The 2 Year Old Threw A Punch At His Mother's Face And She Did Nothing!

[permanentvacation]

Well, now I think I have the full picture as to why I have so much trouble with my 2 year old daycare child that I have been telling you guys about. I have told you that he is absolutely horrible. He hits, forcefully scream/cries at everything you say to him, gives me dirty looks, is just plain horrible all day long. I also told you that I thought his behavior problems are from lack of sleep because his mother wants to spend time with him after work so the grandmother keeps him up until the mom gets home late from work then after mom spends time with him, they put him to bed about 2-3 hours after he needed to be asleep. Now, for the past few days, they have been telling me that they have put him to bed early like he needs and have let him sleep 11-12 hours each night.

Well..... Today, I saw another piece of the puzzle. Today is the mother's early day, so she picked him up from daycare. She was holding him on her hip and talking to me. The next thing I know, he balled up a FIST and threw a PUNCH at his mother's FACE!!! So, she simply moved her head over so he wouldn't contact her face and continued talking to me as if nothing happened!!!! I kept waiting for her to reprimand the child for trying to punch his mother in the face, and she never said a word to him, never reacted about it at all! She just let him completely get away with throwing a punch at her face! So, I finally said something about her not reacting to it. She said that she doesn't want to hit him, she wants to find another way to discipline him. I told her she doesn't have to hit him, but she should immediately acknowledge it and tell him not to punch her. She just got mad at me. Then she told me that the previous night at home, the grandmother told him to go inside the house and since he didn't want to stop playing and go in, he picked up his toy shovel and hit his grandmother with it!! I said, "Oh my God, what did she do?" She said the grandmother did nothing at all because grandmom does not like to reprimand him. Again

I now know that this child's behavior will never get better here because the adults in his life allow him to get away with hitting them, yelling at them forcing himself to cry and scream at them. Both mom and grand mom have told me he does all these things at home and have literally told me that neither of them say or do anything to him when he does these actions at home. So, I will always be fighting a losing battle with him and his family. I can not continue to watch him much longer. I firmly believe that he will only get worse and I can't allow his behavior in my daycare.

[JoseyJo]

I can not continue to watch him much longer. I firmly believe that he will only get worse and I can't allow his behavior in my daycare.

Good for you! I am glad you are standing up for yourself. I totally agree, you should not be watching this child. It is a danger to yourself, your other children, and your daycare license.

[NightOwl]

I know you don't want to term for financial reasons pv, but there's only so much you can take! This child could very well be the bad mojo going on that keeps others from enrolling with you. Is he present during your interviews?

[daycare]

I have this child....him and his sister rule the roost. I have had the child since he was 18 months and is now almost 5.

In the start he was horrible for me and I was about to term, but things got better as time passed. Looking back I don't know how I made it through the first year. His little sister is bad, but not as bad as him.

He has gotten a million times better at my house, he is one of the best behaved, but he knows better now. He would not even dream of treating me the way he treats his parents..

Ready for the sad part.............DCPs are moving back to their home county of China, because they have corporal punishment laws there and that will help their children better behave. I was jaw dropped. I could not help but ask the mom so what are you going to change with your parenting?

she is just like your DCM I have seen her get punched in the stomach while pregnant, I have seen her get bitten, kicked, and she never said a word once. BUT you bet your bottom dollar that I did.

He is still young, maybe if he is full time he will learn to understand your boundaries, expectations and rules..

[permanentvacation]

No, this little boy is not present during my interviews. I don't do interviews during daycare hours. I know that one reason the past couple of families haven't hired me is simply because the families were completely paranoid of cats and dogs. I have one dog and 2 cats. They do have free roam of the house including the daycare area. I have had a dog and a cat or two the entire 25 years that I have done daycare and it really never kept people from hiring me. But since I moved to this area (a lower income area that has a lot of pit bulls) I have met a large amount of families that are completely scared to death of any type of pet. The last interview I had, my dog was in his room and my 8 month old kitten walked about 4 feet away from the table that the little girl, her mother, and I were sitting at. The little girl screamed and clutched onto her mother as if a lion was walking in my living room! The mother was no better. She latched onto the girl, patted her back very quickly and kept asking if we could go outside for the interview. I told her that if they couldn't handle being inside for the interview, I certainly couldn't have the little girl here all day long every day for childcare.

