Do You Think We Are Completely Biased?

[Blackcat31]

All that.

Sure, we are biased, but it's not much different than other professions. If there is a debate about evolution, for example, the minister is going to have a religious bias, and the zoologist will have a scientific bias. Naturally, daycare providers are usually going to have a bias when it comes to topics like child safety, nutrition and child behavior. Sure, parents don't always see things our way, but since parent and provider both want what is best for the child, "bias" isn't always a problem. .

Exactly!
.

I just want to expand on what BC said about "cringe-worthy" threads. I do realize folks come here to vent and get help with problem children and parents, but there are times when I wish we wouldn't use words like "rude, entitled, annoying, stupid" to describe parents. Are they rude and annoying sometimes? Sure. I just think we could find better ways to title our threads. It's like what we learned in our training; the child isn't "bad", it's the behavior that is bad. I know folks like to call kids special snowflake too. I think I may have used it before also. But honestly, I think it's a phrase that could really put off a parent. I'd be upset if someone referred to my child that way. I know I get blasted sometimes for being too politically correct, disliking sweeping generalizations and being overly sensitive, but I am just that way. .

Yes...this is what I was referring to when I said "cringe worthy"

I always read/look at things at least twice.

Once through MY eyes and once while trying to visualize/understand how the "other" party will take it/interpret it.

"double vision" ::

Honesty, I wish more parents participated here. Seems like days and days go by with no posts in the parent section. I also wonder how the site can attract more parents? Does anyone else?.

You know those e-mails we get from the forum saying what the "hot topics" are for that week? I include those in my communication to my DCF's.

I also say "On the daycare forum......" to parents ALOT!

I link informational threads to them. Also to my licensor and my local child care association/fellow providers.

Last thought on "bias".....and I know y'all are sick of hearing about it from me.....but there does seem to be a bias against center-based care. Yes, I'm a small center and operate much like a large family daycare, and no, I am not a fan of large, corporate centers either. But I do think centers are harshly judged and not always spoken of fairly. Everyone says "Oh Sugar, we don't mean YOUR center", but it still hurts sometimes. I'm not trying to start a home vs center debate, just voicing my thoughts on bias I do sometimes see on the forum.

Totally hear you!

I am not 100% family in-home based child care
not 100% center based child care

But I AM 100% child care.

:hug:

[Cat Herder]

I am "biased".

My views, posts and replys are based in order of my priorities. My business priorities in order are:

1. My kids needs
2. My clients kids needs
3. My husbands needs
4. My needs
5. My clients needs
6. My kids wants
7. My clients kids wants
8. My husbands wants
9. My wants
10. My clients wants

It really is that simple for me. Kids over adults and needs over wants. Anything that is out of that order either waits patiently or finds another source of meeting their objective. I am only one person.

Am I right or wrong? I don't care, it is the only way I feel I am not letting someone down.

The trick is how to get others to see that their wants are not needs. THAT is a conundrum.... :confused:

[Sugar Magnolia]

Yes BC! "Double vision"! That is the key to managing our posts!
Catherder, those are excellent priorities! I do tend to put clients kids needs first, since my own kids are older and not involved here. And I tend to put my wants above my husbands wants too. Selfish me.

[Unregistered]

Hi all,

As a parent, one thing that I notice is the tendency for you all to make problems so easy to fix. Kid isn't sleeping at home?- parent needs to make it happen. Kid won't take a bottle- parent needs to make them?- and if they can't, they need a nanny. Same for naps, potty training, eating, etc, etc. You're all parents and know it's harder said than done. I would give my left arm if my 3 year old would sleep in her bed (though she's great at daycare). I had a horrible time getting little one to take a bottle and cried many times in anticipation of her beginning daycare, but I had to go to work. Thankfully it worked out. I would love to have a nanny- but just can't afford it. I just feel like sometimes you guys are so black and white and sometimes forget that we're working together to bring up these little ones.

I'll go back to my lurking!

