will be appreciative for the rest of his life and will be filled with PRIDE to be seen there with YOU.
Just another perspective. lovethis