I just talked to my sister today and told her that maybe I can leave my pets upstairs in the bedrooms all day during daycare. I would, though, have to let my dog outside a couple of times per day. I have never put my pets in a room all day every day and don't really think it's fair to them to do so when they will hear us inside while they are blocked in a room all day. I don't know, though. I really need more kids. I just might have to put my pets in the bedrooms to get more kids. I told my sister that many dogs are left in crates for 10 hours while their owners are at work, so putting my pets in bedrooms and letting my dog out for potty breaks isn't as bad as some dogs have it. I would feel so bad though. He's 2 years old and has never been cooped up in a room all day. But if I don't make more money soon, my dog and I will need to get a spot next to the homeless man with his dog we have up the road from me. I would think it would be better to keep my dog in a room rather than us going homeless in a few months, huh?

I don't do interviews with the daycare children here. There's a couple of reasons for this. As we all know, children misbehave more so when you are focused on something/someone else. Accidents are more likely to happen and someone get hurt when you are focused on the interview rather than the children which makes you look bad to the family you are interviewing with. There's a chance that the child you are interviewing with won't immediately be welcomed into the group by the other children, and you certainly don't want the child's family to get the impression that their child won't be liked by the other children. And I don't know the people that are coming for the interview. Honestly, it is always in the back of my mind that I am inviting complete strangers into my home. I think it's bad enough that I am here by myself and sometimes have my daughter here while a stranger arrives and is let into my home. I definitely don't allow strangers even if I believe they are potential daycare clients into my home while the daycare children are here.

[permanentvacation]

Daycare,

I thought about that - that he might learn to behave here and do whatever his family lets him do at home with them. I can't afford to terminate him immediately, so we will see if he does get better here. I just think that it will wear me out trying to correct his behavior here. I have already been working on him since I guess around February. I started commenting about his behavior problems a couple of months before he turned 2. Since I have learned that his family does absolutely nothing to correct his behavior, and I am getting older, I just don't think I have the energy in me to fight this for too much longer.

[daycare]

Daycare,

I thought about that - that he might learn to behave here and do whatever his family lets him do at home with them. I can't afford to terminate him immediately, so we will see if he does get better here. I just think that it will wear me out trying to correct his behavior here. I have already been working on him since I guess around February. I started commenting about his behavior problems a couple of months before he turned 2. Since I have learned that his family does absolutely nothing to correct his behavior, and I am getting older, I just don't think I have the energy in me to fight this for too much longer.

I was able to do it becuase I was able to meditate and find my inner peace. I am not joking. This kid used to have me to tears years ago. Like you I could not afford to term.

I also stopped worrying about what was going on at home. I quit asking and just said dck is making progress. I developed a very consistent strict routine with this child that was 100%^ predictable.

make a schedule for him..

I would be more than happy to help you. I did this for my dck and it worked wonders...I really enjoy dcb now he is one of my personal favorites and I am sad that he is leaving. I have come so far with him and I feel sad that he is leaving before my work is done.............

let me know if you want some help setting up a scheduled daily routine.....

[Bookworm]

Well, now I think I have the full picture as to why I have so much trouble with my 2 year old daycare child that I have been telling you guys about. I have told you that he is absolutely horrible. He hits, forcefully scream/cries at everything you say to him, gives me dirty looks, is just plain horrible all day long. I also told you that I thought his behavior problems are from lack of sleep because his mother wants to spend time with him after work so the grandmother keeps him up until the mom gets home late from work then after mom spends time with him, they put him to bed about 2-3 hours after he needed to be asleep. Now, for the past few days, they have been telling me that they have put him to bed early like he needs and have let him sleep 11-12 hours each night.

