Can't Work With Special Needs Kids

[TaylorTots]

Taken in your context, I don't think you should feel bad.

I can't work with children over 4 years. I have termed numerous 4 year olds that I had been in my care multiple years. I've tried before/after school agers... and NOPE. I do not have the patience

[TwinKristi]

I feel like this is discrimination and I'm not sure exactly how you would go about running a daycare and refusing to care for children with special needs. I do understand what you are trying to say but comparing special needs children and using examples of teachers preferring different age groups (Kindergarten, High School, College, etc) are really different things IMO Each one of those teachers has to include students with special needs.

I also feel like all children learn differently, special needs completely aside. I have a certain number of DCK's and there always seems to be one that can't recognize ABC's or numbers when all the other kids can, they eventually catch up but that sounds like a child you wouldn't want in your care either because they aren't learning fast enough and keeping up with the others in your group.

Well unfortunately we all deal with discrimination in different settings, but we aren't usually told about it. If someone is not trained, skilled or desires to work with special needs or delayed children, they shouldn't work with them. If I tell a parent I've never worked with a preemie before and I'm worried about a baby getting seriously ill from even the common cold or flu with 5 other children around, that's not discrimination, it's just knowing your capabilities. You can try really hard but can't prevent the spread of the common cold and if a baby needs to have extra care in the prevention of that a nanny may be a better idea. If a child isn't capable of using the toilet at 3.5-4+ yrs old, that may be something some providers just don't have experience in. That's not their fault, it's just reality.
I don't blame this OP for feeling this way at all. I can completely relate. But part of it is control and pride. You have to throw those out the window. I realize with the guy I have here, no amount of singing the ABCs or doing circle time will correct his delays. His crying is often hard to handle and if someone didn't have patience and understanding of his limitations they may get frustrated. Perhaps snap! I read or hear stories on the news about special ed teachers abusing special needs children in classrooms and it really bothers me. Why even go to that field if you cant't handle it? It's not safe.

[KiddieCahoots]

I completely understand where op is coming from, and feel it really all comes down to the "meshing", or "right fit" of your childcare.
There are some children that very intelligent, excel, and need extra care or attention to occupy them to keep them from getting into inappropriate behaviors.
Same could be said for children with special needs, with needing extra attention to help them learn.
For any child that requires more attention, an assistant could help, but if you are alone, then you have to make the decision that's best for you, your families and children on whether they should be in your childcare.
I feel that the conclusion you've come to, with the understanding of your limits and running your business according to that is a must to keep your business healthy for everybody, and to be able to continually and successfully promote your strengths with the children in your care.
Nothing to feel guilty about.

[Unregistered]

Thank you all. After reading all of your posts, I do think it's good that I know what I am good at and what I am not good at. I think it would benefit a child for me to realize that they are not a good fit for me and actually admit that to the parents. That would allow them to find a daycare that will have more patience with their child and be better at helping that child reach his/her full potential; whether it's because of the child having special needs or being an age that I don't work well with. I take pride that I offer a really good quality daycare, but if I am not performing my best with a particular child, then that child is not receiving quality daycare services.

I didn't mean to offend anyone with the terms 'special needs' or 'slow minded' like someone said in my defense. I honestly don't know any other terms to have used.

[Annalee]

Dealing with "special needs" or any other child is a provider's choice....we know our limitations. The difference I see is with the law you have different criteria when dealing with turning down enrollment to/termination of a special needs. Licensing helped me draw up a clause to protect me from a discrimination suit. We stated I could not care for a special needs child that required extra staff, materials, etc.. There is a fine line when the laws are involved. I have 2 special needs nephews and I know how frustrating it can be when someone doesn't understand or shows little empathy, but I also know most people do not intend to be hurtful. They just don't know what it is like to be around special needs for long periods of time. I have a large family but there are 3 persons the my bro and his wife will leave their children with if needed....mom, myself and my niece....there is NO ONE else that can or will deal with an 18 year old that acts like a 4 year old and needs meds throughout the day for seizures, etc. The 11 year old is easier but has multiple learning disabilities (can't read) but can put tedious mechanical things together???? He gets a little spastic which makes him hard to deal with. I think he feels threatened by watching others knowing he can't do what they do but he wants to....Just some cards we are dealt and everyone does the best they can with those cards.

[Play Care]

I read or hear stories on the news about special ed teachers abusing special needs children in classrooms and it really bothers me. Why even go to that field if you cant't handle it? It's not safe.

Not to hijack, but I don't think anyone goes into something knowing they will snap. Most get worn down over many years, or in some cases with a particularly challenging case.

If the OP knows her limits, that's fine. I do think the OP needs to be VERY careful about how she words it to the parents.

[Annalee]

Not to hijack, but I don't think anyone goes into something knowing they will snap. Most get worn down over many years, or in some cases with a particularly challenging case.

If the OP knows her limits, that's fine. I do think the OP needs to be VERY careful about how she words it to the parents.