[NightOwl]

Hi all,

As a parent, one thing that I notice is the tendency for you all to make problems so easy to fix. Kid isn't sleeping at home?- parent needs to make it happen. Kid won't take a bottle- parent needs to make them?- and if they can't, they need a nanny. Same for naps, potty training, eating, etc, etc. You're all parents and know it's harder said than done. I would give my left arm if my 3 year old would sleep in her bed (though she's great at daycare). I had a horrible time getting little one to take a bottle and cried many times in anticipation of her beginning daycare, but I had to go to work. Thankfully it worked out. I would love to have a nanny- but just can't afford it. I just feel like sometimes you guys are so black and white and sometimes forget that we're working together to bring up these little ones.

I'll go back to my lurking!

Well said. It should be a partnership. That's how I do things here. If a child is having a problem, the parents and I work on it together, not putting all of the responsibility to solve the problem on one party or another.

[midaycare]

Hi all,

As a parent, one thing that I notice is the tendency for you all to make problems so easy to fix. Kid isn't sleeping at home?- parent needs to make it happen. Kid won't take a bottle- parent needs to make them?- and if they can't, they need a nanny. Same for naps, potty training, eating, etc, etc. You're all parents and know it's harder said than done. I would give my left arm if my 3 year old would sleep in her bed (though she's great at daycare). I had a horrible time getting little one to take a bottle and cried many times in anticipation of her beginning daycare, but I had to go to work. Thankfully it worked out. I would love to have a nanny- but just can't afford it. I just feel like sometimes you guys are so black and white and sometimes forget that we're working together to bring up these little ones.

I'll go back to my lurking!

I agree with this. I try to work hard with the parents because I realize I have them for a very important part of their day. And I am not that far away from having a really young one (DS is 7), that I remember how hard it was to raise a happy & healthy baby/toddler. They start a new phase about every week!

[Butter Biskets]

Hi all,

As a parent, one thing that I notice is the tendency for you all to make problems so easy to fix. Kid isn't sleeping at home?- parent needs to make it happen. Kid won't take a bottle- parent needs to make them?- and if they can't, they need a nanny. Same for naps, potty training, eating, etc, etc. You're all parents and know it's harder said than done. I would give my left arm if my 3 year old would sleep in her bed (though she's great at daycare). I had a horrible time getting little one to take a bottle and cried many times in anticipation of her beginning daycare, but I had to go to work. Thankfully it worked out. I would love to have a nanny- but just can't afford it. I just feel like sometimes you guys are so black and white and sometimes forget that we're working together to bring up these little ones.

I'll go back to my lurking!

Thank you for speaking up! This has turned out to be an interesting conversation.

[Sugar Magnolia]

Unregistered.......thank you! I hope you become a member! Parent perspective appreciated!

[TheGoodLife]

Unregistered.......thank you! I hope you become a member! Parent perspective appreciated!

[Shell]

Sure, there is some bias. I personally do not post about my great dc families, because there isn't much to say- they are great parents, pay on time, keep their kids home when sick. The reason I found you guys was because I had a very disrespectful dcm. When I would vent to my friends, they would give me a working parent perspective, and just didn't understand why "little" things like dropping off early, picking up late, trying to bend my contract policies, and sitting in my driveway for over 15 mins every morning on her cell, etc. You guys get it. You know when a person is being taken advantage of, and you helped me find my voice with this parent. At the same time, BC helped me to see the other side of a disagreement I had with a termed parent. Because of BC, the dcm and I are great friends again. I'm glad I have this forum, and I'm glad to have people that will help me when I am right, and constructively correct me when wrong

[Blackcat31]

Sure, there is some bias. I personally do not post about my great dc families, because there isn't much to say- they are great parents, pay on time, keep their kids home when sick. The reason I found you guys was because I had a very disrespectful dcm. When I would vent to my friends, they would give me a working parent perspective, and just didn't understand why "little" things like dropping off early, picking up late, trying to bend my contract policies, and sitting in my driveway for over 15 mins every morning on her cell, etc. You guys get it. You know when a person is being taken advantage of, and you helped me find my voice with this parent. At the same time, BC helped me to see the other side of a disagreement I had with a termed parent. Because of BC, the dcm and I are great friends again. I'm glad I have this forum, and I'm glad to have people that will help me when I am right, and constructively correct me when wrong

:hug:

This makes my day every time.