Well..... Today, I saw another piece of the puzzle. Today is the mother's early day, so she picked him up from daycare. She was holding him on her hip and talking to me. The next thing I know, he balled up a FIST and threw a PUNCH at his mother's FACE!!! So, she simply moved her head over so he wouldn't contact her face and continued talking to me as if nothing happened!!!! I kept waiting for her to reprimand the child for trying to punch his mother in the face, and she never said a word to him, never reacted about it at all! She just let him completely get away with throwing a punch at her face! So, I finally said something about her not reacting to it. She said that she doesn't want to hit him, she wants to find another way to discipline him. I told her she doesn't have to hit him, but she should immediately acknowledge it and tell him not to punch her. She just got mad at me. Then she told me that the previous night at home, the grandmother told him to go inside the house and since he didn't want to stop playing and go in, he picked up his toy shovel and hit his grandmother with it!! I said, "Oh my God, what did she do?" She said the grandmother did nothing at all because grandmom does not like to reprimand him. Again

I now know that this child's behavior will never get better here because the adults in his life allow him to get away with hitting them, yelling at them forcing himself to cry and scream at them. Both mom and grand mom have told me he does all these things at home and have literally told me that neither of them say or do anything to him when he does these actions at home. So, I will always be fighting a losing battle with him and his family. I can not continue to watch him much longer. I firmly believe that he will only get worse and I can't allow his behavior in my daycare.

BTDT. I had 2 kids call their mom a "B" loud and clear and mom just laughed. When we (opening coworker and I) said something to the child, mom got mad and complained on us. I like Daycare's solution. If you are able to work it out, I think you should try it.

[permanentvacation]

Daycare,

Thank you. I do have a routine, but he just throws a fit no matter what I say to him. Whether it's to come do a fun activity, come eat, go color, go play, anything. He just doesn't want to be told anything. I can't ask him if he wants to go play or anything. He used to be a great, cute one year old. But a couple of months before he was two, I started telling his family that you can tell he was turning 2 because his behavior started getting so much worse. Now, his behavior is completely out of control.

[Sunshine74]

No, this little boy is not present during my interviews. I don't do interviews during daycare hours. I know that one reason the past couple of families haven't hired me is simply because the families were completely paranoid of cats and dogs. I have one dog and 2 cats. They do have free roam of the house including the daycare area. I have had a dog and a cat or two the entire 25 years that I have done daycare and it really never kept people from hiring me. But since I moved to this area (a lower income area that has a lot of pit bulls) I have met a large amount of families that are completely scared to death of any type of pet. The last interview I had, my dog was in his room and my 8 month old kitten walked about 4 feet away from the table that the little girl, her mother, and I were sitting at. The little girl screamed and clutched onto her mother as if a lion was walking in my living room! The mother was no better. She latched onto the girl, patted her back very quickly and kept asking if we could go outside for the interview. I told her that if they couldn't handle being inside for the interview, I certainly couldn't have the little girl here all day long every day for childcare.

I just talked to my sister today and told her that maybe I can leave my pets upstairs in the bedrooms all day during daycare. I would, though, have to let my dog outside a couple of times per day. I have never put my pets in a room all day every day and don't really think it's fair to them to do so when they will hear us inside while they are blocked in a room all day. I don't know, though. I really need more kids. I just might have to put my pets in the bedrooms to get more kids. I told my sister that many dogs are left in crates for 10 hours while their owners are at work, so putting my pets in bedrooms and letting my dog out for potty breaks isn't as bad as some dogs have it. I would feel so bad though. He's 2 years old and has never been cooped up in a room all day. But if I don't make more money soon, my dog and I will need to get a spot next to the homeless man with his dog we have up the road from me. I would think it would be better to keep my dog in a room rather than us going homeless in a few months, huh?