Wording and emotions are critical....our family has dealt with the school issues for many years...some years it is smooth, some years I fear for the school because my sister is forced to "take care of business"....it is a shame that some teachers/administrators have to be so difficult! :confused:

[Kabob]

As a parent of a child with a speech delay, I would rather put him in a daycare that is comfortable working with him rather than one that dreads having him there or is frustrated with his delay as I know he would pick up on that and it would make everyone (including the other children) miserable. I would want that provider to be honest with me so I can make sure everyone's needs are met. But that's just me.

I don't see it as discrimination if you tell the parents that you are not adequately able to meet the needs of their child while providing proper supervision and care to the other children. It's the same line we use when dealing with a child that simply has parents that "spoil" them so they scream all day if not held, stared at, or told they are special all day. That situation doesn't involve a child with special needs but it would affect the provider in the same way (stress, frustration, etc).

Also, a child with special needs often requires the provider to have extra knowledge or training for that situation. I wouldn't magically expect a provider to know everything about allergies, seizures, autism, etc because they aren't usually exposed to those situations every day. If the parents aren't willing to work with the provider to provide the information/assistant/extras to make sure their child is happy at daycare, then I don't see it as discrimination.

Of course, it's best to check your local laws and carefully check your wording when dealing with these situations. Again, this is a touchy subject...

(Pardon my rambling...not enough coffee and I'm typing on a small screen.)

[Shell]

I completely understand where op is coming from, and feel it really all comes down to the "meshing", or "right fit" of your childcare.
There are some children that very intelligent, excel, and need extra care or attention to occupy them to keep them from getting into inappropriate behaviors.
Same could be said for children with special needs, with needing extra attention to help them learn.
For any child that requires more attention, an assistant could help, but if you are alone, then you have to make the decision that's best for you, your families and children on whether they should be in your childcare.
I feel that the conclusion you've come to, with the understanding of your limits and running your business according to that is a must to keep your business healthy for everybody, and to be able to continually and successfully promote your strengths with the children in your care.
Nothing to feel guilty about.

totally agree

[spinnymarie]

I think it's great to know your limits, especially in this business.
I don't think it's ok to automatically assume that all children with special needs will act similarly, and in-turn create similar situations in your childcare.
I think it's great to have a plan and to know what you are getting into and that it may not be a great fit, but I also think that automatically discounting all children with special needs from your care is a bit discriminatory. There are many kinds and levels of severity, and on top of that all children are different, of course. So, in my opinion, it's not ok to rule them out as a general population.
I don't think you should feel bad at all about not being able to meet someone's needs, whether it be a typically developing child or a child with special needs, but ruling out all children with special needs as clients goes a bit too far.

[midaycare]

Working with special needs children is a gift. Some people only want to do that. Some people know they can't. My limits are infants. One at a time, and I prefer none. I like them walking. But ... I'm happy to work with special needs. I have 2 who get help right now from outside sources. Early On, etc. I would love to be a special needs daycare lovethis. So you have your limits and so does everyone else.

[Sunchimes]

Midaycare, if you want to have a special needs daycare, work closely with the Early On therapists, learn what they are suggesting for the child and follow through. Ask them questions and for reading recommendations. Let them know when you have an opening and ask if they would pass your name on to parents. In my experience, parents are thrilled to learn of a provider with a willingness to work with therapists. My last 2 spots were filled that way.The therapist told me today that she has already passed on my info to a mom for a spot that won't open up until the end of Jan when the oldest moves on to PPCD.

[itlw8]

Often times those who aren't familiar with or comfortable with special needs, are also not familiar with or aware of the proper terms. Or what terms and words are offensive.

I know I struggled with this when I first started out as I had no education as far as special needs and had no familiarity with anything to do with different.

I didn't feel she used the term in a hurtful manner but more so as not having a better word/phrase/description to use. kwim?

If there is an issue or some may be offended by the words OP used, perhaps it would be beneficial or useful then to suggest an alternate word.

not knowing PC words is not that huge of a deal but We also need to think about what we say. Most of us would never allow a child to call another one stupid. But to say a child is slow minded is below calling them extremely stupid. It kinda ranks with the word simple or the R word. I was not trying to be hateful But we need to think first.

And running a gifted only preschool is fine if you can get the clients. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. but name calling should not be one of our strengths.

[midaycare]

Midaycare, if you want to have a special needs daycare, work closely with the Early On therapists, learn what they are suggesting for the child and follow through. Ask them questions and for reading recommendations. Let them know when you have an opening and ask if they would pass your name on to parents. In my experience, parents are thrilled to learn of a provider with a willingness to work with therapists. My last 2 spots were filled that way.The therapist told me today that she has already passed on my info to a mom for a spot that won't open up until the end of Jan when the oldest moves on to PPCD.

Thanks for the advice

[Thriftylady]

I think that we as providers need to be sure we can properly care for any child we take. To me, that means if a child has needs I can't accommodate then I shouldn't accept them into my care. It doesn't matter why I can't properly care for them. It could be age, it could be behavior, it could be maturity, it could be a disability, or the parents inability to pay. I don't see it as discrimination. I see it as me being open and honest enough with myself and parents to say "I can't give your child what he/she needs". There are plenty of other providers who can and will, but no one provider can or should accept all children.