I am so glad I was able to help you through that. lovethis

[NightOwl]

I think people fall into a way of thinking and it just becomes second nature. Which can be defined as being biased, I suppose. And when you put a group of those people together, they can easily become a biased force to be reckoned with.

Creating drama or developing a backbone? Interesting question. It depends on the person. If they are heavily biased, then I believe they do create more drama for themselves. They are so stringent in their policies that they may even drive good clients away along with the not so good ones (too much backbone).

On the other hand, providers who are too flexible run the risk of becoming a doormat if their clients are the type to take advantage (not enough backbone).

In either case, excessive drama is likely. The drama of terming someone every month or so because your are so rigid, or the drama of having clients abuse your kindness. As someone said above, you can't lean too far in either direction and still expect a positive outcome. There has to be a balance of give and take, flexibility and rigidity. And being biased toward one side or the other is usually not going to produce a favorable outcome.

[Butter Biskets]

I think people fall into a way of thinking and it just becomes second nature. Which can be defined as being biased, I suppose. And when you put a group of those people together, they can easily become a biased force to be reckoned with.

Creating drama or developing a backbone? Interesting question. It depends on the person. If they are heavily biased, then I believe they do create more drama for themselves. They are so stringent in their policies that they may even drive good clients away along with the not so good ones (too much backbone).

On the other hand, providers who are too flexible run the risk of becoming a doormat if their clients are the type to take advantage (not enough backbone).

In either case, excessive drama is likely. The drama of terming someone every month or so because your are so rigid, or the drama of having clients abuse your kindness. As someone said above, you can't lean too far in either direction and still expect a positive outcome. There has to be a balance of give and take, flexibility and rigidity. And being biased toward one side or the other is usually not going to produce a favorable outcome.

I think I got caught up in the rigidity you are talking about. I probably could have dealt with a current situation differently, but enough was enough and I had so many people here who understood my side, which made my toughness/backbone easier to come by. I stood up for myself, put a stop to the behaviour and offered an alternative, but upon speaking with dcm today, I think there could have been another way. Dcm decided to pull (which honestly, I am still glad for) but I see now that I should have dealt with it better. Oh well, lesson learned. I learned that any favors I do for families, MUST put in writing; because as we all have learned, they will take advantage where they can and when we have had enough of being a doormat, things can blow up.

[Unregistered]

Well, it's pretty hard not to be biased. We're all affected by our upbringing, values, current environment, working conditions, etc. Of course, we're going to lean toward the provider's side. That doesn't mean we're always going that way--it's just a tendency.

That said, I've been grateful for everything here. I'm wrapping up a little less than year of caring for a child along with my own children, and I realized after a couple of months that treating this as a business, even with one child, was the way to go. I had a problem with DCM coming 20 minutes early and laughing it off--after reading here about how to deal with that, I was able to stop the behavior without resentment. There are still problems (DCG is put to bed at 530 most days and is in bed 14-15 hours, so she doesn't nap more than 20 minutes total in my care anymore), but since it's over soon, I've decided to let it go since the child is relatively pleasant despite not having a good midday nap.

All in all, I think y'all are a great bunch of providers--I lasted ten months and that's about all I could take!

[Hawaiiannie]

I have been lurking on these forums for awhile and just got licensed and am starting out. Yes the threads are biased in a way, but they have been very helpful for me. I am a very nice person and have been without a backbone in the past, so its good for me to read these posts about the bad parents and enforcing rules and such. I don't need help being nice. I have been very lucky so far, I watched two girls unlicensed for a year with no contract and have had zero problems with the mom. Or with the kids. I have another part time kid now and things have been fine so far, have had some interviews and another coming up on Monday. I am so glad to read about some of the issues I may encounter as I have more kids and parents to deal with.