I don't do interviews with the daycare children here. There's a couple of reasons for this. As we all know, children misbehave more so when you are focused on something/someone else. Accidents are more likely to happen and someone get hurt when you are focused on the interview rather than the children which makes you look bad to the family you are interviewing with. There's a chance that the child you are interviewing with won't immediately be welcomed into the group by the other children, and you certainly don't want the child's family to get the impression that their child won't be liked by the other children. And I don't know the people that are coming for the interview. Honestly, it is always in the back of my mind that I am inviting complete strangers into my home. I think it's bad enough that I am here by myself and sometimes have my daughter here while a stranger arrives and is let into my home. I definitely don't allow strangers even if I believe they are potential daycare clients into my home while the daycare children are here.

I know this is slightly OT to your original post, but if you don't want to put your dog in a closed room, could you put a gate at the top of the steps so your dog could at least be able to roam your second floor?

[daycare]

Daycare,

Thank you. I do have a routine, but he just throws a fit no matter what I say to him. Whether it's to come do a fun activity, come eat, go color, go play, anything. He just doesn't want to be told anything. I can't ask him if he wants to go play or anything. He used to be a great, cute one year old. But a couple of months before he was two, I started telling his family that you can tell he was turning 2 because his behavior started getting so much worse. Now, his behavior is completely out of control.

is it 100% the same every day...I know this sounds stale, but it may be what he needs.


if you have things set up for him instead of offering choice, it may help. he will learn to predict what will come next and will even learn the routine so well that he will tell you no MS. ___ I am supposed to dance after I read or Ms. ___ I did not color today.

have the same thing for him to do every day.
color
read
sing, dance and shake your sillies out
play blocks
clean up
go to the bathroom
go out side to play
come in go wash hands
eat
story time.

if you did this same thing every single day the child would learn what to do, when to do it, why to do it and how to behave when doing it. you would find a way to increase all affirmations and reduce all prohibitions.

laugh at me but instead of saying no running, no don't do this or that, stop saying no unless the child is going to hurt themselves.

try saying lets use walking feet, chairs are for sitting, let me help you sit...

it could also be that the child is expecting a reaction out of you and he is getting it. If the child can feel that you are stressed or frustrated with them they will feed into it or off of it.......

If they are running you can say please sit, if the don't stop, sit now. when they do it, you say thank you for listening to my words. then talk to him. tell him I can see that you really want to run, but we have to wait to do that outside. running inside is NOT safe, i don't want you to get hurt or anyone else to get that would make me feel sad.

remind him we will go outside to run after ______________let him answer... then say lets just take a break...let him rest for a second.

I found that this approach works so much better than trying to strong arm them....sorry I don't assume that you are doing that.

[nannyde]

I got a chapter in my book for this parent. It's called "Unparent"

The reason she didn't discipline him for taking a swing at her was because the "no" she would give him would land her with a kid who would start getting REALLY violent with her. She knows as soon as she gets on him he will attack. Then she will have to say no to the attack.

It's easier to say nothing so the worse thing that happens to her is she was swung at. See the math? Same thing for Granny. She would rather get hit with a shovel then have him start getting dangerously violent when she told him not to hit her with a shovel.

If he were at my house I would devote my LIFE to bossing him around all day every day. It would be my mission to tell him what to do every blessed waking second. Come here. Sit down. Wait here. Bring me this. Take that over there. Come back here. Lift this up. Put this down. Walk to the desk. Stay at the desk. Sit on your hands. Lift your hands to the sky.

All day every day.... he would be directed. I would welcome the protest. He needs to be taken on. Game on... right now.

I would institute the outside arrival and departure. I would never allow his mother and I in the same room with him again. Toss him out the door in the afternoon and receive him from outside WITHOUT mom on arrival. No granny either.

He's a new two year old. There is hope you can take him over and get him to go native. It's too risky to allow mom to UNparent him on your property so she would have to be quick like getting him to and from the door.

Ugh...

[permanentvacation]

Okay, I'm going to say this with the hopes of not getting in trouble here or making anyone upset. I think I just realized her parenting technique. I noticed yesterday that he was wiping off his shoes numerous times and extremely worried about them being dirty - even the bottom of his shoes. So I told the mother this. She said 'It's the black in him.' He is mixed. His mother's white and his father's black. She has made that comment before about a few things he and she does. This morning, I was thinking about him with his shoes and her comment about it. Then it hit me. She's raising him like a typical black child in my area. Here, it is very common for the parents of black boys to treat them like they are grown men and not reprimand them, not punish them or correct behavior, to ask them if they want to do this or that and never command an order to them. It's more like they are equal, well, actually it's more like the mother obeys the child. Yep, that's what I think the issue is here. It's a culture/race difference.

I am hope I didn't make anyone mad here. I am not prejudice. My sister has 4 mixed kids herself and numerous mixed grandchildren. I am not trying to say anything negative about either race/culture. I simply think that I realized why the mother and I are doing things differently.

[craftymissbeth]

Okay, I'm going to say this with the hopes of not getting in trouble here or making anyone upset. I think I just realized her parenting technique. I noticed yesterday that he was wiping off his shoes numerous times and extremely worried about them being dirty - even the bottom of his shoes. So I told the mother this. She said 'It's the black in him.' He is mixed. His mother's white and his father's black. She has made that comment before about a few things he and she does. This morning, I was thinking about him with his shoes and her comment about it. Then it hit me. She's raising him like a typical black child in my area. Here, it is very common for the parents of black boys to treat them like they are grown men and not reprimand them, not punish them or correct behavior, to ask them if they want to do this or that and never command an order to them. It's more like they are equal, well, actually it's more like the mother obeys the child. Yep, that's what I think the issue is here. It's a culture/race difference.

I am hope I didn't make anyone mad here. I am not prejudice. My sister has 4 mixed kids herself and numerous mixed grandchildren. I am not trying to say anything negative about either race/culture. I simply think that I realized why the mother and I are doing things differently.

It really doesn't matter, really. It doesn't matter her discipline techniques. It doesn't matter if she's raising him as a "typical black child". None of that matters.

You're going to be met with extreme resistance if you think for a second you're going to be able to change the way she disciplines.

What does matter is whether or not you can get things fixed while he's with you. You're focusing too much on what she does at home and not enough about whether you can get him to behave differently while he's with you.

And you can do it. With a whole lot of work. All three of my dcks behave drastically different with me than they do at home. I do things WAY different than either of my families do at home. I'm not worried about that. I absolutely cannot change the way anyone else does things. I can make suggestions, but I can't expect anyone to try anything I say or do. What does matter is whether I can make it work for me here. If I can't then I say good-bye.

[permanentvacation]

Craftymissbeth,

You are completely correct. But it is easier for me to understand why the child behaves the way he does and why she parents so differently than me so I can understand why I am butting my head against the wall with him, his mother, and grandmother.

If I can understand how and why children's parents do things with them, then I can understand the child better and not be as frustrated with them. In this child's case, I have been saying the child is absolutely horrible because of his actions. However, now that I really think I have figured the way he's being raised at home, I realize it's not that he's a bad child, it's that this is what he's been taught and has been allowed to do. So when I do things completely opposite of his mother and grandmother, he is confused which then makes him frustrated. It's like having your mother say yes, you can go on a date and your father saying no, you can't go on the date. The child doesn't know what to do or not to do.

I am still going to enforce the rules and mannerisms expected here while he is in daycare. But now, I don't think he's a horrible child, I think he's confused and frustrated. I will continue to command orders to him like a drill sergeant because that seems to be the only way he responds properly. I told his grandmother and mother that I spoke to him in that way and he responded perfectly. Both Grand mom and Mom said it was fine with them that I talk to him like that if it works for me here. Hopefully after a couple of weeks of it, he will willingly obey me and I will be able to speak nicely to him then.

I have had many children that are raised as a typical black child in this area and have been able to do quite well with them in my daycare. Hopefully, now that I believe I understand this situation better, I will be able to get him to behave the way I need him to while he is in daycare and he will be able to differentiate what is expected of him here verses what is expected of him at home.